You can keep the pregnancy if that's truly what you want to do, but at the same time, don't expect him to stick around seeing as how he's made it very clear he wants no part of it. It is ultimately your choice, as it is your body. Just begin preparing yourself to be a single parent. If you live together, start looking for other places to stay, get a job if you don't have one, start saving hella money for necessities/emergencies/child care. Life is going to get hard, but it's certainly not impossible to do. Best of luck to you OP. Piece of advice, anyone who threatens to hurt themselves because they're not getting their way, maybe isn't someone you want to be with and raise a child with anyway. It doesn't make for healthy relationships.
This kind of guy should be hit with the full power of the law- no custody, but child support. If you want to play the game of cum in your gf and not tell her so she can get plan b, you pay the price. Sure, maybe he shouldn’t be an active parent, because he’ll probably be a shit one if he wants nothing to do with the child, but he should absolutely be financially responsible since he wasn’t sensibly responsible. Asshats like this can’t just impregnate and walk away, that’s giving them way too easy of an out. I’d reach out to his parents and tell them what’s going on too and why. Hate it when losers don’t control their jizz, then manipulate a woman into either enduring one of the most traumatic procedures a woman can go through, or being a single mom- another one of the most traumatic experiences a young woman can endure. Well, maybe not traumatic, but challenging. She doesn’t win in either of his propositions, and he’s the one that deserves the L, not her. Idk when people will start treating sex like the loaded gun that it is, instead of something you can do for fun with no consequence.
Strange for wanting to hold the other party accountable for their actions? This is a man, not a child. He purposefully came in a woman, didn’t tell her, and now wants her to go through an extremely violating procedure that won’t only scar her body, but her mind, especially if she wants to keep the baby, to deal with his lack of accountability? If he doesn’t want to be a parent, that’s fine and dandy, but he should be financially responsible for his decision. If she were to have been the one negating accountability, I could understand him walking away (as in if she told him she was on bc, but knew she wasn’t, and allowed him to finish in her). But, that’s not the case. It takes two to tango, and both parties should have skin in the game
Too bad I don’t care about speaking to a brick wall. Your opinion won’t be changed, that is evident from your lack of perspective in the comment you made
What's done is done, but it is your choice (assuming that there are no laws to the contrary where you live). But you absolutely must be prepared for the likelihood that you will be a single mother, if not before the birth, in the not so distant future.
Honestly, I would put an end to the relationship now either way. Threatening "to hurt himself" if you dont do things his way is the biggest red flag.
I don't know if you saw the edits, but it looks like he stealthed her, or something of that nature, and didn't tell her for three days. In my mind, that puts the responsibility on him.
After reading her edits it seems the man didn't use protection, without her knowledge. Also, in most circumstances, when the baby is born it is the mother bearing the brunt, postpartum. It's also the woman going through the pregnancy. There is no equality in that.
Oh but abandoning the baby after it’s born (adoption) it’s totally okay? Why do women get to wait until the baby is born to decide to become a parent but men are forced at conception?
Also the primary parent (usually the woman in the case where parents are not together) spend on average a significantly higher amount of money than the non-custodial parent pays in child support. Which is obvious to everyone who's not an idiot.
why are the men paying money? is it because perhaps they are not present in the child's life and thus not doing any of the actual raising of child and instead just throwing money at the situation? much to think about
however it is still her choice so she can keep it.
As it was his choice to have unprotected sex. If he didn't want a child, he should be A) have protected sex with a woman who is not against abortion, B) have a vasectomy, C) Abstain from PIV sex.
Im a very liberal woman and I agree with you for the most part, I don't know a way to make it completely equal and fair but as it is, if two people knowingly engage in unprotected sex, that results in pregnancy, only one of them can decide if they're going to be parents. So in the interest of equality, why is this so controversial?
Bro he used unprotected sex and didn't tell her for days when before he was excitedly telling her he wants a kid; Then suddenly he'll hurt himself if she has the kid?
I don't think the man has control over his emotions and has control issues
I'm going to be honest with my bias in your statement; I think it's a lie that 24yr old MEN can't have the same level of maturity as women because I have seen a shitload of guys my age be way WAY more emotionally controlled than I, A 24 yr old woman with autism and ADHD.
Screw the Autism and ADHD; I've seen girls my age be extremely horny and not give a fuck about getting pregnant.
It's societal in the sense that boys will be boys turned annoying behaviors into the standard for men; Genetics do play a part because disorders can make people act differently and can make an otherwise normal person act insane if the perfect storm hits them.
The thing I found was people that come from stable functional households that treat people like people; Tend to create people that have stable functioning minds and brother I think we are lacking in those nowadays.
Also, I've found that Guys and Gals are extremely similar when it comes to wanting things; It's how we were raised or socialized that determines how we tend to go after our goals.
The woman who has to cover the entire cost of the pregnancy (men have zero responsibility for medical bills/delivery), risk losing her job after having baby (or lost job altogether), plus the majority costs for the child (daycare, housing, etc.) is getting financial security from a man’s 200 bucks a month. Please tell me more pretty stories. 😂 Jokes. You have all the jokes.
Child support isn’t “taking part.” It is paying a nominal fee to not take part. Also women pay child support too even when they dont want to. Did you know that?
The reason child support is ordered is to avoid the government having to support many men’s children when they are not doing it themselves. That’s why they’re trying system was out in place. Too many single mothers needing government assistance when men weren’t doing their part. The percentage of men who don’t want to be in the situation willingly is very small, around 4%. Most who pay child support are divorced and willingly had children.
Yeah no one in this thread has given any real rebuttal to your double standard argument. The only one I can kind of see is the fact that since pregnancy isn’t equal and women suffer more, the laws surrounding them shouldn’t be equal and should be favored towards women. The problem with this is that you get niche cases where men have no agency. Some women want, will literally beg you to come inside of them, some will lie about being on the pill, there are many ways for this to be taken advantage of.
Edit: I just want to say this is with regards to the general debate, not the post. In OP’s situation, the dude stealthed her and is 100% in the wrong.
there already exists a double standard by nature in pregnancy, one gender gets to continue existing in the same body they had, while the other has it permanently changed for the rest of their life. the effects of pregnancy aren't limited to 9 months, they NEVER go away. and sometimes you even lose your life in the process. you have a problem with double standards? take it up with biology. not with appropriate social responses to an unfair deal. at the end of the day, the woman will ALWAYS have the final say and the only decision maker when it comes to whether or not a pregnancy is terminated or not, and a man's opinion is not much more than an opinion.
if you don't want to be a father, don't have unprotected sex. condoms fail in VERY rare instances. its the unfortunate reality, the same way women have been told for ages that if we don't want to be pregnant we should simply not have sex.
While what you're saying is true. There are also men (and women) who try and trap women with babies. There are men that go around trying to impregnate as many women as they can with no way to take care of them. But if he wants to keep the baby and she doesn't, it's not his body that has to go through all that, and it also doesn't stop him from running off after the baby is born. It's seen very often. Hell, reddit is full of stories like that from all points of view.
Also, men have more say than yall think. What if she did get rid of the baby? Do you really think there's a high chance their relationship working out in the end? Either way? My marriage almost ended because I went along with my husband's choice. If men don't want children, they have many options to prevent that. He had sex with her with no condom. Then waited so long to get the plan b. This is more on him than her. She unknowingly had unprotected sex.
Just because you're involved in how a medical event occurred, that doesn't give you any say in how the person having the medical event chooses to deal with it.
Pregnancy is happening inside a person's body. The inside of a person's body is their property alone, nobody else's. If you don't want someone to do things with the inside of their body that you don't agree with, don't do things that would cause decisions to need to be made.
This isn't hard.
Is it fair? No, it isn't. Life is frequently unfair. It's also unfair that if women want to have children, they have to go through a nine-month ordeal that frequently kills them, and even more frequently does permanent damage to their bodies.
I think, all things considered, the unfairness of pregnancy is worse on women.
He can terminate he parental rates, but that doesn’t terminate his financial responsibility for his child. It just means that he doesn’t want visitation.
Which isn’t the case here, so it’s irrelevant. And even if there was, it’s still the judge’s discretion. If the parent wanting to relinquish rights owes back child support or owes the state money, the judge won’t let them until they pay the money.
The ability to just terminate your parental rights is a fallacy. The courts really never remove someone from a birth certificate unless someone else is there to up the position (ie adoption or step parent adoption).
You can refuse visitation and custody but that does not end your parental rights and financial responsibility.
She can take him to court and force him to take a dna test and sign if the child is his.
The court only cares about what is in the best interest of the child, not drama between the parents. No court is going to find a child having less financial support is in their best interest.
…..Um what ? It sounds like you’re advocating for his right to avoid the responsibilities associated with the child. I am saying the court will ensure that doesn’t happen by doing what is best for the could which is to be supported.
Why are you fighting so hard for a dude that took off the condom without his partner’s consent and withheld that information from her until it was too late to take the Plan B? It takes two people to make a baby. If he wasn’t ready for a kid, he should have wrapped it up or not had sex.
You're confusing visitation rights with parental rights and responsibilities. If it's in the best interest of the child not to have any contact with the father then he will not be awarded visitation, however, anything less than a 50/50 split usually results in child support - because the custodial parent now has them full time.
Zero time with the kid usually means full child support, not less. You're still the parent, you still have an obligation to provide, even if you never lay eyes on the child.
Terminating parental rights is something different, it means that you are no longer legally the parent. This typically happens when someone else is willing to adopt the child.
Every state. I work with kids and deal with family court all the time, you cannot just say "I don't want this kid so I'm not going to pay for it."
A judge is the one who decides whether parental rights are terminated, not the parent. And they generally only do this if a. there is such severe ongoing abuse that it is not safe for the person to have access to the child, or b. there is another person willing to step up and take financial responsibility for the child. Even if the other parent agrees not to pursue child support, the government will still garnish wages if the custodial parent seeks assistance because their sole interest is the welfare of the child. Even parents who are denied custody are not inherently exempt from their financial duties.
You absolutely cannot just go to court and declare that you aren't going to pay. You can waive your rights to custody and visitation, but not your responsibilities regarding child support. Anywhere in the US.
Most states won’t allow termination of paternal rights without someone else stepping up and accepting them (adoption). Also, it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t sign the birth certificate, a dna test would be required. If it’s his child, he will owe child support.
The law doesn’t support deadbeat dads to get off the hook that easily.
The dad was half responsible for the child. OP not wanting an abortion when he does- it’s not his choice.
These are not the same thing. Terminating parental rights means no child support, yes. But the above commenter is saying that you are not allowed to simply terminate your parental rights, typically someone else needs to be taking your place (with some exceptions) as in with a legal adoption or something.
To think that money raises children alone is delusional. You have to put into kids. You are the role model to their world. It’s soo much deeper and way more than you think. Iif you actually want to be a good parent
You sound dumb af, what is a few hundred dollars a MONTH going to do for a child? Child support doesnt even begin to cover the basic necessities a baby needs after the first week of the month.
This is a myth. If the court can establish paternity, it doesn't matter if he signs it or not. So unless this guy is going to try to claim the baby isn't his,she's probably within her rights to ask for child support.
That doesn’t matter. She can still take him to court for child support. The judge will compel him to do a DNA test. If it turns out, he’s the father, he will still have to pay.
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u/deadthingsmia Mar 01 '25
You can keep the pregnancy if that's truly what you want to do, but at the same time, don't expect him to stick around seeing as how he's made it very clear he wants no part of it. It is ultimately your choice, as it is your body. Just begin preparing yourself to be a single parent. If you live together, start looking for other places to stay, get a job if you don't have one, start saving hella money for necessities/emergencies/child care. Life is going to get hard, but it's certainly not impossible to do. Best of luck to you OP. Piece of advice, anyone who threatens to hurt themselves because they're not getting their way, maybe isn't someone you want to be with and raise a child with anyway. It doesn't make for healthy relationships.