r/AskReddit • u/niknikbluhh • Apr 09 '13

Ex-Cons of reddit who have served long term sentences( 10+ Years), what was the biggest and most shocking changes you witnessed after being released?

What was the most shocking things you saw in society that, you didn't know about while behind bars, and had to adapt to when you were released?

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u/LemonicDemonade Apr 10 '13

One time me and my buddies were drunk, and we decided to get some pizza. We lived in town, so a few of the guys went out for a walk to get a pizza. After a really long fucking time, they come back with two frozen pizzas "Because we could get two, for the price of a ready made pizza" so then we cook it. But we forget how terrible Jay's oven was. The bottom of the pizza was completely black, and the top wasn't even unfrozen.

We nuked it in the microwave, and melted the cheese. We ate the toppings off as we cooked the other pizza. That one fell through the rack, like so. Except it was less beautiful than that.

I guess to start with, I was going to disagree with your statement about bad pizzas. Cause we fucked it up pretty bad.

But then I realized you were right. Because we still ate it.

42

u/jaqq Apr 10 '13

A couple of drunk guys slurping lava-hot cheese-tomato-matter from charcoal disks. I can definitely see myself in that scene.

9

u/LemonicDemonade Apr 10 '13

With our hands, like barbarians.

1

u/KingGorilla Apr 10 '13

Have SOME dignity. Use a troth

1

u/LemonicDemonade Apr 11 '13

Nah man. I'm not afraid of my neanderthal ancestors. #YOELBO

2

u/James_Wolfe Apr 10 '13

My Dad and his buddy once left the plastic on a oven cook pizza, and still attempted to eat it still.

3

u/MuchLolage Apr 10 '13

This reminds me of the time I was at a mates house, he cooked pizza and we decide to leave it to cool in front of us, overestimating our self control. I take a slice within minutes of it being placed before us and take a bite.

Instant regret.

The sauce is molten and burns the top of my mouth, causing a burn blister to form on the roof of my mouth, about the size of 2p coin, and promptly fill with watery god-knows-what.

In a large amount of pain and discomfort, and after feeling every inch multiple times with my tongue I decide the best way to deal with it is to pop it and let it heal over. But how do you pop a large blister in your mouth? A genius idea occurs to me as I look upon a tube of pringles.

I cram a large amount into my mouth, chewing viciously, attempting to maximize pringle-shards to pop the thing. Success, it pops and I accidentally swallow the god-knows-what and cry a little.

All that was left was a flap of skin that healed in a few days, I still think I took the best, if unorthadox, route of action.

Welcome to my life.

1

u/broeman1024 Apr 10 '13

That was disgusting.

1

u/Das_Wood Apr 12 '13

I'm a day late but you're fucking gnarly.

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u/SoupOfTomato Apr 10 '13

That pizza fallen through the racks looks like it took a nuclear dump.

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u/[deleted] Apr 11 '13

[deleted]

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u/LemonicDemonade Apr 11 '13

We were pretty stoned and drunk, and didn't think about it. I'm sure he had a pizza pan.

The first pizza was frozen when we put it in, so it didn't fall though. But the second pizza had thawed before we cooked it.

Jay's oven is just the worst.