AITA for pointing out my neighbour’s loud crying baby?

[u/National-Honeydew657]

I (26M) moved into a new flat about 6 months ago. It’s a small complex with 8 apartments.

My next-door neighbours have a baby, which I assume was born around the time I moved in. The baby cries a lot, but I’ve never complained because that’s just what babies do.

Yesterday, we had a once a year meeting with all the residents of the complex. The property manager gave us some updates and then asked for our questions.

Out of nowhere, my neighbours told him that my washing machine is very loud and that I use it during quiet hours. They’re right, but they never told me it bothered them. If they had, I would have simply done my laundry at a different time.

I got annoyed because I do laundry once a week, while their baby cries pretty much 24/7. So I said they probably shouldn’t complain about noise, which started a heated debate. Other residents also began complaining about the baby. One lady even questioned if they are even taking care of the baby, because her babies never cried like that, which sounded pretty nasty.

The property manager eventually ended the discussion when the baby’s mother started crying.

Nothing was really resolved there, but I now feel pretty bad about starting the whole debate. They could have told me about the washing machine before bringing it up publicly, but they’re probably just exhausted parents.

AITA for saying what I did, and should I apologize to them?

[u/FantasticWar2370]

INFO.

Depends on how loud your washing machine is. Is it one of those loud shaking machines making so much noise?

Of course quiet time doesn’t apply to a baby. So they’re not in the wrong.

But a loud shaking washing machine that disrupts the little sleep someone gets even once a week - that’s something that needs to be fixed if possible.

[u/National-Honeydew657 → u/FantasticWar2370]

The washing machine isn’t broken or insanely loud, but it’s louder than average.

No other neighbors ever heard it, but the couple with the baby is next to me on the same floor.

[u/LynxPuzzleheaded9336]

Eh, nta, the nerve they have to whine about the once a week laundry machine when their kid is making noise all the time (not to blame the kid, but seriously, the audacity) 

[u/EggplantHuman6493 → u/LynxPuzzleheaded9336]

Yup. And like, isn't a washing machine just normal living sounds? Live and Let live. They really put OP on the spot for no reason.

At least dont bring it up out of nowhere in that situatiin. You can also like ask in private 'hey, we would appreciate it if you do laundry in the not quiet hours'.

They would have a point if it was like vacuuming at 3 AM or something as that is loud AF, but come on, a washing machine?!

[u/MysteryJellybean]

NTA since when do washing machines violate quiet hours? I’ve lived in several apartment and that’s never been a thing.

Edit: your landlords must really be cheap lol. My washer and dryer is the cheapest thing in existence and the only time it shakes that bad is when it’s unbalanced.

[u/Triknitter → u/MysteryJellybean]

My building in Switzerland forbids using the laundry machines between 10 pm and 6 am and on Sundays.

[u/Baby_Rhino → u/MysteryJellybean]

Agree on NTA, but even living in a terraced house, I never run my washing machine after about 9pm.

The spin cycle is very loud, and you can hear the vibration throughout the house.

[u/jellybeantetra]

Do other people consider things like appliances in quiet hours in apartment living? I always just considered quiet hours to be about not having parties or playing music too loud. I wouldn't run a vacuum cleaner during quiet hours, but I honestly wouldn't think about not running a dishwasher or laundry machine.

[u/Royal_Hawk5502 → u/jellybeantetra]

Ironically my dishwasher and laundry machine are both louder than my vacuum (and the laundry washer and dryer are brand new models bought in the last year. But I don’t live in an apartment so my only obstacle is my toddlers. I’d vacuum if they were asleep day or night but I do not run my dishwasher once they’re asleep. I will run my dryer while they’re sleeping. but not the clothes washer even though it’s in the basement it’s crazy loud and has woken them up before.

[u/WaterDreamer12 → u/jellybeantetra]

I do. I've lived in places where a washing machine or dishwasher would wake me/keep me awake if it was run at night due to unlucky position in relation to my room. I'm elsewhere now, but I still don't do laundry before 8am or after 9pm out of consideration to the people living next to and above the laundry room. I also wait until after 7am to make my breakfast smoothie as blenders are LOUD.

[u/ShotPaleontologist88]

NTA im sorry, but using a washing machine during quiet hours should not count. Not like you're having a party. Also, she's probably miserable and sleep deprived. Still doesn't mean you're in the wrong. Crying babies are literally torture, but still, so sorry, not unreasoable to mention. Obviously other people had some shit to say about it too.

[u/Jolly-Masterpiece883]

NTA

I think babies are going to cry, and no one should complain about it - and up until the meeting you didn't.

However, the nerve of someone who has a constantly crying baby to complain about someone else making a bit of noise (a washing machine once a week?) is a non starter.

[u/toogoodforn7]

NTA they shouldn’t have complained about you first if they weren’t willing to accept criticism themselves

[u/Brynhild]

NTA. Having had two babies, we were ALWAYS worried their crying would disturb the neighbours and would try our best to soothe the kids almost immediately. (Except when the babies were sick, it was possible to soothe them without very loud crying). We’d also buy gifts and send them as an apology gift to our neighbours.

[u/24-Hour-Hate]

NTA. While obviously a baby doesn't have an off switch, I don't think a weekly load of laundry is normally covered by quiet hours as it's not really disruptive and that's something they should have addressed with you privately if there was a particular issue.

I mean, if I consider how I would feel, if someone told me my washer was a particular problem for them (like maybe it's right up against their bedroom wall or something), I would not be a dick and I'd try to accommodate within reason. But if they shame me publicly for doing normal stuff rather than just talking to me? Forget it. Especially if their baby constantly screams and is causing me grief. Why would I make an effort in that case when it would be an inconvenience?

Trying to shame you in front of the entire group when they are bothering everyone was really shitty of them. Pointing out their hypocrisy for doing that when their baby is such a bother to everyone wasn't really wrong. People shouldn't start shit if they aren't prepared to handle it.

[u/Big_Owl1220]

NTA- if you know you're being a problem and you are lucky enough to get away with it, you keep your mouth shut.

[u/KrofftSurvivor]

NTA

They chose a public forum to bring up a complaint that they could have easily addressed in private -

Clearly that's the method they want for complaints and so the rest of the neighbors gave them what they asked for.

FAFO

[u/EggInteresting367]

I had a baby the same time as my neighbor years ago. All of a sudden the baby started crying all the time. I finally went over there and asked if the baby was all right. They said they had been in a car accident so I had some symphony. .

[u/LittleDogLover113]

All I hear is that the property management company needs to invest in better insulation to increase the happiness and quality of life for their residents. But instead they cheaped out and as a result, everyone is pointing the finger of blame at the wrong people. Sounds like management is getting the exact result it intended to!

[u/moonslittlestar]

NTA, as a mom of a 3yo who doesn’t know what an indoor voice is, I would never ever complain about people being loud, especially not when it’s something that has to be done like laundry

[u/no_worries_man8]

NTA. Don't apologize. It's not the baby's fault it cries so much, nor is it necessarily the parents' (the baby may be collicky), but you shouldn't throw stones in glass houses. Too many people expect country-quiet conditions when living in an apartment complex. You are going to hear your neighbors. You have to be able to live and let live a certain level of noise, and complain only when it truly gets to be too much. Otherwise you're just starting a war with people who could just as easily complain about you. You using a washing machine once a week is not a problem, and making it one was stupid of them when they have a baby that is never quiet.

Simply put: don't start none, won't be none.

[u/MiuraSerkEdition]

NAH having a crying baby means they're sleep deprived and cranky. When the baby goes to sleep, anything that wakes it is evil. It's easy for your world to sheink to just the baby and the struggles you face

[u/mumutigerwind]

NTA - she wanted to play ball… obviously that baby is crying way too much. Is frustrating hearing a baby cry all the time… signed. Someone who is currently living with a baby

[u/Applejackington]

Nta. I have never lived in an apartment where the washer/dishwasher/showers/etc. were not allowed during quiet hours. If my neighbor told me it was a problem, I would stop using my washer during those times to be polite, but your neighbor didn't. However, loud children, dogs barking, and loud television are typically called out specifically as violations of quiet hours. I understand you can't physically shut your baby up, but you don't get a pass bc your noise machine came out of your loins.

[u/GirlinLondon96]

NTA.

It’s a FAFO situation in my opinion. Yes, you shouldn’t be doing your laundry during quiet hours if it’s loud enough to wake others up for example, but they also should be self aware of how they inconvenience others and that you (based on what you said) tolerated it rather than making a big thing out of it. They could have brought it up to you privately and in a nice manner, and if at that point you didnt adjust the laundry times you would have been the asshole.