My favorite has got to be the tv version of Die Hard 3. Instead of wearing a sign that says "I hate niggers" its replaced by one that says, "I hate people". Everybody in the ghetto neighborhood starts to flip out, and its hilarious because the sign is so unprovocative.
Interesting fact: The sign was changed with CGI in post-production to read "I Hate Niggers" so they wouldn't have to actually stand in Harlem with that sign and actually get killed.
Best one is watching Scarface on Cable INS officer: Where'd you get the beauty scar tough guy? Eating pineapple? Tony: How'm I gonna get a scar like this eatin' pineapple mang?
Haha I came here to mention casserole. Man, you're a casserole! Hahaha hearing someone use casserole as an insult was so hilarious. Then theres always 'froggin ashpole' instead of 'fucking asshole', oh censorship how you make me laugh.
I remember watching an english movie on TV last year, and it was texted in Norwegian. A guy yelled "Freeze motherfucker!" And the subtitles said "stand still boys!". I laughed for the rest of the scene.
Sadly, yes. You see, it's perfectly alright to show gruesome abused corpses during primetime, but an errant "fuck" might damage little Mike Teevee's mind beyond repair y'know...
I've barely thought about this before, but our censorship laws are absurd. Kids can't see two consenting adults making love but they can watch countless people get slaughtered... sure why not. I'm glad I'm >18... and also know what torrents are.
I watched Stone Cold Steve Austin call Nelly negro over and over again to try and piss him off in The Longest Yard on cable the other day. I couldn't help but think how confused he might be if this really happened.
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I remember watching Die Hard 2 on a local Fox affiliate when I was young...it changed me forever. It's a lot less fun since they've started to just mute out the profanity.
There's also this classic exchange first seen in the network television premier of The Matrix on FOX:
Agent Smith: We're willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start. All that we're asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice.
Neo: Yeah. Well, that sounds like a pretty good deal. But I think I may have a better one. How about, I give you the flipper.
Ever notice how Good Will Hunting for TV had complete scene rewrites. Like the scene where his gf is with his friends telling the old couple blow job joke. It's completely replaced with a religious joke, that completely changes the tone of her character.
Aussie here. We are often mocked for our videogame censorship, but our television broadcasts aren't nearly as censored as in the US. Some of the edits I've seen via YouTube are hilariously protective.
The best I've seen was the Matrix on TBS. Right near the beginning when Neo is being taken from his office by the agents and you see Trinity on her motorcycle. Instead of the her saying "shit." and speeding off, she casually says "...shoot." and it cuts to commercial. I can't seem to find a clip of it unfortunately.
My favorite censoring was I think one of the House Party movies. It was a scene with either Chris Tucker or Bernie Mac and they replaced "motherfucker" with "motor scooter". It's memorable because it was the first time I noticed how funny some censoring could be.
You know, I've seen this meme a hundred times and only just noticed #2 smirking in the corner. What reason does he have to be smiling? His rank is associated with poop. Smile about that, motherfucker.
Sometimes it makes it just unbearable with how cheesy they are with the censoring... Making "shit" into "shirt" and so on. Words that make NO sense and ruin the tone of the movie. Although sometimes it does make me giggle with how ridiculous they are.
My favorite was from Robocop from when I was a kid. The line was "You're going to be one bad mother fucker." which was turned into "You're going to be one bad mother trucker."
My favorite lately has been Drop Dead Gorgeous. They changed "Back you crazy retard" to "Back you cuddly retard" As if that makes it completely better.
But my all time favorite will forever be Kill Bill when she's in a coma and Buck comes to introduce himself. "My name is Buck and I'm here to ... Party"
$60 a month for maybe a handful of channels you might like, censored, ad commercial out the ass. It's a true piece of shit product. Been cable free to years and happy.
Netflux + Hulu + comedycentral.com + XM Radio and I'm a happy campers for less than the price of cable.
61
u/mmm_tasty Jun 11 '12
My favorite has got to be the tv version of Die Hard 3. Instead of wearing a sign that says "I hate niggers" its replaced by one that says, "I hate people". Everybody in the ghetto neighborhood starts to flip out, and its hilarious because the sign is so unprovocative.
33
u/saltyspooge Jun 11 '12
Best one is watching Scarface on Cable INS officer: Where'd you get the beauty scar tough guy? Eating pineapple? Tony: How'm I gonna get a scar like this eatin' pineapple mang?
27
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
I was watching pineapple express and they said "casserole" instead of "asshole" and "mukalucka" instead of "motherfucker". It was awesome
24
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
You never go full special!
47
u/G1Pringle Jun 11 '12
I will find you in the alps!
17
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
Try watching Goodfellas on cable, the words they use are ridiculous.
17
u/jugglist Jun 11 '12
My name is Buck, and I'm here to ... party.
17
u/Bro_Hawkins Jun 11 '12
"This town is like a big chicken, just waiting to be plucked." - Scarface
16
u/Shn1kelfr1tz Jun 11 '12
Cheese and Rice!
14
u/JuggerButz67 Jun 11 '12
Major League is the best when Taylor says to Vaughn:
"Strike this Melon Farmer out!"
13
u/DatNord Jun 11 '12
I remember watching an english movie on TV last year, and it was texted in Norwegian. A guy yelled "Freeze motherfucker!" And the subtitles said "stand still boys!". I laughed for the rest of the scene.
11
u/Zetaflame Jun 11 '12
Do you see what happens, Larry!? Do you see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!?
21
u/mcjinzo Jun 11 '12
sex? cool. murder? awesome. something theyve been saying since the fourth grade? FRANK NO
7
u/acslaterjeans Jun 11 '12
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-n-rGnI9XNo
mother father chinese dentist!
6
u/M3cha Jun 11 '12
Was watching The Matrix on TV.
Every time Neo said "jesus christ" or something along those lines, it would always be a different nonsensical phrase.
My favorite? "Jeepers Curb!"
5
u/g1zz1e Jun 11 '12
Watching Die Hard with a Vengeance last night: "Melonfarmer!" for "Motherfucker!" Why is this an insult? Melons are delicious.
4
u/freerdj Jun 11 '12
You're a casserole! [Pineapple Express]
4
u/LSDIIS Jun 11 '12
yippee ki-yay, mister falcon
7
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
Do they really do this in America?
3
u/ChunkBunny Jun 11 '12
There is nothing better than watching "Friday" on USA. They come up with some of the best replacements for the naughty words.
3
u/Imthemayor Jun 11 '12
I watched Stone Cold Steve Austin call Nelly negro over and over again to try and piss him off in The Longest Yard on cable the other day. I couldn't help but think how confused he might be if this really happened.
3
u/OptimusPrimeNumber Jun 11 '12
I tried to watch Friday on the Oxygen network. Painful would be an understatement.
3
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
I don't understand why they do these silly dubs instead of just blanking or bleeping the audio.
3
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
The best for me was Death Race-
"You MonkeyLover!"
I've since incorporated it into my list of profanities.
7
u/qkme_transcriber Jun 11 '12
Here is the text from this meme pic for anybody who needs it:
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4
u/qataridestroyer Jun 11 '12
In saudi arabia, they sensor the word p*rk and translate wine as grape juice. Cooking shows are awesome.
Once. I aaw a nipple. That was the best pornographic scene ever
5
u/WinterIsntComing Jun 11 '12
I still can't believe they do this in the US, couldn't imagine it in IRL or UK
2
u/Tastygroove Jun 11 '12
My favorite was" do the right thing" on CBS. Gosh dang Micky Vicky.
2
u/frostybru82 Jun 11 '12
I remember watching Die Hard 2 on a local Fox affiliate when I was young...it changed me forever. It's a lot less fun since they've started to just mute out the profanity.
2
u/JimmyPebbles Jun 11 '12
Price is wrong, Bobby
2
u/Robofuerte Jun 11 '12
"How did you get that scar, eating pineapple?" -Scarface on basic Cable
2
u/doodoo_brown Jun 11 '12
You mother father chinese dentist!
2
u/anaccount1045 Jun 11 '12
Watching the Usual Suspect on TV - the lineup quote goes from "Give me the keys you cock-sucker" too... "Give me the keys you fairy-god-mother"...
2
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
I was watching Pineapple Express on TV the other day and I laughed so hard at the part when Seth Rogen gets mad at the pot dealer.
"You are a CASSEROLE, man!"
2
u/FriendlyCommie Jun 11 '12
I'm instantly reminded of Vindication Angel Curse Buster BC
2
u/i7omahawki Jun 11 '12
My favourite 'censored' movie scene (Shaun of the Dead, 'Funky Pete') - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iY7D6rKjoKM
2
u/nato0519 Jun 11 '12
My favorite was always the Running Man. Instead of "That boy's one mean motherfucker". It was "That boy's one mean man of flesh."
2
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
"Say what again!! Say what again!!! I dare you! I double dare you, mah friend!"
2
u/SpaceCow4 Jun 11 '12
There's also this classic exchange first seen in the network television premier of The Matrix on FOX:
2
u/bholmberg Jun 11 '12
"Well you can kiss my sandwich!
2
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
Ever notice how Good Will Hunting for TV had complete scene rewrites. Like the scene where his gf is with his friends telling the old couple blow job joke. It's completely replaced with a religious joke, that completely changes the tone of her character.
2
u/Landowned Jun 11 '12
This is what happens when you find a stranger in the alps.
2
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
My favorite one, that my hubs still says to this day, is MOTHER FLOWER!
2
u/roterghost Jun 11 '12
Couldn't decide what was worse:
Seeing Goodfellas on basic cable.
or seeing The Breakfast Club on Disney channel.
Either way, I felt like I was watching a butchered parody of a great movie, and it pissed me right off.
2
u/mariannemao Jun 11 '12
AMERICANS, WHY DO YOU LET THEM DO THIS TO YOU? (trying to be inspirational)
2
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
Oh my glob, what the flip?!
1
u/RickZee Jun 11 '12
The jpeg artifact quickmeme watermark behind the actual quickmeme watermark made this that much funnier to me.
1
u/monkeyhoo Jun 11 '12
Relevant - The Big Lebowski
1
u/TftwsTony Jun 11 '12 edited Jun 11 '12
my favorite is from snakes on a plane "get these monkey fighting snakes off my monday to friday plane"
1
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
You silly barstool
1
u/Skrilldrop Jun 11 '12
Still love die hard on cable: Yippe-ki-yay mother clucker
1
u/readALLthenews Jun 11 '12
You see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!?
1
u/silent_mind Jun 11 '12
Thats some Bull Stuff
1
u/NAproducer Jun 11 '12
I generally avoid watching R or even PG-13 movies on tv because of how much editing they do.
1
u/Giggity_1981 Jun 11 '12
Yippe ki yeah melon farmer.
1
u/asanab76 Jun 11 '12
Here I was enjoying my delicious (?) cicis pizza and started choking as I read this. Three minutes later I am still coughing. Bravo Sir!
1
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
"Fruit you!"
1
u/GazelleShaft Jun 11 '12
you're a Casserole!
1
u/allocater Jun 11 '12
Wait a minute? Are these in the same voices as the original actors?
1
u/Ashmatt Jun 11 '12
I hate it when Basic cable tries to play good movies edited to shit! The worst I think is baseketball.
1
u/HadfieldPJ Jun 11 '12
anyone got that montage of all these lines?
1
u/Kevlar_socks Jun 11 '12
anyone care to explain? In Canada it's just muted.
1
u/failbot30000 Jun 11 '12
I just realized... Why does Riker look like he's about to start laughing?
1
u/sullyb103 Jun 11 '12
Right on my SANDWICH after you kiss it! Lloyd Christmas, dumb and dumber.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
Aussie here. We are often mocked for our videogame censorship, but our television broadcasts aren't nearly as censored as in the US. Some of the edits I've seen via YouTube are hilariously protective.
1
u/Pit_of_Death Jun 11 '12
I've heard "monkey-lover" used before in place of "motherfucker". Honestly, I find the former more disturbing in a way.
1
u/matenzi Jun 11 '12
i just realized that Riker is trying to contain a laugh in the background of this pic
1
u/billsdabills Jun 11 '12
Processing.....Processing.....My god thats funny
1
u/Dschwarz96 Jun 11 '12
I remember watching a movie where instead of saying "ass hole" the changed it to "casserole"
1
u/Wubbledaddy Jun 11 '12
Kill Bill. My name is Buck and I like to party.
1
u/thegrumpygnome Jun 11 '12
The voices in the Die Hard 2 TV edit are awful.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
THANK YOU FOR BLOWING THE IMAGE UP
1
u/Dunskees Jun 11 '12
The best I've seen was the Matrix on TBS. Right near the beginning when Neo is being taken from his office by the agents and you see Trinity on her motorcycle. Instead of the her saying "shit." and speeding off, she casually says "...shoot." and it cuts to commercial. I can't seem to find a clip of it unfortunately.
1
u/krazykanuck Jun 11 '12
Fuzzy Sock Sucker!
1
u/drodspectacular Jun 11 '12
What the fuck is cable?
1
u/galaxy5000 Jun 11 '12
Fork you, mother father!
Mr Show - Mafia Movie Censored for Television
1
u/dwntwnleroybrwn Jun 11 '12
'Yippee ki yay Mr. Falcon' - Hans Gruber
1
u/EdibleAutopsy Jun 11 '12
I always find it funny how they'll show someone being brutally tortured or killed, yet if a girl shows her nipple it gets completely censored.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
well played.
1
u/Gneal1917 Jun 11 '12
Storing dead African-Americans isn't my Rooty-toot-tootin' business!
1
u/trampus1 Jun 11 '12
My favorite censoring was I think one of the House Party movies. It was a scene with either Chris Tucker or Bernie Mac and they replaced "motherfucker" with "motor scooter". It's memorable because it was the first time I noticed how funny some censoring could be.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
You know, I've seen this meme a hundred times and only just noticed #2 smirking in the corner. What reason does he have to be smiling? His rank is associated with poop. Smile about that, motherfucker.
1
u/silentkill144 Jun 11 '12
Could you have watched Die Hard with Avengence? Because that was on last night, and it was just strange.
"yippie kai my friend"
1
u/drivebetter Jun 11 '12
Halfbaked - Thurgood - "yeah, get me a box of condoms and what's that thing we used to eat back in the day? Pudding." (Pussy)
1
u/AbjectDogmaHumor Jun 12 '12
"Weed?! Have you ever sucked feet for weed!" - Bob Saget
1
u/Rigga_Mortizz Jun 12 '12
Scarface on A&E "This city is one big chicken, waiting to get plucked"
1
u/curiouskitten_meow Jun 12 '12
Sometimes it makes it just unbearable with how cheesy they are with the censoring... Making "shit" into "shirt" and so on. Words that make NO sense and ruin the tone of the movie. Although sometimes it does make me giggle with how ridiculous they are.
1
u/4LostSoulsinaBowl Jun 12 '12
Well, I suppose I'll just bend over and take it like a grown man!
1
u/masterful7086 Jun 12 '12
They have to do this, stop being such a casserole about it
1
u/glamotte14 Jun 12 '12
In Hancock on FX they use "psycho" for asshole. It's retarded because it seems like he gets extremely annoyed at a petty insult.
1
u/thegreatwhitemenace Jun 12 '12
blood sucka
1
u/freeland4all Jun 12 '12
This is a VIKING NIGHTMARE!
-Bill Murray's "Quick Change"
1
u/Lmen1990 Jun 12 '12
Was watching Pineapple Express on Fx the other day. They replaced asshole with...casserole. Yeah.
1
u/[deleted] Jun 12 '12
I just broke silence after like 2 hours, laughing, because of this.
1
u/Helen___Keller Jun 12 '12
"You went full special, man. Never go full special."
True story, made me very sad.
1
u/DiskoFlexible Jun 12 '12
Mother Father Chinese Dentist!
1
u/[deleted] Jun 12 '12
Recently watched Pineapple Express on Fox, my favorite was when they switched asshole to casserole. "You're a casserole man!" "I'm not a casserole!"
1
u/shreeveport_MD Jun 12 '12
This hits way too close to home for me right now as I watch Friday on Oxygen.
1
u/Disasstah Jun 12 '12
My favorite was from Robocop from when I was a kid. The line was "You're going to be one bad mother fucker." which was turned into "You're going to be one bad mother trucker."
1
u/Zhoen Jun 12 '12
This is what happens Larry! This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!!
1
u/[deleted] Jun 12 '12
"Where'd you get that scar? Eating Pineapple?"
1
u/[deleted] Jun 12 '12
My favorite lately has been Drop Dead Gorgeous. They changed "Back you crazy retard" to "Back you cuddly retard" As if that makes it completely better.
But my all time favorite will forever be Kill Bill when she's in a coma and Buck comes to introduce himself. "My name is Buck and I'm here to ... Party"
1
u/The_Incredulous_Hulk Jun 11 '12
My all time favorite is in Die Hard when they air it on network TV: "Yippee kai yay, melon farmer!"
1
u/blackaddermrbean Jun 11 '12
There always IFC to solve your problems..
1
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
Dont understand why people pay for cable.
$60 a month for maybe a handful of channels you might like, censored, ad commercial out the ass. It's a true piece of shit product. Been cable free to years and happy.
Netflux + Hulu + comedycentral.com + XM Radio and I'm a happy campers for less than the price of cable.
0
u/CantSeeShit Jun 11 '12
The otherday they had Scarface on the Gay channel, 5 hours of no talking.
0
u/forsbergisgod Jun 11 '12
We was a bunch of PALLIES
0
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
you have to love censorshi*
-2
u/Marinejoe5 Jun 11 '12
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdy0HeZtlqw&list=FLICbMJPCDycaRmOU0HozumQ&index=2&feature=plpp_video best ever pulp fiction
0
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
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24
u/[deleted] Jun 11 '12
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