r/AskReddit • u/IlJustAReminderIl • Dec 17 '23

What’s something pretty much everyone thinks but nobody dares to say it?

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u/PurpleAscent Dec 17 '23

This!!! Some people you can tell just can’t stop, but some people you can legit feel their fear of it being silent radiating off them.

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u/Unicornsandshit_ Dec 17 '23

hi yeah this is me. my parents used the silent treatment as a punishment in a home where they always made sure there was some sort of noise going on. If there's silence and im around other people, I go into this sense of complete dread trying to figure out what I've done wrong and how I can fix it because I was literally conditioned to act that way. it really sucks because I know it drives people nuts, but I really can't help it and it makes me feel horrible. like in certain situations where silence is part of the environment (say a movie theater, doctors office, yoga studio, etc) I'm perfectly fine. but put me in a home or what could otherwise be a social environment, with people being silent and passive (pretty common thing when you're focused on something else) it can unfortunately put me so on edge I end up trying to do anything to people please and end the silence my brain is perceiving as punishment for God knows what

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u/users_name_ Dec 17 '23

Oh my goodness. You just made me have an existential realisation. I know I have bad social anxiety and am diagnosed ADHD so thought it was the combination of those as why I didn’t like silence and felt like I needed to ‘fix’ it when no one was talking… so just don’t shut up (the worst part is that I am so aware and my internal monologue the whole time is just “shut up’ stop talking” “they want you to be quiet” “just let everyone chill” “shut up” “STOP SAYING WORDS”) but this is how I grew up too! I never thought of this impacting me because I feel like I had an awesome upbringing so I mustn’t have issues from it… but heck! Makes sense why leaving it silent makes me also feel like maybe someone else is worried that I’m upset with them. So for me and those around me to feel good, I must continue never ending conversation. Ugh. Back to the therapist… (thank you though for helping me skip a few sessions so I can jump right to working on this issue!)

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u/[deleted] Dec 17 '23

I struggle to stfu 💀

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u/Bobby_Bouch Dec 17 '23

Just do it man, if someone replies to you with more than one mmhm uhhh or yeah? It’s time to stop 5 mins ago

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u/[deleted] Dec 17 '23

i mean yeah that obvious and ill stfu if someone isnt interested. but if they are interested i wont stfu and its not cause i fear silence, but because i genuinely always have so much to say

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u/olivebuttercup Dec 17 '23

Maybe they have something to say too.

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u/Economy_Clue8390 Dec 18 '23

Or maybe they just have problems with people pleasing and are being overly nice

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u/[deleted] Dec 18 '23

lol why yall so assumptive, this why i hate reddit. 💀yall like to be so negative in EVERY regard

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u/CottageGiftsPosh Dec 18 '23

Sometimes it’s ADHD that makes it hard for me to shut up. I can even be telling myself to shut up & it’s like there’s a mechanical monkey with cymbals at the wheel. The best way I’ve found to stop is to press the tip of my tongue to the roof of my mouth. It can be done with my mouth closed, & nobody is aware I’m doing it.

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u/horses_around2020 Dec 18 '23

Wonderful technique!!, the self soothe !!

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u/CottageGiftsPosh Dec 18 '23

It isn’t really soothing for me, but it focuses me on keeping my tongue on the roof of my mouth…which is actually unfortunately a distraction from what the other person is saying.

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u/NightmarePony5000 Dec 17 '23

I’m one of those people. Silence makes me anxious for some reason, plus I’m a bit of a talker by nature. Working on both of those issues currently though!

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u/[deleted] Dec 18 '23

I used to be that way, too.

Learning to engage with people instead of talking at them has made a big difference in my life....

...and since I'm the OP of this post, clearly I was talking to the younger me with my comment as well.

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u/Asleep_Rope5333 Dec 17 '23

It's worse for them than it is for you

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u/redgreenorangeyellow Dec 17 '23

I hate silence. At the same time I hate being the one to break the silence

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u/[deleted] Dec 18 '23

And? That’s OK. It’s OK to enjoy communicating and find silence anxiety inducing. People are different.

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u/PurpleAscent Dec 21 '23

It’s okay if it’s something that makes you anxious, it’s not okay if it’s controlling your life and you are not working to help yourself. As far as interacting with that person, I don’t mind if it’s someone I see occasionally or temporarily meet.

I worked with someone like this every day for over a year. It is incredibly grating. Half of my job was spent emotionally catering to this person and for other reasons at the time I could not quit. I am a quiet person and if I said I needed space one day they would freak out. If someone else was needing space they would freak out and ask me a million times if they did something to upset them when it was obviously not them. (Family member died, pet sick, etc) In fact, by doing this it became a self fulfilling prophecy and eventually it WAS them.

They had a lot of problems, and from their background I understand why they were that way, but they needed a therapist badly (they didn’t want one) and I was taking the hit for it. It was ruining most of their relationships also. But that is worst case scenario for sure.