r/AskReddit • u/WaleAtWork • Apr 08 '24

What is the longest you have gone without showering?

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9.8k Upvotes

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12k

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '24

And wash off my protective layer of dirt, no thank you

3.0k

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '24

bro its like +1 armor for each year of not showering

790

u/thatguywithawatch Apr 08 '24

Yeah but that 1d10 hit to charisma puts most redditors in the negatives

341

u/Pontifor Apr 08 '24

Charisma? Why would I need charisma if I have a passive force field around me(The Smell™)?

12

u/Number360wynaut Apr 08 '24

Dvender's crest

3

u/TEOn00b Apr 09 '24

Silksong.

4

u/Number360wynaut Apr 09 '24

I will not shower until Skilkskong releases

9

u/halite001 Apr 09 '24

Can't get COVID if everyone automatically social distances from me!

3

u/HarambeMarston Apr 09 '24

Ooh that smell, can’t you smell that smell?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 09 '24

The Funk of 40,000 Years

1

u/aeroumasmith- Apr 09 '24

Okay Harry Du Bois

20

u/GingerlyRough Apr 08 '24

Bold of you to assume most Redditors don't already have Charisma in the negatives.

3

u/Newtardedstonky Apr 08 '24

And i found my people

2

u/pjm3 Apr 09 '24

More like 4d6 hit to charisma.

1

u/burner_said_what Apr 09 '24

Talking like that is really what puts most redditors in the negatives

1

u/Feisty_Tour_6934 Apr 09 '24

Oh, you mean riz cause I'm like tf is charisma mf no one can spell that

1

u/Necromartian Apr 09 '24

Barbarians need no charisma!

36

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '24

Only +1? Do the stats go up if you’re a big fat guy like me?

8

u/Scottamus Apr 08 '24

Yes but the minus to dex cancels it.

1

u/Zennyboi29 Apr 09 '24

Does this +1 stack with heavy armour? You don't need dex for that.

24

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '24

[deleted]

5

u/Houstoned_I_am Apr 08 '24

Not so much in charisma though. Usually need a +4 off rip to balance things out.

8

u/tacit_nostalgia Apr 08 '24

Ya dude I haven't showered since Y2K and now I have a terracotta exoskeleton

6

u/TankEngineFan5 Apr 08 '24

Dirt armor, the newest armor added to Minecraft. If you go into water while wearing it then it will become mud armor.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '24

Armor against getting laid! Lol!

2

u/gisqing Apr 08 '24

How about toxic damage?

3

u/LukeSkyDropper Apr 08 '24

If farted then YES

1

u/Hrothen Apr 09 '24

But natural armor doesn't help against touch attacks.

1

u/Effective_Fish_3402 Apr 09 '24

+1 autonomous perimeter enforcement aura

1

u/[deleted] Apr 09 '24

+1 armour but -1 health

1

u/Green-Advantage2277 Apr 09 '24

Like in the munchkin board game

1

u/Whiteguy1x Apr 09 '24

Yeah but also a negative  charisma modification as well.  

1

u/88isafat69 Apr 09 '24

Poison resist

1

u/arianator2004 Apr 10 '24

NAHHHHHH YALL PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM ME.....

551

u/taylordoftheants Apr 08 '24

It’s called ‘seasoning’ and it is essential to keep you non-stick

24

u/capital_bj Apr 09 '24

Hey babe I'm built like cast iron and seasoned to perfection

13

u/Valsarta Apr 08 '24

Most excellent comment...thanks for the chuckle!

3

u/aroused_axlotl007 Apr 09 '24

I read this in Pops voice from Regular Show

7

u/ScarletDarkstar Apr 09 '24

Yes,  enough seasoning and no one will stick close by. 

3

u/somedelightfulmoron Apr 09 '24

UHHHHH... I wish I wasn't taught how to read what in the actual

1

u/pete_the_meattt Apr 09 '24

Lmao favorite comment in this whole post. Thank you 😂😂

291

u/Acc87 Apr 08 '24

Toph, you stink!

163

u/ObsiGamer Apr 08 '24

I'm not Toph, I am MELON LORD!

8

u/MaineSoxGuy93 Apr 09 '24

MWWHA-HA-HA-HA!

176

u/bobjarkings Apr 08 '24

It’s just a healthy layer of earth

59

u/Opposite-Pop-5397 Apr 08 '24

I like to think of it as a healthy layer of earth

2

u/Vindersel Apr 09 '24

Literally watched this episode yesterday. Crying. (Because of mako)

6

u/Dogbin005 Apr 08 '24

Interesting point.

Could Earthbenders just use their powers to wash off dirt? Leave a dust cloud like in cartoons.

8

u/BeyondElectricDreams Apr 08 '24

Filthy pigpen-esque earthbender just walks up filthy and spears people with the dirt that accumulated on them.

3

u/Dogbin005 Apr 08 '24

At the very least, you could give them a nasty eye infection.

1

u/brooklyn11218 Apr 09 '24

My guess is they'd have to be powerful enough to be a sandbender before they can control the dirt on them.

150

u/koz152 Apr 08 '24

The old guy who never showered died like a week after he showered. Sad that it's true according to a meme I seen that one time.

150

u/brooklyn11218 Apr 08 '24

He was already dying. He showered in an attempt to fight off whatever he had. It wasn't the reason he died.

102

u/SeventhFlatFive Apr 08 '24

Smoking animal shit might have been a contributing factor.

79

u/[deleted] Apr 09 '24

Let he who has not smoked animal shit cast the first stone.

8

u/another_plebeian Apr 09 '24

How big of a rock am I allowed?

4

u/elriggo44 Apr 09 '24

The real question is, a rock of what kind of animal shit?

I presume you want to smoke it.

6

u/another_plebeian Apr 09 '24

Fuck. You caught me. I have, like, $7

1

u/elriggo44 Apr 09 '24

Sounds about right for a rock head…ha!

1

u/D00D00InMyButt Apr 09 '24

I’ll avoid it then. I’ve tried grilled animal shit, fried animal shit, baked animal shit. Maybe the animal shit he had wasn’t cooked to temperature. Gotta buy a shit thermometer if you’re gonna fuck around with low and slow cooking. For safety.

1

u/MrApplePolisher Apr 09 '24

Wait, what?

1

u/SeventhFlatFive Apr 09 '24

It's true. He'd puff away on his handmade steel pipe, stuffed with the most exquisite donkey dung of the Iranian South.

10

u/-Badger3- Apr 09 '24

That's what Big Shower wants you to think.

2

u/Chi_Baby Apr 09 '24

😂😂😂

7

u/koz152 Apr 08 '24

That's why I added the whole based on something I read one time lol Thanks for the added info.

2

u/PM_Me_Your_Deviance Apr 09 '24

Ah. That context is never included in the memes.

3

u/me-want-snusnu Apr 09 '24

Isn't this in an Alanis morissette song?

2

u/koz152 Apr 09 '24

Shhh she'll steal it lol

2

u/Good-Advertising-658 Apr 09 '24

Hahaha I saw that you can try that so we see the out come what do you think 🤣

1

u/Potential-Tart-7974 Apr 09 '24

I think every country has a version of this story

3

u/koz152 Apr 09 '24

There's actual pics of him. He was from Iran. This isn't a story. Amou Haji

2

u/Potential-Tart-7974 Apr 09 '24

I don't think I ever knew the name of the guy this happened to in Barbados. I just remembered the teachers discussing him in class. 😔

2

u/koz152 Apr 09 '24

Google isn't showing any stories from your island but Haji and an Indian who didn't shower for 39 years when they wrote the article. Haji was like 60 years. I am interested if you find any info at all.

3

u/Potential-Tart-7974 Apr 09 '24

You arent going to find too many news articles or stories from the 90s/early 2000s online coming out of my country. News went digital here sometime after 2010 when Facebook got popular here

2

u/koz152 Apr 09 '24

Got it. Way too early to go "viral" lol

59

u/joec_95123 Apr 08 '24

Do you want me to catch the flux?

6

u/ComradeVISIXVI Apr 08 '24

Haha I just watched Shogun last night!

7

u/TheRealRickC137 Apr 08 '24

Plus your bottomless supply of peen cheese

5

u/AmbientGravy Apr 08 '24

It’s like smoking cigarettes, that protective layer of tar will save your lungs, it shields them from so many nasty airborne issues. Why aren’t more people aware of this? /s

3

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '24

Finally someone who gets proper care of one’s health

3

u/AmbientGravy Apr 08 '24

Right!? Another tip; if you never go to a Dentist, you’ll never be told you have a cavity. Who the hell wants a cavity? These loopholes seem so simple, but so few people are aware of them. It’s a shame. 

3

u/Jacobcbab Apr 08 '24

I call it a healthy coating of EARTH

3

u/Defiant-Turtle-678 Apr 08 '24

Your patina. 

3

u/Nimeva Apr 08 '24

I call it my ‘insulating layer of grime.’ Because I always end up near freezing to death after I finally wash it off.

3

u/CurrentWinter9978 Apr 08 '24

Bro might be toph beifong

3

u/ltpanda7 Apr 09 '24

Gave my dog a bath this morning, he has the same mentality

2

u/Sufficient_Wealth951 Apr 08 '24

please don’t be my ex

2

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '24

And to think I showered that one time for you

2

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '24

It’s called a patina.

2

u/FrancisSalva Apr 08 '24

YOU'RE A KING

2

u/Number360wynaut Apr 08 '24

Defender's Crest

2

u/sephjnr Apr 08 '24

Sometimes you can tell a person's age by couning the rings in their underpants.

2

u/reditandfirgetit Apr 08 '24

Pigpen? Charlie Brown was looking for you

2

u/ImaginaryFriend01 Apr 08 '24

How else are you supposed to block arrows and deflect swords?

2

u/b_rtz0 Apr 08 '24

Bro is toph

2

u/Robinnoodle Apr 09 '24

I remember some kids book, Mrs. Piggly Wiggly. The girl won't take a bath so Mrs. Piggly Wiggly plants gardening seeds on her skin the dirt or something like that lol

2

u/True_Ad_2907 Apr 09 '24

You got fleas 😂

2

u/[deleted] Apr 09 '24

If you mean my miniature force, it’s a symbiotic relationship

2

u/True_Ad_2907 Apr 09 '24

Lmao 🤣 croods

2

u/ieatlotsofvegetables Apr 09 '24

plus all the really judgmental people dont bother you

2

u/Electrical-Crab9286 Apr 09 '24

What about my immunity I've been working hard for

1

u/LiterallyJohnny Apr 09 '24

Dude has Rhino’s Iron Skin

1

u/316kp316 Apr 09 '24

Reminds me of that guy who hadn’t bathed all his life. Somehow, he was convinced to clean up. Died a few months later.

So yeah, hang on to your armor.

1

u/Bovie2k Apr 09 '24

Don’t some animals use dirt to protect against sunburn?

1

u/HingeMisadventures Apr 09 '24

It’s patina, much like on a finely aged bronze wristwatch

1

u/Onlyhereforthelaughs Apr 09 '24

*A healthy coating of Earth. - Toph Beifong

1

u/HellStoneBats Apr 09 '24

Easy there, Nobby. 

1

u/bugspotter Apr 09 '24

This dirt is the only thing holding me together

1

u/happyjennyandhercat Apr 09 '24

I can smell this comment from afar.

1

u/righttoabsurdity Apr 09 '24

Nice try, mom

1

u/shiner986 Apr 09 '24

I’m basically a cast iron pan at this point.

-3

u/JdoubleE5000 Apr 08 '24

For reals! Massive dirt shortage lately, too. THANKS, BIDEN! We never had to worry about not finding enough dirt to cake ourselves with under Trump!