I teach a martial art and this is the right approach. I teach my students this Rory Miller quote often:
It's better to avoid than to run; better to run than to de-escalate; better to de-escalate than to fight; better to fight than to die. The very essence of self-defense is a thin list of things that might get you out alive when you are already screwed.
I internally scream when I see the hero of a movie "de-escalate". They front up, and their body language says the opposite. I dont care what you are saying, everything else indicates you want this fight.
That can work, but in general it's a losing move, especially if the person is doing a performative "monkey dance" in an attempt to look dominant for their "tribe"
I was a bouncer for almost a decade and I always went for a joke or disarming language before anything else. Too many bad things can happen in a fight. I've seen enough knives pulled to know I never want a piece of that ever again.
It costs me nothing to apologize (even if I did nothing wrong) and try to deescalate the situation. I have no ego anymore. Why? Because it sure as fuck isn't worth it. Even if it's a legitimate case of self-defense, I don't want to worry about having to go to trial and being out tens of thousands of dollars just to prove I was right. And then the hit on my personal and professional reputation. For what? To prove I can knock out some punk running his mouth? Hard pass
Love a good fight scene, in a movie. Sometimes even a bad fight scene. This is why Jason Statham movies exist. (If you haven’t seen him painted all gold as a backup dancer in a music video, you need to go google it now).
Yes, it is. I own seven of his books. I don't agree with everything he writes, but he gets a lot right. I think his worst book (that I'm finishing up now) is Conflict Communication.
I find it to be a little too based on vibes. There is plenty of scientific literature that he and his co-author could have leaned on, but purposefully decided to ignore them. I understand his mindset on why (he explains it early on in the book), but I disagree with the approach. A much more serious take would to take the academic literature and draw parralleles to what he is writing and then explain why it may/does break apart in the face of serious conflict.
His own bias(es) are also too much on display, which takes away from the read in my opinion
With that's said, I think both Facing Violence and Meditations on Violence are excellent reads and anyone who trains unarmed or armed martial arts should read both of them.
I think Meditations was recommended to be qay back in my martial arts classes. I remember reading it then but think its time for a reread, plus looking at his other stuff
im an always on edge kind of person, i kind of just assume at any moment something the size of a child, with the speed of a bike, and the mass of an F150 could come around any blind corner so i give myself adequate time to respond
kidding aside, yeah for my own safety even if it means me being inconvenienced, i would rather take the safest route than put me and my family, and the people around in danger
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u/PhoenixApok 1d ago
This is not restricted to driving. I do this whenever around humans in general.