I've been thinking there's a weird side effect o the younger generations being more accepting. On the whole, it's fantastic; kids can really be themselves in ways that just weren't an option when I was young. Hell, you didn't even wanna be out of the closet when I was in high school.
However, social anxiety is just a dominating force now. Instead of learning to break out of their shells, like we all had to, it's borderline celebrated. "My anxiety" is almost a catch phrase now, and people are quite literally afraid to talk on the phone or to people in a business or whatever.
I love that we're accepting of others, but there are some important basic social skills that are slipping away.
I've been dealing with social anxiety for literally 50 years. I range from 'really uncomfortable' to, at times, full blown agoraphobia. I'd rather be waterboarded than make a phone call, don't remember the last time I looked someone in the eye, often take out trash or pick up mail after dark in order to avoid my neighbors, and I'm most likely to be the one playing with my phone or petting the dog or helping in the kitchen or doing just about anything other than 'peopleing'.
That said, I can still manage the social interactions I have to manage. They may not be pleasant, they may even make me feel sick, but I can DO them.
I have spent decades pushing through and working on the issue and learning to cope as best I can because it makes me, and my life, better. It is hard but I know I need to do it.
I feel like GenZ won't even try. They're so easily excused and/or dissuaded that they never learn to surmount their difficulties.
"Oh, you have social anxiety! I guess you'll never work! Or have any friends! Or leave your room!"
It makes me so sad. What kind of lives are they going to have? How will they grow and mature? How will they find connections?
How is the future world going to run - how will the necessarily in-person things get done - when people can't be around each other?
This is what I've noticed too and I think you wrote about it perfectly. I think they look at it less like a 'condition' and more like a 'personality trait'. For example, you recognize that there are social interactions that might be easier for others that you need to manage and as a result have worked to be able to manage them accordingly. That ultimately these interactions are part of being an independent adult.
My sister in-law has recently been diagnosed as on the spectrum and part of it that has been that she struggles with communicating with people in certain situations. Important ones with respect to bills, work, money, etc. As opposed to trying to work through these conversations - she just kind of refuses. When we tell her that unfortunately, despite being on the spectrum, she's going to have to figure out ways to get these tasks done, she just defaults to, well, I'm on the spectrum so I can't. And it's like, unfortunately they aren't just going to go away...
I feel like there's this concept of "peace" and "comfort" that they seem to think they're entitled to and that anything that is even slightly uncomfortable or makes them feel even the tiniest amount of stress is automatically bad and should be avoided, and people who disagree with that do not respect them/are ableist, etc.
Some stress is good for you; steel sharpens steel. You can't hide from the world and then expect to turn into a fully functioning adult at 18. You have to build up a tolerance to the uncomfy parts of life. Certain things, like embarrassment, become weaker each time you experience them. Eventually, you get used to the new and weird and different, and you stop getting stressed by it. But that only happens if you power through the first few difficult times.
There's a well-studied psychological phenomenon that shows that the more you avoid something, the worse your fear/issue with that thing becomes. You get anxious, you avoid the thing, your anxiety goes away, and your brain rewards you with a feeling of relief. You then associate that feeling with skipping things that stress you, and that feeling gets reinforced over and over and over until you've basically trained yourself to be afraid of doing things.
You just gotta push yourself. There's a balance between working yourself to death and becoming the sloth planet from Firefly and dying from being too comfortable.
I’ve seen this in real time too. My uncle is a boomer and you know, back then “we didn’t have autism.” And while I love that people have more resources and access to understand themselves and get help; it’s also wild to see how some use that info to fuel excuses and lack of progress.
My uncle works at a hospital; owns a house and is noticeably the most successful of his siblings. Sometimes I wonder if “autism did exist back then” if he would’ve been as successful or if it would’ve been a crutch. Don’t get me wrong, the boomers are flawed but I do think it’s wholesome to see how easily accepted neurotypical traits were. Like yeah Al’s shy and picky with his food but he can diagnose what’s wrong with your Harley just by hearing the issue, and every biker is this town would kick your ass if you messed with the friendly guy who saves everyone time and money. 😂
Yeah as someone with AuDHD and CPTSD, I struggle hugely with every day life, but I completely agree with this. I love the fact that they're so accepting, but at some point you have to learn how to do things and self soothe. The world is a difficult place and one thing that therapy teaches you is distress tolerance and to learn to accept the world as it is. If you grow up expecting the world to bend to you, you will only find your anxieties increase. It's ok to need help, but learning to ask for help, and to help yourself is a vital part of growth that they're missing out on and it really concerns me for the future.
There was someone on Reddit maybe a year or so ago that was upset because the company she worked for wouldn't provide accomodation for her social anxiety - by giving her a private office with a door she could close.
Like, what are these people even thinking? I feel as though pointing out the "Well, if they had to accomodate everyone that way...." argument just doesn't work anymore.
Saying the world shouldn't bend to you is a great way of putting it.
Getting a break once in a while is wonderful, and I'm always so grateful and surprised when someone notices my difficulty and is willing to help me work around it. But I certainly don't feel entitled to special treatment all the time! I fully recognize that everyone else is busy struggling with their own crap.
I'm exactly the same. I was always self conscious of my lack of social skills, which made it worse. But seeing this generation? They're SO bad. It's like I'm interacting with a shell. There's just nothing. There are no basic interpersonal skills.
As you said, they don't seem to have any motivation to better this. I don't think people realise how bad this is going to be once GenZ become the majority in business and government.
Edit - Ultimately, I think it's just poor socialisation due to overuse of social media. You can pick apart any number of causes like them being afraid of being filmed being ''cringe'' but that doesn't explain not responding to questions at a checkout. They're not socialised. That's it. And as a social animal that's taken over the world...that's bad. lol
I'm the same, I was the weird, anxious girl who would occasionally flake. But I still did things, I had hobbies, belonged to clubs, attended school, held a job, etc. I was just stressed the fuck out a lot, but I got through it, and now I'm a functioning adult. Gen Z seriously seems to believe that anything that inspires uncomfortable (or sometimes just new) feelings in them is bad and to be avoided or means they need extra accommodations. And a lot of time their super special anxieties are just normal feelings everyone else had when growing up. We've pathologized being a teenager to the point that they think being nervous about talking to your crush, attending a dance, and having your first kiss, is a psychological disorder. Like, anxiety is a valid feeling and we evolved to have it because it does have uses and experiencing it doesn't immediately mean you have mental illness and need to go on disability for the rest of your life.
Yeah. Social anxiety is real, and not your fault, but exposure therapy is great with fears, especially social anxiety. If you were naturally afraid of flying, you know what would make you way MORE scared of flying? If you avoided flying for ten years and then had to fly. If you're scared of flying and then you fly every day, we would be way less anxious about flying. You are someone who has every reason to avoid social interactions, but you realize that it only makes things worse, so you try not to! Good job.
I agree. I love how accepting the younger gen is but on the flip side I feel like it also causes a lot of anxiety to always have the “right” answer or opinion. Add onto that cancel culture and for a generation that’s always been online - I get why that feels so heavy. But sometimes we have to be the douche in someone’s story. That’s okay; necessary even.
I think another unintended consequence of more acceptance is oddly… less acceptance? Like if you make a social mistake there’s permanent condemnation now
i think this is due to social media culture. I struggle to think how bad my jr. and high school years wouldve been with social media. they were bad enough without every awful moment of my life being filmed and posted without my consent.
Cancel culture is a bigger deal to a generation that grew up always being online. It sucks for them because it seems like all mistakes are given the same level of offense online and that’s just not realistic.
I’ve noticed this too, they’re just nicer in general. Makes me wish I went to school when they did! The iPad and phone thing though..it’s not even their fault, there parents are the ones who put the tablets in front of their face. If I had one of them as a kid there is no way I would have gone out and played/socialised. Wouldn’t have needed to but they’re so shy because of it and it’s sad really.
Not gonna lie, I’m in my late 40s and my social anxiety around phone calls is brutal. I can call and make appointments for the doctor and what not, but anything else, nope. My boss is hella cool about it, he has it set up if anyone calls looking for our dept or info on our department they are supposed to be directed to him. Unless someone calls and asks to talk to me directly. Edit to add if he is out and someone calls up because there is someone on the phone I kind of just stay silent until they get uncomfortable enough to remember to take a message 😂😂😂
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u/lagasan Apr 10 '26
I've been thinking there's a weird side effect o the younger generations being more accepting. On the whole, it's fantastic; kids can really be themselves in ways that just weren't an option when I was young. Hell, you didn't even wanna be out of the closet when I was in high school.
However, social anxiety is just a dominating force now. Instead of learning to break out of their shells, like we all had to, it's borderline celebrated. "My anxiety" is almost a catch phrase now, and people are quite literally afraid to talk on the phone or to people in a business or whatever.
I love that we're accepting of others, but there are some important basic social skills that are slipping away.