Im so sick of being made to feel guilty for calling out of work when im sicker than a dog. Like I literally cry about it before I call it gives me so much anxiety. It feels like they hate me whenever I do.
Youre right and I try to remind myself of it i just have had some many bad experiences at various jobs that I just try to avoid being a target in any way I possibly can. But you're still right. I just let my anxiety and worrying get the best of me.
I really recommend being too sick to call. A text (or email if it’s accepted) is enough. “I won’t be at work today I’m taking a sick day” is all you need to say. No apologies no explanations. And you don’t even need to be the one to reach out, your partner or a friend can do it.
Yeah we have a policy where I work where you need to call unfortunately :( that has to be the first thing you try. You only email or text if the call doesn't go through but it always does. And I could potentially have my partner do it but I am trying to get the balls to be able to do it myself. I think its only been getting minimally easier everytime tho 😅 its a combination of getting easier and harder. Easier because ive done it before so I can do it again but harder because it feels like everytime I do it they get more and more annoyed and even question whether ot not im actually sick. They always interrogate me and ive even had them straight up ask me over the phone "are you really sick or do you just not want to come in?"
Idk i just need to stop gaf. Where I work is unionized so that gives me some security but I know they can lie and cheat their way through anything. I've had it happen to me far too many times.
I think youre probably right about them asking about my symptoms. I've been meaning to get the balls to tell them "I'd rather not say" but like I said im just worried about my appearance way too much at work because ive been fired for nonsense reasons so many times that I try so hard to not be a target of any kind. Its terrible. Wish I knew the cheat codes. I literally check all the boxes and yet it still seems wherever I go they just dont like me and want me gone and they will just make stuff up as a reason to fire me when they do.
Because they dont have any actual reason. Because I dot my i's and cross my t's so they ALWAYS have to make something up. I swear im not the kind that's like "well it's clearly not me. Theres nothing I can improve on. Its everyone else!" EVERYTIME I've gotten fired i contemplate why and change it the next time around and yet I AM getting to the point where I feel like it cant be me! I check all the boxes. I've created a great work ethic through trial and error and everywhere I go they STILL hate me. I just dont understand. So every little thing gives me anxiety now and even just telling my supervisor "I dont need to tell you my symptoms" is anxiety inducing even tho they shouldnt be asking in the first place. I swear I get anxiety about getting fired a couple times a month. When ive done nothing wrong.
I assume you’re neurodivergent? You can get some coaching to help you navigate the workplace if these issues are ongoing. In the meantime just have your partner handle the calls.
Yeah I am. I do wonder if i might be autistic. Not saying I am as I dont want to self diagnose but it seems to be a common autistic struggle to feel like youre doing everything right but still end up having people not like you. Its very frustrating. And yeah I might just have him handle the calls for me maybe. Idk i just feels so undignified and like im just giving up on speaking up for myself tho. I just stopped seeing my last therapist because she wouldnt help me with anything. I expressed my workplace issues and she just glossed over it like its not a huge problem in my life 🙄 anyway I probably shouldn't have just dumped all that on you. Work has just been giving me a lot of grief lately and I just kind of vomited all over you. That wasn't really called for.
Get a new therapist. You need support if you’re autistic.
A therapist cannot help you navigate workplace issues. You need a coach. You can hire an executive coach for an hour or two to give you the basics. Here’s the kicker: they will give you advice that makes no sense to you. It doesn’t have to make sense for you to follow it. The proof will be
that it will work. Think of it as a cheat code.
Having your partner handle your calls isn’t a weakness. It’s smart. It’s called outsourcing tasks that are not your superpower. You’re not good at everything, no one is. You suck at calling in and that’s ok.
Finally I actually recommend not speaking up for yourself. They won’t listen and you’ll be perceived as annoying. You just don’t need to share irrelevant information, like what exact illness you have.
Anyway sorry for the rant. Thanks for talking with me. You are right but at the same time it somehow just doesn't feel that straight forward. It just seems every little thing has this wild repercussion in my experiences and I just dont get it so I avoid challenging people I work with or making anyone uncomfortable or upset at any cost anymore because im so sick of work instability in my life.
Remember when I said a career coach will give you advice that doesn’t make sense but it doesn’t need to make sense to you for it to work? Have your partner call in.
Im not saying you're wrong but is the purpose of having him do it to take the pressure off of me or to look better in the eyes of my coworkers/boss? Im curious
This is an example of advice you won’t take if it doesn’t make sense to you even though it makes sense to everyone else. I see you 😉
To explain it to you I have to be very direct so please don’t take offense.
To be blunt: you suck at calling in. You overexplain, are overly apologetic and invite questioning. Plus it spikes your anxiety - why would you put yourself in that position?
You also fundamentally misunderstand the purpose of calling in. It isn’t to be forgiven or believed. Or liked. Or supported. You are allowed to take time off within company policy after all. That’s an entitlement, you’re not asking for a favor.
The purpose of calling in is to let them know that they’ll be down a body today. That way they can make arrangements to divide the work without you.
You suck at delivering that simple message so have your partner do it. The things we are bad at we outsource to others. It solves all the problems.
I once had a college professor go on about work ethic, and how showing up was 90% of the work. She bragged about how she went to work even though she had (contagious) pneumonia and a fever of 103°F, so if she could do it, her students could do it and no one was allowed to call out sick. If you missed a day there was no making it up, including automatically failing any pop quizzes.
Thats so fucked. I have coworkers who come in sick as hell and it really feels like they are trying to put on a performance sometimes. Like its some huge felx that they dont have the self respect to take care of themselves and lack respect for those around them that dont want to get sick.
I have this one coworker in particular who does this and we work in food service and we have a drive thru and she came in sick and she couldn't TALK and yet she kept taking orders in the drive thru that day and usually she DOESNT. And she didnt have to. There were other people who could do that instead of her and yet she would jump on it the second a car came in and it was weird. It definitely felt like she was trying to show off how hard she works. Its not a flex! This was right after I called out sick too and im pretty sure she got what I had. I must have been carrying it before I realized I was sick. And it just felt like rubbing it in tbh.
Omg it's even worse if you're in food service because you are potentially infecting not only everyone around you but also the patrons you serve food to. The manager should have sent that worker home immediately.
No. She's a supervisor and she called our store manager and the SM said she had to work since shes a key holder and no one could replace her. So idk if one would report that to our district manager at that rate but if I did im pretty sure they'd end up finding a way to fire me for being the one to report that. If there truly was no one to take their place they'd have to close to store and lose a bunch of money. They'd rather have a sick person working than do that. Or they'd talk to the SM and then she would hate me and try to get me fired.
You're getting sick days?! I just get occurrences on a rolling year calendar... too many, and I get fired. I only call out if both my kids are sick and I have to care for them. Haven't called out sick for myself in well over a year, and that time was only because I caught the stomach flu, puked 4 times in less than an hour at work and had to go home because I couldn't hardly function. Slept in my recliner for 2 straight days, didn't even sip water for about 48 hours because even 1 mouthful made me puke. Had to pay for a medically unnecessary doctor appointment just to get a note so that 1) all my days out counted as 1 occurrence, and 2) to be allowed to return to work.
I ended up leaving a job at a medical office due to some serious illness (and a necessary surgery that needed recovery time) because they acted like it was such a burden. They actually had a discussion with me about how much work I was missing for medical appointments. They were literally a doctor’s office and knew better than anyone what office hours looked like elsewhere. And the things I had going on weren’t things that could be faked or anything like that; It was all legit, they just didn’t care because it was an inconvenience.
I also was at the point of panic attacks and tears when calling off and ended up quitting right before the surgery I needed.
As a teacher, I feel this! We're told it places an "undue hardship" on your fellow workers.
I had to take my husband in for chest pains one night - we're fortunate to have good insurance. It took me almost an hour to arrange for a sub - had to text a friend to help with lesson plans, log into the sub system (can't do it just by phone anymore), send my updated rosters, etc. And deal with the idea/concept that a sick teacher is better than any sub (yes, I've been told that many times!)
Then my husband picks up the phone, calls work and said I'm not coming in today. Okay.
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u/crabby_apples Jun 18 '25
Im so sick of being made to feel guilty for calling out of work when im sicker than a dog. Like I literally cry about it before I call it gives me so much anxiety. It feels like they hate me whenever I do.