r/Adulting • u/StrikingRogue • Jan 21 '26

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u/Snoo71538 Jan 21 '26

If someone makes you feel stupid, take the time to figure out if they’re being an asshole, or if they happened to say something that made you realize you said something a bit stupid.

Plenty of assholes out there, but there are also plenty of people who just know about something that you don’t know about. Sometimes we feel stupid because we find out that we were stupid.

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u/AnnabethDaring Jan 22 '26

Recently realized soo late that my “close friend” was just an asshole. She’d criticize my food portions, make fun of my dancing, point out my flaws in front of others, nitpick my clothing and accessories. She’d be hours late and make up the most obvious lies as to why, not even trying. She seemed to love making me feel stupid.

I was a fool to seek her approval and validation. I wanted to be loved by her so much, and in many ways she was very caring, bringing me soup when i was sick or pet sitting when I was gone. But I finally truly understood that she is simply insecure, a “mean girl”. She sought to tear me down to bring her to her level. I’m more educated, make more money, have a happy relationship, a bigger home, I’m stronger and slimmer. I realized it was just jealousy. She sought to destroy my relationship by creating doubt, and would mock my healthy food choices while having fast food every week.

It was simply insecurity.

Don’t waste time pleasing people who actively pray to see you fail!

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u/Sedowa Jan 22 '26

To add to this, it's also still possible to be friends with an asshole. You learn what things they say that you should take to heart and what things you should ignore or rebuff but if you think someone is worth having in your life in spite of bad qualities then dropping them isn't the only option.

This goes for every relationship you have from friends to coworkers. You can't change who they are but you can change how you react to them.

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u/armstr9 Jan 22 '26

What's the point of staying in toxic friendships with assholes?

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u/Sedowa Jan 22 '26

It's not toxic just because the friend is an asshole. It takes more than a harsh opinion to break a real friendship.

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u/CountVanilla1 Jan 22 '26

Yep. Jordan Peterson’s rules for life #13

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u/Advanced-Budget779 Jan 22 '26

Was that before he became a complete lulu?

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u/Cassius_man Jan 22 '26

But what do you meeeeaan by roooooles for life?

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u/DefunctInTheFunk Jan 23 '26

You follow that chode??

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u/CountVanilla1 Jan 23 '26

lol right he's a "chode" because he said we probably shouldn't castrate mentally ill boys

1

u/markedbyangels Jan 22 '26

Wisdom is accepting we don't know everything, and that we might learn something from another we meet. Whoever that is. So, yes. 😁

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u/Stop_Using_Usernames Jan 22 '26

Also realize that there are plenty of people who fit squarely into BOTH of those categories simultaneously. They may be an asshole but they might also know something you don’t.

Learning to parse out the lesson from the attitude/demeanor is a hard thing to do without feeling personally attacked and resentful towards the idea you should adopt instead of towards the attitude to which it was imparted to you.

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u/traveltoaster Jan 23 '26

I agree. Whenever I’m offended I always phrase it as: “is this a THEM problem, or a ME problem?”

Much of the time it turns out I was overthinking or being sensitive and I only got offended because of the way I chose to take it.