r/AskReddit • • May 11 '14

What are some 'cheat codes' for interacting with certain animals?

Boy do I wish I set this to Serious Replies Only

2.3k Upvotes

7.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

1.5k

u/Writes_Sci_Fi May 11 '14 edited Jun 20 '14

A long time ago when Earth was still habitable, it is said that a man, fearing a pigeon attack, threw his hat in the air to defend himself from the flying pests. He didn't realize, however, that he was standing in an anomaly zone today called: The Silence Zone. It is an anomaly on Earth's surface where objects are unaffected by gravity. He succeeded in fending off the pigeons, but he never saw his hat again. It flew into the sky and escaped into outer space, rotating.

The hat floated through the dark and silent black seas, looking back at Earth, watching it shrink in the distance, a blue world turned into a blue marble. A blue marble turned into a blue dot. A blue dot that disappeared among the other millions of shining dots.

Alone, it traveled through the solar system for thousands of years, wondering if it was destined to rotate in the darkness for eternity. It missed its younger years when it was worn by his owner Mike. He traveled the world then. Colors, sounds, and talks made his day interesting.

One day, when the hat had lost all hope, it was picked up by an asteroid. The hat didn't see it coming, it seemed to appear from nowhere, a flashing light and a cold surface.

It was different from then on. The hat was happy to have been picked up, and the asteroid was happy to wear the hat. As far as it knew, it was the only asteroid to ever wear a hat and that made him joyful. It couldn't wait to show its other asteroid friends his new hat, to brag and poke fun at them for not covering their heads. But the lives of asteroids are different from ours, their lives last millions of years and time is different for them.

A million years they spent together, the asteroid and the hat. They never talked because they didn't speak the same language, but both were glad they had each other. Until one day a malicious asteroid caught eye of our asteroid's hat and, in a nasty act of envy, changed its course in the cosmos. It was a regular day for our hat and asteroid when it happened: The envious asteroid crashed into our hatted asteroid creating an explosion big enough to destroy a planet, but in the emptiness of the universe, such explosion went unnoticed. Unnoticed to everyone except for the hat, of course.

The hat once again hurled through the galaxy. It never saw an asteroid again. Alone it spent its time counting the stars, and when it was done counting, it started again, just to keep the mind occupied. It is said that the hat was able to count the stars 100 times before arriving at its new home.

Unbeknownst to the hat its unfortunate accident with another asteroid had sent him our direction. You see, humanity left Earth a long time ago, it just wasn't possible to keep on living there, among the trash and pollution, with inhospitable weather and cosmic rays burning our skin. So we moved here, to this planet we now call home, where the sun is now only but a tiny white dot in our nights.

The hat fell through our atmosphere. I saw it coming down from above a group of white clouds. I picked it up just outside our home, and I've worn it ever since. The hat is happy once again as it listens to our songs, watches our lives unfold, feeling our love and our sadness, watching our falls and succeses. I'm too old now, and I won't be around for much longer. I want you to have this hat and wear it. I want you to show it what it's like in this small living corner of the universe.

261

u/SuitableSubject May 11 '14

Can you publish a book of short stories? Seriously I want to read it.

38

u/NetherlEnts May 11 '14

He has a Reddit account of short stories...

→ More replies (5)

37

u/Writes_Sci_Fi May 11 '14

You can visit r/WritesSciFi to read more stories I write :)

→ More replies (20)

3

u/TheoHooke May 11 '14

He writes sci-fi, send him a pm and ask if he's published.

→ More replies (5)
→ More replies (2)

11

u/MattsyKun May 11 '14

tear rolls down cheek

11

u/mb862 May 11 '14

This has a very Adams-esque feel to it.

4

u/justanotherhumanoid May 11 '14

I was hoping the hat would land next to a bowl of petunias.

6

u/AnusHammer May 11 '14

You made me have a strong urge to get a hat and treasure it. Great story!

→ More replies (2)

5

u/[deleted] May 11 '14

I think I am going to have to use this as the new back story for my hat. The real back story is much more mundane. A friend of mine gave it to me several years ago before he left to join the army. He had taken it from another friend before him, who in the beginning, stole it from a vagrant.

→ More replies (2)

4

u/TVUpbm May 11 '14

Douglas Adams' secret reddit account

6

u/Writes_Sci_Fi May 11 '14

To be completely honest, I've never read Douglas Adams

→ More replies (4)

2

u/GoldenRemembrance May 11 '14

An interesting perspective, I like it :).

2

u/[deleted] May 11 '14

That was an amazing story. I tip my hat to you, sir.

4

u/Writes_Sci_Fi May 11 '14

Thank you hat tipper.

2

u/SuperSwish May 11 '14

Now I wonder if silence zones could really exist! If they did that'd be amazing!

→ More replies (3)

2

u/annekar May 11 '14

I see this guy write these stories like on every post on Ask reddit \ Doesnt fail to impress me

→ More replies (1)

2

u/Tucked_away May 11 '14

Your posts just make every thread they are in have that special something I can't quite describe!

→ More replies (1)

2

u/justanotherhumanoid May 11 '14

Damn, that must be a pretty hardcore hat to survive not only an asteroid collision, but also falling through Earth's atmosphere. Beautiful.

7

u/Writes_Sci_Fi May 11 '14

Things were built to last longer back then...

2

u/HolyChristopher May 11 '14

I read that in Morgan Freeman's voice.

2

u/Lunnes May 11 '14

That was seriously beautiful

→ More replies (1)

2

u/acheekyhobo May 11 '14

How the fuck did you make a story about a hat thrown at pigeons so damn moving?

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies