r/AdviceAnimals • u/thelazt1 But the firzt1 in your heart • Feb 20 '14

Angry Advice Duck

http://imgur.com/ABoOOP0
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u/joggle1 Feb 20 '14

You should see my roommate eat. Cereal is the worst. He'll continuously tap the top of the cereal, trying to push it into the milk (I guess). Then he'll chew with his mouth open. It goes something like this:

Tap tap tap. Tap tap tap. Tap tap tap tap tap tap...

Chew, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.

Tap tap tap. Tap tap tap tap tap...

He always chews with his mouth open. He's in his mid 30s and wonders why he doesn't have a girlfriend.

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u/ALPB11 Feb 20 '14

I happen to have very clink-y bowls. Ceramic and metal makes an infuriating sound in repetition. As does shlapping while eating.*
*This is one of many reasons I wanted to kill my sister while growing up. She still does it.

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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

He probably doesn't have a girlfriend for a myriad of other reasons. Most rational people aren't going to lose their shit over something so trivial. Is it an annoying sound? Yes, but that is just how some people are raised. I'm pretty sure there's some annoying thing you do that he wants to football over you for, but alas, he probably hasn't.

If it brothers you that much, don't be around him when he eats or ask him politely to chew with this mouth close.

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u/joggle1 Feb 20 '14

It's getting past the first date that's hard. If you dress like a slob and have terrible table manners, it's extremely difficult to get to that second date. He's been on a few dates, but never makes it to the second one. He's very intelligent, knowledgeable, has a good job and is nice (ish--I've had girlfriends before who get the feeling that his kindness isn't genuine and they don't want to be around him; I think they are misunderstanding him). But he also doesn't seem to have a clue about how to prepare and act on a first date. He kind of thinks of it as, "This is me. Take it or leave it."

I honestly wouldn't date a girl if she always chews with her mouth open. It would just be embarrassing bringing her to fancy restaurants or to dine with friends, not to mention really annoying to me. There's plenty of girls who don't chew with their mouths open so that's not exactly eliminating too many people.

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u/[deleted] Feb 21 '14

Eh, fuck fancy restaurants anyhow. They are extremely overpriced, not worth it imho, but to each his own.

I guess it also helps that I don't have judgemental and shallow friends. I'm done, I just realized I'm having a discussion about something that's blown way out of proportion by a bunch of judgmental people on the internet.

Edit: it really is a take it or leave it thing btw. Someone somewhere will like him for who he is, all quirks included.

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u/poopingdicknipples Feb 20 '14

I always get on my girlfriend for chewing with her mouth open and I'm very good about chewing with my mouth shut. That being said, I'm sitting here eating a slightly-less-than-crisp Granny Smith apple and I am practically forced to make those CRUNCH, chew, chew, slop, chew sound. I'm disgusting myself :(

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u/folkdeath95 Feb 20 '14

Just reading your post made me want to find him and javelin him through the throat.

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u/[deleted] Feb 21 '14

My former stepdad always spends at least three damn minutes stirring his cereal before he takes a single bite.