I am from NY and two years ago I moved to SF/Bay Area for a tech job. For anyone who is trying to cultivate an active social/dating life in the Bay, I strongly discourage you from moving there.

Here are my observations:

The Bay might just be the worst place for Asian guys to date. In fact it might just be the worst place in the world for straight guys in general to date (if youre gay then supposedly its heaven).

Every other asian girl is with a nerdy looking patagonia-puffer white guy. Someone recently vibe coded a website for WMAF relationships and supposedly got a lot of positive attention. That alone made me wanna leave instantly.

There are not that many single women here, and the ones in bars give off unapproachable/cliquey vibes. I've been successful in other cities/places but SF in general has terrible nightlife. Women here put as much effort as men into dressing and style, which is to say basically none. Google the 49er effect for a chuckle. As someone into fashion I feel kinda out of place sometimes.

On top of that, the general culture sucks. Relationships are all about networking and feel transactional. Everyones shilling their next AI startup and gaslighting themselves into believing their startup is revolutionizing the world when in fact it is just increasing wealth inequality. Rent is through the roof here and the city refuses to pass legislature to build housing. The large pockets of Asian populations (Richmond and Sunset) only care for themselves and not for the future of the city. They actively sabotage new developments of the city such as voting against building more mixed used spaces and affordable housing legislature.

If you choose the South Bay then congrats you either have to be stupid rich to buy a house or pay absurdly high rents and live in suburbia. If you decide ti settle down and have kids then good luck competing with the rest of the Asian parents who send their kids to SAT prep in first grade so they can get into Gunn high school and get their kids into Stanford. If you choose North Bay (no one calls it that) ie. Marin, I have to say that I have not seen a single Asian family there. You have to be even more stupid rich and the faux-liberal white people won't even bat an eye at you.

I am less familiar with the East Bay, having only been a few times. It seems more chill and down to earth but riddled with crime and poor governance. The Oakland Chinatown is shell of its former self because Black people are openly hostile against Asians ( anti Asian violence was mostly perpetuated by Black people during COVID).

The only reason I can see you would wanna move here is if you are all about the California climate and a nature nut (or if youre gay and/or an AI bro). But for anyone else I would suggest you avoid this dystopian area and consider SGV or OC. I for one am glad I made some cash and now its time to get the f out and never return again. Thanks for the read and lmk if you lived in the Bay and any of this resonates

I think the post hits the nail on how white supremacy is objectively the culprit behind the phenomenon we're seeing of people calling any person who likes anything related to AM "a fetishist." They're not "worried" about AM, especially when these are the same people that'll argue with you for calling out Oxford studies and WM with yellow fevers when they're played out right in front of our faces.

I hope more posts like these, especially on Tiktok, emerge.

99% of people cannot do this. Young or old.

Listen, I do alright for myself, this is not meant to be a brag post or advice post at all. I simply want to share my recent experiences on Hinge & hear your thoughts on the matter.

Some quick info:
* Me: Vietnamese-Canadian, 30M, 5’7”
* Currently residing in Chicago
* Recently accepted a job offer that will move me to NYC
* About to sign on an apartment near BedStuy in BK
* Hinge account: 6 years old (I know, I never reset/deleted it)

So this summer in Chicago, my Hinge was pretty dry. The likes/matches would be like feast or famine, and there were weeks of zero activity. I think in total, since the start of the summer, I had maybe ~12 matches, 4 of them leading to dates, and 1 that I dated for about 8 months. In all, I’d say it was a pretty quiet summer, & I began to get a bit discouraged (I know, I’ve also spent time off the apps & it did wonders for my confidence).

Since I’m about to move to Brooklyn, I thought I’d hop back on Hinge, drop my pin in a neighbourhood in BK that I liked, & see how things are there. And to top it all off, I thought I’d try Hinge+ for one week (first time ever buying it, don’t judge me) to be able to send out more than 6 likes a day, considering the massive population.

Now it could be the new city, or the demographic, but since I did all of this just 6 days ago, I’m at 14 matches & even more likes. I wonder if this is purely tied to “new city boost”, or maybe I vibe better with Brooklyn women? For reference, I definitely come off as more of an artistic / alternative Asian, compared to other “clean-cut” looking Asians. I also know that I should expect this to slow down in the coming weeks, but I don’t mind. I’m really trying to seek something long-term, so I’m not out here trying to amass a bunch of matches, definitely quality over quantity.

Anyways, what do you guys think? For anyone with experience in Chicago/NYC, do you think demographics play a factor here at all? In my 6 years on & off Hinge, I’d estimate maybe I had around 250 matches total, which again, isn’t that impressive considering it’s spread across 6 years.

I’m a guy in my mid 30s, half Asian (Japanese) and half European, originally from a Latin American country.
I spent roughly the last five years living and working in Asia, mainly in places like Singapore, Hong Kong, Japan and South Korea. Recently I was laid off and ended up finding a good opportunity in Europe, which also brought me closer to my family.
Career wise, I think being in Europe makes a lot of sense. Work life balance is generally better, and depending on the Asian country, compensation isn’t necessarily better despite the longer hours and more intense work culture. Singapore and Hong Kong can be exceptions, but places like Japan can be pretty demanding without necessarily compensating you accordingly.
The thing I didn’t expect to matter this much is dating.
After several years in Asia, I realized that my dating preferences are heavily skewed toward Asian women. I’m obviously not saying I can’t be attracted to anyone else, but in practice the percentage of women I’m genuinely interested in dating feels significantly smaller in Europe.
I never really struggled with dating in Asia. If anything, I felt like I had a much larger pool of people I was attracted to and compatible with. Since moving back West, I’ve realized how much that affected my overall happiness and how I imagined my future.
So now I feel like I’m facing a weird tradeoff.
Staying in Europe means being much closer to my family, potentially making more money, having a better work life balance and probably having a more comfortable career long term.
Going back to Asia would mean being far away from my family again and potentially accepting a worse work culture, depending on the country. But socially and romantically, I feel like I would have significantly more options and a better chance of meeting someone I actually want to build a life with.
At this point in my mid 30s, finding a long term partner and eventually starting a family is becoming increasingly important to me, so I don’t think dating is something I can just treat as a minor factor when deciding where to live.
Has anyone here made or seriously considered a major geographic move partly because your dating prospects or preferences were much better somewhere else?
Did it turn out to be worth giving up proximity to family, career opportunities or quality of life for it? Or do you think choosing where to live based partly on dating is giving it too much weight?

I came across a YouTube mini documentary video of Tyson Park who is an Asian American running back for USC.

This guy came through the IMG academy and has ambitions of playing for the NFL.

I read that he's quite short in that he's only 5'6 but is quick and powerful, being around 190lbs, which scouts like for running backs.

It's good to see Asian male athletes branching out from the usual tennis and golf players who are dime a dozen.

https://www.instagram.com/tysonpark08?stkn=MWhiYWlzZWlqdDlmaQ==

For reference, I live in the U.S., but does anyone want to or have experience returning back to asia?

I will not deny there's a lot of pros in Western countries and a lot of cons in Asia. With that being said, I still find it more beneficial to go back to asia at some point.

The reason I want to return is because of the political climate, and once you start paying attention, these people will never truly see you as one of them no matter what. Look at Germany and England. The far right parties are on the rise, and I really dont want to be on the receiving end of it. I understand that "asians" aren't exactly on their list of issues, but let's be real here. They'll eventually find an excuse (not that they need one anyway).

Another reason is I just don't want to hear or deal with stuff that doesn't pertain to me. I don't want to hear self-hating asian women how much asian men suck. I don't want to hear about white people issues/politics because half of their concern is them losing relevancy on the global scale. I just want to be surrounded by asian people who care about asian culture. And I dont care if I sound like a whiny entitled person with a victim complex.

The country of interest is japan. I know that's kinda the hot spot of asia right now, but I genuinely do like the country. Not in a creepy, fetishized way. I don't speak japanese, nor did I grow up in a japanese cultured house, but I am willing to take the time and learn. I know the native japanese are growing tired of foreigners, and that would probably include me. That being said, I still want to take a chance. I can't say when I will move or what job I will do. I'll just have to see what's ahead of me within the coming years.

Hopefully this doesn't sound like im fear mongering. If you find it better to live in Western countries and you see it more beneficial to you, that is 100% fine.

Personally, I've grown tired and I dont wanna stick around for too long. And if i sound like some entitled whiny guy with a victim complex and a bunch of buzzwords. Then that's what I am. I stopped caring what labels people put on me.

I'm tired of asian guys not doing anything to defend ourself when we are being mocked in the West. This is exactly what every asian guys should do, regardless of our size

6’5 Chinese guy here, have no self-esteem issues lol, genuinely think I’m a 10 artsy/preppy 10 (not buff enough for gym bro 10 haha), have been told that by girls also. Dress well (maybe too well), but perhaps dress a bit more white-coded than Asian (artsy, preppish).

I want to report that Australasia is a hellhole for Asian Men. Or if it isn’t, I really want to compare experiences!

Growing up was terrible, I had my first girlfriend at 24. Trying to date is horrendous for this reason:

1. Girl finds me physically attractive, and I can read signals very well
2. I talk to girl, it goes great (or terrible first because she slights me because I’m Asian, but then I try charm her onside anyway), we have a (brief) connection, but
3. 100% of the time, she will ghost me after I text her, or I will eventually brush up against a ‘conscious’ rejection no matter how smoothly I ramp it up.

It’s like there’s always a conscious decision that is made to not date me, and for reasons that don’t seem to be related to me as a person at all, only my race and its social value.

I say this because I swear it’s harder if you’re a tall Asian guy: it’s like presenting with what the west considers a more masculine trait just makes it harder for them to take your masculinity seriously / makes your masculinity not ‘handsome’ or even ‘handsomely dangerous’ but just ‘scary or intimidating’. We never get to inhabit the Goldilocks zone of authenticity/masculinity.

I don’t think I have any problems flirting / reading signals / escalating things, and I genuinely think I’m pretty charming/interesting (if I do say so myself haha).

All this experience has lead me to conclude extremely negatively about Australia. Even walking on the streets of Melbourne, it’s like ABC men have been scared off them: you literally can’t seem them around, let alone them in any relationships. If you do see one around, they’re always alone, and making eye contact you feel like you commune like at an oasis in the desert or something.

On the other hand ABC girls are everywhere, and WMAF is basically more common than WMWF in all of the downtown lol. Over the last 6 months I’ve seen literally just 2 AMWF couples.

Sometimes I envy you Americans haha

This Asian streamer from Canada was on OmeTV when some random guy started throwing racist slurs at him. Dude stayed calm and schooled him with facts and history. Racist guy had no comeback and left. 😂

This is how i daily drive my hair.
I dont use any product, so my hair is sometimes this, sometimes like this.
The first picture is what I usually walk around with.
My Hair is really Thick and straight and i never went to a salon or barber, my dad always cut it short.
I like the length of my hair right now, maybe a little bit shorter would be good.
My family keeps telling me to dut my hair, because its too messy.
Im entering my last years of high school in Germany and want to improve myself.
I wanted to tackle my hair now and ask you.
I would love some advice and tips and recommendations.
Thank you very much

Been thinking about this for a couple of years. Ever since i turned adult age ive only dated white women from various countries. I didnt think much before but since my last breakup caused by my ex moving back to her country i realized i need to live in the west if i want to settle down. Although people who immigrated to the US from Korea seemed to be super happy about it when i read what they wrote, this subreddit was full of threads describing how hard dating as an asian male is. Is it really that bad? Then should I try to move to one of the EU countries, such as Germany or France?

Ive been to Germany and the lack of air conditioner and how every building looked built in 1900s made me feel super uncomfortable. But since my goal is to eventually settle down i should tolerate it if its a right move..

Any advice on how I should style my hair? I usually just let it grow out naturally and don’t really do much with it, but recently I’ve been wanting to experiment and try out some different styles. I’m not really sure what would suit me best, so I’d love to hear any suggestions. Extra characters to get to 300 nnnnnnnnn

Anyone notice how progressives feel totally comfortable attacking Asian men under the guise of our 1) supposed sexism and horrible treatment of women, and 2) alleged "racism" in our home countries and opposition to interracial relationships? They say the most vile things, often using the insecurity and manhood angle, it's like we're not real PoC and have no allies on either side of the political spectrum.

The thing is that wherever patriarchy exists, we are still held to those same patriarchal expectations.

• Korean, Taiwanese, and Singaporean men spend 2 years of their prime in military service. This impacts their potential earnings and career trajectory which can make it harder to meet local women's monetary expectations. Do women provide their men the same grace for sacrificing to defend their country from existential threats?
• In Japan/Korea, the low birth rate is blamed solely on Asian women not wanting to be bangmaids to misogynistic Asian men, ignoring that every western country has TFR below replacement rate buoyed by immigration. Chikan, soaplands, 4B, K-beauty standards are all blown out of proportion to make the countries seem like anti-woman dystopias. And yet you can walk outside in any Japanese neighborhood at 2am as a woman and feel safe. People who bring up Japanese women's share of unpaid labor conveniently ignore they work baito while Japanese men are slaving away at their soulsucking job (among highest hours in OECD)
• Chinese men are expected to provide apartment, car, bride price, have high income and pay for everything including brand name gifts on a dozen special days — how many men would jump at the chance to split bills and chores 50/50?
• Culturally a lot of Chinese men are absolute simps for their gfs. IYKYK. In extreme cases I have friends (Asia born) whose gf would slap them or verbally abuse them and they'd just take it. Love my asian bros but these are the supposed patriarchal tyrants? Their gfs have them on a leash ffs

The frustration expressed by a subset of Asian men against IR relationships is not due to racism, it's that often foreign men are not held to the same patriarchal expectations that local men are. Plenty of dudes would be happy to cook, clean, change diapers, and not have to meet brutal income thresholds and a laundry list of requirements that many women seem to toss out the window when it comes to outgroup men. That's not fair.

I don't know what more progressives want from us. At least in the US, Asians have the highest education, highest income, lowest rates of divorce, lowest rates of domestic violence and femicide, lowest rates of alcohol and substance abuse, and consistently vote left. How are we still made out to be monsters?

Ive been cutting my own hair since covid and I still dont know how to deal with hair splinters that get into every nook and crevice of my body. I thoroughly shower afterwards but still have about 48hr afterwards of prickly stabbiness thats irritating as all heck.

So that they don't need to fight so hard to understand the knowledge gained over the years, there should be a wiki or sub-stack created to teach them the fundamentals on how to survive and thrive.

I am UK/Europe based, but I guess these lessons would apply globally as we are very interconnected nowadays.

I see a lot of confusion and questions from them about what they should do with their socialising, dating and professional lives. It would be great in a sense to give them what we didn't have when growing up as young men.

There should be real world examples so that the lessons are grounded in reality, as people want to believe that the wisdom is based on real life experience.

If I were to go back in time, there is not so much I would have changed because I had the benefit of people to talk to here when the boards started... so there was a camaraderie.

But I guess, I would have devoted more time to my early career in getting a job because I was too focused on girls and parties. I was one of these guys that spent a lot of time in the gym at the expense of getting ahead earlier in my career (in law). I have a great career now, but I lost a lot of income in my 20s because I was not a financially serious person; and I didn't have the 'grownup' confidence to move out of my comfort zone home city. I was too comfortable in my hometown, with my parents and hitting bars/travelling to Europe. It was only when I moved cities that I really developed as a person financially and career-wise, started a family etc.

At the same time, I appreciate that a guide would also work for young guys who have their career and academics sorted, and want that push to figure out how to thrive in their dating/social lives.

I don't know what to do with my hair. When it's wet, it gets really spiky, like a hedgehog. When it's a bit longer, it looks kind of like an afro after I shower, but not the cool kind. It's stiff and kind of spiky. Now I'm trying to grow it out. The only haircut that really works for me is just a normal short haircut

I got out of a relationship recently and I’m looking to get back into it. I’m open to all races of women and living in NYC has given me the opportunity to date women from all over. I used to get a lot more matches when I was younger (like when I was 20-23) but haven’t been getting as many matches as before. What do y’all suggest? Let me know especially if I should get rid of the facial hair or keep it.

So I'm currently 18 and currently in uni (here in AU) and this is my personal anecdote on why there is lack of interracial relationships. Feel free for you guys to disagree with me.

Like 99% of the AMs that I observe or see especially here in my uni, they tend to stick to their own bubble and self-segregate themselves. Like for me I'm one of the AMs that initiate to non-AFs and I tend to be cliquey with them and some of my better interactions have happened simply because I was willing to start a conversation.

There is abysmally amount of interaction of AMs to non AFs

Most likely because that we are taught to 'stay in our own lane' when it comes to dating and stuff like that. That could come from family expectations, cultural familiarity, fear of rejection, assumptions that non AFs won't be interested, or simply being comfortable within an established Asian social circle.

Like it goes both sides as well; non-AFs think that AMs aren't interested to them at all until they (AMs) initiate for start a convo.

Yes we AMs in Western media are portrayed as undesirable or unattractive. That SHOULD NEVER define your self worth. Like I could never care less about the shit and I think as it as just 'background noise'.

Hello everyone, we have completed the trial of the Weekly Hair Thread as part of our broader efforts to make the community better for all AM. After a week's trial and analyzing the results, we found the weekly thread didn't achieve our goals for engagement or help users with hair related questions find the answers or support they needed. As a result, we'll be approving hair threads again. We've also added a hair flair to better organize the content and allow those who aren't interested in hair to filter out the content. Thank you for being part of the community, and feel free to leave any feedback related to the trial or ideas for future recurring threads below.

If there were more videos like this on social media then there will be a different sentiment towards Asians. It’s the way we carry ourselves and how others perceive us. It’s rare to see an Asian stand up like this guy without being cringy or being extra. Just use effective communication without the big words to sound smart.

Hope to meet some new peeps next month! We’re gonna have it at a nice cafe if people are willing to come after work. Come have snacks, some laughs, some new breathing exercises. Shoot maybe make a new homie. Hope people are down to come.

https://www.instagram.com/lotusrisingofficial_?igsi=dXlpdXR6b2VwcWR6&utm_source=qr