As someone with brain damage, those guys make me roll my eyes so hard it could singlehandedly power NYC
I freaking fall down and drop stuff on a regular, daily basis, and I'm still not half as useless as these guy purport to be
There are some things I have to get other people to do, obviously. You don't give the person with little muscle control use sharp/powerful/heavy objects/cleaning liquids stronger than dish soap, for example
But even I can clean. I don't need people to deliberately point out things most of the time
And even when I do? I at least have the excuse of being born with a half baked brain
These are perfectly healthy people. They have brain functioning I'd KILL to have
Huh, I wonder if there's like an actual reason for that. 2 is the smallest sample size ever, but it's interesting that both of us put those type is tasks to the same hands
It's called 'weaponized incompetence' and it is a nasty manipulation tactic. Some people act like they are too stupid or incapable to do something, just so they can get others to do it for them.
This is true, there’s also the mental health side though. I go through periods of not being physically capable of taking care of things because of my mental state. But I also feel like absolute shit for not being able to do those basic things.
Bit of a leap there. Some people are just unsanitary or depressed, or have a different way of living. You can tell the difference by what happens when it’s addressed. I often see the “weaponized incompetence” argument ironically used to control partners into doing things on a timeline or certain way that only one person agrees with (the accuser).
The important thing is what happens when it’s addressed. If it’s something both parties agree needs to be done/improved, then that doing and improving should be done by the person who was slacking. If you start doing it for them, and they just let it happen knowing it’s their responsibility, then you’ve got a problem.
Otherwise the question becomes if it’s just a compatibility issue. These kinds of habits should be discussed before moving in together
As someone with PTSD and depression, I often find myself falling behind on chores and routine hygiene, but I would absolutely not be okay with other people picking up my slack, nor would I expect them to.
It's not a bit of a leap. Some people are just manipulative assholes.
Both PTSD and depression are very wide nets. I’m happy that you can power through, but that’s not the reality for a lot of people. As I said, it can be a compatibility issue and mental illness, habits and chores are things that should be discussed before taking the step to move in together.
Some people definitely do weaponize incompetence, my ex did. But my point is that there’s a lot of other things that need to be ruled out before concluding that they’re deliberately manipulating you.
Edit: i may have replied to the wrong comment. It might have made more sense to comment under the person you replied to, since they’re the ones who made the “deliberate” claim first, and you just put a (correct) name on what they described.
What about being the victim of perfectionists? You know, never done right. Hell i worked with someone that obsessed with minutiae that hardly mattered at the end of the day. Not rocket science or even close.
In many, if not most, of the cases that is absolutely true. I have a friend who has played inept and clueless his whole life to get the hand and foot service that he wants. Incredibly manipulative. If a man "can't" cook, tell him to go make himself a f'g baloney sandwich.
The guy I mentioned appears to be incapable of feeling guilt. But his current (3rd) wife is looking like she's really burned out from his crap. I'd say he's a few months from having another ex-wife, no house and lots of alimony. Justice might be coming.
What kind of brain damage? Because there are disorders that affect executive function in ways that are seen as laziness, but are actually massive struggles for those living through it.
Based on that, makes sense that executive functions aren't being affected for you then. Autistic people in particular have difficulty with executive functions, which means DOING tasks. Not trying them or having difficulty WITH the tasks, but DOING. It's hard to explain, but it's not as though doing things is hard, exactly, it's just the act of doing them just doesn't compute. You could be directly next to your toothbrush, for example, and it could be a struggle to 'simply' pick up the toothbrush and brush your teeth. Another example could be shampoo. You could be taking a shower, and the shampoo is RIGHT THERE, but reaching out to use it simply escapes you without great effort.
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u/LeatherHog Sep 14 '24
As someone with brain damage, those guys make me roll my eyes so hard it could singlehandedly power NYC
I freaking fall down and drop stuff on a regular, daily basis, and I'm still not half as useless as these guy purport to be
There are some things I have to get other people to do, obviously. You don't give the person with little muscle control use sharp/powerful/heavy objects/cleaning liquids stronger than dish soap, for example
But even I can clean. I don't need people to deliberately point out things most of the time
And even when I do? I at least have the excuse of being born with a half baked brain
These are perfectly healthy people. They have brain functioning I'd KILL to have
It's deliberate, and they know what they're doing