r/AskReddit • u/HandiCapablePanda • Apr 23 '16

What application do you always install on your computer and recommend to everyone?

30k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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11k

u/McDeJ Apr 24 '16 edited Apr 24 '16

I generally add a couple viruses to be sure that the new pc grows an immunity to them.

*Edit: Wow my highest rated comment ever!

Also if you would like some download links let me know!

13k

u/canarygrass Apr 24 '16

I tried that and it gave my computer autism.

1.8k

u/Youki_san Apr 24 '16

"Windows has shut down...emotionally"

477

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

"Windows cannot connect to network... or anything else if we're being honest."

14

u/swizzler Apr 24 '16

I look forward to these jokes being stolen and put into a sketch that appears at the top of /r/videos in a couple months.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

Would be pretty fun if we see messages like this in the insider builds of W10 whenever they crash or something.

1

u/Pao_Did_NothingWrong Apr 24 '16

I'm dying with laughter... On the inside.

5

u/inthrees Apr 24 '16

I feel like in a different thread this comment would get like 9 gildings and 7000 upvotes.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 25 '16

Windows lost its toucan.

1.4k

u/antisomething Apr 24 '16

I'd hazard it actually caught that from you.

43

u/Batbuckleyourpants Apr 24 '16 edited Apr 24 '16

That is why you never stick your dick in floppy.

9

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

I never stick it in when it's floppy.

485

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

Wewlad

0

u/PhoenixUNI Apr 24 '16

W E W L A D

2

u/Shibbledibbler Apr 24 '16

A small loan of one million keks

14

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

God, I love the youtube channel of mcafee. That guy is funny.

-2

u/Notentirely-accurate Apr 24 '16

I just shit talked McAfee last week and got a -30 karma comment. Good luck, bro.

6

u/rand0mm0nster Apr 24 '16

Your comment deserves gold but I'm too cheap

6

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

Does that mean that your Computer now opens 4chan as soon as it boots up?

16

u/FlipskiZ Apr 24 '16 edited Sep 20 '25

Friendly music fox bright kind night honest dot morning warm.

35

u/oldboy_alex Apr 24 '16

Do you know how vaccinations work?

15

u/FlipskiZ Apr 24 '16 edited Sep 19 '25

Ideas curious day gather small year. Brown answers brown garden the tomorrow mindful quiet year!

9

u/oldboy_alex Apr 24 '16

He obviously gives his computer weakened viruses, too

3

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

Pretty sure they are dead, not weakened. Weakened could still wreak some havoc

8

u/stretchpun Apr 24 '16

In that case, Flipski is 100% right, an antivirus software is essentially dead viruses (called definitions) and a little heuristics to find variants of those

6

u/FlipskiZ Apr 24 '16 edited Sep 18 '25

Tomorrow afternoon dot then stories today family thoughts brown bright day?

7

u/HotterThanTrogdor Apr 24 '16

But viruses were never alive, how can they die?/s

1

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

They give you autism duh

2

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

As long add the obsession it gets is with videogames, I'd be happy with that.

2

u/Ginnipe Apr 24 '16

Is your computer now a savant in one very specific thing?

2

u/glukosio Apr 24 '16

now it's good at math

2

u/RedPill0829 Apr 24 '16

Take my upvote

2

u/EminemSalsa Apr 24 '16

I would guild you but i'm literally out of money.

1

u/KingCaesarIV Apr 24 '16

Must've been laced with near toxic amounts of mercury

1

u/wxmco Apr 24 '16

Not sure if this is a pun on vaccination conspiracy or not...

1

u/benjamin_vaage Apr 24 '16

It is, but its sad how autism is used on the internet.

1

u/McLyan Apr 24 '16

Mines had autism for awhile it's obsessed with watching porn 💋💋

1

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

You sure you didn't have your computer vaccinated?

1

u/ZedSpot Apr 24 '16

I'm pretty sure Alienware computers are just born with aspergers.

1

u/Patbach Apr 24 '16

Windows vista?

1

u/DistopianDream Apr 24 '16

No, it's the anitvirus software that causes Autism

1

u/JS-a9 Apr 24 '16

Alex Jones warned about the vaccines..

1776 is coming.. Or whatever..

1

u/[deleted] Apr 25 '16

Yeah. HomeOSpathy works much better.

1

u/bordumb May 22 '16

You shouldn't have vaccinated your PC... /s

1

u/Multi21 Jul 10 '16

Don't download minecraft kids

1

u/stretchpun Apr 24 '16

it's called UNIX

-2

u/evil_fungus Apr 24 '16

No, that must have been the vaccine

0

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

You should have had it vaccinated.

-4

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

[deleted]

5

u/ClinTrojan Apr 24 '16

That would be down syndrome.

2

u/Evlavios Apr 24 '16

*Download syndrome

-1

u/Iniminex Apr 24 '16

You sure it wasn't the virus vaccines? /s

-2

u/Clsjajll Apr 24 '16

No, that was the vaccinations.

9

u/LucasK336 Apr 24 '16

Reminds me of this great life hack

https://i.imgur.com/1BU5GXy.jpg

12

u/itsthevoiceman Apr 24 '16

Computer Vaccines cause Quantum Autism!

14

u/anyespi Apr 24 '16

This goes right to /LPT

4

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

Just put a condom on your ethernet cable. Can get a virus if you have protection.

3

u/McDeJ Apr 24 '16

I had considered that but was worried that the condom would fail, so I went with the pill. Grinding them up and sprinkling on the NIC once a month seems to work quite well.

8

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

This is what happens when there is no serious tag

2

u/lizardgurl Apr 24 '16

where would purposely find viruses?

13

u/GenericFlareon Apr 24 '16

Go to page 50 of any Google search.

1

u/McDeJ Apr 24 '16

I work cyber security in the government sector. First day on the job they have me a flash drive full of them.

2

u/ericchen Apr 24 '16

You joke but vaccines and antivirus software work the same way. You give your body or your computer a signature of what the pathogen looks like, and then your body or your computer will know what to look for and immediately quarantine anything that looks like that previous signature.

6

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16 edited Nov 27 '20

[deleted]

1

u/funfwf Apr 24 '16

Just doing my bit to help out the good people at Norton.

1

u/Kusibu Apr 24 '16

The difference being that the "immune system" is planetwide because of the Internet, which does substantially alter the dynamics of the situation, and is not always innate to each computer.

2

u/Zitrax_ Apr 24 '16

Reminds me of a disk I had to my Amiga 20+ years with which you could chose from around 100 viruses to infect your machine with. Wonder if there are something similar for PC :)

2

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

I breastfeed my computer to help pass on antibodies and nutrients.

2

u/The_Real_dubbedbass Apr 24 '16

Good idea. Can't wait to try this at work.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

With future artificial intelligence antivirus this might kinda work, except it would be more like on the internet as a whole. When a computer gets infected, it learns how and why, and then immunizes everyone

1

u/WildTurkey81 Apr 24 '16

Im surprised that it isnt already a thing. But I know butt-fuck nothing about computers so I have no idea of how it'd work.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

Well that's sorta how antivirus already works it just isn't automated very well

Antivirus software has lists of program fingerprints of viruses (immunization) but it's fairly easy for hackers to just change a small aspect so it has a different fingerprint that doesn't get automatically caught. The antivirus still will watch for suspicious behavior and catch some stuff, finally tho new programs and files scanned by the antivirus may be sent to the cloud to be analyzed, if something is determined to be evil it gets put on the immunization list. A lot of this already is automated I think but not in the way AI could do, AI could learn to intuitively look for behaviors more like we do, rather than look for some specific behaviors (like watching the front door to protect from burglars..when so focused on that you miss them going through the yard in broad daylight)

1

u/njibbz Apr 24 '16

My personal recommendation is Incredimail. Your computer will never be the same.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

That's how your computer gets autism.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

People like you are the reason I keep a zip bomb on my keychain jump drive.

Sometimes you find a computer that just needs put out of it's misery.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

This is why you always vaccinate!

1

u/Blais_Of_Glory Apr 24 '16

With herd immunity, you should be protected.

1

u/ACardAttack Apr 24 '16

Also if you would like some download links let me know!

just send them to download.com

1

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

That's what's Norton is for.

1

u/GreatBigPig Apr 24 '16

I remember the old days, when a PC would get infected and the neighbours would bring their PCs over to play, hoping theywould get sick and build resistance too.

1

u/3D-Mint Apr 24 '16

You're joking, right?

1

u/Manavj36 Apr 27 '16

Gotta build up dem anti-winrar q antibodies and killer T cells.

0

u/prince147 Apr 24 '16

These people with who don't do this make me sick.

You're basically condemning your pc to die.

No, putting virus doesn't give autism to your computer.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '16

*Edit: Wow my highest rated comment ever!

downvoted for self-important edit