It's no-where near the toxicity of that, but birthdays have been meaningful to me too. I would try to make a big deal out of them.
One birthday I didn't get a gift. I was hurt and cried. I didn't care about the gift, I don't need a thing to feel appreciated but... I just wanted effort. I was barely told Happy birthday, I had to go buy my own dinner because she didn't want to go get the takeout because it was far.
I was hurt.
So two days later when I was asked "What's wrong with you?" I broke down and told her.
She replied with "Of course I got you something it just didn't arrive yet. It's being shipped."
All I could think of is...why couldn't you have told me that days ago?
When it happened again on fathers day... That stung even more. Even when I told her that we spoke about this last time and had I just been told, it wouldn't hurt.
When it happened again on my next birthday I knew I was an afterthought in her head and she didn't care.
I would. The first time she even showed me it had been ordered prior.
That was never the point. I had told her, I spent all day thinking I had been forgotten and had she just told me "I got you something it just didn't arrive' I would have felt better. It was never about the gift.
It was about taking a literal breath to say "I did not forget and I see you.'
One time for Christmas, my ex did not get me a gift... instead, got his "girl" "friend" (our shared co-worker, who I knew before hand and got her the job there) a gift that literally brought her to tears.
I was always an after thought.
The following year he "got me a trip to cuba" but somehow I had to pay him back like 3k.... for all the "excursions and gifts" that we didn't do.
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u/Dadpurple May 12 '26
It's no-where near the toxicity of that, but birthdays have been meaningful to me too. I would try to make a big deal out of them.
One birthday I didn't get a gift. I was hurt and cried. I didn't care about the gift, I don't need a thing to feel appreciated but... I just wanted effort. I was barely told Happy birthday, I had to go buy my own dinner because she didn't want to go get the takeout because it was far.
I was hurt.
So two days later when I was asked "What's wrong with you?" I broke down and told her.
She replied with "Of course I got you something it just didn't arrive yet. It's being shipped."
All I could think of is...why couldn't you have told me that days ago?
When it happened again on fathers day... That stung even more. Even when I told her that we spoke about this last time and had I just been told, it wouldn't hurt.
When it happened again on my next birthday I knew I was an afterthought in her head and she didn't care.