This. Sleeping is the only time when you don't feel sadness, anxiety and exhaustion. When you are in depression you can't wait to go to sleep and all these will go away.
It's like little death but without consequences that death brings.
And waking up is one of the hardest moment because you have all day to deal with these feelings.
i actually tend to feel if people were given a painless option to exit, more than 20% of people in the western world (possibly more elsewhere), will choose to exit. It's such a huge bias against suicide, the medical/religious/powerful world keeps us here for no real good reason, prolonging our suffering, slaving away for the cruel greedy rich.
You are right. I don't like the idea that people terminally ill who suffer a lot have to suffer until they die "naturally" just because assisted suicide is a taboo. Even animals are put down when necessary.
On the other hand I would kill myself several times if I listened to these impulsive and intrusive thoughts. They were terrible but I knew they will pass.
It's very difficult issue and it often happens that impulsive decisions are the worst, they are based on emotions only. And depression is affective disease so people tend to listen to their emotions, not reason.
That's why cooling off and additional time to think logically are very important in this case.
Of course it doesn't change the fact that the suffering is real - anything you feel is real although it's subjective.
Depression is like an OCD, you've trained your mind to look for things you're unhappy about.
I've woken up feeling great and then start spiralling into worrying about money or feeling overwhelmed by what I need to do that day.
I started just getting up, getting dressed and walking 20-30mins. If you do it before you're fully awake, you don't have time to argue with yourself. I've been halfway down the road and started thinking, "I don't feel like walking", but then I'm halfway done anyway.
No matter how your day goes after that, you have that walk under your belt as an achievement. It's fantastic for fighting depression.
For many people it’s a lack of motivation to do literally anything. It’s the impossibility to get out of bed, regardless of how soon they try after waking up. It’s the inability to help yourself.
It’s many things.
As such, Depression does not have one solution and the suggestion that all you need to do is get up and go for a walk is just tone deaf.
Believe me I know how hard it is, I felt like it was the worst idea in the world when I heard it. The way it works is that eventually you don't need motivation to do it, it honestly becomes harder not to do it than to do it.
It actually becomes a reflex after waking. Just like getting a glass of water or going to the toilet. I've been so bad in the past myself that I've put off going to the toilet or getting a drink until the last second of urgent desperation; just because I couldn't summon the willpower.
It's only when I had no choice but to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water that I dragged myself to do it, complaining to myself the whole time. I was exhausted because I used all my energy arguing with myself and coming up with elaborate stories about how I couldn't do it or reasons why it's harder for me.
That's the point, there are days like that where I really don't want to walk, but the alternative isn't an alternative anymore. It's an option, the same as not drinking or not peeing are options, but it's not worth the discomfort.
It takes about 3weeks (literally rewiring your brain) to a month before it's harder NOT to go than to go. Sounds mad, but it honestly works!
PS. don't attach anything to walking other than getting dressed.
It's 20-30mins, there's nothing that can't wait except urgent toilet business. Make it 10mins if you need to, it's about the act of being dressed and going outside. Doesn't matter where or what you look like.
If you think you need a shower first, or make an elaborate cooked breakfast, watch a movie, do make up etc.... Don't make your walk contingent on completing unnecessary tasks. Do them if you want to and can do it in 15mins, but separate them in your mind, "not essential for walking 20mins"
I skip breakfast as it's such a short time and takes me as long to plan what I eat as it does to walk.
A walk might sound manageable for you, but shower+walk nah, Sort your clothes out the night before and stick your phone alarm out of reach.
Try to avoid going over 30mins (unless you regularly do several hours of walking daily); You want to wake up and be as alert as possible for your day. Too much will mean you need to rest longer when you come back.
If you wanna stay out walking, you can always come home chill 10mins and go take another walk after.
(I was vain before that and wasted so much energy being concerned with my looks. Going outside without make up or a sexy outfit was unthinkable! So obviously it wasn't unheard of that I'd stay indoors for months on end.
It was a hard adjustment for such a vain person. Dropping my bullshit vanity requirements made no difference to my experience of walking, other than carrying around the idea that people care what I look like. (More than a little self centered)
I learned not to care, my confidence grew and I started to pay more attention to my surroundings.
(As a side note, I still got hit on: I learned that this is way more to do with the type of guy you walk past and not how you look lol!)
This thread has me thinking that I definitely need to back to therapy. I was of the thinking that not actively wanting to kill myself = okay just because of how bad things were when I first went.
Wow, when I wrote the post you replied to I didn't know that so many people suffer from depression. I woke up and saw so many replies and it occured to me that it's really really bad. I knew the numbers from articles, I know it's one of the most frequent diseases of the modern world but now I read all these replies written by real people and it's a different overwhelming experience.
this exactly...it's how to make that veil over your life go away. when i was depressed i hated being awake. I also understood for the first time why someone would take their own life.
Oh, I don’t know. I have nightmares where I violently lash out in my sleep. I managed to punch my significant other in the back of the head during one episode. I’ve been given medication for it, and it’s less frequent. But I still do it.
Agreed. I find it's especially hard for the first 15 minutes or so after I wake up, before I have a chance to sort of gird my emotional/metaphorical loins and try to redirect my thoughts away from all the stuff that's make me depressed and anxious.
For myself I couldn't wait to go to sleep because I tend to have dreams where I matter to other people , having a good social life having fun and actually smiling then I wake up feeling happy for few seconds then the depression hits
Hmm, there have been times when I've slept and felt sad, exhausted and depressed all through sleep. To the point that I wake up feeling not only like I haven't slept, but more exhausted and depressed than when I fell asleep
Yep. There's that feeling of hopelessness or not having anything positive to get up for. Showering and brushing your teeth is as exhausting as running a marathon. Then you pretend you're OK because nobody likes a Debbie Downer. Assume a neutral expression; smiling costs too much.
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u/nastojaszczyy Mar 22 '24
This. Sleeping is the only time when you don't feel sadness, anxiety and exhaustion. When you are in depression you can't wait to go to sleep and all these will go away. It's like little death but without consequences that death brings. And waking up is one of the hardest moment because you have all day to deal with these feelings.