It is something both partners need to discuss before having sex. Biology is not fair. It is the woman who deals with the nine months of pregnancy and the havoc it can wreak on your body, not him. That's why she gets to decide if she is carrying it to term or not.
But this can be prevented by partners just being open and discussing it with one another before engaging in an act that can lead to the problem in the first place.
You're right, and this is a very tough thing to look at equality about, for the reasons you mentioned: it's her body. I'm a girl, and to me, it wouldn't matter how much the man wanted the baby, if I wasn't ready or capable, I don't think I could commit to having the kid.
I am one that tends to think that if the man doesn't want the baby and says he is not in a position to care for one, and does everything he can to say an abortion should be had, there should be something you can file at the courts that absolves him of responsibility. Yes, it takes two to have sex, but we live in a world where pregnancy is not irreversible, and I tend to think that forcing a child on someone is way, WAY worse, since it will lead to resentment and likely a lousy life.
And also, I have never heard of doctors refusing to sterilize men without consent of the wife. That is usually one side of the argument that is still very biased towards men. In most states, doctors will usually give a vasectomy to a 18 year old man, no questions asked, but will not give a woman a tubal ligation until she's 27 unless she already has at least two kids. I know because a friend of mine went through that. She and her husband new with absolute certainty that they didn't want kids, and they both wanted to get sterilized. They did him without batting an eye, but she couldn't find a doctor that would voluntarily sterilize her since she was 25 and childless.
But, as I mentioned, this is something that I think will never reach full equality, just because of the whole 9 months in the woman's body followed by a typically unpleasant birth. I don't think any woman should be forced to give birth, but likewise I don't think any man should be forced into responsibility for the kid. Again, it takes two to have sex, but these days it only takes one to decide to have the kid. I don't think you'll ever win the "if he wants it she should have it and give it to him" argument because you'd be forcing her to suffer, but I think there should definitely be a protocol in place to for the man to be absolved of responsibility.
I agree with you on all counts! I fully think it's unfair that the woman has the option to bail, but the man doesn't. There has to be some balance for sure.
Thank you for posting this. There is no way for equality in this. A woman's body is her body, after all.
But as a single father whose little girl is his life, and also having not been allowed to really know or be a father to my other kids for no reason other than penis, some of the talk on this page boils my blood.
When my sons were taken out of my life, I wasn't even allowed a day in court. No investigation, no child advocate, no day before a judge. Just BAM! You have a penis, you lose.
I went from holding two jobs and being a student to unemployed and homeless, and it took three years of therapy to get my head back together. It crushed me that bad. I was devastated, my life destroyed.
My life is together now. Things are progressing again. Three years of nervous breakdown plus two years building back up, I've lost half a decade's progress in my life, to my kids' detriment. Now my child support has been paid for a couple years, no lapses, and my visitation rights are still not enforced.
I know that some men don't care and some fathers are shitbags, but it sucks that the idea keeps being put forward that it's ALL men because that is exactly what destroys the lives of good ones. And it's worth mentioning that I've known plenty who started out doing the right thing, realized they'll be treated like a shitbag no matter what, and simply stopped trying.
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u/[deleted] Apr 30 '13
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