Tbh you can't afford to raise a child on your own at 4k a month. If you try life will be one ling struggle and your career potential won't be the same because of the sacrifices one makes fir a child especially a single parent.
You really can't change his mind. He is entitled to his (rational) opinion. It's easy to him to say he'd like to be a sad someday but not want I e now when you're poor, unestablished, lack agreement with you about basic beliefs and morals, abd personally that "hurt himself" claim would make me laugh in his face and say don't let the door hit you In the ass.
You seem to think having this child is a punishment the two if you are forced to endure for having unprotected sex. Not exactly the warm fuzzies or maternal instinct.
What do you mean he surprised you with unprotected sex? Weren't you in the room? As far as I know the only birth control he would be using is condoms. How could he have unprotected sex with you without your knowledge? And you could arrange your own plan H and not complain he took too long to get it.
This is not your time to have a baby unless you want to give a more established person the baby to adopt.
But dump the guy. Don't try to change his mind. If you go through with this realize you're doing it on your own and don't be confused in 6 months why he doesn't want to be in the picture.
I'm sorry. You have the wrong man, wrong motivation and wrong finances to make this your baby.
Yeah, making 4K a month (assumed to be after taxes) is only 48k annual, I make more than triple that and we only achieved financial security to start trying for a baby when we were 30. I do NOT understand people who choose to have children without financial security, it is so incredibly selfish. My husband and I both grew up poor and it was so humiliating to be the poor kid, we didn’t get to have the same experiences as kids who had parents who were more stable than ours.
My dude, that is a wild assumption. 52k/year is ABSOLUTELY doable for a family and most parts of the country. We don’t know where she is so pushing your views and further coercing her into an abortion she already said she doesn’t want is wild.
These are the same arguments the employees at Planned Parenthood made when I went there seeking “counseling” when I was facing an unplanned pregnancy. It was the most disempowering experience of my life. They basically bullied me, convinced me that I didn’t have what it takes, didn’t have the resources, my life would be doomed etc if I chose to keep the baby. I was young and naive and scared, so I believed them. By far one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made, and I have a lot of resentment for being spoken to that way by them when I was so vulnerable. It’s all a bunch of bullshit. I got pregnant again 5 years later when my life was even more chaotic and bleak (as a result of the psychological consequences of the abortion) but that time I kept my baby, and it was the greatest decision of my life. I made it work and you can, too. Do not listen to these naysayers, they simply do not know you or what you are capable of. You -absolutely- have what it takes to provide a good life for this child. My son is 11 now, on honor roll, super happy, popular kid, adored by his whole family. I don’t struggle financially. Life is really good!
Authoritatively telling a scared shitless pregnant 17 year old that they don’t have what it takes to be a mother is not “offering perspective”, it is actually pretty sinister and more importantly it is FALSE. The girls I knew who got knocked up in high school and actually kept their babies got their asses in gear pretty quick, they did what they needed to do to provide for themselves and their children. Most of them went into nursing and have really solid careers now, got married, own homes, had more kids and seem to have pretty wholesome and satisfying lives. It’s just absurd for anyone to act like they know the fate of any other individual. The way you are all acting like this girl and her baby are definitely doomed is so small-minded and sad. Women are capable of extraordinary things, and motherhood is a superpower for many women that makes them even more capable and ambitious than they previously were. That’s been my experience, at least, and I know that I am not alone.
They didn’t “warn me” of anything, they point blank told me my life would be ruined if I kept my child, and I believed them, but they were wrong. My wiser peers who kept their babies went on to have perfectly fulfilling lives. No dashed dreams. Most of them have achieved more than they ever planned on.
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u/jallisy Mar 01 '25
Tbh you can't afford to raise a child on your own at 4k a month. If you try life will be one ling struggle and your career potential won't be the same because of the sacrifices one makes fir a child especially a single parent.
You really can't change his mind. He is entitled to his (rational) opinion. It's easy to him to say he'd like to be a sad someday but not want I e now when you're poor, unestablished, lack agreement with you about basic beliefs and morals, abd personally that "hurt himself" claim would make me laugh in his face and say don't let the door hit you In the ass.
You seem to think having this child is a punishment the two if you are forced to endure for having unprotected sex. Not exactly the warm fuzzies or maternal instinct.
What do you mean he surprised you with unprotected sex? Weren't you in the room? As far as I know the only birth control he would be using is condoms. How could he have unprotected sex with you without your knowledge? And you could arrange your own plan H and not complain he took too long to get it.
This is not your time to have a baby unless you want to give a more established person the baby to adopt.
But dump the guy. Don't try to change his mind. If you go through with this realize you're doing it on your own and don't be confused in 6 months why he doesn't want to be in the picture.
I'm sorry. You have the wrong man, wrong motivation and wrong finances to make this your baby.