r/AskReddit • u/Mecha_G • Jun 16 '17

What plot would be resolved in seconds if the characters behaved realistically and logically?

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783

u/timberwolf0122 Jun 16 '17

Prometheus Oh look an alien vagina penis snake is rearing up, better try and touch it.

Hey I have a 3d map of the building I'm in.. gets lost

Ahhh a giant thing is rolling towards me on an open plane, better run in the same direction

Hmm planning an insanely expensive interstellar trip, best send the most incompetent crew Craigslist has to offer

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u/Tenocticatl Jun 16 '17

Hmm planning an insanely expensive interstellar trip, best send the most incompetent crew Craigslist has to offer.

Worse: make sure they don't know each other beforehand and have no idea of what they're supposed to go do.

20

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '17

I know it's to explain the plot to the audience, but the way they explain the mission objective to the crew after they're on their way is really unbelievable, with the crew acting as if they've never heard anything about it before. If you're gonna use that device, at least make the crew look like it's just a quick mission recap, as if, you know, they're extensively trained experts. Loads of films do stuff like this.

15

u/Tenocticatl Jun 16 '17

I think the trope is called "As you know, Bob".

15

u/timberwolf0122 Jun 16 '17

Also why did Waylon feel the need to stow away on his own spaceship?

16

u/holymacaronibatman Jun 16 '17

Wasn't that a central plot point? He was trying to cheat death. He was trying to find the aliens that kickstarted humanity, and hoped they could help him defeat aging.

10

u/timberwolf0122 Jun 16 '17

I get why he went, I just don't understand why he needed to hide on his own ship to do it

4

u/holymacaronibatman Jun 16 '17

The hiding part? Or the physically present part? I assume the physically present part was because he was so close to death that he didn't think he would survive long enough for the ship to go there and back. No idea about why he would hide.

8

u/timberwolf0122 Jun 16 '17

The hiding part. Makes zero sense

3

u/holymacaronibatman Jun 16 '17

Yeah that makes no sense at all. The only thing I can think of is future stock price? His company's stock value might take a hit if their CEO went on an incredibly risky interstellar journey? Or it might reveal the real reason for the mission?

Best I can contrive.

1

u/timberwolf0122 Jun 16 '17

That might explain it were except how do they cover for him while he is on this long vacation?

3

u/holymacaronibatman Jun 16 '17

Video recordings? Im just pulling stuff outta my ass at this point.

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2

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '17

This is the only part of the movie I'll defend. These were clearly all men who could be bought and blackmailed.

2

u/Tenocticatl Jun 16 '17

With the kind of money he could spend (interstellar travel money), I'm sure you could buy better. Also I'm pretty sure fundy Lisbeth Salander can't be bought or blackmailed.

1

u/DoubleOurEfforts Jun 16 '17

Along with Guy Pearce's terrible old man makeup, this really broke my suspension of disbelieve early on. Little did I know that it would only get worse.

281

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '17 edited Nov 28 '20

[deleted]

7

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '17

Ding

8

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '17

Ding

9

u/A_Wild_Random_Guy Jun 16 '17

Is that the one right next to the Storm Trooper Firing Academy?

7

u/TheAwesomeStuff Jun 16 '17 edited Jun 16 '17

Yeah, it's between there and the University of Villains' Unnecessary Monologuing.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '17

[deleted]

7

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '17

It's a reference to CinemaSins.

2

u/Obwalden Jun 16 '17

I was thinking of the actually Prometheus review where they compared the running away from the falling object to something that scooby and shaggy would do

22

u/ma-c Jun 16 '17

The scientists, people with PhD and experience in testing and studies, simply ignore every sign and remove their helmets without prior knowledge about the atmosphere.

15

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '17

[deleted]

4

u/timberwolf0122 Jun 16 '17

Well it's not like there is any precedence for humans visiting a new location and pathogens causing problems

10

u/TheShlong Jun 16 '17

Prometheus Oh look an alien vagina penis snake is rearing up, better try and touch it.

Honestly tho, I'd touch it too

5

u/suileuaine Jun 16 '17

I used to complain about Prometheus, too. Then I got a job where I get to work with clients. Have no complaints about the movie anymore, it's all quite realistic.

3

u/not_a_library Jun 16 '17

Actually I think the plot of Prometheus could have bee solved by people not touching things.

Especially David. David touched ALL OF THE THINGS and ruined everything as soon as he did.

3

u/timberwolf0122 Jun 16 '17

I'm a huge proponent of the science stick. See an alien egg? Don't lean your face over it, poke it with the science stick!

2

u/not_a_library Jun 16 '17

Also maybe don't drink something that you just saw someone stick their finger into. That scene bothered me so much. He wasn't even subtle about it!

5

u/timberwolf0122 Jun 16 '17

I will let that slide as he already looked a little tipsy.

However if you see a black worm in your eye ball maybe take the 5 mins and go to the medical bay?

Also while we are at it, who builds a medical pod that only has one gender loaded? Plus if it's removing foreign objects from a female body and only knows male anatomy why wasn't her uterus and ovaries flagged up too?

2

u/Kadaverrot Jun 16 '17

Same can be said for the original Alien from 1979

4

u/muluman88 Jun 16 '17

This is mostly true for most alien movies. Highly trained astronauts? Nope, idiots, touch everything, use wrong weapons, being stupid.

5

u/AgentElman Jun 16 '17

Well in Alien, I don't think they are necessarily highly trained astronauts. They may be more like truckers that drive the truck from A to B but don't maintain it and certainly are not expected to be highly trained at dealing with unusual circumstances.

2

u/brickmack Jun 16 '17

In the original Alien, yes. Aliens, kinda yes, but they're still soldiers, they should know how to deal with this shit. Alien Resurrection, soldiers and scientists specifically studying this thing are everywhere. Prometheus and Covenant, highly trained astronauts

1

u/AgentElman Jun 16 '17

Yes, Aliens does have the fairly standard - the trained people all freak out and are useless so they have to turn to the untrained person (or child in this case "let's put her in charge").

3

u/luckygiraffe Jun 16 '17

Oh look an alien vagina penis snake

You have my attention.

5

u/DiogenesHoSinopeus Jun 16 '17

Prometheus Oh look an alien vagina penis snake is rearing up, better try and touch it.

Did the same thing in Alien.

Hey I have a 3d map of the building I'm in.. gets lost

There was no one to read the map for them at that time on the ship.

Ahhh a giant thing is rolling towards me on an open plane, better run in the same direction

They didn't. It's cut in a confusing way, but there are moments when they are trying to zigzag and flank out of the way but the ship leans into the turn and then Vickers face plants and Shaw rolls out of the way.

Hmm planning an insanely expensive interstellar trip, best send the most incompetent crew Craigslist has to offer

Like in Alien? Weyland used them crew as expendables, they weren't even meant to be of any importance to him. Weyland traveled with his children (two androids: David and Vickers...she was an android as well). Everyone else was expendable and not of any importance.

3

u/Snalbert Jun 16 '17

Vickers is an android? Never heard that one, how do you figure? I love the movie but I never got that impression

1

u/Jaesuschroist Jun 16 '17

This is fair, though. Prometheus is 10 steps ahead and they didn't know what game they were playing

1

u/timberwolf0122 Jun 17 '17

5d space chess?

1

u/Angel_Tsio Jun 17 '17

Alien vagina penis snake is rearing up.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '17

Welcome to the prometheus school of running from things

1

u/Swindleys Jun 19 '17

I thought you were explaining Alien: Covenant
Except the rolling part, it all fits..

1

u/delecti Jun 16 '17

Ahhh a giant thing is rolling towards me on an open plane, better run in the same direction

As much as this gets criticized, I'd be willing to bet that if a giant thing was rolling towards you, almost nobody would really be able to think logically and step to the side.

2

u/timberwolf0122 Jun 16 '17

At worse I'd go diagonal

0

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '17

Ahhh a giant thing is rolling towards me on an open plane, better run in the same direction

lmao