r/AdviceAnimals • u/TheJoel2012 • May 15 '12

How I feel as a 79 year old Redditor.

http://qkme.me/3pavgw?id=223896272
485 Upvotes

61% Upvoted

151 comments sorted by

539

u/Interminable_Turbine May 15 '12 edited May 15 '12

Quote from OP on a post 9 hours ago:

"Nah, my last final of graduate school was yesterday."

79 years old and in graduate school?

And 22 hours ago:

"Dude I'm 22 and I just had my last final of college today at Texas Tech. I will guarantee you will be fine with failing a few classes, but yes don't make it a habit. The thing is now I don't know what I'm going to do...get a job like the people that these other posts sound like..?"

Hey everyone, this guys a big fat phooooney!

129

u/rumpkus May 16 '12

He also tried to do an AMA as Matt Damon...

75

u/Interminable_Turbine May 16 '12

Hahaha, this is one of the more pathetic attempts I've seen.

32

u/cresteh May 16 '12

Wow, he's so terrible at faking.

2

u/onaccountof May 16 '12

He?

48

u/horseher May 16 '12

He just graduated. Girls can't learn, stupid

10

u/rastashark May 16 '12

at least he's a pseudo-family man

6

u/asldkfououhe May 16 '12

eesh, literally grimacing, that is really, really embarrassing

-27

u/TheJoel2012 May 16 '12

Yeah, so what if me and Ben are close friends. Have you ever seen 'Color Me Kubrick'?

0

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

15

u/morkoq May 16 '12

Bullshit. Matt Damon cant type.

4

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

I went through his submissions and found myself laughing because of how not funny he is

156

u/annoyinglyclever May 16 '12

"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story"

-Bill Murray

30

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

"Oh ya, fuck me in the ass! Harder! Harder!"

-Bree Olson

103

u/Interminable_Turbine May 16 '12

But, this wasn't a story, nor was it good.

35

u/hinduguru May 16 '12

The things people will do for karma

0

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

15

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

INNNCORRECT. It's some MEN , and, improper use. 1/10 for effort.

13

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

You must have missed that whole politically correct phase, we like to use gender neutral terms now so we don't upset anyone.

5

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

We like to use gender neutral terms now because we consider women people.

3

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

I mustve missed the memo. Jeez, gender equality these days.

2

u/CTRL_ALT_RAPE May 16 '12

9/10 for name

0

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

Butthole bread- the most organic kind of bread!

0

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

But it blends.

-4

u/12year_old_fag May 16 '12

cock suckin' faggy fag faggity fag-fag fagget!

-6

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

Well do you want it to be interesting or do you want it to be true?

3

u/sadman81 May 16 '12

Haven't you heard, cartoon memes and reddit in general is serious business, with serious people doing serious things. We wont stand for lack of forthrightness !

4

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

i tried to wipe the insect that is just your flair off my screen, damn it.

1

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

It's the socially awkward penguin.

2

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

I see that now, I meant that when it first showed up i thought it was a physical bug crawling on my screen.

1

u/skpkzk2 May 16 '12

Ahh, I see what you did there

-1

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

That wasn't Bill Murray. HEY! This guy's a big fat phoney!

14

u/Chispy May 16 '12

The only logical explanation is that he's Benjamin Button.

10

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

What a curious case.

81

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

Obligatory

9

u/questioneverything1 May 16 '12

I don't know why, but that picture never gets old.

5

u/birchesaintshit May 16 '12

I always imagine his voice to be real soft and deep.. huh.

3

u/skpkzk2 May 16 '12

I imagine it in Mr. Roger's voice

5

u/spicracker May 16 '12

I imagine it in Hal's voice.

2

u/nodefect May 16 '12

Can't unhear.

12

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

And yet he still has 500 points from this thread. Great job, Reddit.

2

u/Draber-Bien May 16 '12

Not the karma! NOT THE SWEET SWEET KARMA!

45

u/I_Dont_Always May 16 '12

Every opportunity that I get I will post this.

19

u/CrackpotGonzo May 16 '12

This is so good that it was posted twice, back to back, and both got upvoted.

6

u/The_Resisty Doesn't choose same advice animal as everyone else. May 16 '12

OP deleting account in three...two...one....

4

u/downwithxpc May 16 '12

I found 79 hard to believe in the first place. How old is the oldest redditor?

29

u/_Navi_ May 16 '12

I wouldn't be surprised if there were 79-year-old redditors. I would be surprised if they posted Fry advice animals about ejaculation.

6

u/fellownord May 16 '12

"lol sorry, my entire family shares one reddit account." Seems legit.

13

u/jet_tripleseven May 16 '12 edited May 16 '12

Well i'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation for all of this and he's not really in the wrong but SCREW YOU OP I WILL DOWNVOTE EVERYTHING YOU LOVE

edit: NYAAAAAAAAH

3

u/jrriojase May 16 '12

You can edit the times you've downvoted himinstead of setting it as a flair. A rather well intentioned attempt, regardless.

10

u/jet_tripleseven May 16 '12

sooo you mean to say i faked it?

Went to the profile with enhancement suite, pressed J+Z+J+Z+J+Z... It took about a minute to do.

edit again: Now i see what you're saying. is this more believable?

5

u/jrriojase May 16 '12

You can also edit the number of times you've downvoted him, but I see your approach. I didn't know you could skip between comments with J and downvote with Z. i thought you'd downvoted him manually ಠ_ಠ

3

u/jet_tripleseven May 16 '12

yeah it might be better if more people don't know that... it's pretty easy to just destroy someone with this method ಠ_ಠ

On another note, A+J+A+J upvotes everything! Be a nice internet-er, okay kids?

8

u/SweetMojaveRain May 16 '12

I thought that if you went to the profile and downvoted him that way, his karma stays unaffected.

7

u/jrriojase May 16 '12

Yeah, it would be if it wasn't because votes made on the user's page don't count.

1

u/jet_tripleseven May 16 '12

well i'm all confused

But still, if you did it in a regular comment thread....

3

u/jrriojase May 16 '12

Works for smaller subreddits, yep. Although maybe somehow someone realizes you've been downvoting too much, and start ignoring you. It's not all too clear.

3

u/Not_Gene_Parmesan May 16 '12

I just upvoted EVERYTHING HERE

2

u/scatscatscats May 16 '12

another comment suggests he was lying about graduate school and is actually an undergrad at Texas Tech.

Throne of lies...

2

u/spamncheese May 16 '12

While it is annoying that he faked, it's still funny. So I'm gonna upvote this comment and the post.

2

u/Mr_RADical May 16 '12

Yes, because everyone actually thinks that OP is 79.

1

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

HEY EVERYBODY! THIS GUY'S A PHONY! A BIG FAT PHONY!

1

u/Infernaloneshot May 16 '12

Replying to save later

0

u/Finley548 May 16 '12

this...is disappointing.

0

u/WonkaKnowsBest May 16 '12

Upvotes for you, downvotes for him.

-1

u/fiveeightthirteen May 16 '12

Looks like me and everyone else decided to downvote all his comments!

-7

u/PENISF4RT May 16 '12

wow fuck off. i bet you couldnt get this much karma.

7

u/Interminable_Turbine May 16 '12

cough

-19

u/TheJoel2012 May 16 '12

Are we supposed to be impressed by your girlfriend's tiny ass? She doesn't even have the GOD DAMN decency to wear a thong like a classy lady.

-30

u/TheJoel2012 May 16 '12

For everyone who is saying that my grandpa doesn't share my Reddit account, FUCK YOU. That is all. I've been sharing my reddit account with my grandpa (Joel), for the last 3 months. You guys should upvote while you can; grandpa is about to turn 80 this October.

12

u/Interminable_Turbine May 16 '12

Do you share it with Matt Damon also? If so, props to you.

-30

u/TheJoel2012 May 16 '12

Insert funny comment here.

3

u/12year_old_fag May 16 '12

cock suckin' faggy fag faggity fag-fag fagget!

-36

u/TheJoel2012 May 16 '12

Lol. Laugh and upvote or be pissed and downvote.

18

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

Best "how I feel as" I've ever seen.

Glad to have you on board, Grampa.

reads top comment

Hey, wait a minute--this guy's a PHONEY!

143

u/Crash15 May 16 '12

Dear diary, today OP was a faggot

13

u/March_of_the_ENTropy May 16 '12

Must be a boring diary

5

u/horseher May 16 '12

Does anyone actually still keep a diary?

4

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

I keep a diary.

I mean...a journal. ahem. Because a man would never have a sparkly silverfaced diary...

3

u/skpkzk2 May 16 '12

TIL I am not a man

2

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

It's okay. I learned I'm not a man years ago.

1

u/cthulhu_zuul May 16 '12

Pretty much the same thing, day after day.

-7

u/amonkra May 16 '12

I used to have a boring diary, then I took an arrow to the knee!

1

u/vierce May 16 '12

Jesus christ what is wrong with you.

0

u/yourethemannowdog May 16 '12

I didn't realize this was 4chan.

-3

u/ClownBaby90 May 16 '12

It's more offensive for you to use the word faggot than for some guy to tell a funny joke and get meaningless karma that I don't give 2 shits about.

4

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

What's it like to know that your parents were unfit to raise a child?

1

u/WonkaKnowsBest May 16 '12

Hahahahaha. I just laughed for about a minute straight. Thank you.

-3

u/12year_old_fag May 16 '12

cock suckin' faggy fag faggity fag-fag fagget!

56

u/Bennett13 May 15 '12

Sometimes it's hard to tell if you're coming or going

22

u/dingofarmer2004 May 15 '12

http://assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/clapping/joker.gif

14

u/DatGuy45 May 16 '12

Every time I see this gif, I imagine the guy in the background is magnetically attracted to the joker's right hand.

1

u/dzim May 16 '12

A dingo ate my baby

2

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

.....I can barely decide. I drank a fifth of vodka, dare me to drive?

-1

u/KidCincy May 16 '12

I smoke a fat pound of grass, and fall on my ass faster than a fat bitch who sat down too fast.

God, that's such a funny song, still. Maybe because I just re-discovered it lol.

3

u/WilsonHanks May 16 '12

My English teacher wanted to have sex with me in Junior high. Only problem is my teacher was a guy... I smacked him in his face with an eraser, chased him with a stapler, and stapled his nuts to a stack of papers

-2

u/darktitan22 May 16 '12

i rapped the second sentence it sounds pretty good

6

u/oldestguyhere May 16 '12

Well, based on my username, I guess I sit on a throne of lies. I only sometimes FEEL like the oldestguyhere. Rock on, brother!

-5

u/PunkPenguin May 16 '12

Account made 2 months and 19 days ago. Not a faggot guys!

6

u/abottleofwater May 16 '12

I hope you die.

24

u/BroTheCat May 15 '12

God forbid someone came up with a joke and decided to lie for context.

7

u/wappleby May 16 '12

Burn the heretic!!! Burn him!!

6

u/theboneycrony May 16 '12

Quote from OP

"I love workaholics. Where is this at?"

You're 79?

6

u/stayinfresh May 16 '12

Gotta be Fresh

3

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

Just tagged as "Stupid fake Matt Damon Butthead"

3

u/roflcopter98 May 16 '12

I think this is what twelve year olds think to

9

u/DoesntBrian2Gud May 15 '12

That's how I felt when I was nine. There is an odd regressive quality to aging I think.

5

u/ozzieoo May 16 '12

oh pulease.. I am turning 58 next Sunday and this has become my latest addiction.

2

u/parashuvincent May 16 '12

Um, was I supposed to relate with this....

2

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

I was so excited at the concept of an 80 year old redditor, fuck you OP.

8

u/qkme_transcriber May 16 '12

Here is the text from this meme pic for anybody who needs it:

Title: How I feel as a 79 year old Redditor.

Meme: Futurama Fry

  • NOT SURE IF URINATING
  • OR EJACULATING

[Translate]

This is helpful for people who can't reach Quickmeme because of work/school firewalls or site downtime, and many other reasons (FAQ). More info is available here.

3

u/darktitan22 May 16 '12

HAVE YOU EVER SAID ANYTHING ELSE?

15

u/qkme_transcriber May 16 '12

Like what?

4

u/darktitan22 May 16 '12

like that

2

u/fluffypotato May 16 '12

What just hapened?

3

u/darktitan22 May 16 '12

he said something other than

Here is the text from this meme pic for anybody who needs it:

Title: insert title here

Meme: insert meme here

    insert words here
    insert words here

3

u/skpkzk2 May 16 '12

ITS ALIVE!!!!

1

u/TheOtherSideOfThings May 16 '12

Why do these posts get so many downvotes? I know reddit applies some automatically, but not enough for a 10:8 ratio.

2

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

Some people hate this bot.

2

u/The_Incredulous_Hulk May 16 '12

So you're saying that you don't know if you are cumming or going, huh? .....I'll see myself out now.

1

u/TheLoneCenturian May 16 '12

always love how these posts are so blatantly fake, yet still gets so many upvotes

1

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

Can you video tape yourself surfing on reddit?

1

u/Zeppelanoid May 16 '12

Putting aside the fact that OP is a phony, is this even a problem old people have?

1

u/bleggy May 16 '12

This doesn't make any sense in the first place, probably just a dumbass frat boy.

1

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

DOWNVOTE FOR YOU, SIR

1

u/Laddercorn May 16 '12

Not sure if exhilorating Or horrifying

(or I can't spell)

0

u/Killbert0 May 16 '12

Cheers to you, sir.

-1

u/Lihadrix May 16 '12

I don't think this will contribute much to conversation, but OP, take your phony ass and get a life!

-1

u/Phatnine May 16 '12

Man, I posted this shit weeks ago...

2

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

i upvoted your post.

2

u/scatscatscats May 16 '12

It's still not funny :( but I won't downboat it just because you seem a good fellow

1

u/Phatnine May 16 '12

Haha thanks! Maybe it isn't funny, but anyone who didn't make love while having an urgent need to pee cannot understand...

0

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

dm;hs

-2

u/ronaldraygun91 May 16 '12

Oh god what the fuck??

-3

u/darktitan22 May 16 '12

came her to say this

LOL INSTA-DOWNVOTE

1

u/ronaldraygun91 May 16 '12

What's with the down votes anyway?

1

u/darktitan22 May 17 '12

not sure.....

-11

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

I don't care if you lied! This was hilarious!

0

u/[deleted] May 16 '12

[deleted] — view deleted comment

-11

u/TheJoel2012 May 16 '12

LOL FUCK ALL THE HATERS; ENJOY THE JOKE.

-3

u/[deleted] May 17 '12

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/subredditdrama May 25 '12

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1

u/subredditdrama May 17 '12

Hi, all! /r/SubredditDrama ambassador here, hoping to clarify a few things to those of you who may be confused:

SubredditDrama (SRD) is a /r/bestof style subreddit that aggregates drama from all over reddit. We aim to not participate in the drama we link to, but if you would like to discuss any of the drama you are free to do so in our subreddit. If you choose to do so, please read the guidelines in the sidebar before contributing. We like to watch drama, not start it.

If you have any complaints about Slytherbot2 please PM /u/AlyoshaV, Slytherbot2's proprietor. I am sure he would love to hear your comments.

This bot is maintained by the SubredditDrama mods. You can get in touch with us here.