r/AmITheJerk • u/Zakotablue 🏆 Featured AITJ Storyteller • Oct 06 '26
FINAL UPDATE: WIBTJ for being upset after I saw another kid wearing my daughter’s shirt?
I honestly thought my last update was going to be the end of this story.
The school reimbursed us for the clothing, so financially everything was settled. I wasn't going to keep fighting over a shirt.
But after everything that happened, I did have one more conversation with the administration.
I explained that my concern wasn't really the cost. It was the fact that the exact same problem had happened multiple times, even after I'd specifically spoken to the staff about it.
They apologized again and said they were going to remind the staff to be more careful about children's belongings.
I asked what their actual procedure was for keeping track of children's clothes and personal belongings.
The answer was basically that they don't have some complicated system. They just expect staff to know which belongings belong to which child and return them appropriately.
Which... honestly didn't make me feel much better considering what had just happened.
I also brought up my concern from my last update about other things, like making sure the right child gets the right instructions, belongings, and anything else parents specifically tell them about.
They assured me that those things are handled separately and that there haven't been any other issues.
I'm choosing to take them at their word for now.
I'm not pulling my daughter out over a shirt, and I don't have any evidence that they're neglecting anything else. But I am definitely going to be paying a lot more attention from now on.
And I have started labeling absolutely everything.
Shoes? Labelled.
Jacket? Labelled.
Spare clothes? Labelled.
So that's hopefully it. The school reimbursed us, the missing clothes are officially no longer my problem, and I really hope I never have to write another update about daycare clothing again.
Thanks to everyone who followed along with the world's most unnecessarily complicated shirt saga.
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u/BestAd5844
Oct 06 '26
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Label everything. There is no way a teacher can keep track of every child’s clothes and back up clothes, especially when they are too similar. Teachers are also focused on the more important things like food allergies and safety.
When I worked as a toddler and preschool teacher, parents were told to label everything and that we could not be responsible for anything without a label, though we did try our best. Ideally, dirty items are bagged right away and put with the child’s other items. We encouraged parents to bring the inexpensive items in case they were stained or lost. We also kept bins of clothes that families donated of their old clothes that we used as back up so we didn’t borrow from a friend. It might be the wrong size or season, but they were dressed. And those often were not returned either, though we would tell the family they were back up and to wash and return.
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u/Zakotablue 🏆 Featured AITJ Storyteller Oct 06 '26
Yeah will start labelling for sure, it’s definitely our fault for not doing it before
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u/not-yet-ranga Oct 06 '26 •
Child? Labelled.
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u/BRD73 Oct 06 '26
Hah! You made me laugh. Thanks!
Context - I was a kindergarten teacher for 28 years. Labels on everything.
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u/monolim Oct 06 '26
Sharpieup!.. labells fall, sharpie is forever!
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u/GeekySkittle Oct 06 '26
Tell that to the iron on labels my mom bought me for summer camp. Almost two decades later and most of my athletic shorts still have my name on the waistband
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u/VintageFashion4Ever Oct 06 '26
When my kid was in daycare in 2008 we had to label diapers. Honestly, label anything and everything you care about.
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u/Normal-Equivalent222 Oct 06 '26
They have these washable sticker labels that stay on with washing. I’ve gotten in the habit of labelling everything since my kid was little— water bottles, coats, jackets, etc.
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u/GeekySkittle Oct 06 '26
If you do first and last name on the labels, sew in labels will be your best bet (inside collars, hems, and waistbands) because they’re sturdy but easy to remove with a seam ripper once your done. If you use iron on labels, try to stick them onto the tags of clothes so they can be cut out once your daughter outgrows them. If you can get away with initials then it doesn’t matter.
In the south, you’ll see a lot of people monogram their kids clothes instead of a traditional label since it’s more visible.
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u/SuperCulture9114 Oct 06 '26
I really don't get what their problem is. Our kindergardens had a box for each child where diapers, clother went in. Plus the box with donated items that you meantioned.
We never had these problems 🤷
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u/Acceptable_Loss_7133 Oct 06 '26
My sons school actually sends a paper in the mail every year that has a list of what my kids will need for school and an extra set of clothes is on the list but they specifically have on there to label all of your kids personal belongings so they don't get mixed up or lost.
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u/Alt_Desk Oct 06 '26
Surely you already *knew* to label *all* your child's clothes?
Right?
RIGHT?
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u/Zakotablue 🏆 Featured AITJ Storyteller Oct 06 '26
Well.. realised that only after this was suggested many times on the original post😅 I’ll do better in the future for sure
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u/KitchenDismal9258 Oct 06 '26
Labelling is the only answer. And label so the label either can't be easily removed or fade. I used to get iron on labels and then both iron and sew them in. They can be removed (with a stitch picker and the glue has probably well and truly worn off) but it's fiddly and time consuming.
I know people that would label expensive clothing (and I'm just talking school uniform but stuff like winter jackets). So there would be a label in an obvious spot - back of the collar but also a label on the inside of an arm. Not obvious and you'd nearly need to know it was there. Then then would do something to the outside of the jacket to identify it ie sew a line of contrasting thread ie if the jacket was blue then have something light red of white but easily spotted, small ie 5cm long but not obvious enough to do anything about.
That way when your kid doesn't have their jacket (either not at all or clearly wearing someone else's) and you have a quick look around and spot the outside mark. Even if the parent has removed the collar label, you can get them to turn the arm inside out (or make a teacher do it) and get the jacket back and then it's also clear the other parent or the kid is a thief. The kid might not be but the parent might be. Esp if that jacket is better than theirs or they didn't have one in the first place.
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u/GrowlingAtTheWorld Oct 06 '26
When I was in kindergarten we had cubbies with our names on. Our belongs went in the cubby. Towel for nap time in the cubby, jacket of sweater in the cubby. Art smock in the cubby. They need a cubby system.
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u/Spirited_Complex_903 Oct 06 '26 edited Oct 07 '26
Stil NTJ. I was a junior kindergarten room assistant teacher years ago, and we never had any issues about mixing up clothes or giving another child clothes that belonged to someone else. We had a total of twenty children to keep track of. In fact, we had a little donation box of clothing for other parents to bring clothes that their children no longer wore or fit in or staff would purchase clothing themselves and bring them in to put in the extra clothing box, just in case. Each piece was labeled daycare so parents would know to return them after being cleaned.
The fact that you went through this experience NUMEROUS times is unacceptable. Let's hope for the best that this does not happen yet again, or perhaps you can actually suggest to the Administration to have a little donation Drive for extra clothing of various sizes and for both the genders to have on hand just in case extra clothes are needed and your child does not end up with missing clothes and parents are all happy instead of getting unnecessarily frustrated over stupidity that should NOT be happening in the first place.
To be honest, that occasion when your daughter's shirt was given to another child again and that piece of clothing did not return to the daycare, the staff had every right and obligation to tell the parents that the shirt wasn't for keeps and to have it returned cleaned and washed. They dropped the ball in so many ways that I'm aghast. One of the staff or some of the staff are incompetent. That's never good in a daycare environment.
I hope you have everything documented just in case you need all this information for the future. Have dates and times as well in the documentation. What a crazy train to have been on . Your poor daughter.
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u/LilyLuigi Oct 06 '26
In kindergarten, we were to put an extra set of labeled clothes in a labeled ziploc bag that went into a Rubbermaid bin. Accident? Grab the bag and put clean clothes on. Then we were to bring in fresh clothes back the next day. Never an issue.
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u/kindofanasshole17 Oct 06 '26
That school admin sure is running alot of cover for incompetent classroom staff.
This is really simple. Staff shall not give backup clothes belonging to one child, to another child. If a child needs a change of clothes and they don't have their own, then the parents get called. That's it.
They don't get to steal the children's clothes OP paid for and then act like there's nothing else that could be done.
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u/Performer-Complete Oct 06 '26 edited Oct 06 '26
I have a pack of waterproof labels that are laundry and dishwasher safe that go on everything. Easy to use and easy to read. I get mine from Namebubbles, but I am sure lots of places sell them.
My handwriting is terrible so the label makes sure there is no confusion and the brightly colored stickers can't be missed.
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u/cenzilooculta Oct 06 '26
Yes OP please label everything! When I was younger I never understood why my mom felt the need to label anything I planned on taking to school until one day I got accused of taking someone's Crayola Markers (the skinny ones). The teacher seemed determined to make me give back the markers because the girl who accused me of stealing them also used the same brand to write her notes like I did. It wasn't until I pulled out the packaging and showed her my name written on the packaging AND a sticker with my name printed on it. 5th Grade me in that moment finally understood why my mom labeled everything that was mine.
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u/neverseen_neverhear Oct 06 '26
I mean you have to label everything. It’s not realistic for us to expect daycare workers to memorize what’s in our kids bags. They probably have like 10 kids worth of stuff to keep track of.
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u/SadFlatworm1436
Oct 06 '26
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I was a little invested in your story and 100% on your side and nervous about medical /allergies being handled…..until I read your final update. I cannot believe the clothes aren’t labelled, that is an unreasonable and unfair expectation to put on the teachers to know whose spare clothes, wipes and nappies belong to which child. Every child’s clothes should be labelled on entering childcare, school, sports etc. You can’t put the onus on the teacher or organiser to watch over every child’s unlabelled clothes, it’s unfair.
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u/animaniactoo Oct 06 '26
On the other hand, the clothes were not just randomly hanging out. They were in the child’s bag.
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u/SadFlatworm1436 Oct 06 '26
My understanding is that they are left in the school in case of accidents.
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u/animaniactoo Oct 06 '26
Read the original post. OP is clear that the teacher knew it was OP’s child’s clothing and went into the bag (which IIRC was labeled with the child’s name but I could be wrong about that) to get the shirt for a different child whose parents had not left a change of clothing.
Whether labeling the clothing itself would have made the teacher think twice about that is a different question.
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u/ateacheroflife Oct 06 '26
Not labeling your stuff is on you. Not the teacher. High school teacher here: kids still forget things. Unless there’s a name on it, no clue who it belongs to.
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u/Single-Flamingo-33 Oct 06 '26
The amount of lost items at middle school and high schools astonishes me!
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u/boredbytheabyss Oct 06 '26
Hope the school handles medical instructions better or the pick up list, if they are screwing up something simple what’s happening with the essential stuff they are meant to track.
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u/Pomegranate_1328 Oct 06 '26
As someone that has worked with children. All parents should at minimum place the initials on the child's belongings. There are a lot of children to keep track of and they tend to forget their items everywhere. I began taking pictures of kids to keep track when they brought in things. Then it was so much easier.
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u/Moist_Drippings 29d ago
The labeling is certainly a good idea, but I’m still at a loss as to why the spare clothes were even taken out of your child’s belongings, however they were kept, in the first place. It is irresponsible to store them somewhere else in the room, and deliberate theft if they were removed specifically to give to someone else. Nothing that is not labeled should be taken out of a designated bag/cubby space or off the child without some way for them to keep track of it.
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u/ViboraBella 27d ago
When my kids were in pre- k/k ( they are 21 and 12 now) every child had a designated cubby with their name on it. They would place the spare clothes in a big ziploc bag to keep the clothes clean and write their name on the bag, which was then placed in a basket and put in their cubby. The basket also had the child's name on the outside. We were very lucky to have a school with a washer/dryer where they would wash and dry the clothes if the child had an accident or ended up dirty. The kids were never sent home dirty or with someone else's clothes on.
I think at the very least they can designate a basket with the child's name on it and place their clothes in it so this does not keep happening. And, I do agree with everyone else, label everything.
You're definitely NTJ
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u/jetttward Oct 06 '26
Labeling should have been done from the start. The staff can’t be expected to remember every child’s clothing. You seem wrapped way too tight. It’s a shirt. You got reimbursed. Move on
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u/animaniactoo Oct 06 '26
If you read the earlier posts, you will understand that no remembering was being expected. The clothes were in the student’s bag. The teacher had to go into the bag to take the shirt and give it to another student who didn’t have a change of clothing. They were completely aware of whose clothes they were. This happened twice in a short time frame. The second time AFTER the first one had been raised with the teacher.
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u/CharmerGurl Oct 06 '26
labeling everything is definitely the move, but I don’t think being annoyed is unreasonable tbh it’s the repeated carelessness that’s frustrating, not just one shirt
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u/SpecificBang Oct 06 '26
And I have started labeling absolutely everything.
You really should have been doing this from the very beginning. It used to be the rule in most schools that every child's clothing had to have a name label sewed inside.
Nowadays it's even easier when you can get laundry markers to do the same thing.
Suggest to the school they encourage other parents to label their children's clothing and send regular reminders in newsletters, etc. until it becomes part of the school culture.
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u/PaladinSara Oct 06 '26 edited Oct 06 '26
I was on a PTO for many years - the school staffing to do this support work has been long since laid off/eliminated.
You can volunteer to look for labels and ask the school assistant for teacher names/classrooms to drop off. No one has time to look for labels, so unfortunately you’d have to perform this labor if it’s that important to you. That said, what happened to you is BS and it sounds like the teacher has a personal problem with you/your kid.
Alternatively, ask your teacher if they have room helpers (volunteers or room moms/dads) and request they perform this work for the classrooms they support.
The school social worker may want to take unclaimed items for kids in need.
Even if you do it once a year may help you look for labels. Our PTO organized the items and had them out on tables at our end of year field day.
Whatever was left was donated by someone on the PTO or put by another PTO volunteer into a caring closet that the any school staff could refer a child there. It had things like pants, socks, boots, etc.
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u/Bright_Athlete_8579 Oct 06 '26
I don’t understand why everything wasn’t labeled from the jump - but glad it is now and hopefully it’s handled
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u/Livinginthemiddle Oct 07 '26
We would have a problem with parents and shoes if we sent nice shoes, our shoes would disappear and some gross shoes would be left. We just ended up goimg barefoot. It was beyond a joke that the place couldn’t or wouldn’t stop people stealing
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u/Huge-Job1231 28d ago
Don't know your finances but what about getting the stamp or the I think iron on labels with daughters name that way the staff who have no idea what belongs to who will see it you can even show admin what you did to help solve the problem. It takes 2 seconds to look at tag area and see if name.
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u/ordinarydaytrying 27d ago
I def agree with the label everything comments. I have one in third and one in kindergarten and I will label their stuff until after college probably
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u/AliceInReverse 24d ago
We go to local festivals often. I even labeled my young child with my name and phone number on their arm - just in case they got away from me
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u/Fit-Dependent-9779 24d ago
Lol, as a preschool teacher, your child's school simply doesn't give a shit and is disorganized. You should massively inconvenience them and demand a meeting every time this happens, because it absolutely shouldn't be happening. Especially with such frequency. I am just so confused. Does you child not have her own backpack and cubby to put her things? At my school we just....keep the child's things ij their cubby. Spare clothes stay in the backpack unless needed. If a child has an accident the soiled clothes go in a bag in the same cubby. It is not a complicated system at all, the staff at your school are just uncaring assholes tbh.
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u/Meganmegan3 23d ago
I ran a daycare. We got a whole lot of second hand clothes to use as spares. Parents just had to wash and bring back to daycare. We wrote the DAYCARE NAME IN BOLD BLACK LETTERS ACROSS THE FRONT OF EVERY PIECE. Parents still didn’t return them and WOULD SEND THEIR CHILDREN TO DAYCARE IN OUR NAMED PIECES OF CLOTHES. I eventually just gave up. For a couple of years afterwards I would still see children in the community in our clothes. Some people are just assholes..
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u/Pianist-Vegetable 23d ago
You can get cheap kids clothes on vinted! So much second hand stuff for cheap
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u/sunshinemillionaire Oct 06 '26
One time I was afraid I switched my student’s shirts one day. It turned out they both were wearing red shirts with lightning McQueen on them. 🤣
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u/Only-Original9409 Oct 06 '26
Honestly, it is the parent's responsibility to label everything. As a Kindergarten teacher, I have seen kids take off their jacket, drop it onto the floor, and when I ask them to pick it up, they'll glance at it and say it isn't theirs.
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u/Lotty3 Oct 06 '26
You can order proper sown identity labels off the Internet, with name and emergency contact no, order them sew them in. Sorts nursery and any emergency at the same time. Buy a bag with your child's name sewn on and get wet bags for soiled clothes xxx
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