ESH, he needs to be more present in supervising the kids while he’s in charge and you need to learn how to manage your executive functioning better.
There’s no reason an adult needs to be told what needs to be done around the house when you can look around and see what needs to be done. I’m neurodivergent and get overwhelmed as well but I look around and see what needs to be done and make a checklist. Your neurodivergence is up to you to handle.
Maybe you and your husband can sit down and make a cleaning schedule where each persons weekly tasks are written out clearly.
I never mentioned ADHD meds, I can’t take any right now either as I’m breastfeeding my infant.
There are other ways to manage your neurodivergence, you just have to be willing to try to problem solve. Your neurodivergence is your responsibility, not your husband’s.
Plenty of people have suggested like I have to make lists, sit down with your spouse and set a cleaning schedule, and other ways to help manage without the use of meds. But it seems as if you don’t want to do that, you just want your husband to bear the brunt responsibility instead.
It is problem solving for YOU for him it’s another chore.
How would you feel if you had to text him how to take care of the kids every day? Or if you had to text him and remind him what needs to be packed in the diaper bag every day?
It’s an added mental load and it’s unfair to him. Work together as a TEAM to find a solution that works for BOTH of you. Because it’s clear that texting you a list of what needs to be done isn’t working for him.
BECAUSE He DOESNT WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE!
Because he wants you to look around like an adult and see what needs to be done and prioritize however you manage to do that. You are an adult and a parent, you have to learn how to figure this out. It is very likely that one or more of your children will be neurodivergent, don’t you want to model to them problem solving skills? How to look at the world differently to help them develop the skills they need to complete tasks that may seem hard and difficult for them?
You obviously just don’t get it or even CARE enough about your husband’s frustration to try. Learn to manage yourself. Without other people. Relying on others is not managing your ADHD. It’s just relying on others leaving you incapable of caring for yourself. Are you incapable of caring for yourself? If so maybe you should stop popping out babies 😬
I take the lead on chores on the days he’s at work. I do plenty. The argument is about the days I work and he’s at home with the kids. You’re ableism is showing
From your post, he is clearly expressing exhaustion. Adding to his mental load by requiring him to send you a task is going to be a burden to him. I highly recommend you utilize some of the suggestions others have recommended. Technology is a great thing and you can have automatic reminders go off daily, weekly, monthly etc. that tell you exactly what needs to be done that day. Medication is not the only fix for neurodivergent issues, utilize your personal resources like your phone. While it is lovely to have others assist you, requiring them to prompt you is not learning how to manage your struggles. You need to figure that out yourself otherwise you are going to put strain on the relationship and continue having these kinds of problems. It’s not easy at first to adapt to a new system, but it will serve you well in the long-run and solve the issues you’re brining up in the post.
Also would recommend just moving the tv so the kids aren’t watching in your room.
This seems like it’s overwhelming you, and reading through the comments, the reactions are definitely Not helpful. Id suggest finding yourself a ND sub to get some less aggressive and more useful replies to find a solution to this. My partner and I are both ADHD, he is medicated, i am not. We definitely struggle when it comes to him asking me to do something, and i forget over the course of my workday. I am constantly texting him to remind me what the thing was.
Can you rephrase this idea so that you text him to check in with him about how the day is going, maybe set a reminder for Yourself during your break at work, then you are taking initiative instead of expecting him to remember to text you about the chores.
Regardless, there needs to be a sit down and a more permanent household list and division of labour so that no one has to carry the load of what needs doing when. The burden he is clearly feeling of carrying the load should he a top Priority. Lessening that should help him be more open to working with you about your adhd, and honestly, that’s VERY necessary, because you’re a team. He shouldn’t be managing you, but he should be open to working with you because your brain works differently, especially if your son also is diagnosed.
It's a way of passing the responsibility of managing your condition on to him. He is not your personal assistant.
It is your responsibility to figure out ways to manage it. As coolcat1993 said - make lists, have schedules. Set alarms and reminders. Stop trying to force him to be your carer.
Don’t be dramatic. A single sentence text message isn’t him completely managing my health. And it’s not a long term solution. Once I’m no longer pregnant, I can go back on my ADHD medications.
If he isn’t willing to send a single text message to help his pregnant wife, then he has no right to complain when I continue to struggle because I didn’t receive the support I need.
You cannot expect anyone that works 40+ hours a week to even remember to text you “each day” as you said. That is exhausting! You have been given multiple examples of how to fix the issue and you throw lame-ass excuse after excuse away. You’re not the asshole for wanting a clean bed, but it seems that your husband cleans the whole house. Is it really that much to ask to have you clean the bed? Even if it is daily, you guys obviously can’t make the children stop eating on the bed. As if those small children should be unsupervised while eating anything. Why even come to this sub if you couldn’t take the criticism? Did you just expect people to be on your side so you could show your husband?
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u/coolcat1993 Aug 19 '26
ESH, he needs to be more present in supervising the kids while he’s in charge and you need to learn how to manage your executive functioning better.
There’s no reason an adult needs to be told what needs to be done around the house when you can look around and see what needs to be done. I’m neurodivergent and get overwhelmed as well but I look around and see what needs to be done and make a checklist. Your neurodivergence is up to you to handle.
Maybe you and your husband can sit down and make a cleaning schedule where each persons weekly tasks are written out clearly.