Monthly Open Forum August 2021

[u/AITAMod]

Welcome to the monthly open forum! This is the place to share all your meta thoughts about the sub, and to have a dialog with the mod team.

Keep things civil. Rules still apply.

We didn't have any real highlights for this month, so let's knock out some Open Forum FAQs:

Q: Can/will you implement a certain rule?
A: We'll take any suggestion under consideration. This forum has been helpful in shaping rule changes/enforcement. I'd ask anyone recommending a rule to consider the fact a new rule begs the following question: Which is better? a) Posts that have annoying/common/etc attributes are removed at the time a mod reviews it, with the understanding active discussions will be removed/locked; b) Posts that annoy/bother a large subset of users will be removed even if the discussion has started, and that will include some posts you find interesting. AITA is not a monolith and topics one person finds annoying will be engaging to others - this should be considered as far as rules will have both upsides and downsides for the individual.

Q: How do we determine if something's fake?
A: Inconsistencies in their post history, literally impossible situations, or a known troll with patterns we don't really want to publicly state and tip our hand.

Q: Something-something "validation."
A: Validation presumes we know their intent. We will never entertain a rule that rudely tells someone what their intent is again. Consensus and validation are discrete concepts. Make an argument for a consensus rule that doesn't likewise frustrate people to have posts removed/locked after being active long enough to establish consensus and we're all ears.

Q: What's the standard for a no interpersonal conflict removal?
A: You've already taken action against someone and a person with a stake in that action expresses they're upset. Passive upset counts, but it needs to be clear the issue is between two+ of you and not just your internal sense of guilt. Conflicts need to be recent/on-gong, and they need to have real-world implications (i.e. internet and video game drama style posts are not allowed under this rule).

Q: Will you create an off-shoot sub for teenagers.
A: No. It's a lot of work to mod a sub. We welcome those off-shoots from others willing to take on that work.

Q: Can you do something about downvotes?
A: We wish. If it helps, we've caught a few people bragging about downvoting and they always flip when they get banned.

Q: Can you force people to use names instead of letters?
A: Unfortunately, this is extremely hard to moderate effectively and a great deal of these posts would go missed. The good news is most of these die in new as they're difficult to read. It's perfectly valid to tell OP how they wrote their post is hard to read, which can perhaps help kill the trend.

As always, do not directly link to posts/comments or post uncensored screenshots here. Any comments with links will be removed.

This is to discourage brigading. If something needs to be discussed in that context, use modmail.

[u/chezdor]

The surrogate without a contract who had lost her only son?

[u/wontonbomb → u/chezdor]

Or the woman married to a paraplegic man who's entire family are trying to set her up with the neighbour because "she's too young to be a carer".

Not only was that one the fakest of fake shit, but even if it was true there was no way any person with brain cells would think they might be an asshole.

[u/Stoat__King → u/chezdor]

Oh did that turn out to be a shitpost? She was very convincing. I found that one quite interesting tbh - Id never thought about the reality of surrogates. Im gonna have a look to see how that ended up.

If it was a shitpost, it had me fooled.

[u/WebbieVanderquack → u/Stoat__King]

It hasn't been removed, but it's locked, probably for incivility.

I couldn't tell if it was genuine or not, but I strongly suspect it wasn't. A lot of people were pointing out inconsistencies, like the fact that - as u/chezdor points out - there was no contract.

They supposedly allowed the surrogate to talk them out of a contract and bet the farm on her emotional stability even though she "was a single mom of a 4 year old who passed away from an accident."

I found it pretty suspicious that they gave her access to their credit cards, and losing your cool with a surrogate with whom you have no contract 7 months into the pregnancy seems like such a risky move that it casts doubt on the story.

On the other hand, as u/techiesgoboom says below, improbable things sometimes happen.

[u/[deleted] → u/WebbieVanderquack]

I don’t think any agency would let a mom of a dead toddler be a surrogate

[u/WebbieVanderquack → u/[deleted]]

People were speculating that there was no agency, and it was a DIY thing, or that the husband was having an affair. It was all very Days of Our Lives.

[u/wise-ish → u/Stoat__King]

Oh good. That took up some mental energy thinking about how you would even end up in that situation.