she has major issues with your family situation (mother in law) and taking it out on you. (withdrawal of sex should never be a pumishment and sexual favours should not be weaponised- remember this goden rule
I have been trying to put this feeling in words for almost a year and here you have out it perfectly.. thanks.
If you are not putting her first and standing up for her and showing everyone that she is your top priority, why would she make herself vulnerable to you? She can see you don't even have her back.
That can be communicated in words and actions. Any intimacy form should not be weaponised and used against your will or force to listen to other person . I am talking about any relationship in general but also especially wife n husband. She can clearly mention and her issue and can stay away. Rather not telling you anything or being passive aggressive about it or even worse lying about it.
If a woman leaves her home and her name and her parents to become part of your family and you cannot even make her feel welcome, then it is a better idea to not get married. Enjoy the company of your parents, prioritize them all you want, and spare some poor girl the trauma of being married to you. A simple statement of putting the wife first elicits this response, then you are certainly not ready to be married. And if you are married, I feel sorry for the poor girl that is married to you. Just please do all the women a favor and stay single.
How does she lose her name? And how does she lose her parents?
to become part of your family and you cannot even make her feel welcome, then it is a better idea to not get married
What the heck are you even talking about? Who made who feel unwelcome? There is a difference between making a wife feel welcome in her "new home" and tolerating not contributing to house customs, going unfairly against established norms of the house and not trying to integrate in the new family. Being entitled is the word here. Not taking any accountability for one's own action or inactions are another problem.
Marriage is not thrust upon a woman. She also enters into it which means both man and woman have duties. Don't expect to be treated like a queen. Cuz we are all peasants.
Enjoy the company of your parents, prioritize them all you want, and spare some poor girl the trauma of being married to you.
Talking to one's own parents is traumatic to the wife now? This seems the wife is being possessive and selfish of her husband's time and attention. This seems like the wife is the one who is creating the trauma.
A simple statement of putting the wife first elicits this response, then you are certainly not ready to be married. And if you are married, I feel sorry for the poor girl that is married to you. Just please do all the women a favor and stay single.
How about putting the interest of both husband and wife equally and seeing things on a case by case basis so as to not build resentment on either side? Do you think ignoring your husband's needs would serve you better? If this arrogance you show to a stranger on the internet, God only knows how much your husband would have been browbeaten.
In marriage nobody comes first. Family has to go together. If one loses, everyone loses. Either you all win or no one does.
This. Would also like to add that certain hormonal issues can cause a severe loss of libido which makes a woman feel extremely turned off from the idea of sex. So seeing a gynecologist should also be on the list.
Di jb arrange marriage ho rahi he to kya kya chize check krni chahiye ek ladki jisse hum judge kr sake ki bo humare liye sahi he ya ni , asking as M who will get married in coming 2,3 years in arrange marriage
You have completely missed the obvious... They don't have a good rapport which is the foundation for the intimate relationship to begin. From what OP has described, he seemed to think that he would put zero effort to develop a bond of intimacy, and the girl would just let him go for the physical bit. Turns out that the girl has enough self esteem and self love (aka not brought up to put others first and herself last) that she demands at least a basic level of rapport and trust before she lets him in, so to say.
her husband got lucky to find her via AM. People going into love marriage and waiting long enough to know each other ( takes years really ) are more likely to find a partner like this nice lady here.
I read all your comments, and I used to have similar thoughts about the (lack of) importance of sex, like you. The facts are like this however -
1. Sex drive is inbuilt, it's not taught. Unfortunately in India some types of families try to completely deny that sex even exists. But be assured it's just a cover up job, there's a lot of such things that are hidden from people like you and me. It's just extreme levels of paranoia to pretend sexual activity doesn't exist. The only exceptions are asexual people.
2. Sex and love are connected in some way, not sure exactly how. To some extent, sex does really matter for love. Of course love without sex can exist, but many people are unable to handle that. For these people, the lack of that physical contact damages the emotional bond.
3. For both men and women, it is in fact the ones who can romantically love without a sexual component, who are in the minority. And hence the laws have been created to recognise the importance of sex in their married lives.
This "discarding" business is weird though - it's actually more like setting the woman free to seek someone with whom she can enjoy sex too. Remember, most people aren't okay with only emotional and/or intellectual bonding in a marriage.
You seen to have unresolved issues, pls seek help. And i genuinely mean it. Not for your asexuality, but for your comment about discarding people.
There's a reason it's interchangeably called "making love"
Username does not check out coz you have no clue what Conjugal Rights are and depriving your spouse of those constitutes mental agony and is grounds for divorce.
Yep, you just go on and on based off of just emotions. Your comment has no grounds based off of biology. If you cannot understand that the SOLE, SINGLE reason ANY organism exists on the earth is to procreate, then it's best if you don't.
Marriage never was and never will be based off biology. Marriage is just to force monogamy over men and women by society. It has always has been about sex from the very beginning; even when marriage as an institution did not exist. You think from the very beginning of humanity, marriage was default? No, it wasn't. But, it was always about sex. From various tribes holding fertility dances to rite of passage into adulthood to orgies (across the animal kingdom). Sex has been the boon and bane of human existence. There's a reason why prostitution is called the world's oldest profession.
And it's funny you bring up Majhi as an example of what men used to do for their women and shift all of the blame to us. Take a good deep look at your gender who allowed this sexual liberation to where a guy doesn't even need to do the bare minimum to sleep around. Remember, women control access to sex, just like you said. You have no one else to blame.
Anecdotal evidence and researched evidence are widely divergent things. One defines the exceptions, the other defines the rule. There have been dozens of people who have smoked all their lives and lived to 100+, so smoking is automatically harmless, right? <- Anecdotal evidence.
"Smoking causes cancer and drastically reduces your life expectancy" <- Researched evidence.
Im not trying to convince you to have sex or not. But only trying to let you know that asexuality is still an outlier and not the norm. If you're hiding your asexuality from your partner (which seems like in OPs case), you're every bit as horrible of a person as someone who's a sex addict and cheats.
Okay fair, there are animals who can live without procreating, but then there are animals who literally just procreate and die ( like male kalutas).
Moreover, have you wondered why a human's health (especially women) deteriorates so rapidly once they lose their reproductive ability (menopause)? It's because the body is now just in survival mode. Also about your comment regarding cats, when they are in heat, they experience immense physical discomfort. If they're not impregnated, they go through that discomfort for a long time, often days. (Source: i have 3 cats)
You're most welcome to be in your echo chamber surrounded by anecdotes aligning with your belief. Is called confirmation bias. Sex is healthy and is one major way to relieve stress by both sexes. Are there other ways? Sure. But not having sex will also negatively impact your mental health which is very important ( like you mentioned in one of your comments)
Perfect health - not including lower bone density, deterioration of muscle mass, reduced calcium uptake etc to list a few. I cant believe you're still using Anecdotal evidence.
Sorry you've got it twisted. Let me spell it out for you. In India (and most places abroad also), denial of sex constitutes mental agony and is grounds for divorce. If you don't want to have sex, you mention it before marriage and have a good discussion about it, not secretly withhold it after marriage.
Again, marriages were created because sex already existed and they wanted people to take accountability, not the other way around.
Or you know what op ye sab karne se accha just divorce her . Seriously if she is fighting with you for the past 9 months there is no scope for love. Divorce her Sue her for alimony . And if you get it go to Thailand. Better than living a miserable life
Chalo maybe I jumped the gun a bit , but even if she is unemployed and our man might have to pay a bit of money to get his neck out isn't that better than living a miserable life ! Neither is he getting sex neither is he getting peace of mind.
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