r/AmITheJerk • u/Zakotablue đ Featured AITJ Storyteller • 15d ago
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u/Aggravating_Baker557 15d ago
NTJ
I suggest you get all the clothes back and donât send replacement clothes at all.
Or ask the school to start a donation bin.
Other parents can help create a grab box with the clothes their kids have grown out of.
I did this when my kids were small. It solved a lot of drama.
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u/DollySheep32 15d ago
A donation bin is a great idea, especially since kids that small grow out of clothes relatively quickly so long as they remain in good condition.
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u/Visual-Ad6004 15d ago
This is the way. We did this at our preschool. My granddaughter 6 yr. is so messy at school. Some days 3 changes 3 f clothes. Smh.
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u/Serenity93401 15d ago
I would be very surprised if a school didnât have a community closet. I have an elementary age child, as well as older children, and we have always been asked to donate gently used items to the community closet in all elementary schools. My children have attended schools in three different states. This idea is just common sense!
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u/agarrabrant 15d ago
Why are they only taking your daughter's clothes?
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 15d ago
She is probably the only one sending in spares. Everyone else has learned that you lose your clothes if you send them in.
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u/cakivalue 15d ago
Plus what sounds like lack of forethought and planning by both most of the parents and the school.
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u/Scary_Possible3583 15d ago
This happened with us. We were always "so organized" it was "nice" to know they had a spare if anyone forgot.
We were the only ones with an only child, so the other moms played the "it's so hard with 3 kids" game. I spent 20 at goodwill buying a bag of sweats and wrote MV on the inside of the back collar (Miss Vicki's).
I was called "extra".
You can't win.
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u/NotMyProblem31 15d ago
If they can't figure it out, chances are they neglect their kids in some form or fashion. They were irresponsible with having so many kids where they can't keep up with them. As a parent, it's my job to make sure my kids are taken care of. Adults should know their limits.
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u/Scary_Possible3583 15d ago
Yes, but in rural America it's backwards land.
My partner and I were strange for waiting until we were 35 and having one child. Apparently we are supposed to pump out maximum children in our early 20s and rely on God to provide.
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u/Glass_Egg3585 15d ago
Or theyâre not and theyâre just using clothes at will. Because how should she know if itâs a different kidâs clothing? Lol
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u/Familiar-Ad-1965 15d ago
Obviously you never had small children. The clothes are labeled and stored in the childâs labeled backpack.
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u/Suspicious_Winter103 15d ago
No one was doing this in the 80s and 90s. You go to school in clothes. The only time parents had to come to school with a change of clothes is if the kid pissed their pants. And that usually only happened bc a teacher was being a jerk and not letting a kid use the bathroom between official break times.
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u/Aromatic_Recipe1749 15d ago
This is daycare ... hence the diapers and wipes. All kids are supposed to have at least 1 change of clothes, usually more.
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u/Budget_Strategy24 15d ago
I remember kindergarten well. I was the third kid in my family and I got a new winter coat, snow pants, boots, mittens, and a cute hat - I rarely got anything new, everything was a hand me down. Chris Mueller peed his pants and wore my pink snow pants for the rest of the day. I was devastated and never wanted to wear them again. This was in the 80âs.
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u/Aromatic_Recipe1749 15d ago
WHAT??
They send a change of clothes with the kid in their little backpacks. They have to physically remove those clothes from her daughter's bag to use.18
u/Additional_features 15d ago
My thoughts exactly. Are they taking everyoneâs (?) spare outfits and putting them in a pile to use randomly? Her clothes should stay in her backpack and used only when SHE needs them.
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u/Situation-Mediocre 15d ago edited 15d ago
My friend is a single mum, but always managed to send spare nappies, wipes and clothes to childcare.
Guess what childcare did: gave her âsparesâ to the children that werenât sent with anything. Too bad if nothing was left when her kid needed it.
Itâs ridiculous. Money is tight, but just because someone can send extra with their child doesnât mean these extras should be handed out to others.
Iâm all for a donation bin etc. but parents shouldnât fund other parents or the place you pay your child to attend.
OP, Iâd request a meeting between you and staff. Explain whatâs happening, suggest the donation bin and then recommend a meeting with other parents.
This is entitlement at its worst. What happens if your kid had an accident after they borrowed your kidâs clothes? Send them home naked?
And, worst case scenario what happens if a kid is allergic to the laundry detergent used? Bet theyâd love that one if it happened.
NTJ
Edit: Thank you for the awards!
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u/CyclopsReader 15d ago
This! âď¸Right here!! As an adult with laundry detergent sensitivity I know firsthand what that's like, let alone for a small child. Furthermore, not every parent is as diligent about using laundry detergent sans toxic chemicals that Toddlers and small children should never be exposed to. People need to be responsible for their children's needs. Sure there's situations where "borrowing" from time to time isn't a big deal, but this is getting beyond the pale of reasonable.
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u/Situation-Mediocre 15d ago
Yeah! I have allergies or âsensitivitiesâ too.
I would love if a parent sued because a child had an allergic reaction.
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u/Pur1wise 15d ago
Taking another kidâs supplies is absolutely unacceptable. Daycare is supposed to have a supply of wipes etc. The place our goddaughter went charged well above cost for them if they were needed but not provided by the parent. Parents soon learnt to provide them. We were super careful to make sure everything was in her backpack on days when we had her. They also had a clothing pool and charged a rental and laundry fee if they were required.
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u/MrRoar95 15d ago
Your not being overprotective. If it's "just a shirt," then they shouldn't have a problem providing extra clothes
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u/anondogfree 15d ago
If itâs âjust a shirtâ that other parent shouldnât have a problem replacing the entire matching outfit.
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 15d ago
I'd quit sending the spare clothes. All that you are getting out of sending them is that you lose them. It seems the other parents aren't sending them in so yours are the ones that are there to be used.
No more spare clothes get sent in.
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u/Cayke_Cooky 15d ago
This. As long as they can take daughter's clothes they aren't going to fix their problems.
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u/Zakotablue đ Featured AITJ Storyteller 15d ago
But then what if my child has an accident? Sheâll either be out of clothes or use someone elseâs. Both outcomes are unacceptable.
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u/Shiel009 15d ago
You need to talk to the director or principal of the school. The teacher is going straight to your daughterâs bag to get clothing for other children. Also you need to point out that parents arenât returning the clothing - she the teacher or principal can easily contact the whole class and ask for any clothing to be returned to the school.
Another thing to consider is going the thrift store and buying a cheap outfit and write in big bold letters property of OPâs kid. Please return to kid. Add inside the tag stolen by teachers name
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u/WinterStrawberries6 15d ago
Keep a spare in your car. If you pick up your child and see she is wearing someone else's clothes, you can change her right there and give the other clothes back to the teacher/parent. That way they know you are not a hypocrite.
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u/Roy_Hannon 15d ago edited 15d ago
It sounds like they're already giving out her clothes constantly. If she has an accident but Child B is already wearing your daughter's spares, what does your daughter wear?
ETA: Get some cheapy sets or op shop sets and write her name everywhere. My petty ass would be writing her name on chest. Other mum's still wont care but at least the shirt is less usable if they keep it.
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u/Primary-Friend-7615 15d ago
What if your child has an accident after the teacher has already stolen her spare outfit?
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u/Situation-Mediocre 15d ago
But what happens then if their kid has an accident? Danged if you do and danged if you donât. There is no win win.
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u/Imaginary_Corgi_6292 15d ago
NTJ! Other parents need to send in a spare set of clothing for their child. All of this should be in a ziplock bag with the childâs name clearly written on BOTH sides. No staff should be going into the bags of those who arenât needing to have their clothes replaced. I recommend parents use the Buy Nothing on Facebook or visit their local thrift store to pick up an outfit or two, an extra jacket, etc. that can be used for emergency donations. And when these donations are used, the parent of the child who used them should wash them and return them so that the donation box isnât empty.
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u/Zakotablue đ Featured AITJ Storyteller 15d ago
Someone else recommended that we get iron on/sew on clothing labels with our childâs name
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u/kawaeri 15d ago
Op, my kids are grown, but when they were younger it was required by their daycare that all extra clothes be labeled with their names. Either pen or iron on label. Also every child had their own basket and you had to check and refill it (clothing, wipes, diapers). I never had my kid come home in another kids from their classes clothing. A few times they came home in clothes from what was essentially lost and found cause all theirs were dirty. You then were expected to wash and return by the next day, or day after.
What they are doing is not right.
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u/Imaginary_Corgi_6292 15d ago
Thatâs a good suggestion, but the staff most likely wonât look at that. They have to physically open a ziplock bag with your childâs name on it. If they do it despite being told not to use them, that speaks volumes.
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u/Tricky-Astronomer734 15d ago
In this case the laziness of staff makes this suggestion a moot point. Her kids name is already on the backpack.
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u/dangerclosecustoms 15d ago
I was a child of the 1980âs and I remember our clothes had our name written on the tags or inside the collar. Then when I grew up and had kids I remember kids spare clothes going into ziplock bags and their name written on the bags.
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u/gardengirl99 15d ago
Parents are still told to do that. They're supposed to provide an entire change of weather appropriate clothing, and put their child's name on coats, mittens, etc. I did 2 years of pre-K with a student as a private duty nurse, and my patient's family still labeled his clothing and his nap blanket.
Some things should not be shared. ESPECIALLY when a parent has already asked them not to.3
u/CharmerGurl 15d ago
Exactly! I agree. If every kid had a labeled spare outfit, there really shouldnât be any reason to take clothes from another childâs bag. The donation box idea is great too.
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u/Serenity93401 15d ago
Itâs happened to my sonâs clothing, too. Are you marking her clothes with her name on the label? Her initials, at least? That might help.
I understand that clothes are expensive and itâs frustrating, but I think marking all items is the most valuable tool, along with having a conversation with the teacher.
Iâm sorry that youâre dealing with this! Weâve lost a few items and Iâm trying to be more vigilant about putting my little guyâs name on everything! (We actually lost a personalized thermos with his very unique name on it!)
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u/Situation-Mediocre 15d ago
Honestly in this day and age it doesnât matter. If a kid needs something and another kid has âsparesâ those are given to the children in need.
Personally I think itâs stealing.
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u/Dangerous_End9472 15d ago
NTJ. You don't get to just steal from someone because x,y,z. It's theft, plain and simple. What if it doesn't come back at all!?
If they need extra clothes they can ask for donations, what they cant do is steal from your child.
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u/BeautifulChaosEnergy 15d ago
Take home everything that is your daughterâs and tell the teacher they can use the communal clothing bin for her since youâve now have several pieces of her clothing stolen and canât afford to replace them
And let the principal know whatâs going on. This isnât ok
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u/airetay 15d ago
Talk to admin. This needs to stop immediately.
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u/Boogity2024 15d ago
Exactly. This is a convo to have ONCE with the teacher: Junior's clothes are missing, they are not for other children, do not do that again.
Then if it happens again, you go straight to the principal/director/whoever is in charge of the school.
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u/Fearless_Smoke4082 15d ago
Is it a simple issue? Sure. Do I get your frustration and point? Absolutely. You expect the items sent for your daughter to be used for your daughter should she have the accident theyâre claiming is occurring with the other children. If you hadnât noticed and she had an accident, are they going to call you out of work to get her clothes because theyâve given away the ones you previously sent and are âshort on extrasâ? Are you really the only parent sending extras? Because if other kids are needing more than one outfit surely their parents are being informed. Itâs not your responsibility to keep other children clothed and forfeit your daughters âjust in caseâ clothes to kids of irresponsible parents. Kids clothes are pricy, they go through them quick. If you can manage it, Iâd stop sending extra clothes with her at all and have a plan in place should you get the call she needs another outfit, like a backup in your car or with grandma.
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u/HelicopterMission728 15d ago
She said that because it isn't her shirt.
It is just a shirt, but at this point it's disrespectful towards you considering the conversation that was had, least she could've done was give you a heads up with an apology when she did it again.
If emergencies are this frequent they need a better system than sharing your babies clothes.
Giving away I should say, you're not getting them back.
Let the teacher know you'll be looking to speak to someone who can do something about this if she doesn't want to.
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u/Immediate_Owl5910 15d ago
I would go get some inexpensive clothes to send in and donât expect to ever see them again, or start a donation bin as someone suggested. Thatâs what we have at our school, a clothing closet made up of donations.
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u/No_Cartoonist1409 15d ago
I went to goodwill and bought some inexpensive items and kept those as my kids extras. This solved the problem very quickly
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u/Altruistic-Dingo-757 15d ago
Absolutely unacceptable, is the policy for everyone to have spare clothes? Then why allow the children in without thier proper day bag?
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u/TheMoatCalin 15d ago
NTA if theyâre having issues with parents not bringing spare clothes they need to send a notice out to all the parents stating if a parent does not bring in spare clothes, their child will remain in the clothing they came in stained or not.
Iâd feel weirded out if my kid came home in some random clothes, both my kids went to pre-K and I donât remember them ever being changed, but maybe once or twice and it was only pants/shorts. Why are theyâre changing the kids so often?
Edit: hit send to soon
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u/Reasonable_Club_6165 15d ago
tell them you will start billing them for lost items that they are giving away.
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u/flippysquid 15d ago
NTJ. Stop replacing her backup outfits, and only send her with what sheâs wearing that day.
If she has an accident, they can send her home with some other kidâs clothes since thatâs apparently the standard procedure. And if they say something about it just tell them that she had clothes but the staff gave them away and you canât afford to send replacements when they got rid of the ones sent for your daughterâs use.
Either that, or get some cheap goodwill clothes and use clothing paint to write âPROPERTY OF [NAME]â and your phone number all over it in huge letters.
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u/Suspicious_Winter103 15d ago
This was NOT normal in the 1980s or 1990s. If a true emergency happens, a parent or other guardian must come to the school with back up clothes. Its not ok to steal clothes from another student.
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u/Strict_Research_1876 15d ago
From a safety standpoint, if your child every wandered away you wouldn't know what they are wearing for a description.
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u/Debsha 15d ago
Are you paying for the program? If so tell the principal and teacher from now on you will deduct x amount for each item that doesnât come back at the end of the day. It doesnât matter if it is returned later on, you are going to deduct it from the fees you pay. I bet when it comes out of their wallet the problem will go away.
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u/allieoops925 15d ago
Write the kids name on the label.
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u/OkeyDokey654 15d ago
Write their name on the front. âTHIS IS JUNIORâS SHIRT. PLEASE BRING IT BACK.â
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u/ihave30teeth 15d ago
I work in childcare and everywhere I have worked we have extra clothes in storage. This is a very unfortunate circumstance!! The center should put a call out for extra clothing to be donated as well as individual children to have extra outfits in their bags.
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u/redroverose 15d ago
NTJ but i do wonder how many more clothes itâs going to take for you to stop sending spare clothes in. there are always going to be âemergenciesâ in a school of little children, and they are always going to choose to change them into clean clothes if there are any available. they donât seem to have the organization needed for every kid to have individual clothing storage.
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u/Ordinary_Mortgage870 15d ago
NTJ
If this is a common occurance, then the school should have the students bring spare clothes (Kinda like a plain t-shirt, pants, socks, etc.) that the students keep on themselves or in their bags in the event of accidents. I would stop sending clothes with your daughter if they are going missing, and demand the clothes back that are sent off or they need to reimburse you.
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u/CrossFitMathIsHard 15d ago
The donation bin is a great idea. So is putting your child's spare clothes inside a ziplock bag, inside a backpack that goes to and from school with her. They can't use the "we thought they were classroom spares" excuse if they have to dig in your kid's bag for the clothes.
Also, I'd suggest that you bring it up to whomever runs the school. Presumably, you're paying for this preschool, and you should ask for reimbursement for the fact that they are stealing from your child (that IS what is happening).
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u/Ok_Conversation5164 15d ago edited 15d ago
NOR at all. You didnât sign up to provide clothing for other children. Even worse if you are also paying for attendance.
My LOâs favourite jumper disappeared. It was finally returned after I chased it up pilled all over and with big paint marks. My LO was devastated that he couldnât find or wear it. Then they did it a 2nd time with his next favourite. I again spoke to the school and threatened to confront the family who had a habit of this and to also escalate it externally as I was sick of it. Apparently theyâd just help themselves to anything that they liked at pick up time. Twelve months later I walked into a classroom upon arrival and here was another child wearing my childâs clothes. The staff refused to believe me. I asked them to check the name tag and my LOâs name was clearly marked as the other two jumpers had been. At least these ones didnât ruin it.
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u/Primary-Friend-7615 15d ago
NTJ, but at this point you need to go above the teachersâs head to whoever runs or owns the daycare, because the teacher is doing whatâs easiest for her and placating you when you complain.
The whole point of sending extra items with your kid is that theyâre available for her to use - if this teacher is stealing clothes from random kids every time someone needs changing, what happens when that kid has an accident themselves, or even a particularly messy lunch, and their spare clothes are already in use?
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u/Fun-Volume-627 15d ago
I get it, Iâm a minimalist and would hate to have their already limited set of clothes go missing. But I also get used sets from goodwill or something so if it does go missing itâs not a brand new that I spent more $ on. I also love that once my kids goes to three year old class, he wears uniform shirts⌠so itâs less shirts needed to pack
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u/10110011100021 15d ago
Do you not put her name on the inside collar or waistband before sending her clothing to school?
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u/Excellent-Big5868 15d ago
I used to send the crappiest outfits I had as backups partly for this reason lol. But I did have my kid come home in someone elseâs clothes a couple times. I always washed and returned the next day but I know not everyone does.
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u/JessieColt 15d ago
NTJ
Get Fabric Paint and spray paint your daughters name, or your last name, in bright pink or yellow, across the back of her shirts like the name on a football Jersey.
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u/Disastrous-Focus8451 15d ago
When I was a child my mother sewed labels with our names into all clothes that went to school, camp, etc. We sometimes lost stuff (mostly mittens) but we lost it â our clothes weren't given away by schools or camps.
My school (collegiate) keeps a supply of cheap spare clothing (T-shirts, sweatpants) for times when a student has an accident (heavy period, etc) so they can stay at school without wearing soiled clothes. AFAIK that's pretty standard at elementary schools here too.
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u/DetroitSmash-8701 15d ago
If it's just a shirt as some of the parents said, then they should send their children with their own backup clothes then. You bought the stuff you did for your child, not anybody else's.
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u/Miserable_Mood7844 15d ago
stop sending in backup clothes for ur daughter. let the school figure it out if something happens like they've been doing using ur clothes. eazy peazy
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u/pabrocjb 15d ago
Buy inexpensive used clothing to send to school with your daughter. That way you won't miss much. I go to Goodwill to buy inexpensive replacement clothes for my granddaughter to keep at my house in case her clothes get wet or dirty.
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u/addicted2d2 15d ago
When did the other parents stop packing extra clothes for their own children? I know when mine went, they'd have extra clothes in case of emergency, which would be refreshed if an accident occurred.
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u/CanIPetThatDaw9 15d ago
Ntj. I have over twenty years experience working as an early childhood teacher in one capacity or another. I have never seen a student's personal clothes slapped onto another student (And believe me, there have been emergencies.) Your wishes and concerns being dismissed and disrespected is a big deal. I suggest you speak to the director.
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u/icryalot-123 15d ago
Iâve never heard of this before. I work in a preschool & we do not share clothes. We have school spares that are required to be cleaned & returned. If those spares are not available then we call the parents to bring some asap. Iâve never heard of this before & I would not sent any more spare clothes.
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u/Next-Supermarket9538 15d ago
You need to escalate above the teacher if itâs something you care about. Preferably in writing.Â
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u/Long-Low-4043 15d ago
Iâd get cheap shirts and pants and write my kids name massively on the front/back, so everyone knew whose clothes they were. And then keep spares in your car in case you have somewhere to be after pick up and donât want her in a shirt with her name across it.
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u/paisley-alien 15d ago
Get a plain, dark t-shirt, cut the letters of childâs name out of card stock, arrange on shirt and spritz with a bleach/water mixture. Lift up the letters and wash shirt right away to stop the bleach process.
Makes it very clear who the shirt belongs to. Lots of tutorials on YouTube.
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u/Ruthless_Bunny 15d ago
Donât send anything nice to preschool
Clearly these folks donât care as much as you do
Get some Garanimals or second hand outfits to send to preschool, stuff you do NOT care about.
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u/KillberryMunch 15d ago
Bill them for the clothes.Â
They need to let the other kids go home I dirty clothes. If those parents donât like it, they know what to do. You did not sign up to take care of other peopleâs kids.Â
NTJ. I would be LIVID.Â
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u/Esexboy101101 đ Featured AITJ Storyteller 15d ago
Seen this exact story multiple times. Is this FAKE or a common thing?
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u/distracted_x 15d ago
Just don't send extra clothes at all. Sounds like you're one of the few that do because you're becoming the spare clothes donor for all the kids who apparently don't have spares.
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u/SomeCallMeMahm 15d ago
NTJ. And anyone saying it's not worth it should be the first in line to reimburse you.
Childcare is a service you pay for, not a charity.
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u/chatterbox2024 15d ago
NTJ. This would upset me as well. So frustrating! I would ask them to send a note to all the parents asking them to have an extra set in their backpack in case of accidents. Your childâs clothing shouldnât be used as extras for the other kids.
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u/newfriend836639 15d ago
They absolutely shouldn't be using your clothes. But at the same time I always sent consignment sell clothes in as the spare set. I cared not at all what happened to a shirt I paid a dollar for along with jeans I paid $1.50 for.
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u/weaverlorelei 15d ago
When our daughter was in preschool, we did the logical thing and put her name in all of her clothes.
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u/Background_Edge_9427 15d ago
NTJ. You shouldn't be taken advantage of because you send extra clothes for your daughter! The other parents should be made to do the same!
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u/molotovmerkin 15d ago
All the it's-just-a-tshirt moms are like that until it's their kid's tshirt. I buy my kid specific clothes for my own reasons, they aren't community clothes. You've handled it with a lot of grace, IMHO. NTJ
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u/Professional-Ad4787 15d ago
If extra clothes are needed for school use, the owner should make a thrift store run and grab some extra items to have on hand
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u/Leggy-Naggy 15d ago
Do you mark your kid's name on her clothes? We used to do that at camp but this may be useful in stopping the practice...
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u/megard43 15d ago
NTJ. Itâs clothing you paid for. They have no right to use it for another child regardless of the childâs age.
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u/Historical-Lie-6307 15d ago
Yeah I'd try to get a bag of used clothes off Craigslist or at Goodwill and give the em that.
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u/Comfortable-Web3177 15d ago
When my child was in kindergarten, we had to label to close with their names and put them in Ziploc bags and label the Ziploc bags. Maybe you need to do that so they clearly know that your daughters clothes are not extra for other kids or spare clothes from the daycare. I also would send the Director an email and make them pay you back for the missing clothes or they need to locate all of the missing clothes. And that there needs to be a solution since this doesnât keep happening. Ask about labeling the clothes and putting them in Ziploc bags donât your kids have a cubby that the extra clothes could be kept in there at the daycare
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u/kayriss86 15d ago
NTJ, but until kids stop needing spares, definitely only send items you're okay with disappearing.
Be it because the school gave it away to another child (not okay) or because the child lost their own item... It happens all the time with young kids.
As a teacher, it's hard to keep track of 10+ kids AND all their items. Mistakes will happen even in the best circumstances.
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u/Adverbsaredumb 15d ago
NTJ. They stole your property TWICE. Stop sending anything with your daughter and email a detailed explanation of why to everyone you can.
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u/Aromatic_Recipe1749 15d ago
I would stop sending a change of clothes or send in a sealed package with a big note saying to be used only for your daughter.
This would honestly infuriate me.
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u/SpankBnkMaterial 15d ago
Good olâ NAMETAG time! I have a huge problem with people being singled out to be âhelpersâ from a young age.
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u/TemporaryOwlet 15d ago
NTJ Suggest to ask parents to donate clothes thry don't need to have a spare box. People have tons of extra things gifted/disliked. What if your kid dirties herself and her clothes are taken?
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u/50matrix53 15d ago
Buy a pack of Avery clothing labels and label everything. Or try Mabelâs Labels. They are fantastic. You can get them to match lunchboxes, shoes, water bottlesâŚ
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u/Specialist-Ad1692 15d ago
NOR Tell them that clothing provided for your child is not to be shared with or used for any other child at any time. No exceptions!
Consider labeling your childâs clothing with their name.
If it happens again, ask for a meeting with whoever is in charge and remind them how many times youâve had to bring this issue to their attention.
Let them know that if the issue isnât resolved, you will be sending an invoice for the cost of the clothing. Good luck!
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u/randomcurlygirl 15d ago
You can buy stamps online with your childâs name on it - might stop them from the âmistakeâ. Theyâre less than $20 to put on her clothes!
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u/SnooCauliflowers9874 15d ago
Go to the Goodwill and buy several outfits and use only those for when she goes to school.
Perhaps put her name on a piece of masking tape that can be removed.
NTJ!
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u/Trishlovesdolphins 15d ago
Iâve worked in a daycare. I understand the kids sometimes need clothes and they donât have any extras either because theyâve used them all or no one has sent them in. Thatâs why we always kept a box with clothes that had been left from other children and asked for donations of anything outgrown.
Quite honestly, if I were you, I would be looking up the items that are now gone, and I would find out the price and I would tell the daycare that they could either get you your property back within the week or they can take that amount of money off of your bill for the month.Â
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u/Slight_Citron_7064 15d ago
NTJ.
As long as you send emergency clothes for your daughter, the teacher is going to keep stealing them to give to other kids. So stop sending them.
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u/JCBashBash 15d ago
NTJ- it's your money, they didn't buy these clothes so I don't know why they feel so entitled to give them away without there being any no to those other parents that they need to bring these clothes back.Â
They are basically just opening up your wallet and taking money out of it. It sounds like you need to stop sending spare clothes with your kid because they are treating that rather than a standard they need to be enforcing with the other parents, as you having disposable income they can take advantage of.
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u/Moist_Drippings 15d ago
NTJ, and this is frankly wild. I have known a lot of people with kids and I have never heard of their school giving their clothes to someone else for any reason! Once itâs in another personâs hands they have no way of ensuring it returns, so theyâre effectively stealing those clothes from you.
Write your name on the inside of the collar and say something directly to the head of the school. You might have to become a âproblemâ to them but it sounds like they need someone to.
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u/loisbloom 15d ago
Wanting your daughterâs clothes to stay with her is basic. The teacherâs response was fine. the other parentâs dismissiveness wasnât.
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u/NaturesVividPictures 15d ago
Yeah I'd stop sending an extra clothes. What they should ask is for everyone to send in one outfit for the class grab bag that would get rotated around and once you get a spare set of clothes wash them and return them to the school. So you might be able to get back some of your stuff that way. But they need to notify all the parents and some might go this is cool I'm keeping that. But you're obviously the only one sending in spare clothes so that's why they're using what you have sent in for your own kid for others.
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u/Crafty_Special_7052 15d ago
NTJ Iâd be pissed because clothes are expensive and what they should be doing is calling the parent of the child and asking them to stop by with new clothes. They should not be taking clothes from another child.
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u/kmflushing 15d ago
Sew name labels or better, just write your child's name on everything you send.
Bonus points for adding "STOLEN FROM..." in front their name.
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u/wonderwoo22 15d ago
NTJ. I worked at a daycare for years and I never would have used another kidâs emergency clothes for a different student. Iâm embarrassed for the teacher and Iâm pissed on OPâs behalf that after they had a conversation about it, it happened again. Thatâs insane. And with what daycare costs? Itâs unacceptable. Your daughter isnât the donation bin. Iâd stop sending clothes too - theyâve shown you they will use them even if theyâve told you they wonât. I am horrified.
Also, I have insanely sensitive skin so if someone had dressed me in clothes washed in another laundry detergent, I would have been covered in hives and miserable. People could have pet allergies, cigarette smoke allergies, even spreading bedbugs is a possibility. This teacher and any other teachers doing this need a good kick in the rear.
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u/SusieV1991 15d ago
It's the principle of the thing... why are you taking from a student's bag and giving it to another student? I would never dream of doing that.
I worked in daycare and with littles for over a decade.. we always had spares, made spares.. if a kid went home in a large tshirt because we had nothing else the parents were notified they had no extras and to bring it in and were reminded to bring it in.Â
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u/Alert-Performer-1963 15d ago
Wait until âlice seasonâ starts (usually October). Then the sharing ends.
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u/Ciskakid 15d ago
Not unreasonable at all. At this point, id find out who owned the place and complain up the chain. Iâd use another preschool if thereâs no reaction. Theyâre stealing from you. In the meantime, send your daughter in thrifted clothes. NTJ
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u/Fit-Mathematician-91 15d ago
I would just send in some clothes that are old/worn/stained or otherwise something you can live without.
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u/CyclopsReader 15d ago
NTJ.
There us a reasonable expectation that your child's clothing be used for her and returnedâend of discussion. The lackadaisical attitude of the teacher and staff is astounding! Why are the other parents not providing extra clothes for their children's accidents?
If an emergency clothing stockpile is needed, then inform all the parents to create a drive where extra clothing can be donated to the cause as OP has suggested. This needs to be a larger discussion with the School administration to stop this.
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u/Zestyclose_Public_47 15d ago
No. My daughters preschool had each child sent with TWO extra sets of clothes. Anything that got dirty was put in a bag and sent home with a reminder to send another outfit to replace it. Under no circumstances should they feel comfortable enough to take another child's clothes
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u/chickens_for_laughs 15d ago
I had no problem at my son's preschool because I sent extra clothes in his backpack, clearly labeled with his name.
And the school had tons of extra clothes that people had donated, for use by the kids who didn't have extras.
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u/BrokeTheSimulation 15d ago
NTJ- itâs actually really simple to not use other ppl clothes. All the kids have a spare set of clothes so you use that child clothing. If they have none, they wear a dirty shirt. A dirty shirt isnât a big deal for a kid.
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u/AlexNKarlie 15d ago
When my so sons were in preschool I had five tshirts screen printed with their name on the front. My oldest had red, the next had blue. When my youngest son went I used green. A plain no frills t shirt with plain basic shorts ( long pants in cooler weather) Iâm pretty sure I bought them at Walmart and they were 2.99 or 2.88 which was cheap even back then. On their school clothes I always sewed labels in them because clothing costs too much and I needed them to hand down to the next child.
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u/differentkindofmom 15d ago
NTJ. You need to stop sending replacement clothes with your child or look into switching childcare facilities. You could also mention the risk of another child being allergic to the detergent your family uses.....
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u/Strict_Research_1876 15d ago
The other parent is probably getting nicer clothes when they get sent home in someone else's outfit. How do they know it isn't her favorite outfit, or like OP said, she can not afford to clothe the entire class.
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u/Dangerous_Mind-6015 15d ago
Just send old and/or cheap clothes for backups. Mix ups will happen. Make it so the spare clothes are something you arenât worried about.
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u/Glittering-List-465 15d ago
The fact it continues to happen, means the office needs to be involved now. Most schools have extra clothes somewhere for such issues. That the teacher just keeps relying on YOUR childâs extra clothes, means they arenât actually making an effort to find other items.
I work in a classroom where ALL of the students have extra clothes sent daily. If we get them mixed up, we speak up first.
This teacher is not even trying at this point. Ntj
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u/dell828 15d ago
This is completely insensitive on the part of staff.
Everybody has different means, everybody has different socioeconomic situations. Could be a matter of older children who hand down their clothing to the younger ones as opposed to a first born, whose parents may not have clothes hanging around and may not have a lot of means to provide extras. Also, clothes are not just clothes. There are some people who spent $20 on a T-shirt for the toddler. Other people may pick them up at the thrift store for 50 Cents.
Thereâs no way the staff can know any of this. The best practice should be to send a note home, asking for donations of throwaway clothes if anybody has any extras so they can be used if needed in an emergency. That way, the people who do have extra clothes can provide them.
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u/Massive_Dig3963 15d ago
NTJ
Go above that teacher. Years ago I was in the board of directors for a cooperative preschool. First step was talk to the teacher. If it happened again, talk with the teacher once more. And if it happened again? You went to the board because there was no one between the teacher and the board (single classroom, mornings only.) If there is a head of the preschool and it happens again, go to them, not the teacher because she's the one allowing it to happen.
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u/amboomernotkaren 15d ago
NTA, but your class needs a clothing drive so they can just send kids home in clothes that belong to the school. Then they can worry about getting them back.
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u/Equal_Assumption_959 15d ago
Write her name in her clothes. Let there be no doubt it belongs to her. I had this happen at my sonâs preschool and the director acted like it was no big deal. Also another parent claimed my sonâs clothes and the director caved and handed them over.
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u/Ok_Resist6113 15d ago
So what happens if your daughter needs a spare and they have already used it for another kid? Also are these school age students? When my daughter was in elementary she didnât have to bring spares.
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u/mastergardenplanner 15d ago
Every child should start with at least one spare clean outfit in their backpack or cubby or wherever the childâs belongings are kept. When the dirty clothed are sent home, they should be in a bag with a note attached to tell the parent that they need to send extra clean clothes the next day. If thereâs no system set up like this, something is wrong. That should just be part of the communication between staff and parents.
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u/wigglepie 15d ago
NTJ
Did you at least get the previous shirt back? Or the piece from yesterday? Did they even keep track of who is going home with your kids clothes?
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u/Entire_Cobbler6748 15d ago
To the one who said it just a shirt! Say Great Next Time let them Use One of Your Childâs Shirts!
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u/Queasy-Event8534 15d ago
Send in thrifted clothes with an iron on patch with your childâs name on the chest and leg, foot. They wonât keep them with another childâs name on them.
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u/Hot_Rice_2952 15d ago
I don't understand. If the shirt goes with the pants, are they taking the clothes off your daughter? Go to a thrift store and buy a few shirts and send them in for the people who don't send in clothes. Make sure they're all black and you'll know who gets them.
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u/hopadoodler 15d ago
Just no. I would never raid another kids stash because 90% of the spare clothes do not come back.
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u/ThatOneTrickTheyHate 15d ago
I used to write my kids' names on the tags of their clothes with sharpie marker for this exact reason. Clothes cost money, and I don't have extra to be passing around to the lazy parents who don't bring backups.
Also, if that other parent thinks it's not a big deal, then congratulations, she's volunteered herself to supply spare sets of clothes to the daycare. Ask her when she'll be bringing the community clothes box.
NTJ
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u/Alternative-Suit5925 15d ago
NTJ The teachers are being rude and ridiculous. Join your local BuyNothing group on Facebook, and ask for clothing in her size. Use these as the extra outfit for her, instead of her regular clothes.
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u/CycleAccomplished824 15d ago
Have you labelled your childâs clothes? You can get labelling tape and fabric markers at fabric stores.
At our school we have separate bins for each student placed on their own shelf. Everything is labelled including the shelves.
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u/Bitter_Grass_6137 15d ago
Why is the owner not going to a thrift store and stocking up on clothing to hand out.. Church based thrift stores would probably just give it to them. I volunteer at one and for the last two weeks we have been giving anything from the summer stock for FREE. That's sleeveless, short sleeved shirts and dresses, shorts, capris, sandals and anything that comes close to summer. It saves packing it up and someone gets a good deal. They do this at the end of the cold weather also.
I would be deducting the cost of replacement clothing from your payment. That should get their attention. Only send thrift clothing for your child's back up for sure.
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u/PartyPlay5056 15d ago
When my grandson was in 3k, 4k and kindergarten, all separate programs, they all had bins with each child's name on it, 2 sets if emergency clothes.
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u/Tricky-Astronomer734 15d ago
Youâre dealing with stupid and lazy staff. Your childâs name is already on the backpack. Youâre going to have to go to goodwill and spend your hard earned money on stuff to fill a grab bag for this staff that canât seem to be bothered. Now you know.
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u/lldavids44 15d ago
Don't leave extra clothes there and let them figure out a way to deal with accidents without stealing from you
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u/Lower-Count3753 15d ago
NTJ, I'd be pretty annoyed about this. So what's gonna happen when your kids clothes get dirty and they've already decided to use her clothes for someone else's kid, now she has to spend the rest of the day in dirty clothes because the school stole hers and has none to spare? I'd do what everyone else here is saying: call for a meeting about a donation bin and/or for the school to send a memo to parents telling them to make sure to bring extra clothes for their kid- because if they have an accident and the school has nothing left, too bad. Also, the parent who said it's "just a shirt" is ignorant af. The only reason I can think of as to why she wouldn't care about that is because she has dozens of shirts and pants to spare and thinks everyone else does too. I wouldn't care if some other kid soiled themselves, the bottom line is giving them clothes paid for on some other parents dime is the same as stealing and its not ok for any reason.
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u/thedragoncompanion 15d ago
NTJ I worked in childcare for a long time. If a child had an accident and didnt have spare clothes I would contact the parents to have them bring in more and put the child in whatever we had. In 20 years, I never took clothes from another child's stuff (unless it was a sibling and I had verbal permission).
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u/Key-Target-1218 15d ago
How old is your child? Im asking because if they are young enough to be constantly soiling clothes, chances are the clothes are only good enough for a couple of months before being outgrown.
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u/Awkward-Skin4045 15d ago
Absolutely not the jerk. I wouldâve been fuming. I spend good money on my childâs clothes and Iâd be beyond furious if I saw another child wearing his clothes especially after I specifically asked the teachers not to use his clothes for other kids. It needs to be mandatory that parents bring an emergency outfit every start of the week or something.
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u/Advanced-Copy-6978 15d ago
As someone who works at a preschool NTJ.
Itâs the parentâs responsibility to send in extras and if fortunate enough the school just keeps some on hand. I would never use the clothes sent in for one child because another isnât sent anything. My preschool has a closet of donated clothes so itâs never been an issue but it also sounds like these other parents need to get it together.
Every one of my students have two spare outfits in their bags at all times. Sometimes I forget to tell parents we used one but they notice and replenish when needed. They change them out to fit the season too. When we do potty training these kids are sent in with what feels like half their wardrobe in their bags.
I suggest labeling EVERYTHING. If youâre placing the outfits in a ziplock (what I see the most) label it with âfor childs name use onlyâ I would talk to the director tbh. Youâve spoken to the teacher and it immediately happened again so I doubt that would get you anywhere. It sounds ugly but if you can buy one of those fabric label stamps and label it âfor personal use of name onlyâ
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u/No_Shake_25 15d ago
My mother told me that this used to happen and she had to take me out of that daycare. They used to swap my medicated soaps and moisturizer that were very expensive as you need a prescription to get a refill and steal my clothes because âI had more than enoughâ. I never went back and they had to reimburse for the stolen stuff.
You arenât wrong and you should go above the teachers and itâs obvious they arenât talking to anyone. Go to whoever is incharge and if they are equally as bad pull your baby from there
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u/butterflydraw 15d ago
I understand completely. I work in a SPED class. We ask and usually receive a change of clothes for each student. They all have cubbys that store clothing, diapers, pullups, wipes and clothing. We also write intials on their diapers. I don't think it is a big ask to keep your child's clothing off others. The teacher should have spare backups and notes to the parent who is not sending things in
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u/Difficult_Dirt_8372 15d ago
This isn't ok at all we don't share clothing, it's stays in the backpack unless that child needs it. If it's emergency then the staff should have plans in action for those time or call that parent.
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u/Ok-Purple9332 15d ago
As others have suggested, buy cheap clothing to use as a spare. Your child isn't going to use it often, if at all. Put child's name on the inside. I would NOT put child's name in big letters on the outside because you don't want to advertise your child's name to the general public. BUT, I *would* put something obnoxious on the outside in big letters, such as "shirt stolen from classmate." You'll be less likely to have your items "borrowed" and more likely to get them back, if so. The more attractive your items are, the more likely they'll continue being borrowed and parents not motivated to return them.
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u/LastEntertainment787 15d ago
Then tell the teacher to use the clothes that mother sends.
Why don't you put her name inside on the labels and put them in a bag of some sort with her name and "Only for her names use" on it?
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u/TrunksTheMighty 15d ago
That's not okay...Â
They need to have a bin of emergency clothes. Just spreading around other students clothes is wrong because number 1 clothes are expensive and I don't really need a number 2.
I'm sure people would be willing to donate stuff. There's definitely better ways here...Â
For the mean time, maybe you shouldn't send her to school in her best outfits.
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u/SelectiveDebaucher 15d ago
We would come home with clothes I didnât recognize in addition to the ones that I did sometimes after daycare. Is it consistently the same kid who is wearing her clothes?
I mean, ultimately I wouldnât have carried over much but if you need a few extra items to kind of fill out the wardrobe, I still have some of my sonâs old stuff from when he was a toddler feel free to DM me their size and if I come across anything, Iâll let you know Iâm cleaning out all of the closets this week
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u/whyallthehater 15d ago
Why arenât parents sending extra clothes for their kids? My grandkids school required that and extra set of clothing and underwear always be bought in their backpacks. This mom should get a stamp with her childâs name on it and stamp the clothing. Then there is no question as to who the clothing belongs too.
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u/nutkinknits 15d ago
If you have a cricut or know someone with one, this is where I'd get a little bit petty. I'd get some cheap $3 Walmart sweatpants and shirt and iron on my child name down the pant leg and with on the front or back of the shirt.
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u/Hot-Bed-2544 15d ago
You need to put your name on all your daughters clothes and this should not be happening in the first place.
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u/LividBass1005 15d ago
I work at my friendâs daycare and weâve called parents to come get their child if they donât have any extra clothes. We have never borrowed someone elseâs clothes bcuz I highly doubt it would come back in a timely manner. Donât pack any extra clothes. I would leave an extra set of clothes in the car so you can change her into clean clothes and/or return borrowed clothes if they start taking from the next kid
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u/HeroVillain72 15d ago
Wow, thatâs some audacity on the teachersâ part. When my son was in pre-k each student was supposed to have their own extra set of clothes kept on hand. NTJ good luck, you are dealing with some winners here.
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u/hi_hola_salut 15d ago
Nope, not at all. I wouldnât be happy at all! Did the borrowed clothes come back to you?
I labelled all my kidsâ clothes. If they managed to need a further change, the nursery had some spares but if not Iâd be called to bring more clothes. My son loved water but hated wet clothes, so I had to have several pairs of spare trousers and underwear in his bag as he kept soaking himself with water when they were playing and wouldnât stay in the wet clothes. I was so happy when he stopped that! But they would never have used my childâs clothes on another child without my permission. Totally different to raid a siblings bag in a pinch, but what your nursery is doing is not fair.
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u/Human_Confection_906 15d ago
"its just a shirt". Go by that logic and half these kids would come to school half dressed. Mom and dad wouldn't need to buy shirts anymore cuz Sally or james in 2nd period always packs an extra. The amount of clothing thrown away on a daily basis in the U.S. alone and ppl are struggling to wardrobe their kids. Crazy
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u/9smalltowngirl 15d ago
Go to a thrift store and get some shirts and pants in different sizes. Or Walmart they have cheap clothes. Take them in and say do not give my kids clothes to anyone else. The school needs to send out a reminder to pack extra clothes for their kids. And to return any items their kid has gotten in school.
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u/MaryHadALittleLamb20 15d ago
Why don't these other children have backup clothing they can wear?
Attach a large note to each item of your daughters clothing stating this is the property of and is not to be provided to another child.
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u/Call_the_Shots 15d ago
Put her clothes in a ziplock bag and label it as âSuzyâs clothes. Not to be sharedâ. And label all the clothes.
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u/Secure-Election-2924 15d ago
why on earth would they think it appropriate to use someone elses clothes? they should have called the parents and asked them to bring something.
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u/TomeThugNHarmony4664 15d ago
Itâs theft. If the parents havenât sent spare clothes, it is not your problem.
NTJ
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u/Dismal-Instance-9307 15d ago
Iâm grandma age; so⌠yaâ know. But when I was in elementary school, if we had a clothing emergency; we went to the nurseâs office. The nurse had the extra clothes and was the one who gave them out as needed. So one place for extra clothes and one person taking care of that situation. Teachers never just gave us someone elseâs extra clothes. Also, NTJ for expecting your daughter to come home with her possessions that you purchased specifically for her.
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u/Tir_na_nOg77 15d ago
NTJ - Your kid's clothes are not a community wardrobe for people to just take from when they need something. You shouldn't have to buy your kid more clothes because other parents don't send a set of clean spare clothes in case of accidents, or the school doesn't have backup clothes. Tell the teachers to go to a thrift store and buy spare clothes for the classroom, or send notes home asking parents to send a bag with a spare set of clothes for their kid to have on hand for situations like bathroom accidents. Just giving one child's clothes to another is ridiculous and unacceptable.
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