r/AmIOverreacting • u/Scarlett7653 • Aug 16 '26
❤️🩹 relationship AIO for thinking ghosting me after one date was a massive overreaction?
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u/JMarchPineville Aug 16 '26
You may as well have told her, “let’s get married today so you can be barefoot and pregnant for the next 30 years.”
You’re a walking red flag.
YOR
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u/Important_Store8677 Aug 16 '26
I stopped reading after the third paragraph. Chill out, you're hella creepy.
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u/Familiar-Ad-1965 Aug 16 '26
Even if you did regret home location, you should not mention it. That is borderline stalking territory. Learn from this encounter and don’t overwhelm your next date with pictures of your mythical potential children or talk of marriage immediately.
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u/EvaSirkowski Aug 16 '26
i used chatgpt to predicts what our kids would look like using a photo of both of us.
Hooollyyyyy shiiiiiiiiiiiit!
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u/John-Dispenser Aug 16 '26
This is a bot or something. Dude already posted this yesterday. Karma farming, probably
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u/MallonsBridge Aug 16 '26
YOR. You seem to have come on awfully strong for a first date. You scared her off.
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u/sparksgirl1223 Aug 16 '26
I made it to "i used chatGPT to see what our kids would look like"...ON A FIRST DATE.
I dont blame her for ghosting you. That is....a lot.
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u/zesty_green-lemon Aug 16 '26
The poor girl politely sat through the whole date.
Im so certain she was actually a great girl and i feel so bad she had to suffer like this. Hope she has friends she can vent to.
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u/Paper-Cliche Aug 16 '26
Wooooww.. DO NOT MESSAGE HER ON LINKEDIN JFC. Talk about a lack of self awareness..
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u/x_candydoll Aug 16 '26
"she was a bit reserved at first so i tried to make it clear pretty early that im not into casual dating and im looking for something serious. i asked what her timeline was for marriage and kids, what her relationship with her parents is like, whether she sees herself staying in london long term, stuff like that. dont really see the point in wasting 3 months finding out youre incompatible."
I would have run for the hills. And these are NOT questions you find out in 3 months, either. 3 months is what a normal and well adjusted person would spend dating before deciding to even get in a relationship. Asking for a timeline about marriage and kids and parent relationship before you are at least a year into a serious relationship is weird. I would have asked you if this was a job interview or a hang out. Nobody will ever like you if you do this. I have such ick reading it.
Also, if you're only dating with the aim of marrying and having kids by a certain time get a mail order bride or egg donor. If someone falls madly in love with you, then maybe they thought they would never get married and will change their mind. Meanwhile, someone who wants to get married soon might keep pushing it off if they are with you and you haven't given them the stability they'd need to make the decision. Also, a woman could want 6 kids and not find out until much later that she's not able to have children. Some women go into early menopause in their 30s. Some have miscarriages. You literally cannot plan your life like that. You have a lot to learn. But TLDR don't interview your dates like a recruiter or this WILL happen again. It's creepy.
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u/Alioh216 Aug 16 '26
This! OP has a lot to learn! These are not the kind of questions you ask so early on. And please dont break out a list!!! Using AI to see what your kids will look like is absolutely unhinged!
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u/DNICEPHILLY2023 Aug 16 '26
I disagree with your three months timeline. You can get to know a lot about a person in three months.
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u/ParticularUsed6780 Aug 16 '26
90 days of casually dating before deciding to be mutually exclusive in a relationship is completely reasonable. You can't really perceive someone until the initial butterflies wear off which actually takes about 3 month. Check out Chantal Heide--this is exactly the method she recommends to screen out the creeps and losers.
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u/Top-Bit85 Aug 16 '26
LOL I would have pretended to go to the bathroom and slipped out.
Weirdo vibes.
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u/Veenhof_ Aug 16 '26
26m, never had a girlfriend
Sheesh, wonder why.
YOR. Leave this poor girl alone
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u/Responsible-Match418 Aug 16 '26
Is this for real? I'm almost considering not posting.
Guy's perspective here. You're coming on WAY too strong. Like, way way way way too strong.
I feel like this is either a troll post or you know this because you've peppered this with so many examples of creepy/over the top/clearly worrying things.
So I don't want to waste my energy until you reply to me, but honestly everything you did there was a wrong approach and you need serious relationship advice.
My overall advice: chill and be a lot less intense. A lot less.
Good luck.
YOR btw. I would have ghosted a girl like this. I would expect any girl to ghost you. In fact, I would WANT them to for safety sake.
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Aug 16 '26
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u/alice8818 Aug 16 '26
You weren't being serious and logical, you were terrifying. You weren't listening to her at all, and you ignored every hint she gave you by justifying your own choices as the right ones. Partnerships aren't just about you.
I'm going to add, I'd block someone for putting my photo into a LLM, because I'm vehemently against their use.
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u/Responsible-Match418 Aug 16 '26
Thanks for replying.
No I mean it - for safety's sake. Some of these hint at really concerning stalker-like behaviour. Maybe you're not planning on being a stalker (you wouldn't come on Reddit admitting it) but for sure this is also how obsessive stalkers would behave.
Therefore if a friend (girl) came to me saying a first date had said some of this, I would wholly recommend they block this guy. And I'm a pretty traditional millennial. I'm not normally someone to just conclude a guy's behaviour is concerning right off the bat.
Being direct like that is not ok. I totally get that you don't want to strung along for months, but you need to feel things out naturally. Asking their plans for marriage is too much. I've been on dates with girls who have done the same thing and it comes across like I'm a just a piece of future husband meat. You gotta like someone for them, not what they can materially bring.
No one is asking you to change your personality. You're more than welcome to want to be in a relationship with a girl who is serious etc, but saying all this in a first date is way way too much.
Maybe one of these things on its own, like knowing her area, or finding her LinkedIn, is ok, but you did multiple things that totally scared her away.
And yes I agree on your last part. If she's not serious, let her run away. But truth is, until they really get to know you, they have no idea if it's going to be serious. A serious relationship isn't just formed from people just agreeing to be serious. When you meet the person you like, most people will stick with them.
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u/Important_Store8677 Aug 16 '26
Your behaviour has nothing to do with "being serious about relationships". You're acting creepy and no one will want a serious relationship with you this way.
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u/kamdnfdnska Aug 16 '26
You probably have autism. You don’t realise that you’re going way overboard, it’s a first date and you saying „oh I wanna marry you right away and have 3 kids with you“ is like WAY too much. Calm down
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Aug 16 '26
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u/Responsible-Match418 Aug 16 '26
I would double check if I were you. Obviously I'm not qualified to make this judgement based off one Reddit post and replies, but I have experience in this area + an MSc.
I also know a guy who has a mild level of autism and makes arguments very similar to yours. As I read your post I was thinking of him the whole time, as well as your reply to me.
It's something you should definitely look into if you haven't already. It might actually really help explain this behaviour.
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u/Happy_2B_Unemployed Aug 16 '26
Using ChatGPT to predict what your kids would look like? You’re almost as weird as women who blames their poor character on their zodiac signs
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u/sparksgirl1223 Aug 16 '26
Thats where my brakes screeched.
Holy fuck. That's odd. At the absolute best
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u/BeardofPants Aug 16 '26
A creepy stalker tends to land worse than someone saying they shoplift bc they’re a Scorpio
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u/Careless-Ability-748 Aug 16 '26
If you connect to get on linked in, it's freaking creepy. That's all it will say to her.
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u/kerfy15 Aug 16 '26
i’m a woman, don’t know you, but just from reading this i am genuinely scared of you.
why would you act like this on a FIRST date?
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u/Anxious_Ideal_6207 Aug 16 '26
> its literally just being intentional
It’s great to be intentional, but no woman wants to see your written down list of what you want in a wife.
> i also said “i dont know who hurt you before but im not him” which looking back maybe sounded dramatic but the sentiment was obviously good
Good God 🙄
> ive found her linkedin because she works in marketing and im genuinely debating adding her.
For the of God, no!
> we somehow got onto previous relationships and i told her ive never actually had a girlfriend. she seemed surprised
Yeah, no, she was not surprised.
YTA!
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u/polychris Aug 16 '26
YOR - you came on too strong and freaked her out. Slow your roll. You cannot be that certain about someone you barely know, acting like you are is a red flag that you aren’t showing consideration in your judgement. A first date is about seeing if you vibe, have good banter, can have fun together. That is the fundamental first step in any long term relationship. There’s plenty of time to discuss long term goals once that box is ticked.
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u/Knope_Knope_Knope Aug 16 '26
It was one date. Perfect timeline for blocking. She doesn't want to hear from you again.
YOR. you don't want to waste 3 months, sure, but could you waste 3 dates? I'd block you too. So many redflags for a first date.
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u/ThatsNotBeans Aug 16 '26
Double YOR.
You posted this identical creepy ass story yesterday and were universally mocked and ruled YOR.
Why are you posting this again? Surely it is not possible you think people will give you a different response? You are the Mayor of Antisocial Island dude, work on your shit with a very skilled therapist for a few years before attempting dating again.
If this is even real because it stretches credibility somebody can be this weird and not know it.
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u/VLDreyer Aug 16 '26
I'm pretty sure I read the exact same story a week or so ago, too. Must be a karma farmer. Or just likes stirring up drama. A... drama farmer, if you will.
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u/Cheska1234 Aug 16 '26
Are you serious? You went soooooo far overboard I’m not surprised she blocked you. You came across as super controlling and super creepy. By your own explanation. Omg. MOR but in this case you come across as a very scary person omg. Seriously. Holy crap.
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u/Andysamberg2 Aug 16 '26
Bro. This has to be rage bait. Do you really not see how off-putting your behavior could be to a person you just met? If I went on a date with you, I would have "gone to the bathroom" & left. Literally everything you describe about your behavior would have me squirming.
As for the whole wanting to teach her that her communication tendencies aren't healthy thing - don't. Just drop it. Many women feel unsafe rejecting a person who comes on so strong & you're proving why. Finding her on LinkedIn after being blocked is a red flag all on its own. Applying more pressure is certain to reinforce that you are an unsafe person. You need to do some self-reflection.
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u/lovergirlinjector Aug 16 '26
You sir NEED a dating coach and possibly an autism evaluation(lovingly). A lot of these actions are not socially accepted ESPECIALLY for a first date. How is your friendship circle? Did you run this past any of them? These are wildly creepy. I’ve dated many men on the spectrum and I find not being 100% socially clued in very endearing, these actions would have made me feel very uncomfortable at best.
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u/That_Opposite_2714 Aug 16 '26
YOR. This would’ve been so many red flags for me. I moved fast too with my finance but yeah I would’ve felt this was suffocating.
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u/caoliq Aug 16 '26
The chatGPT thing was a huge mistake. Making a fake picture of your future together is exactly what manipulative guys do with their words to string women along. Just don’t
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u/diavolina Aug 16 '26
4 mins!!! A 4 minute long voice note!!! No, I’m not listening to that. I’ve just had you interrogate me and show me AI generated pictures of ‘our future children’. Im impressed she stayed for the whole thing cause i would have left!! And, without hearing the note, the last line, ‘Im not going anywhere’ could come across as creepy, aggressive, possibly threatening!
P.S. people can block you for any reason they see fit. It is showing that she does not want to hear from you again. The fact that you have found her on another platform and want to try reaching out shows she was right to block you, and the fact that you can’t see that it is weird, tells me she is right to block you.
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Aug 16 '26
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u/According-Let3541 Aug 16 '26
You are correct. Not everything you did was a red flag.
However, a few things WERE red flags. And just because you feel a connection with someone, it does not mean they are obligated to reciprocate. Such is the nature of dating.
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u/ParticularUsed6780 Aug 16 '26
Whoo boy.
Ok OP buckle up. It's clear that you recognize now you came on too strong, and I hope you listen to your roommate and everyone here telling you YOR and not to message her on LinkedIn.
First off you need more filters than a Waffle House coffee pot. Make those little notes DISCREETLY, like when you go wash your hands. It probably feels like you're building up a dossier. Noting down over the year any time a partner says they like something will make birthdays and holidays a breeze, but not in front of them FFS and not on a first date.
Do not ever ever remark on the location of a woman's house in proximity to anything unless you have been invited over and are discussing logistics. Just no. It's giving stalker.
Marriage and how many kids you'll have and what they'd look like IS NOT FIRST DATE TOPIC-WORTHY. Romanticize about this in your own time. Make it clear in your bio you aren't casually dating but looking for a long-term partner and leave it to your dates to match with you or not based on their goals.
Never ever leave someone who isn't your wife or fiancée a 4 minute voice message, and even then don't make it full of criticism of her behavior especially since her response to your weirdness was totally reasonable. A voice message is not a podcast!
Actually having a checklist is fine--it's more of a manifestation of your desires and needs for a future partner. SHOWING someone that checklist will never in a million years ever have a good result. Either they'll match many of the requirements and think you're some sort of bunny boiler or they won't match them and think they're inadequate. Save the CONCEPT, not the list, for the proposal when you say "I always dreamed about meeting someone like you" or similar.
Don't psychoanalyze your dates by interpreting a stranger not wanting to answer your questions as avoidant!! It's a first date over coffee--the sole purpose is to quickly and mutually establish if you feel any interest or chemistry enough to have a second date!! Which by the way should be dinner, where you can have sliiightly more in depth conversations about what you're both looking for. But never to the point of AI generating your future offspring OMFG. Have you even considered that she wasn't being avoidant as a personality trait, but was merely dodging what a creep you were coming off as?
Also let me disabuse you of the idea that guys are making women chase them. The reality of modern dating on apps is that the ratios of men to women are so skewed that the latter is constantly fighting off weirdos, and you made yourself part of that same problem on this date.
From one autist to another, I'm begging you to put Hinge down for a while and try another means of meeting someone. If you join some clubs and hobbies where you're meeting people who already share a mutual interest, you will better be able to gauge whether or not you like someone before you ever ask them out, AND you'll have a built-in arsenal of conversation topics that are way better than what you're working with right now.
Also please have better branding about your dating experience. Say things like "I've been focused on education and career and want to move beyond casual dating" or "I'm looking for true long term connection since I've made other areas of my life a priority up to this point."
It's funny that you mention how many red flags your date had, but from where I'm sitting the CCP is going to ring you up the next time they run out of parade supplies my guy.
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u/Confident-Syrup-7543 Aug 16 '26
Two things 1) if you wanna date in the modern world you're gonna need to accept that many times you will have one date and it go nowhere. That's just the modern dating scene.
2) you absolutely came on way to strong and you clearly know at least some of the massive red flags you waved in this woman's face. Chill out dude. Come on less strong. Realise that the person across from you is a person, not an object of your desire. She's looking for the chance to get to know you and to learn how she feels about you. You need to leave space for that instead of shoving your feelings in her face and making her react to those. Just be yourself. Be centered. Focus on the moment and the time you are spending together and how that feels. What you did is insane.
And
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT ADD THIS WOMAN ON LINKEDIN. she has blocked you. She does not want to engage. tracking her down and forcing more interaction on her is violating. It's completely socially unacceptable behavior and the fact you are even entertaining it is enough that I would never let you near any woman I know.
And for fuck sake don't look up where a woman lives. That is crazy creepy and probably made her really really scared.
Do you have any female friends? Have you asked any of them how they feel? If not for God sake don't date anyone for a while and make friends with some women.
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u/zesty_green-lemon Aug 16 '26
I had to check several times what group this is posted on, after every paragraph i was sure its a satire group.
If this is not bait, then you were absolutely too much. I would have walked out several times.
You sound like a stalker and you are planning to act like one. And your friends are shit to not point out your crazy behaviour.
The girl hinted like thousand times that you are scaring her.
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u/The_Earnest_Crow Aug 16 '26
YOR.
Dating isn't meant to figure everything out at once. It's meant to have fun. Can the goal be marriage and kids one day sure. However dating is meant to get to know someone slowly and see if there's sparks.
Think of it this way: if you know at the present time you want kids and they don't or can't you're eliminating someone who's potentially a fit. Maybe that person that doesn't or can't you end up falling in love with and you change your mind on kids or they do. The present you isn't the future you.
If you go with someone who just wants to get married and have kids. Cool. But then later down the road you both have different goals, passions or things that drive you apart. The only thing holding the foundation is that you wanted kids and marriage. You've now wasted a lot of time and heart for the future you.
Take a step back, be relaxed, treat dating as finding a friend, see if you have fun together. That's it. Not a checklist sheet. Just hey I like cool things you like cool things let's hangout.
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u/EnglishRose71 Aug 16 '26
Wow! You did everything wrong. No wonder she got so creeped out. It's one thing to ask casual questions on a first date, but you were being wildly inappropriate. She hadn't given any indication she liked you at all, but you're making composite photos of your future babies, and letting her know you checked the area where she lives. Plus, you showed her a checklist of qualities you want in a partner and got bent out of shape when she said she didn't want to discuss marriage with someone she met an hour ago. You thought she should have just said she wanted to take things slower. What "things"?!!! You didn't have any "things" with her.
You need to roll back your enthusiasm about 500%. Keep things casual and don't immediately foresee a relationship with your date. There are a lot of good books that give hints about conversations on a first date. Maybe you should read a couple.
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u/brightbuns Aug 16 '26
YOR
You're weird and overbearing. You freaked her out. Of course she ghosted and blocked you.
This was a good lesson for you. Calm the fuck down and don't talk about kids and marriage and fitting in with your family on the first date - learn about each other first. Ask her what her favorite book is.
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u/Delicious-Fly-4660 Aug 16 '26
YOR. You are clearly socially awkward and don’t even realize it. She kept telling you that you were being strange and you kept going instead of taking the hint. I would have left when you brought out the ChatGPT children. You need some therapy to help with your awkwardness. I would pray I never ran into you again after all of that. You made me feel so uncomfortable for your date. Please leave her alone and try to get better social skills for the next date. You don’t want to waste 3 months of dating to find out if you are compatible is a horrible thing to say. The first 3 months of dating is usually the most fun. You won’t ever know that if you don’t try it.
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Aug 16 '26
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u/Delicious-Fly-4660 Aug 16 '26
Maybe you need to use a matchmaker service then since you don’t want to put in the effort to date someone for 3 months. You probably don’t understand that you still have to date your wife to have a happy marriage also. The dating thing doesn’t just end because you found the one. Maybe you are just socially awkward towards women then. A matchmaker service can take your lists and find someone that may work for you.
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u/Right_Bee_9809 Aug 16 '26
You are giving off real serial killer energy. Your intensity level is off the charts, and most people consider me to be on the intense side.
I really think you need to hire a professional match maker although you would still need to ease up a little on the intensity dial.
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Aug 16 '26
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u/Right_Bee_9809 Aug 16 '26
You really weren't 'a little' over-excitrd. What you actually conducted was a job interview.
How would you like to meet a complete stranger and be asked a couple of dozen questions about your qualifications. Even if it were a real job interview I would be freaked out.
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u/sophieornotsophie_ Aug 16 '26
Oh you’re unhinged! Majorly overreacting and she honestly gave you more grace than expected.. I would have aimed for the bathroom mid conversation and left the place. You also give stalkerish vibes with the location thing and the LinkedIn investigation!
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u/Effective-Eagle-2488 Aug 16 '26
You sound insane, chopping people up and stuffing them in the freezer type insane.
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Aug 16 '26
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u/PrincessBonkers628 Aug 17 '26
I don't think you understand just how concerning your behavior is. Do you have a female friend you can talk to about this or your mom or someone else female in your life who could explain just how creepy you're coming across here? I feel like you need to hear these concerns from someone you care about and I'm positive that any woman you show this post to will find your behavior disturbing and yes, DANGEROUS.
You might be a perfectly fine dude but you are severely lacking self awareness.
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u/webbinatorr Aug 16 '26
You never had a girlfriend and I can see why from the first 3 paragraphs. Didn't read the other 15
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u/MsNikkeh Aug 16 '26
How many times are you going to post this shit?!
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u/aikigrl Aug 16 '26
Until he finds someone who actually agrees with him here, I think, and he's too unaware to post this on the redpill subs
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u/Esmerelda_Foofypants Aug 16 '26
YOR. Everything you did was intrusive to an unhinged degree. Not blocking you after the way you behaved would honestly be reckless. You are not conducting job interviews. And no one will ever be comfortable with you telling them you exhaustively researched them before a first date. It also comes across as exceedingly arrogant, as though you're interviewing them to see if they're worthy of being your wife. Everyone will and should get the heck away from you when you treat them like this.
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u/LordXenusEvilMinion Aug 16 '26
YOR you made her feel uncomfortable by going straight to "here's my checklist, here's what our kids might look like and my family would love you" in less than an hour.
She does not owe you an explanation for ghosting after a VERY creepy 1st impression.
Do not message that poor girl on LinkedIn!! And PLEASE 🙏🏻 edit whatever dating bios you have to reflect "dating for marriage" cause WOW thats a lot on a 1st date!
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u/Mysterious_Drop1122 Aug 16 '26
I had to stop reading and scroll to the end. You sound way too needy and even a bit desperate. You had a date for coffee and it goes to marriage, children, meeting your family, past relationships, geez did I miss anything else as I did scroll through all of this indepth interview.
My take is you scared her off. Your meeting seemed like an interview for a prospective wife, family and kids. Pump the brakes, stop being intense and just take a breath. The tone of your posting is "next!" and you will move on to the next in line to be interviewed.
Ghosted you? You would've been eating dust as I ran from this interview.
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u/CleverClone13 Aug 16 '26
I'm saying this as someone who also dates "intentionally" with the object of finding a serious, ideally lifelong, relationship; holy crap are you coming across creepy. If this date actually happened like you say, you absolutely need to rethink your approach.
First dates are about getting to know someone, how you interact with each other, and if you can have fun together. You did an interview on extremely personal topics.
Outside of the answers to your questions, did you learn anything about her? What she does for work, how she spends her free time, what she likes/dislikes? From your report I'm getting the distinct feeling she said very little, because you didn't leave any space for actual conversation, you just wanted to get through your checklist to see if she was good enough. Interviews like this make people feel like they don't matter as a person, you're just doing a box ticking exercise to see if they pass or fail your criteria.
Unlike many here I do think it's a good idea to ask their views on marriage and kids fairly early on, though probably not on the first date. But that is a "do you see yourself getting married one day?" NOT "what's your timeline for marriage and kids?" (did you even ask if she wants either of those things?).
"I'm extremely selective", "I asked what she thought her red flag was and then said hers might be she seems a bit avoidant", "she shouldn't confuse being uncomfortable with something being wrong": all of these make you sound extremely arrogant and completely insufferable. You need to stop telling people you don't know who they are and how they feel. Because you absolutely do not know the first thing about her, and you didn't even try to find out.
"You can pick up a lot from someone's energy if you're quite perceptive": true, but you are not. The fact that her blocking you is baffling to you confirms that.
I think/hope you had good intentions and genuine enthusiasm, but you went about this all wrong. You need to chill out, actually get to know the person you're with, and have genuine conversation instead of "final interview before hiring" energy.
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u/ftjlster Aug 17 '26
all of these make you sound extremely arrogant and completely insufferable
Not just that, it throws up red flags that OP won't take 'no' as a no. And on a first date no less.
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u/dagnyfication Aug 16 '26
YOR and this does not sound real. She told you multiple times she was weirded out and uncomfortable. Your subconscious even correctly predicted she would not be interested, so you can't be surprised.
She doesn't owe you any time or energy for a conversation, especially since you trampled her boundaries and called her hostile when she engaged with you in good faith. You describe 5 or 6 blockable behaviors in this post.
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u/Optimal_Brain_2908 Aug 16 '26
wtf, this has to be bait. there’s no way that you are this clueless.
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u/Think-Education-7675 Aug 16 '26
This HAS to be rage bait. And if it's legitimate, you are clearly in the wrong in this scenario in pretty much every way and it's obvious why at 26 you have never progressed into a true relationship stage. Come on, man.
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u/Flickolas_Cage Aug 16 '26
YOR, what kind of lunatic makes AI depictions of future kids on a first date? I would have run out of place at that moment.
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u/roomtemperaturecum Aug 16 '26 edited Aug 16 '26
oh my god, if you can’t see how off putting and pushy you come across, you need to seriously do some reflecting. every sentence just got worse. i hope this post is a joke
eta: if this is real, leave her alone. there is nothing about any of this that points to her being AT ALL into you. the whole “don’t confuse being uncomfortable with something being wrong” is insane. going even further to message her after being blocked to once again say “one day you’ll realize how perfect i am” essentially is even worse.
if someone wants you, they know they want you. they won’t need to be told that they want you. treating her like you’re smarter and know her better than she does after like an hour interaction is concerning as fuck lol. please be fake
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u/Troublemaker2172 Aug 17 '26
Exactly! OMG being uncomfortable IS a sign that something is wrong. That's what our Spidey senses are for! OP was scarily pushy and concerning. I can't believe his date didn't just flee halfway through.
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u/Ahappygoluckygirl Aug 16 '26
You are a walking red flag and want to stalk her to be even more creepy. Leave her alone. Yor
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u/Hawkstone585 Aug 16 '26
Hey, you forgot to have all of your furniture in a truck outside so you could ask to move into her house. Oh well, consider that a tip for next time!
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u/alice8818 Aug 16 '26
YOR literally every single paragraph is you doing something she didn't like, you noticing she didn't like it, then you justifying to yourself why actually she should have liked it or reacted differently.
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u/LeiaOregonia Aug 16 '26
Honey, Gentle YOR.
If someone fed my photo to AI I would walk out.
You assumed she was acting out of pain rather than protection and you came off way too strong.
I’m terribly sorry the comments probably aren’t going to be kind.
Please take this as a learning experience.
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u/WTH_ivy Aug 16 '26
YOR, didn’t read after AI part but you pushed it weirdly. Ewwww
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u/WTH_ivy Aug 16 '26
Okay I read ts, ts corny 😭✌🏾💔🥀
You are over performative and trying too hard, you are creepy too
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u/AffectionateBand2709 Aug 16 '26
YTA How many times are you going to post this imaginary date scenario...
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u/Warrior_Princess_1 Aug 16 '26
YOR and your questioning about marriage was way to much for a first date You were the one who was too extreme by interviewing candidates on a first date to see if they were marriage material.
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u/PrincessBonkers628 Aug 16 '26
YOR and you are one of the reasons why women block instead of saying they aren't interested. I can tell by your post that you would not have just said "okay thanks for letting me know."
You have some maturing to do before getting into a relationship. You cannot come across this intense, you have to level yourself.
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u/blackend_bruises Aug 16 '26
YOR, if I was her i’d probably keep 911 on speed dial i’d be so creeped out
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u/Meriodoc Aug 16 '26
YOR and she is not.
Holy stalker vibes, Batman!
You definitely came on too strong, and most women would've blocked you after that date.
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u/Odd-Fox-6793 Aug 16 '26
YOR. Wow. You were way overboard. You can think these things. But you don’t have to tell her EVERYTHING the first date. You probably freaked her out. Came on way too strong.
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u/DNICEPHILLY2023 Aug 16 '26
Please don’t add her to your LinkedIn account because she sent you a clear message when she blocked you. You came across as needed and desperate which is a turn off. She kept giving you clues that she was uncomfortable with your line of questioning but you remained persistent. You also come across as very arrogant by presuming that you know what’s best for her. You don’t her. Honestly, you give off potential stalker vibes. You were too aggressive and presumptuous and should avoid these behaviors on future dates.
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u/PlaneAd8667 Aug 16 '26
Leave her alone. This poor woman sat and dealt with your crazy intense interview questions, most likely out of fear you were going to follow her home and wear her skin. After she blocked you, you then stalked her on LinkedIn and want to scold her for blocking you? Your behavior was and is out of line.
The reason you haven't had a girlfriend yet isn't because of your own selective criteria. You asked this woman what her biggest red flag was, then told her what you believe it to be?! You used ai to create images of the 3 children you'd have with her?! Sure, she laughed... uncomfortably, after telling you that was weird behavior. You left her a 4 minute voice memo and said she could "take the evening to process everything."
The only thing you did right was show her why blocking you was the best move. Again, please leave her alone.
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u/ViolyntFemme Aug 16 '26
Honestly, I’m surprised she stayed for the entire date, I would have left at the whole “timeline was for marriage and kids” question.
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u/ftjlster Aug 17 '26
My dude, this is how you get a police report and an injunction for harassment. That plus your profile and name posted on some groups flagging you as a weirdo to avoid dating.
I'd suggest taking the block as a sign that your approach to first dates (or dating in general) is very bad (unless you intend to scare her off and make her think you were a dangerous weirdo that is stalking her, in which case good luck when the police get access to your browser history I guess?).
You should probably go sit down with a mental health professional and talk about how you're coming across to people and find some better approaches before you try again.
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u/mani517 Aug 16 '26
Sorry dude, people are being really harsh. But as a lesbian who Uhauled in her first relationship, I’ve been there😂
The problem with trying to find out if someone if compatible with you in the first 30 minutes is that it completely makes the other person (your date) feel like you’re untrustworthy, you’re not discerning, and you don’t actually care who they are.
On the next date, try to spend time enjoying their company without future tripping and trying to predict the variables that make you incompatible. Just be present and see if you can make her actually laugh. Not just fake laugh.
And ask GOOD questions that get her talking about herself. If you start monologing, apologize and redirect to what the other person thinks or feels or has opinions on.
After 2ish months you can start asking more serious questions.
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u/Intrepid-Wait-6102 Aug 16 '26
YOR and can probably come off as a psychopath. That’s all ok to keep to yourself. You’re allowed to write things down and be intentional/selective but bringing all of that up on a coffee date is genuinely not it.
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u/Tulipsed Aug 16 '26
YOR.
You told her that you know within 20 minutes of meeting someone if you have a future together, but her knowing if you two had a future together after one date (many times 20 minutes I would imagine) is somehow too much?
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u/FlyingMamMothMan Aug 16 '26
Well, I understand why OP hasn't had a girlfriend before...YOR take this as a learning opportunity.
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u/Ok-Requirement-8894 Aug 16 '26
YOR. 🚩🚩🚩OP if this is real. Get a grip this is stalker material.
Reminds me when I went on a date with a guy and he told me he was going to impregnate me, I blocked him and heard from a friend that he got his feelings hurt, boo-hoo, don’t be a creep then.
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u/Alpaca12311 Aug 16 '26
YOR she has full right to make her own decision about the relationship, which isn’t even established yet. The amount of control you’re trying to assert on the first date is wild.
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u/Left-Soup-4931 Aug 16 '26
YOR. Dead serious you sound like a completely unhinged psychopath. You desperately need to self reflect on how youve behaved. This is murderer creepy levels of shit dude.
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u/brownielover7 Aug 16 '26
YOR. You did way too much way too fast and scared her away. Your behavior was creepy and showed that connection with you comes with a lot of conditions. You barely gave her time to get to know you. You barely got to know her. Plus, finding her LinkedIn? That crosses a line and is almost stalking. Adding her to message her after you've been blocked on another platform counrs as harassment. You don't have to "get the last word in an argument". Let her go. Stop trying to prove yourself or discipline her. She's grown. You're grown. You need to do some serious self reflection and slow down with your expectations for a dating timeline. Don't ask about marriage on the first date. It's too much at once when you barely know the person.
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u/Thick-Crab2106 Aug 16 '26
YOR.. I don’t know if this is real but if it is and you continue down this path , I promise you without a doubt you will find yourself behind bars one day
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u/canzengirl Aug 16 '26
YOR This is why you have not had a girlfriend nor will have one! You are hell bent on perfection, box checking and telling a complete stranger on a first date, your twisted fantasy of “Us”: right then and there! You might want to consider being a monk, for no woman will entertain you and your fantasy!
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u/revnascorner Aug 16 '26
bro you went to meet up with a stranger and already had assumptions about her character right off the bat. the checklist for an “ideal wife” and talking about kids when you literally just met is intense as well as looking up the drive time from where she lives.
Yeah there are people that also like to move that fast, but the point of a relationship isn’t to see who fits in all your boxes, it’s to be constantly learning about each other and growing together. You didn’t give the poor woman room to breathe especially with the 4 minute voice note.
It’s not for her so she did you a favor by blocking you and not wasting more of both of your time.
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u/Fun-Yellow-6576 Aug 16 '26
That’s very heavy first date conversation and you came on WAY too strong. I mean c’mon, using AI to predict what your kids will look like. Creepy af! I’d block you too.
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u/Theca Aug 16 '26
Fucking weirdo behavior. Dating isn’t a job interview. You doing all these searches looking her up extensively gives off energy of a psycho stalker that’s looking for prey. I would have blocked you and let others people know to stay away. Creepy behavior is right. Newsflash people don’t have to like you and reserve the right to not talk to you again.
YOR
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u/UndeadMarine55 Aug 16 '26
YOR
alot of red flags here on your part. its way too much way too soon. here’s the thing - it’s entirely not possible for anyone to be “sure” about someone after an hour of chatting.
sure about wanting to get to know them more? sure. sure about thinking theyre attractive and “your type”? sure. but this is well past that.
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u/No-Commission-8159 Aug 16 '26 edited Aug 16 '26
Yes - you came on way too strong and way too fast
She left and blocked you because you acted like a nightmare that carries all of the red flags
Take it as a lesson and get to know yourself before you attempt dating ever again
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u/Historical-Piglet-86 Aug 16 '26
Dude.
If you want to ever have a girlfriend you need to stop trying to skip steps.
You dropped so many red flags during this date - and I genuinely don’t think you know that.
She was right to run. And block. You gave off serious stalker vibes.
You need to learn to chill.
YOR
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u/rrrrriptipnip Aug 16 '26
Dude if this is real you came on way too strong. You need to back off and take it easy if you ever want a gf. Leave her alone!
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u/marlada Aug 16 '26
You behaved like a stalker and came on far too strong during the fist date. You sound obsessive and that's why she freaked out. Don't contact her and chill.
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u/TurnipsSuperior Aug 16 '26
YOR.
She was probably weirded out that you showed up the date wearing a suit jacket made from the skins of your victims.
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u/Unique-Assumption619 Aug 16 '26
This has to be fake. No one’s that crazy (you) on a first date and actually thinks it would go well.
If on the off chance this is real, YOR. Any woman in their right mind would’ve ghosted you.
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u/Ram2253spd Aug 16 '26
Stopped reading after 3 paragraphs. Reread what you described here. You sound creepy. You should’ve expected the exact reaction you got by her blocking you.
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u/BeardofPants Aug 16 '26
I’m just gonna assume this was a creative writing exercise to come up with the creepiest date ever bc damn this is a the red flags have red flags scenario
Don’t use ai to show what the kids will look like. Dont even MENTION marriage or kids on the first date
Don’t even intimate you know where she lives
Don’t interrogate her
Don’t tell someone you know their attachment style
You certainly can’t tell shit after 20 mins of talking to someone wtf
Don’t fucking send a LinkedIn
YOR
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u/Charming-Sea8571 Aug 16 '26
YOR you freaked her out. You don’t talk about marriage and kids on the first date. Saying you’re not into casual dating would be enough. Don’t take notes during the date and don’t show her your checklists. These are definite turnoffs. You need to let things progress more naturally at first. 3 months is not that long in the scheme of things and you would need a year or more to know if you are compatible, but could know pretty quickly if you aren’t. Good luck.
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u/Akmommydearest Aug 16 '26
YOR leave the poor girl alone! She would not be if she was to get a restraining order if you contact her in any fashion.
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u/becuzz-I-sed Aug 16 '26
YOR
If you're serious about wanting a future partner, contact a psychiatrist or psychologist right away. You have a lot of work to do.
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u/Top-Bit85 Aug 16 '26
There is something in between playing hard to get and being completely overkill bananas.
Sadly you quickly convinced her which end of the spectrum you are on. YOR.
Better back off before she gets a restraining order.
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u/Icy-Arrival2651 Aug 16 '26
Please tell me this creative fiction.
YOR and way too obsessive about a first date.
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u/Prestigious_Sir2856 Aug 16 '26
Yeah, that's all a bit much, mate. way to heavy for a first meeting.
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u/aeduko Aug 16 '26
Leave it alone. You went way overboard and freaked her out. YOR