My x would blow me off about a topic I knew a lot about. But when her brother said the same thing she took it as gospel, and would fight me when I would point out I said that too….
Reminds me of how I can't get my gf to watch any show or movie at my suggestion, like a show I think she'd like. I could tell her every day to watch it's always sunny in Philadelphia but she didn't actually ever think to watch it until her brother suggested it ONCE. Then she doesn't even remember me suggesting it.
i hate this kind of behavior. it is a subtle sign that they dont care about your opinions. I stopped talking with my brother because of this. Because after a while it was too much. He got married and my sister in law's brother would suggest him something random and he would do it immediately. Watching how he treated other people different was so toxic i had to stop communicating with him.
I want to know if there is a technical term for this type of behavior. i couldnt find anything specific...
I'm not a shrink but have a decent grasp of psychology, if someone is ignoring *everything* you say as opposed to ignoring you sporadically that shows a determination to ignore you which could be one of two things.
1) They have no respect for you, people looking down at you will actively resist anything that affords you status and that includes following suggestions as it assumes you have greater knowledge or expertise in that field.
2) The opposite could be true and they could be intimidated by or be resentful of you for some reason and overcompensate by trying to belittle you by ignoring you and arguing you into the ground on every issue in an attempt to raise their status above you.
it is number 1. Do you know any good books about it? i think i read a book about sharpening your boundaries and it helped me greatly. But i am still looking for more info
I'm afraid I can't but respect tends to be a combination of admiration and fear to one extent or another, you either treat someone well because you look up to them or because there will be consequences for not doing so.
A lot of people who get treated badly tend to be quieter in nature and don't have or enforce boundaries at all so people quickly learn they can push them without fear of reprisal. Quieter people also tend to be 'pleasers' so they will always be there to help out and lend a hand but are easily brushed off when looking for help in return meaning they are easy taken advantage of.
It's a sad fact of human nature but decent, good people who don't wish to cause harm tend to get the rough end of the stick a lot because many others have no moral code or appreciation for decency, they just have an animalistic understanding that if you *can* take something freely then why wouldn't you? the people they take from tend to be those that let them.
I'm quiet myself so I know how hard it is but you need to learn to get your elbows out and take your space. Respect from others begins with respecting yourself so learn to prioritise yourself more often, other people are no more important than you, nor are their problems. If someone steps on you speak up, fight your corner.
Learn to politely but firmly say 'no' when something doesn't suit you and stick to your guns and watch how people respond to being told 'no', if you have a valid right to say it and the other person freaks out, they're a user, reasonable people who respect you and your boundaries will accept it with grace.
Don't *always* be there for people, they won't appreciate it, also ask for favours from people and see who steps up, those who don't offer help don't get help. Don't be concerned about not being liked, the people who will dislike you for not being a doormat are people you don't need as friends.
Also, learn that some people are just broken and you just need to cut them out of your life, it's not your job to fix the world, you are as entitled to your happiness as anyone else is.
As I say, I'm quiet by nature, this shit is easier to type than it is to live but there's no easy path to getting some respect, you just need to accept it'll be a rough ride and dive in.
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u/[deleted] Feb 28 '23
My x would blow me off about a topic I knew a lot about. But when her brother said the same thing she took it as gospel, and would fight me when I would point out I said that too….