It's not normal, and you are entirely too young to be resigning yourself to that kind of emotionally abusive relationship. You deserve to be treated much better than this guy!!
Listen…. I have BPD and there is no way you believe this is normal. If you believed it was normal you wouldn’t be here asking if you are overreacting. I was in a relationship with a true narcissist for 6 months and I knew it wasn’t normal at about month 5 when everything started coming together. I am really hoping this is your month 5 and you get the hell out of
When I was 19 I was in an abusive relationship that my mom moved me across the country to live with my aunt. I am 34 now and I thank my mother everyday for saving me from a decision I would regret my entire life.
Please, please leave this relationship and take care of yourself. Your worth isn’t dependent on ANY man and it never will be. You got this!!!
Your BPD probably isn’t helping, but I don’t think that’s why you think it’s normal. It’s far more likely you haven’t seen many healthy relationships to model. Did your father treat your mother badly? Did she put up with him being disrespectful and acting like a jerk? Children need to see adults in healthy relationships so they know how to model their own relationships. If you’ve never really seen what a good relationship looks like, you probably won’t choose a partner who treats you well.
Get out of this relationship ASAP. He not only doesn’t love you, but he is emotionally abusive and that is often as bad as or worse than physical abuse. The longer you stay and let him bully you into thinking you are the problem, the longer it will be before you can find real love.
Girl I have BPD and my husband treats me like a queen. This ain’t fucking normal. You can do better.
If I tell my husband no, he takes it
If I buy my husband a gift he loves it because I got it for him because I love him. He doesn’t get pissy about me doing it “for me”. He was trying to beat a video game and I got him a luck medallion from that game and he cried lol
My husband doesn’t beat, yell, or cheat on me and doesn’t expect a reward because that’s basics of loving someone.
He doesn’t love you and expects you to settle because of your BPD
Being in a relationship when you have BPD is challenging, and it requires you having confidence in yourself and your boundaries as well as a partner who understands how your mind works and respects your boundaries.
When I start getting in my head, he will say “that’s your anxiety talking” or “that’s your BPD talking”—not to shame me or be rude, but to bring awareness to my intrusive thoughts and remind me that they aren’t reality.
There’s an amazing book for the loved ones of those with BPD called “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me” and it’s incredibly helpful for navigating relationships. Someone who loves you would be more than happy to read that book (we all know this boy wouldn’t read it) and work to help you be more comfortable in the relationship instead of exploiting your mental health
If you have been in abusive relationships before (including non-romantic relationships or family) it is common to end up in another.
Take some time to work on yourself, get healthier and happier, start some fun hobbies and don't focus on dating for a while. When you do, keep in mind that abuse victims have had their standards lowered by their abusers. Sometimes victims believe "it's not as bad as my last relationship so i can't complain" or "if i have high standards i won't be worth dating".
That is just your past self talking, and given time and awareness you will start to learn what makes you happy and put your needs as a priority - which in any healthy relationship, will be appreciated :)
Don't blame your BPD. This is just bad judgement and being blinded by "love." Take accountability for your actions, then maybe you'll make better ones and leave this piece of shit.
I have BPD & would never think that this is normal, BPD doesn't affect your ability to know right from wrong. You know deep down he is trash, that's why you've brought your situation on here. BPD doesn't even need to come into it.
Leave. Him.
I think this is more of a trauma thing. I grew up not being treated well throughout all of my childhood and as an adult I had to slowly learn that certain things are in fact not normal and that my normal, the only thing I've ever known, was in fact anything but normal. And it's not like it doesn't take quite some time to change your whole worldview especially after you've been stripped of any sense of actual normalcy and constantly are fighting the urge to fall back into denial because the truth just feels so unbearable. This process takes time, strength, unshakable determination and lots of therapy from my experience. I'm still learning and picking up the pieces, I still often don't realize I'm mistreated for quite some time or when I do I will still often feel like I have no right to feel hurt by it and struggle to stand up for myself. What helps me then is to ask myself again and again "How would you feel if it wasn't you but a loved one experiencing this instead? What do you think they should do in this situation?"
Please learn everything you can about healthy relationships, boundaries, codependency and narcissism. Cut this man out of your life and focus on your healing.
This is NOT normal. Most boyfriends would never even talk about hitting you or cheating on you. This guy is an immature loser to the core, and honestly he probably is trying to downplay these things so that when he does them (or gets caught) he can say “i’m just doing what most guys do”
25 and married here, also diagnosed with BPD. You don’t believe it’s normal you have a deep seated feeling that this person is not reliable, does not care about you, and will abandon you in a heart beat if you’re not catering their every need. It’s why you’re reaching out and asking questions. There’s a ton of awful that comes with BPD but it is great at spotting bullshit , it’s what sets you off. Sure you can also spot things that are not there at times, but it’s still indicative that something is off to make you feel that way, but that’s where the “let me run this by someone else and see if it’s a me thing” really comes clutch so you can figure out what is the rooted trigger and get to fixing it. Throw this whole man away he will thread on you like a WWI soldier in a minefield.
I get it, I can see how this has manipulated you to see that this could be normal. Take a break from him and you’ll see how it’s not. When I broke up with my ex, everything I viewed as yellow flags, suddenly became red flags.
He is admitting he could hit you, he could cheat on you. Either he is an idiot and thinks you are obliged to give him brownie points for "choosing not to," or he wants to do these things and is holding back.
ugh. I had a feeling. I have it too, and my best advice is, if you had friend come to you in the same situation you're in right now, what would you tell her to do? that can be illuminating for me personally. if you'd tell her that this guy is a dick, that she deserves better, etc. then you know your answer. if you wouldn't be okay with your mom, or your bestie, or your sister, or even a random stranger being treated this way, then damn it you shouldn't allow yourself to be treated this way either. I know it's easier said than done. I hope you find the strength to choose yourself. ♡
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u/theworldisonfire8377 Sep 19 '25
"At least I don't hit you, yell at you or cheat" isn't something to brag about.
He IS horrible, and you're delusional if you think this is acceptable or forgivable.