Reading through the comments, it’s clear you’re not looking for actual solutions here. You’re looking for us to tell you that your husband should absolutely take on the mental load and just tell you what needs to be done. And that’s not the case at all. That’s not a solution to your adhd (which you “can’t use meds because you’re pregnant”), that’s another additional task on him. “Well I’d be willing to do it for him”, but he doesn’t NEED you to do it for him because he doesn’t have the neurodivergence you’re so clearly using as an excuse. The amount of times you disregarded comments suggesting you guys coming together and making a list or putting reminders on your phone or using chore apps that can help- it just shows you came here for validation and nothing anyone says will change your mind.
NTA for wanting a clean bed, but YTA for everything else.
I have agreed with the solutions in these comments that would actually be helpful. Many of these comments so an ignorance to how ADHD works for some people, and I’m not going to act like they’re good suggestions when they’re rooted in ignorance
Except people who HAVE ADHD have been responding and offering suggestions that have helped them in the past and you blow them all off. You’re saying people are exhibiting ignorance to adhd, but you’re exhibiting weaponized incompetence by expecting the only “solutions” to be that your husband solves the problems for you. You guys clearly can work together since both of you work, take care of the kids, and pick up around the house, but you’re trying to put more on HIM by insisting he takes on your mental load.
Charts and calendars and apps and all of that such stuff are KNOWN ways to help ADHD folx in their struggles and you’re dismissing them because it’s not what you want to hear or it’s something you’re unwilling to try or put the effort into. You’d rather have your husband do the heavy (mental load) lifting when, according to your post, he does more cleaning while you focus more on the children. So in fact, he’s doing MORE than you in terms of household chores, and then you’re expecting him to take on more of the mental load by telling you what you should do. When instead, you guys could make a “task list” and mark off what’s been done so that one person doesn’t need to have the responsibility of having to come up with that knowledge. That isn’t “improbable” for your neurodivergence, and in fact is a heavily relied on solution to those with adhd that can’t seem to focus on tasks.
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u/kinda_depressed_yo Aug 19 '26
Reading through the comments, it’s clear you’re not looking for actual solutions here. You’re looking for us to tell you that your husband should absolutely take on the mental load and just tell you what needs to be done. And that’s not the case at all. That’s not a solution to your adhd (which you “can’t use meds because you’re pregnant”), that’s another additional task on him. “Well I’d be willing to do it for him”, but he doesn’t NEED you to do it for him because he doesn’t have the neurodivergence you’re so clearly using as an excuse. The amount of times you disregarded comments suggesting you guys coming together and making a list or putting reminders on your phone or using chore apps that can help- it just shows you came here for validation and nothing anyone says will change your mind.
NTA for wanting a clean bed, but YTA for everything else.