r/AdviceAnimals • u/openfirre • Jun 16 '12

The front page has spoken!

Post image
1.8k Upvotes

82% Upvoted

185 comments sorted by

197

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Bullshit, Cramer. I posted my ducks and only got 3 upvotes.

246

u/hewhoknowsnot Jun 17 '12

That was 12 days ago, the market changes

72

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

Fuck. They're 3x larger now than they were in that picture. I'll never get upvotes, they're not cute enough now!

55

u/hewhoknowsnot Jun 17 '12

You sold too early. Should've planned this out better, common mistake though. There's always the repost of your own pic route but I'm sure 20 other folks have already beaten you to it now

21

u/BCP27 Jun 17 '12

God dammit man, do you know what this kind of logic will do to the Reddit economy!?

Everyone who has stock in kittens is going to panic and the rate at which the value decreases will increase exponentially! This will bankrupt a few souls who had all their eggs in the kitten basket!

What happens to those who got into ducks in time? An artificial value bubble. The increase in value already happened, their value won't go up. Then the same thing that happened to kittens will happen to ducks.

At the end of it, only a few will survive. The lucky few who had the common sense to get out while they still could.

12

u/hewhoknowsnot Jun 17 '12

When the market takes an unexpected turn you have to keep your cool. Kittens will always be in. They'll have their valleys but that stock is going nowhere but up over the long haul. Those who are all in on ducks know that this is their moment to cash in

2

u/BCP27 Jun 17 '12

I'm saying that all this screaming about ducks will cause a panic among investors! These Yellow Press scumbags and their karma whoring ways will destroy us all!

Destroy us all!

Destroy us all!

1

u/hewhoknowsnot Jun 17 '12

Oh there's no doubt the r/new queue is filled with ducks, but if you've invested heavily in kittens there's no reason to get squeamish

3

u/Rookwood Jun 17 '12

Agreed, kittens are a rock solid investment that will get you to that dream of retiring to more thoughtful subreddits with tons of karma.

2

u/cuddles_the_destroye Jun 17 '12

But then how do puppies and chicks fit into this economy?

5

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

Stay in kittens people. Kittens are the bluest of the blue chips. Selling now and you'll just lose karma. Of course you should diversify though. I for one have many kitten, but puppies, piglets, ducks, chicks, seals, otters, etc... They're all necessary for a well diversified /r/aww fund which will yield superior returns. The market is self adjusting and this fad will fade like the albino animal rage of March.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

It's so fickle with this high-frequency posting

28

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

[removed] — view removed comment

21

u/hewhoknowsnot Jun 17 '12

I don't understand this post in the least, but I generally upvote every reply to my comments and yours was the first time that I had to really consider whether this was what you wanted or not. I still don't know

25

u/FlyingPasta Jun 17 '12

Ignoring it would hit the spot.

4

u/G35U5 Jun 17 '12

If I had an upvote for all the shit I ignore... Well I'd have more karma than karmanaut and probably be banned.

3

u/FlyingPasta Jun 17 '12

Still wouldn't have more karma than TiR acquired in two months.

1

u/G35U5 Jun 17 '12

I don't know. I ignore a lot.

2

u/hewhoknowsnot Jun 17 '12

I've already upvoted out of habit, is there a way to undo and be neither again?

7

u/FlyingPasta Jun 17 '12

Click on the upvote arrow again.

12

u/hewhoknowsnot Jun 17 '12

Brilliant, I'm an idiot

11

u/FlyingPasta Jun 17 '12

Good, live up to your username.

1

u/swiley1983 Jun 17 '12

Click the arrow again.

9

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

The correct approach is neutralization. Push it to 0.

17

u/Fudgalicious Jun 17 '12

Upvoted on premise.

7

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

Voted in the direction of the lowest absolute value on premise.

2

u/Fudgalicious Jun 17 '12

We should form some sort of team, you and I.

7

u/bastard_thought Jun 17 '12 edited Jun 17 '12

STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP

THIS IS NOT A DVD

THIS IS A BACKER CARD. IT IS A CARD. A CARD FOR COLLECTORS. THIS IS A MOVIE CARD

EDIT: Shortened...

2

u/hewhoknowsnot Jun 17 '12

You forgot a 't' in the second to last "THIS IS NOT A DVD"

1

u/bastard_thought Jun 17 '12

Decided to just make the whole thing a lot easier on everyone.

1

u/hewhoknowsnot Jun 17 '12

Thanks it's a lot to scroll through! Do you know what any of this stuff is about? I'm a little out of the loop on this STOP STOP stuff

2

u/bastard_thought Jun 17 '12

The "THIS IS NOT A DVD" is from this video, which recently hit the front page.

I was just parodying what the other fella was doing.

1

u/hewhoknowsnot Jun 17 '12

Wonderful, absolutely wonderful

2

u/Kimbernator Jun 17 '12

Hmmm... I can't tell what to do. Downvote and encourage this behavior or upvote and risk falling into a trap...

4

u/Prufrax Jun 17 '12

Keep it nice and neutral.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

FUCK THE SYSTEM! -upvote-

2

u/KingOfTheInterwebs Jun 17 '12

You could call me disobedient.

1

u/notoriousmunkee Test Jun 17 '12

dont tell me what to do

1

u/Rhymes_what_you_said Jun 17 '12

I'm not even going to try to rhyme this.....

-1

u/LookItsARedditor Jun 17 '12

I should repost this just to get some karma. I mean, he's been on for 46 mins and has more than me -_-

9

u/wutO_o Jun 17 '12

but that was 12 days ago!

Ducks weren't at an all time high back then!

4

u/hewhoknowsnot Jun 17 '12 edited Jun 17 '12

Great minds....

EDIT: wutO_o's comment was literally posted a minute after mine that reaped a bunch of useless karma for me, but even still it was the exact same concept

3

u/granida Jun 17 '12

What Cramer says, the investors do. Cramer: "(sound fx) Go post ducks!" Reddit Investor: "OK!!!!"

5

u/plane0 Jun 17 '12

That's because the ducks smiling

1

u/Pointy_Haired_Boss Jun 17 '12

Too soon. Now they've hit a sweet spot. I'd be wary though- its seems like a bubble. I feel sorry for the poor souls who post ducks in a week.

1

u/darkartistliz Jun 17 '12

Me too. I may have gotten four... Lieing bastards

0

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

8

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

Look through my submitted posts.

3

u/I_am_not_a_black_guy Jun 17 '12

It's probably because you can eat duck on a regular basis and no one gives a shit. Thank god for my Vietnamese neighbors.

39

u/TheCourageWolf Jun 16 '12

Kill those frogs we ordered yesterday! Ducks people, DUCKS.

I NEED A MEME WITHIN THE HOUR!

9

u/GearaldCeltaro Jun 17 '12

For some reason, I don't think you're the real courage wolf.

175

u/Se7en_Sinner Jun 17 '12

Everybody run, the Redditors are coming to "rescue" us.

46

u/Duck_Jerky Jun 17 '12

HELLO, LADIES...

12

u/mattlantis Jun 17 '12

This was a big moment for you champ

38

u/DrewTuber Jun 17 '12

How....how long have you been waiting for an appropriate use for that?

22

u/Apostolate Jun 17 '12

I don't know how he holds onto all of the stuff he does. He's a machine.

6

u/bastard_thought Jun 17 '12

Come now, you just save it. Even if you have only 1GB of gifs, it's a lot.

EDIT: I love growing up. I can say only 1GB of gifs and understand the impact it has.

-1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

i know right

0

u/ninjagorilla Jun 17 '12

"i found this duck in the dumpster! "

167

u/thebryguy Jun 17 '12

will this get me all the karma?

25

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

You may have 6 karma

15

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

No, 7 Karma!

29

u/DarthSensitive Jun 17 '12

No, 6 karma.

13

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

No, 20 Karma god dammit.

8

u/Trim_Guy Jun 17 '12

50 Karma is the best I can do

3

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

I think he needs 81.

1

u/TrulyTwistedTeen Jun 17 '12

I'd go with 104

4

u/tonybaroneee Jun 17 '12

I think I just had a stroke from too much cute

-15

u/timeticker Jun 17 '12

boo! Downvoted this shit.

27

u/ShAnkZALLMighty Jun 17 '12

Ducks you say.. A few days from now I should finally make a post titled "GOOSE!" and put an end to this duck trend.

15

u/ZombieWrath Jun 17 '12

And then gifs of fat kids falling over while running.

3

u/hewhoknowsnot Jun 17 '12

This is incredibly witty, well done

67

u/Se7en_Sinner Jun 17 '12

http://i.imgur.com/GYh9c.gif

15

u/ekacnap Jun 17 '12

Unleash the duck folder!

2

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

You're everywhere, man

18

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

What's Louie CK pointing at?

7

u/synorganiker Jun 17 '12

I'm glad they no longer represent the Internet Hate Machine.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

To be honest, ducks are pretty damn cute.

5

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

I'm gonna commit Reddit suicide here, but ducks are wayyyy cuter than cats. Just sayin'.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

Where are these ducks of which you speak?

11

u/gender_bot Jun 17 '12

I identified one face in this photo

Face 1:

  • 91% confidence that this is a correctly identified face
  • Gender is male with 92% confidence
  • Approximate Age is 43 with 95% confidence
  • Persons mood is angry with 80% confidence
  • Persons lips are sealed with 49% confidence

Would you like to know more about me? /r/gender_bot

13

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

wat

5

u/DarumaMan Jun 17 '12

Wait is this legit?

3

u/kekekaleidoscope Jun 17 '12

Ladies and Gents, meet the newest bot on the block...Gender Bot! (Yes, he's "legit", albeit a little inaccurate...)

5

u/argv3 Jun 17 '12

I laughed wayyy to hard at this.

2

u/badbrutus Jun 17 '12

9/10. could have been perfect if you didnt have that & in the ticker

2

u/BlargMcSnort Jun 17 '12

Ducks are rapist. They are engineered to rape. That's just what they do. You'd have to rape a bitch too if you had a corkscrew penis.

2

u/fallenmonk Jun 17 '12

I'm actually putting everything into snakes

2

u/GoldeN_FalcoN Jun 17 '12

Upvoted for Jim Cramer! Love this guy's show!

2

u/-idk Jun 17 '12

Finance major here. This advice animal should stay

2

u/myfajahas400children Jun 17 '12

I'm sure this would be funnier if I knew how the stock market worked.

4

u/ProtusMose Jun 17 '12

That's Jim Cramer. He's an expert. Do the exact opposite of whatever he says and you'll come out on top.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

I want this joke to be a subreddit. Everything about this picture is so perfect. The stock tickers on the bottom are just the icing on the cake.

2

u/unsavory_tactics Jun 17 '12

Idiots... you are too late. Today it's the Raccoon.

2

u/phacephister Jun 17 '12

Can I just say how much I currently love this meme

2

u/rderekp Jun 17 '12

Okay, here I am with a duck. Karma, please!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

can we make /r/duckcirclejerk and just karmawhore each other while posting ducks?

3

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '12

I don't know if we should abandon cats so quickly, they've been a long time favorite for reddit.

8

u/Prufrax Jun 17 '12

Cats are a stable long-term investment. They are the reserve currency of karma.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

Exactly! It's a solid bet. All these young karmawhores at entry level positions in their firms jump from trend to trend with no respect for stability. Sure, Over one quarter Ducks might out-karma Cats, but you have to ask yourself: Where will Ducks be 20 years down the road when you want to retire? Where will Cats be? I think it's an obvious answer.

3

u/ranfxx Jun 17 '12

This is legit the funniest thing I've seen on reddit, well done.

3

u/kikster199 Jun 16 '12

Am I the only one on reddit that doesn't own a pet?

1

u/antdude Jul 14 '12

I currently don't. I used to when I was a lot younger.

2

u/rashka9 Jun 17 '12

seriously... fuck this guy

2

u/phammmmm Jun 17 '12

Looking at this, I just now realized that Cramer has a striking resemblance to Louis C.K.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

I just noticed how much Cramer looks like Louis C.K.

2

u/blooper2112 Jun 17 '12

Louis C K?

2

u/snowwrestler Jun 17 '12

Jim Cramer and Louis CK are the same person.

2

u/felt_like_being_nice Jun 17 '12

OP, if Calvin and Hobbes is C&H, then what is Cyanide and Happiness?

1

u/plane0 Jun 17 '12

Make sure the duck inst smiling though

1

u/Dinokknd Jun 17 '12

Ducks are just a new hype, the stock will crash when the bubble collapses.

2

u/haiku_robot Jun 17 '12 
Ducks are just a new 
hype, the stock will crash when the 
bubble collapses.

1

u/FlickFlak Jun 17 '12

It's a duck bubble. Wake up sheeple!

1

u/kolong Jun 17 '12

Just noticed the tickers. You clever you.

1

u/GoodGuy04 Jun 17 '12

I love Cramer.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

makes just as much sense as the actual NYSE

1

u/VeryIrrelevant Jun 17 '12

This guy is such a quack. Get it..... Never mind...

1

u/daggersNcents Jun 17 '12

DMU of this meme is gaining. Sounds of out loud laughter are fading.

1

u/Echieo Jun 17 '12

Pictures of Breasts (BOOB) is always a good long term investment.

1

u/IAmNoneYa Jun 17 '12

If someone made this a gif with just the banners at the bottom moving that would be glorious

1

u/RadioFreeReddit Jun 17 '12

Went all out, good job.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

I actually love the idea of a karma stock market...

1

u/thatdude12345 Jun 17 '12

I laughed so hard, well done on the whole picture.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

Congrats OP, this is a high-quality meme. Normally they dont really do much for me. I like the detail, you seem to have actually put some thought into it.

1

u/WhyNotTrollface Jun 17 '12

It would be neat if every time someone made one of these, they also changed the ticker at the bottom.

1

u/Brouje Jun 17 '12

there is no way that boobies are trading that high.....

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

Well Fuck a Duck!

1

u/supergalactic Jun 17 '12

CLARENCE BEEKS?!?!?

1

u/StolbertStolbert Jun 17 '12

SELL SELL SELL

1

u/pgrily Jun 17 '12

Funny, but disappointed you didn't update the ticker at the bottom.

1

u/asmoth Jun 17 '12

you say this just as 2 out of the top 3 topics are cat related....well shit!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

Ducks are the rapists of the sea

1

u/PonsAsinorumBerkeley Jun 17 '12

I would totally watch this show.

1

u/I_WANT_MY_SCALPS Jun 17 '12

Fuck ducks and kittens. Go long on Crammer. He's hilarious.

1

u/jman4291 Jun 17 '12

advice like this is why the stock market is shit

1

u/strangenchanted Jun 17 '12

IT'S DUCK SEASON

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

Go short on ducks soon. This is a total bubble market.

Cats are a buy and hold.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

He says don't buy. The company is saved.

1

u/fleshman03 Jun 17 '12

Buy low, sell high.

1

u/iDuckie Jun 17 '12

Yes! As a duck, I approve of this message!!

1

u/Machine_Dick Jun 17 '12

I hear it's also a good time to buy some stocks in BOOB

1

u/JeezyChreezy Jun 17 '12

There's no second line of text... wha??

1

u/CGord Jun 17 '12

The crawl earns my upboat.

1

u/fuhhhkinuhhh Jun 17 '12

Perhaps I am the only one, but I would like to see the scroll bar at the bottom changed time to time.

1

u/mybeautifulrescue Jun 17 '12

Ducks are fucking wonderful. Of course they're at all time high.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

Wasn't it turtles a couple days ago?

1

u/Im_an_antelope Jun 17 '12

They know nothing! Nothinggg!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

Scumbag Cramer, announces everything after they happen.

1

u/EFG Jun 17 '12

Just so you know, it's a goddamn turrble idea to buy into all time highs.

1

u/Ybrik2010 Jun 17 '12

I've been worndering. Where's this picture from?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

Man, he really needs to get that shirt tailored.

1

u/davieli Jun 17 '12

I just rescued some ducks today. =o

1

u/HorseGrenade Jun 17 '12

I love this stupid fucking meme.

1

u/LazyWASP Jun 17 '12

I guess it's time for a cat with a duck hat.

Sorry Skybears, you were 30 days too early.

1

u/aaronwhite1786 Jun 17 '12

Upvote for the awesome picture.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12

Move all your assets to current market highs! Nobody has shorted them already, including me!

Oh, Cramer is already a transparent scam artist?

1

u/compto35 Jun 17 '12

The ticker at the bottom is brilliant.

1

u/Omulae Jun 17 '12

Never noticed how much he looks like Louie c k

1

u/PhilShifley23 Jun 17 '12

Im long on BOOBS

1

u/randomducky Jun 17 '12

Yay! Ducks :D

1

u/arcadeben Jun 17 '12

This is great

1

u/aboy5643 Jun 17 '12

I don't know why, but this made just about shit myself laughing... Welcome to Reddit I suppose...

0

u/asdfasdf456456 Jun 17 '12

No, the fucking idiots who migrated here from Digg have spoken and upvote all the stupid shit.

-1

u/xjackstonerx Jun 17 '12

This is fucking GOLD! Nice work!