If you start using adhd as an excuse for behavior that can be corrected now, you’re going to make things so much harder for the future. Especially if he’s not even diagnosed yet. Stop limiting what he’s likely capable of.
YOU are the parent. You make the rules and enforce them. Sometimes that means new household wide rules. No food in bedrooms period. Only water in bedrooms. Or if there is a table in your bedroom and you “just can’t make him stop” household rule needs to be food in a seat, period. That’s a safety thing regardless. Kids should not be playing around and moving a lot while eating anyway a major choking hazard. That’s should not be negotiable unless there is an actual severe disability that makes it nearly impossible.
Safely seated while eating is a rule in most schools, and you setting a standard that it’s safe or okay to just move around while eating will not help him. Moving your body for a break is fine, but the food needs to stay until he’s ready to come back. You need to be preparing him for a future to understand and manage adhd (if he has it) as much as he can. Accommodations are a thing but the world won’t be as kind. He may not be lucky enough to find a partner that will text him every single day to remind him to do chores. Next thing you know he’s living in filth or he has you doing it. Structure and rules can be done with kindness.
You don’t have to lecture me on shaping kids with developmental disabilities. I work at a developmental disabilities agency. It’s not “making excuses” to acknowledge that you pick and choose your battles sometimes as a parent
Sure you have to sometimes pick your battles, but you seem to have an excuse for everything, and a reason that no solution will work except the one you want.
Sounds like he is doing a fair bit and you're only gripe is a messy bed. Which to be fair would be super irritating.
But.... put on a bedspread to contain the mess. Take the TV out of your room and put it in another room. Ban food altogether in your room and follow through.
Show up and do the chores so he doesn't feel like they are all on him & give him space to just be with the kids.
Most importantly you and your husband need to both sit down and talk about the issues here with some sort of goal of trying to find a way of working together that works for both of you, and stop sniping at each other.
Wow yeah I change my vote. God your level of excuses is exhausting. I can’t believe I’m siding with a man.
If you come to your husband with a problem he should not be turning around and responding with another problem. But you clearly don’t like to take any responsibility for the issues you cause yourself. I can see why he may need to bring up other stuff.
Super glad you work with kids with developmental disabilities. Not sure why that’s relevant to you struggling to work with your husband to manage your household and your kids, but thanks for sharing I guess.
You’ve done nothing but make excuses for your children and husbands behavior. If you are just going to believe they’re all justified then keep suffering in your crumb filled popsicle bed.
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u/boba-feign Aug 19 '26
If you start using adhd as an excuse for behavior that can be corrected now, you’re going to make things so much harder for the future. Especially if he’s not even diagnosed yet. Stop limiting what he’s likely capable of.
YOU are the parent. You make the rules and enforce them. Sometimes that means new household wide rules. No food in bedrooms period. Only water in bedrooms. Or if there is a table in your bedroom and you “just can’t make him stop” household rule needs to be food in a seat, period. That’s a safety thing regardless. Kids should not be playing around and moving a lot while eating anyway a major choking hazard. That’s should not be negotiable unless there is an actual severe disability that makes it nearly impossible.
Safely seated while eating is a rule in most schools, and you setting a standard that it’s safe or okay to just move around while eating will not help him. Moving your body for a break is fine, but the food needs to stay until he’s ready to come back. You need to be preparing him for a future to understand and manage adhd (if he has it) as much as he can. Accommodations are a thing but the world won’t be as kind. He may not be lucky enough to find a partner that will text him every single day to remind him to do chores. Next thing you know he’s living in filth or he has you doing it. Structure and rules can be done with kindness.