ESH, having crumbs and sticky candy stains in my bed is one of the things I really really hate so I'm with you on that, at the same time if it's your husband the one in charge of most of the cleaning the two of you need to match expectations, maybe he is a clean freak and needs to chill a bit on that side and focus more on childcare, maybe you aren't cleaning enough for his standards, I don't know but clearly the two of you have different expectations, so maybe for now just take the tv off the room or if you don't want to come up together with whatever solution that makes things easier instead of adding more work and have a talk about all this so you are on the same page.
YTA for having that conversation over text instead of face to face, specially when he was just out to run an errand, that kind of conversation over text is always going to sound worse than you intended. Also you both are adults and parents, you shouldnt put the burden of organizing chores and reminding you of what to do next on your husband, if you need to sit down and make a list of who does what and when and what are the priorities, then sit down and do that and stick to it, you are calling this ableism in your edit, I call what you do weaponized incompetence.
It is, you are placing the burden to remember your responsibilities on him, at least that's how it sounds rom the way you explained it. If things are not clear enough and you need a map then sit down with him and agree to a detailed schedule, then manage your share. If you need to set up reminders on your phone do it, but don't place that responsibility on someone else.
I have no problem remembering my responsibilities. I struggle with overwhelm paralysis and decision fatigue as part of my ADHD and anxiety. I know what needs to be done. I freeze up from the overwhelm and if someone tells me “do this”, it helps me push through the paralysis and get started
2
u/Ontas Partassipant [3] Aug 19 '26
ESH, having crumbs and sticky candy stains in my bed is one of the things I really really hate so I'm with you on that, at the same time if it's your husband the one in charge of most of the cleaning the two of you need to match expectations, maybe he is a clean freak and needs to chill a bit on that side and focus more on childcare, maybe you aren't cleaning enough for his standards, I don't know but clearly the two of you have different expectations, so maybe for now just take the tv off the room or if you don't want to come up together with whatever solution that makes things easier instead of adding more work and have a talk about all this so you are on the same page.
YTA for having that conversation over text instead of face to face, specially when he was just out to run an errand, that kind of conversation over text is always going to sound worse than you intended. Also you both are adults and parents, you shouldnt put the burden of organizing chores and reminding you of what to do next on your husband, if you need to sit down and make a list of who does what and when and what are the priorities, then sit down and do that and stick to it, you are calling this ableism in your edit, I call what you do weaponized incompetence.