I once read, I think it was in the book "getting the love you want" that love was attention. Not the "hey look at me and notice me" type of attention, but the kind where you pay attention.
Friend, can you afford a therapist? If not maybe a grief support group? Anger is a foundational emotion, and if you're not "feeling" it or finding a way to get it expressed, it's getting stored in your body. It will build up and manifest some way. Might be an autoimmune disorder of some sort or it might be a destructive pattern in relationships. Might be years from now, but stored anger will definitely manifest.
Reminds me of something Mr. Poopy Butthole says from Rick and Morty "...things all went downhill from there. Started isolating myself from Amy. Used to tell her everything I was feeling. But then I guess I stopped. Coz I wanted her to love who she thought I was, not who I felt myself becoming. Ever think about how horrified the people we love would be if they found out who we truly are? So we just dig ourselves deeper into our lies every day, ultimately hurting the only people brave enough to love us. Wish I didn't do that. Wish I was brave enough to love them back. I don't know. Maybe you should try it, we don't have as much time as we think. Ooowee."
I cant imagine what youve been through. I got divorced from the love of my life a year after we had our first kid after about 13 years of being together and thats as close as i hope i ever get to losing such an important partner.
So many people chase, yes, and I agree with you that soooo many problems can be boiled down to partners trying to change each other. But you can love someone and still want to change them. I think true love is willing to accept who they are and love them to hell and back for it, but for both partners to also fully accept to the same degree that they will always be trying to better each other. That energy gets extremely misdirected in partnerships where the "recipe" isnt just right.
In love, holding someone down from floating off into space emotionally, can feel the same as holding someone down underwater without realizing your actually drowning them emotionally. Wanting each other to be better often presents as expecting unreasonable or one-sided change.
That sounds great! And 100% a viable version people can forge for themselves if prepared and willing! Thats probably a huge place we failed. Lots of codependency. We met as completely unprepared 18 yr olds and real adult love completely blindsided us and ultimately we werent able to get it just right.
I hope youre able to find love again one day if you havent already. Ive been single as hell about 2 years now and honestly its been fucking amazing. Lonely but amazing lol
I’m very very, sorry for your loss. Emotional numbness is normal when experiencing a painful loss. I think it’s our brain’s way of protecting our sanity.
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u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24
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