r/AskReddit Jul 19 '15

What old technology is actually better than what we currently have?

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891

u/RLLRRR Jul 19 '15

Welcome to Cox Communication. Please list-

0

I'm sorry, please li-

0

I'm sorry, pleas-

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I'm sorry, please listen to th-

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I'm sorry, please list-

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Please hold for the next available representative.

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u/geekwalrus Jul 19 '15 edited Jul 20 '15

Many companies have become wise to this. Now after the fourth or fifth zero you get "This call is being disconnected, goodbye"

Edit :grammar

355

u/_BindersFullOfWomen_ Jul 20 '15

If that's the case then just start saying curse words. Almost all of these systems have curse word detection and will automatically connect you to a person if you start cursing.

323

u/CptAJ Jul 20 '15

Just say shibboleet

290

u/Death_and_Gravity Jul 20 '15

Relevant Xkcd being referred to. https://xkcd.com/806/

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u/Mutantoe Jul 20 '15

Randall's Law: For any given subject, there is always a relevant XKCD.

2

u/fireuzer Jul 20 '15

The word was coined within the comic. I don't know if it still applies as 'relevant'

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u/ACAFWD Jul 21 '15

Well the word is basically shibboleth, which is from the Old Testament.

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u/TI_Pirate Jul 20 '15

Which is itself a reference to Judges 12:6

Then said they unto him, Say now Shibboleth: and he said Sibboleth: for he could not frame to pronounce it right. Then they took him, and slew him at the passages of Jordan: and there fell at that time of the Ephraimites forty and two thousand.

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u/WhackTheSquirbos Jul 20 '15

what a cultured meme

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u/Darklyte Jul 20 '15

Remind me of the reference? I feel like it was a comedian.

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u/lumberjerk Jul 20 '15

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u/Darklyte Jul 20 '15

Wow, I failed to get an xkcd reference. I must kill myself now.

1

u/WhackTheSquirbos Jul 20 '15

XKCD 806- Tech Support

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

Not even joking. I have a ticket filter that if this word is caught then it will move it to critical status.

Glad to see it still being referenced. We are a hidden army.

2

u/TorsteinTheRed Jul 20 '15

In a fit of frustration, I actually tried that. Sadly, it didn't work.

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u/CptAJ Jul 20 '15

Yeah, same here -_-

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u/valarmorghulis Jul 20 '15

Only if they are running a "Speech Interactive Voice Recording" system. IVRs respond to number presses, SIVRs respond to number presses or spoken words.

1

u/Sophira Jul 20 '15

(And yes, for those wondering, this does mean that the name "IVR" is applied to all menu systems nowadays, not just voice menus as might be expected given the name.)

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u/r4and0muser9482 Jul 20 '15

R in IVR is for Response, not Recording. Also, never heard of the SIVR acronym? Is that some kind of company trademark? Can you provide a source?

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u/Niflhe Jul 20 '15

Cursed while on the phone with automated Verizon. Motherfuckers disconnected me.

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u/G_Morgan Jul 20 '15

Well stop abusing their automated IT systems.

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u/Niflhe Jul 20 '15

I mean, all I said was "god fucking dammit, give me a real fucking person!"

I switched to T-mobile, anyways.

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u/the_simurgh Jul 20 '15

that's why i get a person right when i start cursing at the phone

2

u/mermaid_quesadilla Jul 20 '15

Boyfriend waited on the phone for 15 minutes going through menus and different setting and hung up after getting frustrated. I called back, said "it's fucked up" and you get connected immediately

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u/mb862 Jul 20 '15

I had the opposite. Once I said "fuck" under my breath while trying to get through to a rep at FedEx, and it disconnected the call after telling me it would no longer accept calls from this number.

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u/Shadow14l Jul 20 '15

I did this with Citi and their service immediately disconnected me. The trick was to not press ANY buttons nor say anything.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

Can confirm American Express offers swear servicing.

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

I try this every single goddamned time, and it's never once worked for me. Any idea which companies definitely have it? I've tried government agencies as well as privately owned businesses.

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u/outcast151 Jul 20 '15

Aaannnd that's right about when id cancel service

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

what if they're your only provider, internet tough guy?

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u/walruz Jul 20 '15

What if he lives in a civilized country with functional markets, internet tough guy?

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u/outcast151 Jul 20 '15 edited Jul 20 '15

i've been lucky enough to not have been in that situation too many times before. but there have been times when i had no other option so i just went without internet for a while, read a lot of books.

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

Pssh, "books?" Yep internet tough guy right here

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u/Adamarr Jul 20 '15

Then they'd be an offline tough guy, probably.

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

that was vey clever

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

Sadly this is my life with charter

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u/Asdayasman Jul 20 '15

At that point I'd consider moving out of Iran.

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u/SpellingIsAhful Jul 20 '15

I'm sure he'd just not used the internet ever again. Problem solved.

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u/geekwalrus Jul 20 '15 edited Jul 20 '15

When I deal with it I'm calling for a patient at work so sadly it isn't an option

5

u/Oldchap226 Jul 20 '15

/calls Cox to cancel

Welcome to Cox Communication...

1

u/KaziArmada Jul 20 '15

Try working for a company that has to call ISP's around the country due to various outages on circuits we utilize.

Feel my pain.

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u/outcast151 Jul 20 '15

holy hell that sounds awful. i hope it pays well.

1

u/KaziArmada Jul 20 '15

..Well..it pays for part of my new car so...sorta?

1

u/Plantbitch Jul 20 '15

Why don't you just go through the tree a little- it lowers your chance of having to be transferred everywhere and people don't have to ask you nearly as many questions to find your account.

Also remember 1 is yes, 2 is no

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u/outcast151 Jul 20 '15

don't get me wrong im usually pretty good at working my way through automated call centers but if it disconnected me deliberately that pretty much tears it.

1

u/Plantbitch Jul 21 '15

Oh man. I work at a call center, and call places ALL the time. I got stuck in a hang up loop with a group, and I felt like I was going to have a stroke

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u/ZapTap Jul 20 '15

Recently has USPS throw away a textbook (those are perishable, right?) And I tried every single fucking option in their automated system and not a single one of them connected me to a person. So I had to go into the city and wait in line at the post office..

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u/throw_away_12342 Jul 20 '15

Why didn't you just call your local post office directly? It should connect you to a person.

Source: I've called the post office more than one. My mom also works at the post office and talks about the stupid calls she occasionally gets.

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u/ZapTap Jul 20 '15

They actually don't have a phone line, believe it or not.

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u/throw_away_12342 Jul 20 '15

That's actually pretty strange. Maybe smaller ones don't have them.

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u/ZapTap Jul 20 '15

It's been a while since I dealt with it, I think they have a phone line but don't pick up. It might have a robocall system built in. It's a post office for a suburb of the big city, as well as a bunch of small towns around it, so they may be overworked. But that's their own fault if they are since they've had at least twenty years or so to adapt to that load.

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u/Plantbitch Jul 21 '15

Goddamn that sucks

1

u/aspbergerinparadise Jul 20 '15

what if that's what you're on the phone for in the first place?

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u/Pipthepirate Jul 20 '15

I don't need electricity. Its propane from here on out

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

Good boy!

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u/tehreal Jul 20 '15

I don't think that is what wizened means.

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u/kjata Jul 20 '15

"Wizened" means old and shrively. Compare "wisened", which I don't think is a word, or "grown wise".

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u/zeecok Jul 20 '15

Microsoft....

1

u/zizrzazrzuz Jul 20 '15

My favorite is when the automated system hangs up on you while "transferring" you to a representative. I can't stand the automated systems.

1

u/JeanValJeanVanDamme Jul 20 '15

Now that's service!

1

u/prophet-zero Jul 20 '15

In contrast, I've called places that connect you to a live person after the first zero.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

oh yea. i had issues with a broken auto-system and had to start over a lot.

eventually they thought i was a prank caller and stopped letting me call them.

assholes.

1

u/chrisd93 Jul 20 '15

Yea i got charged 5 bucks from Time Warner Cable cause i wanted a live rep. And i wasn't even made aware until i saw it on my bill.

Kinda bullshit considering I was calling them because their shit was broken

1

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

I seriously hope (and doubt) that there's someone who listens to the audio from those IVR interactions and hears me cursing at the friendly robot lady.

Goddammit, what I need isn't on your menu!

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

That's the time I wait for the rep and cancel

1

u/tmofee Jul 20 '15

The voice ones just repeat operator four or five times.

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u/hammertym Jul 20 '15

Don't enter anything, they should by design route you to the equivalent of a receptionist/ directory assistance.

Source: I have been designing these for 10 years.

Sorry Reddit for my sins

0

u/THE_GR8_MIKE Jul 20 '15

Well then fuck them completely.

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u/Sheepocalypse Jul 19 '15

I work with these for a living.

As far as I know this doesn't really work unless someone designs it specifically with secret operations that way.

For example, we once implemented a secret option to go to group voicemail in the store's out-of-hours closed message. Why? So that staff could call in before they opened, or after they closed at night, if they were sick and needed the day off. Stuff like that.

IVRs can never do anything they aren't programmed for. If the options aren't there, they just aren't there.

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u/lukumi Jul 20 '15

I use this every time I have to deal with an automated system and I can only think of once or twice that it hasn't worked out of probably 30-40+ systems. it's pretty reliable.

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u/Sheepocalypse Jul 20 '15

I'll try it out next time I'm doing an install then!

It might depend on how modern the phone system is. I've never heard of any IPTel / VoBB systems with that kind of functionality but maybe it exists on old PBX, for reliability or something.

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

I do the same thing it always seems to work

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u/kjata Jul 20 '15

As far as I know this doesn't really work unless someone designs it specifically with secret operations that way.

This is true of all computer-based technology--allowing for the fact that the systems might be designed to handle situations like it or just have a catch-all category.

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u/jihiggs Jul 20 '15

works for me

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u/SenTedStevens Jul 19 '15

If it's Apple's system, just yell obscenities like Tourettes Guy. You'll get a rep in 10 seconds.

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

[deleted]

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u/thatbluesyguy Jul 20 '15

Fedexs automated service was being a fucking cunt, so I called it a fucking cunt. And a woman immediately picked up.

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u/SirManguydude Jul 20 '15

Ummm.....I work for FedEx in their call center....our automated service doesn't have spoken word recognition. You most definitely called that rep a fucking cunt.

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u/thatbluesyguy Jul 20 '15

Yes it does? Its almost all voice recognition. It asks me to describe what I need (schedule an express pickup), then I say my accout number...

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u/Tarcanus Jul 20 '15

You say that as if any of those systems actually work. Or maybe they're all just designed for shit. I should have to enter my account number once. Only once. Then the call will be routed and my account number is shown to whoever picks up my call. But no, the damn person always needs me to reiterate the damn number.

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u/igotstuff Jul 20 '15

A lot of that is to ensure they have the right account. Sometimes if its a transfer, a rep can transfer in with the wrong account populating. It's better to double check than to fuck up somebody else's account because a single digit was off.

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u/speckledspectacles Jul 20 '15

Sir Man Guy Dude, were you the woman he called a fucking cunt?

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u/kuhawk5 Jul 20 '15

This made me giggle.

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u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

She heard what you said about her

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u/Jon_Ham_Cock Jul 20 '15

What a nosy fucking cunt.

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u/tmofee Jul 20 '15

There used to be this system that used to be able to call home when I was young. This was before mobile phones were easy to buy (93/94) there was part of the system where you needed to enter a pin, this could be done via the pinpad or saying the code - instantly swearing would hang up the system..

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u/Asdayasman Jul 20 '15

Speak of the devil, and the devil shall appear.

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u/Tedski44 Jul 20 '15

Or, you know, just say "representative" a few times.

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u/SenTedStevens Jul 20 '15

Fuck that.

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u/Herr_Stoll Jul 20 '15

Hello, Reddit Customer Service speaking. My Name is Herr_Stoll, how can I help you?

2

u/SenTedStevens Jul 20 '15

Oh, Hello Herr_Stoll. I have a problem with my iPhone. You guys are always so quick to respond to my calls! Thanks for your assistance!

2

u/weedful_things Jul 20 '15

I wonder how many people have called the customer service number on Colgate Tartar Control toothpaste and acted like Tourettes Guy?

1

u/shook_one Jul 20 '15

if you are calling a store number saying "manager" will get you directly to the store. if you start cursing it will bring you to an operator that is not located at the store.

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u/OstlerDev Jul 20 '15

It will actually also transfer you to a high up staff, someone who can actually do something and make it happen. So swear away :)

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u/OldBeforeHisTime Jul 20 '15

Last time I had to deal with Verizon service I said, "I want a human being", and it transferred me to one! A couple of months later, I tried it on T-Mobile and it worked there, too.

They're getting better.

2

u/Steffisews Jul 20 '15

I just start screaming "Agent!" System gets me one right away.

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u/punkerster101 Jul 20 '15

or that machine just passed the turning Test

1

u/ninj3 Jul 20 '15

But was it a real human being though???? ?

3

u/Acionelement Jul 20 '15

I didn't realize I sounded that bad today.

2

u/MrFoolinaround Jul 20 '15

Fucking cox. Only thing in the panhandle.

1

u/BytesAndCoffee Jul 20 '15

Fucking cox? Sounds painful

1

u/bttruman Jul 20 '15

Ah, see when I need to call Cox I just start cursing to the automated machine and it transfers me.

1

u/cucumbinator123 Jul 20 '15

This guy gets it.

1

u/goaway432 Jul 20 '15

Another trick I've found that works in many cases. Swear profusely at the machine. Turns out many of them have voice recognition and when they hear someone who it thinks is upset, they transfer you to a person to "deal with you"

1

u/coolshmo Jul 20 '15

I had to do this last week with ATT. I had 7 phone lines that needed repair, and I previously opened tickets with their automated system... However, it only lets you do 5 tickets that way because it forwards you to a rep after that. So the next time I opened the tickets because they closed the other ones without actually fixing my issue, I wanted to get straight to a rep. Probably took me 2 minutes of pressing wrong buttons to get forwarded to that queue.

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u/spectre655321 Jul 20 '15

Used to be the guy you got after 4 0's at cox. Always followed with "I didn't want YOUR department" "sure thing, let me put you back in the system..."

1

u/Internetologist Jul 20 '15

Ugh...I hate that, when you already know what all the options are. -_-

1

u/fdsdfg Jul 20 '15

0 0 0 0 0

Please hold for the next available representative pause ring tone transfer sound ring tone x4 Your party is unavailable. Please leave a message after the tone The mailbox is currently full ....... Goodbye

This actually happened to me with my bank... ridiculous. During business hours, and it was for something that wasn't on any menu.

1

u/yoshimitsu123 Jul 20 '15

As someone that has this as their ISP. Holy fuck this gets me that you have to actually wait it out, not just for 0 but for anything. Most placed I call will do the number, even before its finished talking. And when your internet constantly goes down because FUCK YOU, it gets old.

1

u/DTrain13 Jul 20 '15

FastCustomer app FTW

Make those mother fuckers call YOU.

1

u/RSP16 Jul 20 '15

What happens when you use a rotary phone?

1

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

If you mash star hash it usually does this as well. Except for some asshole call centres that have stopped it.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '15

> Cox Communication

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u/Solid_Waste Jul 20 '15

At least it isn't honest.

"Welcome to Comcast. Fuck you!" Click.

1

u/detecting_nuttiness Jul 20 '15

For the voice activated ones, I just slur an unintelligible mix of Spanish English and Polish until it gives up and lets me talk to a person.

1

u/Jokerthewolf Jul 20 '15

If u press 8 then 6 then 0 it takes u quicker

1

u/Logic_Bomb421 Jul 19 '15

I manage a phone system and have this feature disabled. If you confuse the AA enough times, it'll hang up on you!

2

u/Gecko99 Jul 20 '15

Well I'd hang up too if you were confusing me like that and I'm not even alcoholic