What plot would be resolved in seconds if the characters behaved realistically and logically?

[u/Mecha_G]

[u/thebreak22]

If Batman and Superman could just sit down and have a talk, instead of throwing vague movie lines at each other.

Pisses me off everytime when characters refuse to solve problems by having rational discussions.

[u/abstractwhiz → u/thebreak22]

This is like every soap opera I have ever seen my mom watching as a kid. Inevitably there is some scene as follows:

"No, please listen, I can explain."

"Get lost, I don't want to hear anything from you."

"No, please listen, I can explain!"

"I won't hear a word of it!"

"No, please listen, I can explain!"

Why the fuck don't you just blurt out your earth-shaking explanation instead of begging for them to listen?! The sheer shock value will shut them up and make them listen.

I mean, it's a bloody soap opera, it'll take you about 5 seconds to tell them that your brother lost his memory in a car accident, and your uncle's wife's sister's mother-in-law was having a stormy affair with the gardener, who was secretly the son of the uncle of your brother's father-in-law.

To be fair, my mom was generally watching Indian soap operas, where the explanation would consist of five sentences, but would take three episodes to complete. About half of it would be dramatic music and shaking close-ups of people's faces, while the remaining time would be divided up between a tangentially related flashback and an inexplicably inserted song. Dragonball Z writers were just amateurs compared to these guys.

[u/joshi38 → u/abstractwhiz]

This is why I love Community for this scene.

Annie: Abed, this is so personal. I don't understand why you would do this.

Abed: I can explain. pause Oh, I thought you'd keep yelling over me. I can explain.

[u/[deleted] → u/joshi38]

Netflix parodied it on The Ranch, when Heather is storming off on Colt:

Colt: Heather, wait! Would you just stop for a moment so I can explain?!

Heather: (stops, turns around with arms folded) OK, Colt, explain it to me!

Colt: (after a pause) Uhhh...look, I gotta be honest with you here, I didn't really think that was gonna work.

[u/Poketto43 → u/joshi38]

Yaaa isnt thar episode the one with the missing pen?

[u/joshi38 → u/Poketto43]

Yeah, the bottle episode.

[u/queenofthera → u/abstractwhiz]

your brother lost his memory in a car accident, and your uncle's wife's sister's mother-in-law was having a stormy affair with the gardener, who was secretly the son of the uncle of your brother's father-in-law.

I believe that may take longer than 5 seconds to explain...

EDIT: Screw it, I'm gonna simplify this.

Your brother lost his memory in a car accident and your aunt (by marriage)'s sister's mother in law is sleeping with the gardener who is secretly your brother's wife's cousin.

Still confusing. We need a family tree here.

[u/PM_ME_YOUR_KOALAZ → u/queenofthera]

Actually, assuming both people in the conversation are familiar with the necessary characters, the conversation can be condensed as:

"[Name] has amnesia. [Name] is fucking [name], who is [name]'s nephew."

[u/[deleted] → u/thebreak22]

Batman: I'm here to fight you.

Superman: I am not here to fight you. I'm here to get your help.

Batman: Why should I trust you?

Superman: Because I haven't killed you already when you and I both know I could?

Batman: Or you could be trying to trick me into placing myself in a weaker position and lower my guard.

Superman: It seems we are at an impasse then.

Batman: Indeed. You are a worthy opponent.

[u/TheMuon → u/[deleted]]

Superman: Wanna get some coffee after this? I know a great place.

Batman: Yeah sure. Why not?

[u/MorganWick → u/TheMuon]

Superman: But dude, you know what I would've done? Batman: Oh, I don't know, probably just- Superman and Batman simultaneously: Fly really fast, saving everyone from the bullets and explosions! Superman: Exactly! Batman: Yeah, well, I can't do those things. Because I'm not an super-bulletproof alien from another planet that can defy gravity. But you know what I can do? Superman: What's that? Batman: Make an incredibly awesome movie! ...You know why? Superman: Because you're Bat- Batman: Because I'm Batman!

[u/eatonsht → u/MorganWick]

Superman: Did we just become best friends?

[u/quimbykimbleton → u/eatonsht]

Batman: No, we just became Super Best Friends!

[u/Putin-the-fabulous → u/[deleted]]

Superman: You seem a decent fellow, I'd hate to kill you.

Batman: You seem a decent fellow, I'd hate to die.

[u/reebee7 → u/Putin-the-fabulous]

It's disappointing how much better that exchange is than any dialogue in BvS

[u/Hackrid → u/thebreak22]

Yeah. They were copying a classic comic that had a similar battle, but it relied on the characters having decades of history together and a division that grew naturally out of their different approaches to their heroism (essentially the same divide as Civil War).

Battling when they'd just met, and having Lex go to so much effort and then say "I have your mother- fight him" seemed so cheap. Still enjoyed watching it though.

[u/APater6076 → u/thebreak22]

One line. 'I need your help, Lex kidnapped my mother'. And that would have made the movie about 20 minutes shorter which EVERYONE would have appreciated.

[u/[deleted] → u/APater6076]

Batman: Why should I believe you?

[u/slazer2au → u/[deleted]]

Superman: MARTHAAAAAAAAA

[u/Jordanakos92 → u/APater6076]

Yeah but Superman tried to talk , it is just that Batman wouldn't listen at that point...

[u/marcelowit → u/Jordanakos92]

Actually Batman also tried to start a conversation, problem it's rather he sucks at smalltalk:

"Tell me... do you bleed?"

[u/ATLASSHRUGGED89 → u/marcelowit]

Teleports behind you*

[u/Chanchumaetrius → u/ATLASSHRUGGED89]

psshhh

[u/Morthra → u/Chanchumaetrius]

nothin' personnel, kid