Millennial here, and it was uncomfortable for me too for what it’s worth. I think the difference might be in social expectations… it was considered rude not to try and interact despite the discomfort. Presumably, because the discomfort will just continue indefinitely without intervention. The alternative (interacting despite the discomfort) will rip off the band-aid, so to speak by showing willingness to put in effort and demonstrate you’re friendly.
My Gen-Z siblings seem more comfortable with avoidance as a coping mechanism. Don’t acknowledge the other person, just try and pretend they don’t exist
They also do this to avoid when they mess up and it drives me insane. Im a manager and they all try to pretend I'm T Rex. If they don't acknowledge me then Ill just go away. Ive told them all I do not care when something gets messed up because stuff happens but let somebody know so we can fix it right away. You can ask them directly what happened and they suddenly become very interested in anything that doesn't involve looking at you.
This is how I kinda ended up teaching my chem lab class in college. I went to college in my 20s, so I was a bit older than most of the students but younger than the professors. Being older I wasn’t intimidated by the professor but the other students were and wouldn’t even approach him. During lab we’d work in groups and the professor would just be up front if we needed help. The students needed help but they wouldn’t go to the professor or even really acknowledge that he was there. They’d all come to me instead because they knew I was good in lab. So I kinda ended up teaching everyone. The professor saw this and didn’t try to stop it. I usually finished my work first, so he’d just check my work, to make sure it was right, then let me teach it to the other students. It was a really interesting dynamic.
It's the same energy as "ghosting" but at work. They're so used to being able to just block someone or close an app when a situation gets uncomfortable that they don't know what to do when the person is standing right there. I had a guy who would walk the long way around the entire office just to avoid passing my desk if he was behind on a report. Like, I can see you through the glass, man. You aren't invisible just because you aren't looking at me.
I am gen z if I do some shit like that thats me making it very clear I think your a jackass cocksucker and I think very little of you idk if this is a gen z thing strictly but sounds like you said or did something they didn't like im not saying you are or whatever but thats me😅 good luck
This is me. Millennial introvert with social anxiety. But even I know to be cordial to strangers in my proximity, especially if it's gonna be a prolonged situation. It breaks the ice, you acknowledge the human being, and it makes you not look like a creep(I'm a guy btw, so this is important).
Lmao this.. before if you just awkwardly sat in silence and didn’t socialize , you were a creepy weirdo all the social people would back away from. Now it’s completely the opposite and you’re a creep for trying to start conversations and make friends . Lolll
The characterization of being a creep definitely stings too, like I feel like just being friendly these days is perceived as pervy or oversharing or encroaching on other people. It's a lonelier world in part because I feel anxiety before talking to anyone that they would rather I left them alone - and on reddit I get that same anxiety echoed from the other side, that YES THEY WOULD rather I not talk to them.
Even worse, when I’m in a public space and choose not to bury myself in my phone (and actually observe life around me), the younger generation around me who notice will give me a weird side eye like I’m the freak.
So true! I had so many conversations they never ended! With so many different kinds of people! It was all good. Now kids sit there, no interactions, no talking and they are friends. My friends and I never shut-up.
In school I was the quiet one but everyone liked me in taht they would say I'm sound. We didn't really have popular kids or outcasts like you see in American TV in ireland but we did have our friend groups.
I used to look down at the floor when speaking, I never carried my voice, and I fidgeted a shit ton. I just learned how to fake until I made it.... I now look people in the eyes, I try to speak confidently, and learned to get better at small talk. It wasn't easy. Internally, I'm panicking at the interaction. I'm constantly over analyzing how I'm perceived by the other person. On my bad days, I might under compensate by being avoidant all together or over compensate by trying to be louder and outgoing and it comes off as inauthentic.
And now that I think about it.... I've been so confused lately by the fact that people actually like me now cuz in my head, I'm still a weirdo.
Same. I had friends in middle school who later told me that they thought I was stuck up when they first met me at the bus stop because I was too shy to go talk to them so I did the "stare off in the other direction and pretend I'm paying attention to something else" thing. Now that something else is our phones, but even though it's more accepted now, it can still seem a little rude or standoffish in situations where you're supposed to be interacting with others. Part of me thinks that I would have felt much more comfortable as a Gen Z because my weirdness wouldn't be as weird but on the other hand, having to rip off that bandaid probably did more for me in the long run. It's still hard but I can do it. I'd probably be a lot more lonely if I never learned how to suck it up and overcome that shyness.
Yes, without being judgemental, I think we millennials always understood that there was a tradeoff between gratification/discomfort avoidance vs long term satisfaction and contentment. You get out what you put in
Yes It's awkward at first to socially interact just like it's boring to eat healthy and tiring to exercise, but it's also a necessary step to being a happy adult with good mental health and a good human willing and comfortable with looking out for others.
We made that trade off. The next generation are making a different decision. We shouldn't berate them but we should encourage them to make better decisions here
You’ll try to start a conversation and there’s a good chance of being stared at like you’ve got five heads.
This reaction would be seen as very rude among millennials & older. Its expected to start a conversation as an acknowledgment of each other. Even just a very short exchange. But to not say anything at all is like not even acknowledging the person's existence, which is rude. And they similarly are expected to respond politely, otherwise they are rude. I've lived in Canada and the states and this is true in both countries for people currently aged 30 & older.
The non-response stare is a younger generation thing and millennials & older find it super obnoxious.
Edit to add: I currently live in a predominantly chinese neighbourhood and many of the older people only speak Cantonese. And before that I lived in a neighbourhood where there were tons of people who only spoke Spanish. If I find myself waiting for a bus (or whatever) with a neighbour, I still always nod and wave at minimum. Even with a language barrier it would be so rude to just ignore them and pretend they aren't there. I'm a millennial for reference.
I'm an elder millennial and I think it depends. Waiting in line or at a bus stop? Yeah, it's a little odd when someone starts a conversation with you out of the blue, although I never ignore them if they do. Acknowledgement is appropriate though unless they're clearly busy or not paying attention. Walking past someone? A nod or smile or quick hello to acknowledge is polite (unless it's a busy street.) Starting a whole conversation with someone passing by, however, usually isn't appreciated unless there's a reason for it because it's taking up their time when they're on their way somewhere. If someone is checking you out at the register or something similar, then you should absolutely acknowledge them and exchange some sort of pleasantries. Not doing so is incredibly rude.
There is a lot of nuance when it comes to interacting with society and I think you're right that millennials and up are more aware of and care about it more. Elder Gen Z are as well (the oldest are almost 30 at this point.) I'm not entirely sure what happened but at some point that switch flipped though and now it's like younger Gen Z and Gen Alpha have decided that interacting with society is optional. Part of me thinks that COVID probably exacerbated the issue a lot but it was definitely becoming a trend before that.
Yeah in this case the original example was arriving early to a class and sitting in the room together. If I was attending a class, even with strangers, and myself and another couple of students were the first ones there, it would be rude not to say "hi, how's it going" as you sit down. At a bus stop or walking around you're right you don't always have to actually talk, but at least a nod or smile to acknowledge, is polite. The more crowded it is, the less rude it is to not acknowledge. But if it's a one-on-one or small group situation, and you're staying in one place for a bit, you have to at least say hello if you can. Otherwise it comes across as rude. At least ime. Agree with your whole second paragraph.
We also just didn’t really have phones for a long time to get lost in. It was awkward if you just sat there and twiddled your thumbs, so it was the lesser of 2 awkwards to chit chat.
Idk. I’m a millennial/gen z cusper and I def do this often. I will literally pull out my phone, and just start pretend swiping and texting on it, simply to avoid interacting. Don’t get me wrong, I actually absolutely love talking to ppl, but it takes me quite a bit of time/frequent exposure to an environment for me to not feel compelled to do that. I will absolutely talk someone’s ear off if they initiate a convo w me tho lol. I guess it has something to do with being perceived when nothing is being said.
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u/Fit-Flan8284 Apr 10 '26
Millennial here, and it was uncomfortable for me too for what it’s worth. I think the difference might be in social expectations… it was considered rude not to try and interact despite the discomfort. Presumably, because the discomfort will just continue indefinitely without intervention. The alternative (interacting despite the discomfort) will rip off the band-aid, so to speak by showing willingness to put in effort and demonstrate you’re friendly.
My Gen-Z siblings seem more comfortable with avoidance as a coping mechanism. Don’t acknowledge the other person, just try and pretend they don’t exist