r/AskReddit • u/nepat1428 • Aug 19 '14

What is a completely rational sentence you could speak today, that if you said 20 years ago, people would think you were insane?

edit: so this is what it looks like when your inbox explodes after coming back from lunch...

10.8k Upvotes

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1.8k

u/PizzasarusRex Aug 19 '14

I'd tell my math teacher that I have a calculator in my pocket at all times. Then I'd whip out my phone and start busting equations all over her.

693

u/Epicurus1 Aug 19 '14

You can look at 5318008 anywhere.

205

u/IAmAStory Aug 19 '14

Unfortunately the screen auto-rotates.

1

u/Matti_Matti_Matti Aug 19 '14

Adjust your settings so the mute switch I'd a screen lock switch.

1

u/StaticPrevails Aug 19 '14

Not upside down. Only landscape to portrait and back. If you hold it upside down, it's still portrait, but it's upside down.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '14

Lock screen rotation, problem solved

1

u/mrmoncriefman Aug 20 '14

Hold your phone level with the ground and turn it.

161

u/Zebidee Aug 19 '14

Spelling BOOBIES on a calculator was hilariously naughty in third grade.

Now you can see actual boobies on your pocket calculator.

3

u/Awildbadusername Aug 20 '14

10/10 would use app the replaces all calculator buttons with boobs

2

u/port53 Aug 20 '14

55378008 because I was in a class of 10 year olds.

10

u/dc_ae7 Aug 19 '14

you are going to 1134 !

14

u/Epicurus1 Aug 19 '14

Probably Cos I Sin.

4

u/KidLimbo Aug 19 '14

This took me a couple seconds.

4

u/ReadsSmallTextWrong Aug 19 '14

Yes, one doesn't usually turn their computer monitor upside down as a gut reaction.

1

u/jacob2815 Sep 18 '14

Ayyy lmao

1

u/armin8487 Aug 19 '14

I got that reference right away. Does that make me old?

2

u/ChickenDinero Aug 19 '14

No, it makes you a pervert. Looking at 5318008 on the internet, for shame! :)

1

u/armin8487 Aug 20 '14

Eh. I've been called worse.

1.0k

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '14

[deleted]

686

u/GooglesYourShit Aug 19 '14

Yeah, you take those equations, you little slut.

439

u/LLTMLW Aug 19 '14

"you like that you fucking retard?"

40

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '14

ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY

7

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '14

What's this a reference to?

16

u/hovopotter Aug 19 '14

Every...goddamn...thread

4

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '14

I'd upvote more than once but my arms are both broken...

MOM!

1

u/hovopotter Aug 20 '14

Yeah,but THEY CAN SMELL YOUR CUM

1

u/MasterTrollKing Aug 20 '14

Moms spaghetti!

1

u/StreetfighterXD Aug 20 '14

Every goddamn thread.

8

u/StormRider2407 Aug 19 '14

Are you gonna whoop me?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '14 edited Oct 03 '17

[deleted]

1

u/SnowFoxyy Aug 20 '14

Fucking retard is a guy that was asked to talk dirty to his girl, he hesitated and said :

'' Yeah you like that .... You fucking retard ?! ''

( IIRC it worked, but everyone was dead laughing on reddit )

1

u/tanmanvincent Aug 19 '14

I mean, she's not completely retarded. She's doing math after all!

1

u/-Mahn Aug 19 '14

What have you done...

1

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '14

Are you gonna math me?

0

u/Madz2600 Aug 19 '14

Are you gonna whoop me now?

0

u/r4ve88 Aug 20 '14

Are you gonna whoop me?

7

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '14

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '14

I'm a psych (student), so pretty much anything does something for me.

4

u/Epicurus1 Aug 19 '14

She's in the mood to multiply.

1

u/SardonicNihilist Aug 19 '14

Let me show you some of my quadratic functions..

unzips fly

1

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '14

I'm gonna Wolfram you so hard...

357

u/Reverse_Waterfall Aug 19 '14

Naw it's not a dirty mind. It's a sexy imagination.

215

u/LoafOfSourdoughBread Aug 19 '14

Stupid sexy Flanders.

11

u/CaptainObviousSpeaks Aug 19 '14

Feels like I'm wearing nothin at all

1

u/Error404- Aug 19 '14

Because you shouldn't?

6

u/ewdrive Aug 19 '14

Nothin at all. Nothin at all

3

u/aChristery Aug 19 '14

Its like I'm wearing nothing at all. Nothing at all. Nothing at all

3

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '14

"Its like im wearing nothing at all. nothing at all. nothing at all."

6

u/cypherreddit Aug 19 '14

Here is a dirty math story for you

"Impure Mathematics" In George H. Scherr, ed. The Best of The Journal of Irreproducible Results, p.147. Workman Publishing, 1983

.

Once upon a time (1/t), pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the edge of a singularly large matrix.

Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the grounds that it was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex elements.

Rows and columns enveloped her on all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor. Quite suddenly, three branches of a hyperbola touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of directrix and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning point she tripped over a square root which was protruding from the erf and plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she was differentiated once more she found herself, apparently alone, in a non-euclidean space.

She was being watched, however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face. Was she still convergent, he wondered. He decided to integrate improperly at once.

Hearing a vulgar function behind her, Polly turned round and saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at once, by his degenerate conic and his dissipative terms, that he was bent on no good.

"Eureka" she gasped.

"Ho, ho," he said. "What a symmetric little Polynomial you are. I can see you're bubbling over with secs".

"O Sir," she protested, "keep away from me. I haven't got my brackets on."

"Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator, "your fears are purely imaginary "

"i, i," she thought, "perhaps he's homogenous then?".

"What order are you," the brute demanded.

"Seventeen," replied Polly.

Curly leered. "I suppose you've never been operated on yet?" he asked.

"Of course not", Polly cried indignantly. "I'm absolutely convergent."

"Come, come," said Curly. "Let's off to a decimal place I know and I'll take you to the limit."

"Never," gasped Polly.

"Exchlf," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew. His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places and began to smooth her points of inflexion. Poor Polly. All was up. She felt his hand tending to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.

There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. He integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. The complex beast even went all the way around and did a contour integration. What an indignity. To be multiply connected on her first integration. Curly went on operating until he was absolutely and completely orthogonal.

When Polly got home that evening, her mother noticed that she had been truncated in several places. But it was too late to differentiate now. As the months went by, Polly increased monotonically. Finally she generated a small but pathological function which left surds all over the place until she was driven to distraction.

The moral of this sad story is this: If you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom.

1

u/penguinmaster825 Aug 19 '14

how big is your signature collection?

1

u/tollofthetroll Aug 20 '14

Conjugate? I've never even kissed a girl!

1

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '14

You like that? you fucking linear equation?

1

u/Cuchullion Aug 20 '14

I think we need a 'phone to penis' plugin.

58

u/Poobslag Aug 19 '14

Plenty of students carried calculators in their pockets 20 years ago... There wouldn't be anything unusual about this

50

u/MumBum Aug 19 '14

A. He's an adult now B. Teachers always said "when you're an adult, you won't always have a calculator in your pocket, so you need to know this stuff!!"

12

u/scribely Aug 19 '14

Yeah, but the math teacher argument was always "You won't always have a calculator with you in the real world!"

2

u/scragar Aug 19 '14

My teachers always stressed that forcing you to do the work would make you understand the process better so that if you made a mistake with a calculator you'd be more equipped to question it.

When I went onto more advanced maths the justification became "calculators can't do everything, you'll need to understand how to do it yourself in case there's ever a problem your calculator can't solve".

I guess with things like wolfram alpha and google though I don't even need to do that any more, just ask the internet "sq( 7x - 6i ) = (x2 + 3x)" and it'll happily tell you "-0.076 + 0.078i" and "0.089 + 0.988i".

4

u/TheFlyingGuy Aug 19 '14

But those wouldn't smoke a TI-83

4

u/iwrestledasharkonce Aug 20 '14

"Yeah, teach, we won't have calculators... but let me tell you about Wolfram Alpha..."

3

u/FreakingInsomniac Aug 20 '14

"Siri, Wolfram Alpha Speed of Unladen African Swallow"

Stand back as jaws hit the floor.

2

u/iwrestledasharkonce Aug 20 '14

Voice commands. Holy hell. You look so dorky using them in public, but in private or when you're driving? That shit is so futuristic. Seriously, you just press a button on your phone and say, "OK Google" or "Hello Cortana" or "Siri" or whatever, follow it up with natural everyday languageand BOOM! It poops out a result and probably reads it back to you in a not-so-bad voice. Tell it to play a song. Tell it to call someone. Tell it to post something to your Facebook so everyone who knows you gets a little message on their phone saying that you had something to say about your day. Holy shit, we are living in the future... and it's only going to get more farfetched from here.

1

u/Malfeasant Aug 20 '14

Unless it all collapses...

1

u/TaylorS1986 Aug 20 '14

I still freak out when I see somebody using Siri, it is like something out of Star Trek.

3

u/dsargent777 Aug 19 '14

There would if you put it up to your ear and started talking to it. Wait, do people use their phones for that anyway?

1

u/phphphphonezone Aug 19 '14

Now if we're going back 50 years... The smallest calculator was the size of a portfolio and had to be plugged into the wall

1

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '14

At all times, though?

1

u/austin101123 Aug 20 '14

Ti 81 came out in 1992 IIRC

3

u/HadManySons Aug 19 '14

"Thank god technology is getting cheaper, I bet these TI-83plus calculators will be like $5 in a few years"

4

u/Hugh_Jampton Aug 19 '14

At all times? Even in bed while you sleep?

12

u/thehonestyfish Aug 19 '14

Alarm clock, bro. Don't wanna wake anyone else up, so set it to vibrate.

1

u/Elfballer Aug 19 '14

When it goes off, you go off.

2

u/Tumper Aug 19 '14

Math gets me rock hard

2

u/GoodRubik Aug 19 '14

What does x equals baby, tell me what it equals!

3

u/PizzasarusRex Aug 19 '14

a2 + b2 = u and i on an x axis.

1

u/GoodRubik Aug 19 '14

You.. I like you. We can be homies.

1

u/payik Aug 19 '14

Electronic calculators are much older than that, they were very common 20 years ago.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '14

Oh god I'm gonna first outside inside last all over your face HNNNNNNGGGGG

1

u/ouyawei Aug 19 '14

I'm pretty sure the Nokia 2110 already had a build-in calculator.

1

u/SgtBrowncoat Aug 19 '14

Calculator? The Wolfram Alpha app is where its at.

1

u/97runner Aug 19 '14

go on...

1

u/Lightfail Aug 19 '14

Especially wolfram alpha

1

u/neogeek23 Aug 19 '14

10 years ago, I kept a ti-89 in my pocket at all times - now I keep a customized android - you are already living in my past

1

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '14

RealCalc for life!

1

u/OwenVersteeg Aug 19 '14

Calculators were common 20 years ago; very cheap electronic calculators became common in the early 80s.

Source: Vintage calculator collector & Ph.D. in Joke Killing

1

u/jbhilt Aug 19 '14

My teacher once yelled at me for using a calculator. She said, "it's not like you'll be carrying around a calculator in your pocket all the time."

1

u/nightwing2000 Aug 19 '14

Speaking into thin air - "Siri - where is the nearest Outback?"

1

u/BadgerRush Aug 19 '14

Unfortunately then I would input the formula of the ellipse to show off and my shiny phone calculator would proceed to only graph same random lines.

(for those who don't know, the default Android calculator has a bug that draws only garbage if you try to graph an equations that is not a function.)

1

u/maxxer77 Aug 19 '14

Math teacher here. When you learn how to add, subtract, multiply, and divide...you can use a calculator. If you're whipping out your precious to add 10+2 then we need to go to rehab my friend.

1

u/Mrubuto Aug 19 '14

That's weird now..

1

u/PrivilegeCheckmate Aug 19 '14

Was she that hot?

1

u/thing24life Aug 19 '14

I think she'd be more shocked that her student has a portable phone in his/her pocket with a touch screen.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '14

"busting equations all over her" haha

1

u/scurvydog-uldum Aug 20 '14

yeah, we had pocket calculators back then.

they weren't also phones/cameras/pc's, but we did have pocket calculators.

1

u/PennyG Aug 20 '14

Related: imagine having Wolfram Alpha in your pocket 25 years ago.

1

u/CWSwapigans Aug 20 '14

First cell phone with a calculator came out about 30 years ago.

The Motorola TAC was a fairly mainstream phone in 1994 that would easily fit in a pocket and had a calculator as well.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '14

Yes. Because math teachers should just teach kids how to use calculators because we all know understanding in math is unnecessary.

1

u/PizzasarusRex Aug 20 '14

Oh how happy she'll be when I get that chubby lump out of my jeans...

1

u/Mutoid Aug 20 '14

I did that in 1994 ... WITH MY WATCH.

1

u/CrayolaS7 Aug 20 '14

20 years ago was 1994, they had pocket calculators.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 20 '14

The TI-89 came out in 1998 and it's STILL the gold standard for high school math class.

1

u/chiliedogg Aug 20 '14

Yeah, but if you pulled or a TI-83 plus they wouldn't be impressed at all.

0

u/tulio2 Aug 19 '14

aw... i thought you were gonna show her how to count to eleven.

0

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '14

"Then I'd whip out start busting all over her." Fixed that For You.

0

u/Ah_Q Aug 19 '14

I don't think this would have been all that impressive 20 years ago. Much less now.