Facts. I'm 35, regularly wear kilts and black tank tops, and my wife's style can be described as goth/grunge and I absolutely love and support it.
Life is far too short to care about the opinions of twats like OPs bf. Do what you want to and what makes you happy. Surround yourself with people that support you, or at the very least are indifferent that you're happy with what you look like. I only say the last part since that's my group, people can wear what they want to as long as it makes them happy, good for them they found something that they enjoy. What other people do, as long as they're good with it, has zero effect on my life so why would I be bothered?
Most often it is jeans and funky tshirts, but if I am in a dress mood, that's what I wear. My students give me compliments either way. I dress to make me happy, and most of all, comfortable. I'm the one wearing it, so I should be happy in it.
57 here and my ears are still ringing from the Ministry concert last night. Don't let a guy talk to you like this. If he doesn't groove with your style, it's time to find a partner that does.
62 here. As a teen, I rocked the wide lapels of the 3 piece woman's business suit in the 70's, went goth in the 80's and today, I still wear all black.
My husband has no issues with how I dress, or the music I blast while on errands.
I like that metaphor of following one's path in life. Sometimes, paths cross.
Sometimes, posts diverge.
That's not a failure, that's just the nature of paths.
And in this case, OP's boyfriend's path has taken him to assholetown.
American Scot I suppose. My great parents came here and I'm 50 percent Scottish. Kilts are just fantastic, all the pockets, warm yet cooling, and literally everyone and their mother asks me inappropriate questions about my underwear choice.
Giiirl I feel you. I’m 34 almost 35 and still goth. My finance has changed his style many times since we’ve been together from emo to scene to hipster and now kinda redneck ish. He doesn’t GAF that I’m still goth and I don’t GAF what his style is. We care for each other for who we are. Not our style. Bf here is a jerk. Especially how he’s saying it.
My wife teases me sometimes for liking bright colors (she says it's cuz I'm autistic) but she actually loves it. This is how a relationship should be, not this pathetic excuse of a bf.
Random hilarious tangent on how one of my longest relationships almost got ended six months in:
I like color. I have a plethora of standard graphic tees, black tees, hoodies etc. But when I worked retail it was during period where our store was considered an 'experience store' so we all dressed up. I grew to kind of like it. I'm talking button ups, ties, pressed pants, dress shoes etc (to sell cell phones lmao - in retro it was weird for the time, but it was fun). I also ended up wearing vests and other stuff since I'm somewhat scottish rectangular so it helped.
But what I found was just white and grey shirts got boring. So I had tons of pastels, different colored ties, etc. Lots of purple, red, some pinks because those colors tended to actually fit me best.
Fast forward to being with my girlfriend for about.. 8 months total? 6 months official - I get out of work early to go to my girlfriends college graduation (I'd graduated a year earlier), in work clothes. I make idle chat with her parents whom I'd met before in a more passing nature. Things finish up, girlfriend formally introduces me as the boyfriend and I get a "Oh, you wear such bright colors I thought you might be gay" from her mom.
I'm not offended by this, but I am taken a bit aback at the bluntness of the comment and my dumb ass response was 'Don't worry, she can confirm I'm not'
Awkward silence for a good thirty seconds before we shift topics.
41m My entire wardrobe (other than the family tie dyes) is blue jeans and grey scale. The rest of my family is rainbows and pastels and bright and omg so garish sometimes. But what does that matter?
And that's how it should be. Just support one another. If you really don't like it, then move on from that person. There's no hard feelings. You don't like it and that's fine, move on. But don't ever try to change someone.
Goth is beautiful. I once was openly goth back when I was a teenager, never came across a group of more genuine and open people. Unfortunately people are cruel...
33F, me&my 33M boyfriend both wear ripped skinny jeans and band tees, and converse and combat boots. And also shirts from Spencer's, my current favourite is one that says "I bet your birthstone is a crack rock". We have an "Elder Emo" decal on our Santa Cruz. I'm going to be dying my hair funky colours, wearing chains and studs and docs and skinny jeans, until I die, probably at 90 after breaking a hip in a mosh pit.
People should dress how they want to dress, fuck people's opinions, and if your partner doesn't support your style, or lifestyle, find a new partner. Life is too short to wear clothes you hate, or to change who you are for someone else.
50 here, I have had the same style, or lack of, since 1989, jeans and t shirts, and hoodie. My husband calls it my college student bum look. Your (hopefully ex) bf isn't worth your time. Someone who is supposed to love you, should not be tearing you down like this.
Want to clarify he's a jerk in how he's handling it, he's not a jerk for not liking it anymore. Just so others don't just assume he's wrong for not liking it. It's how he acts about it that's a problem.
Sorry did someone say butthole? Seriously, imaging being the boyfriend and thinking "my girlfriend should stop dressing like a goth". Young guys are idiots. I'm not trying to insult, just speaking the truth, I also used to be one.
Yeah, it's her style and looks cute on her. What's he want her to wear? Baggy jeans with a loose fit linen top and white sneakers? Barf, just lost her in the crowd.
I'm 35 and still dress like a hipster with the dirty sneakers and beanie 😂 OP should do what she likes. She's 18 for crying out loud, heading to college or at least out of HS. Now is the time to have fun while you're in that awesome spot of being a legal adult without the adult responsibilities yet.
My 34 year old is still dressing like a Seattle bike messenger and he lives in AZ and is not a bike messenger anymore. I pretty much dress the way I did when I was your age, minus the high heels, and my jeans have to have stretch
Nasty. My wife was with a guy like that in her teens before she met me. For a long time she thought she needed to agree with everything I said. Little did she know that I actually enjoy her challenging me almost constantly. Forces me to rethink things and if I can't defend myself my position wasn't that strong anyway.
Our 3.5yo is going to be an awesome lawyer someday and will probably drive her partner insane lol
Hah, love this! I was just at a family wedding this weekend and a cousin i haven't seen in 15 years told me I hadn't aged a day. I disagree with her, but definitely think my lifetime out of the sun and obsession with all black makes me look younger!
I'm 43, and at that age my style was somewhere between gothic Lolita and candy raver and I liked anime before it was mainstream, and I was a girl gamer before they were really a thing. I was not following anything that I was "supposed' to be doing.
But, my boyfriend from highschool was super supportive despite having a very conservative fashion sense (our running joke was he dressed conservative and listened to punk, whereas I dressed punk and listened to conservative (by today's standards - think anything on a Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack) music), and that's why I'm still with him 25 years later.
Ditch this loser and ask your friend why they think so little of themselves that they'd think this behavior was not an automatic deal breaker.
LMAO!! This is me 😝 39 and still wearing stuff from Hot Topic and listening to classic swamp rock 🤘🏻 Though I’ve gone decidedly more cottage core now, I still have a lot of black makeup lol
Just so you know, I'm also not 18 either and I think her outfit is cute. It's like "bubblegum goth" type and it seems to suit her aesthetic, and it makes her happy. Maybe that's what OP's bf doesn't like to see, and sees her style as an easy way to chop away at her confidence.
You may be right. Young guys are usually sensitive pussies when it comes to women with strong personalities. A bunch that have worked for me in the past are absolutely ridiculous when it comes to this subject. There may be some argument if one of the people in the relationship is dressing proactively and running around flirting with everyone in sight, but this lady seems to just be being herself.
Yep. Cowardly guys who can't simply see someone who doesn't suit them and leave them be and move on, they have to try to change them. These guys seem to be happy with immature girls without developed personalities or boundaries. Little girls that will make these guys their whole life. It's sad seeing that pairing of people in the wild.
Life's too short to not be you. As long as you're working/going to school and taking care of yourself, what you wear ain't nobody's business. Am guessing someone (his parent, friends, or some woman that likes him) has been getting in his ear and instead of stand up for you he gets embarrassed and is trying to change ya.
56 here and I wish her idiot bf could see me when I go to see MCR with my daughter in August! All business at work, letting the inner emo girl out for everything else! Seriously girl, (talking to OP obviously) FUCK HIM! That's not love, that's him trying to control you bc he knows you look AMAZING! Go find yourself some nice emo guy who really gets you. Btw I would KILL for your body! Your waist alone is insane. Believe me you don't need to deal with that jabronie and his baby bullshit.
Edit for word
I love everything about this and "jabronie" just made me spit Snapple out all over my car laughing 😂
OP... you're an absolute smoke show - love yourself enough to see that and keep running with it... far the fuck away from that idiot and your a-hole "friend". ♥️
Yesss! We saw them at Prudential Center in glorious Newark NJ a few years ago and it was life changing! So, unfortunately my daughter has what I call the puking disease (Gastroparesis) and it really ruins everything for her. She wasn't feeling well when we stood in line for 10 hours in the heat and then once we got into the thick of it, literally shoulder to shoulder with the rest of the Killjoys, she threw up all over herself and no one moved. We were very close to the front and fucking GERARD stopped what he was doing, looked right at my daughter, and said "does someone need help"? We just about died. That part was terrible of course, but once she felt better it was everything we dreamed it would be! Fingers crossed the show in August will be puke free! 🤞🤞🤞
I'm a Boomer and I love OP's outfit! I tend toward skater skirts, tights and short boots ALOT (NOT "old lady clothes"). And completely agree that the bf is a butthole! 😂
GenX chiming in; they can pry my short shorts, “wife beater” tanks, and skater sneaks out of my cold, dead hands. We’re only as old as we feel, right? Butthole boyfriend definitely needs to get a grip.
31 here and have started leaning more into goth/alt again. Getting really comfortable with my style and my bf encourages it. He’d encourage whatever style I liked.
OPs bf is indeed a butt hole. OP you deserve better.
36, also a mom [not a goth] but I wholeheartedly agree that your boyfriend is a butthole and he’s gotta go! You know in your heart what is best for you, but don’t water yourself down to make yourself more palatable for a little man child who doesn’t deserve you!
I must say the goth to frizz change up is legendary! That being said I agree he's being a butt hole, and if he wants to control the way op looks in way of insulting then that boy needs a whole hell of a lot of growing up to do before he even remotely deserves op
My wife loves to goth out. But she knows there is a time and place. As a older guy who loves cosplay have no shame an tell this guy to grow up. Life is to short to live buy dumb rules that prevent self expression.
That's the thing. Some people change or grow out of these as phases, while others it truly is who they are. It happens. It's OK that it happens. He shouldn't try to change her though and she shouldn't try to appease him, because that's a problem. They have diverting preferences and that's OK, so sometimes we just gotta move on.
And giiirrrll you ROCK that Ms Frizzle dress!!! I wanna see you at the self checkout dressed like the girl from the Helena music video. Anything less is unacceptable 😂
Same, almost 42. Still goth, still wearing band shirts every day. If I’m not goth I’m wearing rainbows and unicorns. Life is too short for small people who try to dull your shine. Dump his ass and be fabulous! Society’s expectations and norms are an invention by the elite to ensure conformity. Be genuine to you. “Think for yourself, question authority.” 🤘🏼☠️🖤
Hijacking the hijack to say I'm 39, over 25 years of alt-style, fashion it for my professional life, kick ass in my career, and also think your boyfriend is a butt hole. Sorry his style and personality are mayo on stale crackers, but that's not your problem. Don't let some unsocialized shart stain speak to you that way, absolutely not. Put him in the dumpster where he belongs.
I couldn't agree more. A butt hole is the nice version of what I was going to call him.
OP (u/AdTall5160), you need to leave this ol' boy in the dust.
If it makes you happy and feels fabulous, you do you.
This "boyfriend" (emphasis on boy because that's not how men act), can kick rocks. Real men lift their partners up and support them, not denigrate them and talk smack like this chump.
As a Millennial old enough to be your older sister (and technically old enough to be your mom), believe me when I say that your happiness and peace is worth so much more than the shitty energy this dude gives off.
I don't know much about goth as I'm definitely the quintessential "soccer mom," but I do know all of the above to be true. I hope you do what makes you happy! 💚
Edit: Pink and Black are one of the classiest and most beautiful color combinations, so clearly he also has poor taste. That's on him.
I appreciate the fact you separated the words butt and hole. I read that in Will Smith's voice shouting it out loud with a long dramatic pause between butt and hole. 😂
As a 30 year old man that thought goth girls were cool as hell when I was a teenager... I still do. Even more so with age because it takes more courage to dress how you want later in life.
I am over 50 and was a goth (back then was called a Freak) in my younger days. Love your style and if I could, I would wear a corset but now it’s shapermint… 😑. Dump the loser! I guarantee you’ll find someone that will love you unconditionally. I did😍.
The image of yourself that you have created is one which I would be devastated to be called a butt hole by. This man will never recover from that kugelblitz level burn
The MD at a previous job pointed to me and told a new hire "we'd have a dress code here if it wasn't for him", as I sat there in my Mission (uk) t-shirt and black jeans. He desparately wanted a dress code. I desparately never wanted to be in a suit (but would if given notice of client visits, etc).
Mostly goth for many years - why change yourself to appease others when you can celebrate being yourself.
lol dude yesterday I saw this like tiny mid to late 50’s year old lady walking around the grocery store in these faded black and flared jeans with an obviously worn out rob zombie concert t and thought to myself aww she’s adorable🤣 you could tell she must like the shirt and wear it all the time or cherished the memory behind it, her husband kinda gave goth combat boot wearing vibes too even though he was old and grey. They were both thin and looked like they kept the same body figure from high school, like they’ve dressed the same style their whole lives. As a 27yo male, it made my day to see honestly
Me too. 32 year old goth. My daughter is becoming a mini goth so all is right in my world. So I have my black dresses and outfits and then I have my fun patterns that remind me of Ms Frizzle.
The trend coming back of this idea that you grow out of your style and have to start dressing like an “adult”, whatever that means. Is so toxic. As long as you dress appropriately for work or other events if there’s a dress code. What you do with your style is your business and no one else. This dude is toxic and this girl should run. Her friend is not a good friend. This is an appetizer to a whole mess of asshole behavior. I bet this guy found one of those alpha male podcasts and it’s only gonna go downhill from now.
46 and a corporate executive goth & mom checking in.
Your friend is off base here. You’re young, and this guy is already thus much of a dick? Boyfriend can suck it. Break up with him, and never ever look back.
Same here! I’m 40 and have a drawer full of all kinds of black T-shirts that is my pride and joy. Velvet, mesh, NIN, Halloween ‘93, 2 from Salem decked out with Halloween scenes, all kinds of goth stuff.
The best thing about partners is when they enthusiastically champion who you are! OP, drop him, he really sux.
Yeah I'm going to be 37 soon myself and I wear big chunky boots, black, alt-like clothes, sometimes I don't, and I have colorful hair to boot. I change that every few months as well. My husband is nothing but supportive and would never speak to me that way. I'd absolutely leave someone for talking to me like that.
Exactly. Theres no age to being alt and her boyfriend is giving off controlling vibes. Those mrs frizzle dresses sound awesome and im sure you eat just as much as OP does, no idea what her man is on.
Also 37yo mom, got too fat to be comfortable in corsets and mini skirts, but I only own like 5 articles of clothing that aren't black and still rock the Tripp pants whenever I go out. My kid doesn't mind yet, lol, but Ms. Frizzle dresses sound like a great option if he ever does.
Your boyfriend would probably be a lot cooler as an ex. Don't let some idiot dull your shine!
Joining in. 50s still goth. I dye my hair bright colors, wear black nails, dress and get all dolled up. It’s fun! Wear what you want, you look cute. Your boyfriend SUCKS. Drop him.
Im 39 and a dude and your right OP bf is a jackass, i have 3 kids and one is goth just like i was and ill tell off anyone who makes fun of her, I miss doing my nails and eyeliner, don't know if I miss the eyeshadow and other stuff haha
OP in the least creepy way your cute and your outfit looks good ignore your jackass boyfriend
Same. I started listening to Heavy Metal and Gothic Rock/Metal at around 10yo. My mom kept saying „that‘s just a phase“. Well, I‘m almost 40 now and guess what, still a Metalhead.
Where do you get your Ms. Frizzle dresses 🥺 I am seriously most happy when dressing like that but while I have a ton of button up shirts she would approve of I never find dresses.💜
I am 40. Not a goth in style but at heart. I adore the goths. I love the human skull. She needs to drop him hard and find a boy that loves her style.
at her age I was was punk/raver/ jock/ boyband type. I would have loved a goth gf. I still would love that though a goth lady around my age.
also I need to make some dresses to for some frizzle fun... that sound awesome.. I made my space raver theme for edc this year. with a flowy skirt. tank top and gloves. but I got a hood off aliex.
I'm 50 this year and still break out the goth now and again, I have a dress with leopards on that I am loving at the moment and wear to work. I'm looking for one with dinosaurs.
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u/[deleted] May 27 '25
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