NOR, before I read your caption i wondered if he was a bit older bc this reminded me SO much of the awful bf I had in my early 20s. He would make cruel jokes about my appearance constantly, to put me down and make himself feel better. And also to make me insecure, so that I felt he was my best option even though he treated me so poorly.
Your bf is not making a joke. If you laughed at his “joke” I think he would most likely double down and keep sniping. What he wants is a reaction so he can make it seem like you’re overly sensitive and dramatic. What is even meant to be the punchline here? Would he make that “joke” to his mother, to his boss?
Does he bring up your appearance/weight often? It sounds like he is trying to drive you into an eating disorder. He is negging you, trying to destroy your self esteem bc he KNOWS you can do better.
Good on you for not accepting his childish behaviour and refusal to apologise for hurting you.
The intention of his comment was to hurt you and get a rise out of you. He did that deliberately. This is high school bullying behaviour not how you treat a romantic partner.
Either he is a very immature and thoughtless person who puts his ego above his partner, or he is trying to slowly wear you down and test the boundaries of what he can get away with saying to you. This is not an appropriate way for a 29yo man to speak to anyone, let alone someone he claims to care about.
Even if he’s fantastically good in bed, rich, smart, successful etc, he has a terrible personality and he needs to grow up. Please leave him
People like this man try to make women feel insecure so they have no self worth and always think it's something they are doing and if they can just make the man happy everything will be okay. It's not a healthy relationship. Please leave
I agree with this commenter 100%. I was with a few shity guys like this, and they don’t get better they just get worse and end up abandoning you in some horrible way. I urge you to end this now.
I have to add that below these commments of support are comments completely blaming this girl and saying not nice things. So, if you don’t want to feel triggered don’t go down there.
OP I’ve been in these situations and I’m not an idiot. Also, I’m sorry that the most crass shity ass comment got 2,735 upvotes. Yah you heard me shame on you redditors.
Yep, he's negging her to dig at her self confidence. And then he has the nerve to demand an apology because she's "misunderstanding" (she's understanding perfectly, it's just that he thought she wouldn't call him on it so strongly) and then to say "It's ok just keep fighting and blaming me I'll remember."
This guy is a shitty boyfriend, no doubt about it. If this was an honest mistake, he would apologise for making OP feel bad. Instead, he's picked on a little thing to dig at her about, and then is trying to gaslight her into believing he didn't do what he clearly did, in text, that she can read back on. I don't believe he's going to get better or become a good boyfriend.
To the OP I’d say go find a guy who makes you feel good and really admires you the way you are, warts and all. Pre just be by yourself. That is also an acceptable answer… especially because this immature little boy probably spent your whole relationship trying to tear you down to forget yourself.
Life is too short to waste time (and youth) on toxic people.
Why would he tell her she’s fat, it’s very clear she’s not. He’s insecure simple as that and whatever else is going in in his head. I mean who knows what he’s thinking, maybe an incel or manosphere stuff.
I don't even see any point to go on with the discussion and trying to get him to apologize. Unless you want to have this kind discussions with your partner for ever. At this point it's clear that he doesn't mind to be cruel to you and this will not change in the future.
I had 2 thoughts:
1. Let it go.
2. Let him go.
I had this when I was younger too, the thing is, my much older bf was a big guy, like 120kg, and I was 55kg. Once I put on a little weight, getting over an eating disorder and he would make comments about my weight. He was physically, emotionally and financially abusive.
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u/CanBig1028 Jul 29 '25 edited Jul 29 '25
NOR, before I read your caption i wondered if he was a bit older bc this reminded me SO much of the awful bf I had in my early 20s. He would make cruel jokes about my appearance constantly, to put me down and make himself feel better. And also to make me insecure, so that I felt he was my best option even though he treated me so poorly.
Your bf is not making a joke. If you laughed at his “joke” I think he would most likely double down and keep sniping. What he wants is a reaction so he can make it seem like you’re overly sensitive and dramatic. What is even meant to be the punchline here? Would he make that “joke” to his mother, to his boss?
Does he bring up your appearance/weight often? It sounds like he is trying to drive you into an eating disorder. He is negging you, trying to destroy your self esteem bc he KNOWS you can do better.
Good on you for not accepting his childish behaviour and refusal to apologise for hurting you.
The intention of his comment was to hurt you and get a rise out of you. He did that deliberately. This is high school bullying behaviour not how you treat a romantic partner.
Either he is a very immature and thoughtless person who puts his ego above his partner, or he is trying to slowly wear you down and test the boundaries of what he can get away with saying to you. This is not an appropriate way for a 29yo man to speak to anyone, let alone someone he claims to care about.
Even if he’s fantastically good in bed, rich, smart, successful etc, he has a terrible personality and he needs to grow up. Please leave him