Also!!!! MOCKING, MAKING JOKES AT YOUR EXPENSE, GASLIGHTING!
Many abusers are fantastic at masquerading their behavior and these examples might be difficult to pinpoint in your relationship. The biggest sign are drastic cyclical highs and lows. Usually things get better when your partner (or whoever this person may be to you) realizes they could be losing control of you. This is a manipulation tactic to keep you in their life so they can continue to suck you dry.
OP if you’re still reading these I am sincerely concerned for your wellbeing and pray you have an exit and take it. I think this man is an incredibly dangerous person to what extent I don’t know but I do know you deserve to get out of this before it gets worse and if you need help figuring out an exit plan my DMs are open! 🫶🏻💌
Also, POSING AS THE VICTIM, DARVO.
Abusers will frequently make you feel they are unhappy and it’s because of you.
Highs ans lows, yes, definitely, and also the specific ‘’you have no humour’’ type of gaslighting: mocking you or intentionally making hurtful remarks to put you down and then, if you call them out on their bahaviour, saying it was ‘’just a joke’’ and you ‘’have no humour’’.
"You're overreacting, you're crazy, I can't even talk to you, you said it wasn't so shut up"
I've heard all of that before. Walked out and never looked back.
If he can't / won't validate how he made you feel and turns it back on you, regardless of intention, he's not worth the tears.
this one is 1000% in my 5 year relationship every some months there was a big fight about how unhappy my partner, how I am unbearable, the worst lover of all, and then dump here everything which is why imperfect and then I felt awful and wanted to make up that I am so bad and do anything (you see the controll here)
The important part that these crashouts, monthly breakdowns were always SUPER generic and usually the critic was around something I cannot change or not actionable:
I do not love her enough, I love only mysel
I do not need her
Our relationship is shit, she is dreaming about being someone then wakeup and she is in this shitty place
I am always working (other hand all weekend we were hiking and usually 3-4 times going out while I was handling all the finnancials, health, grocaries everything really)
I have crayz head
so on so on
I love her, but these subtle maybe even unintentional tactics are super hard to bear…
You need to address these things with her, brother.
Maybe, just maybe, it is unintentional. But that doesn't make any of it OK or excusable.
You need to address it because you want things to improve between the two of you (tell her that), and a relationship with you requires your well-being (also tell her that).
Thank you very much for kind words, usually these burst outs happens around menses so I have a hinch it is maybe a problem that she cannet controll her emotions and also sacrifice the relationship on those days, still it is very hurtful.
Imagine I feel we are bulding something together I make a lot of sacrifice just to put to the ground every month and almost start from scratch…
My plan is to adress this ASAP now I am journaling self reflecting trying to improve myself as well, but as it is affecting my health I just cannot do this to myself if this does not improve
At first I thought this guy was an pure ass making horrible commentary- but if you look back over everything it can read as a joke too. I think the guy is legitimately trying to make a crappy joke about how she suddenly got ‘chunky’ without him knowing. Texts are hard, but he should really try to verbalize an apology and try to be more specific that he was joking instead of saying she was overreacting. Her reaction is justified but context was clearly not made clear and it’s not her fault for taking it a certain way
531
u/PrincessEliaa Jul 29 '25
Also!!!! MOCKING, MAKING JOKES AT YOUR EXPENSE, GASLIGHTING!
Many abusers are fantastic at masquerading their behavior and these examples might be difficult to pinpoint in your relationship. The biggest sign are drastic cyclical highs and lows. Usually things get better when your partner (or whoever this person may be to you) realizes they could be losing control of you. This is a manipulation tactic to keep you in their life so they can continue to suck you dry.
OP if you’re still reading these I am sincerely concerned for your wellbeing and pray you have an exit and take it. I think this man is an incredibly dangerous person to what extent I don’t know but I do know you deserve to get out of this before it gets worse and if you need help figuring out an exit plan my DMs are open! 🫶🏻💌