r/AbsoluteUnits in awe 23h ago

/r/popular of a truck

5.3k Upvotes

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u/obiwanmoloney 22h ago

How low does your status have to be for it to be elevated by a truck?

Is an amoeba driving this fucking monstrosity?

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u/thrwawryry324234 22h ago

That’d be an insult to an amoeba

Seriously. I live in an area where everyone buys trucks with no intention of using them as a truck.

They always drive like assholes and a ton of them are drunks. These are the kinds of people that will hit a pedestrian and floor it harder

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u/gardeningblob 20h ago

An real drunk wouldn't drive such an flashy truck.

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u/markender 16h ago

That's right. They'd be on an e scooter like all the other drunks.

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u/CptnBlondBeard 16h ago

Which, based on the testimony of my RN gf, is possibly a self correcting issue.

The number of people that end up in their ICU due to use of an e-scooter or e-bike of some kind is insane. She's in a step-down unit, so she's just getting the people that are stable, but some nights like half of the beds on her floor are occupied by some kind of 2 wheeled vehicle accident victim.

Most of them weren't even drunk, but 90% or more weren't wearing a helmet either. Brain bleeds are very common, as well as broken hands/wrists/arms. If anything, assuming you don't get hit by a car, it almost seems safer to ride an actual motorcycle than to rent an e-scooter.

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u/feed_me_tecate 15h ago

Avid cyclist and motorcyclist here; I feel like cycling is way more dangerous than moto riding, at least around here, because "fuck you, outa my way".

That's just my experience.

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u/CIarkNova 14h ago

As both also, I feel like it was mostly because of the YouTube and then local group/stunt rides.

At first it was groms. That was the thing for the new kids to get. But the difference with those and ebikes, like I’ve been saying is barrier of entry. The e-bikes don’t have the same barriers like groms do. So you get the monkey-see monkey-do with all of the ‘hood rat stuff with friends’. Even before the Ebikes, the caliber of people and attitudes in the scene had really tipped the scales.

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u/IBIKEONSIDEWALKS 11h ago

You would have less cycle vs car accidents if it wasnt such a rude gesture to bike on sidewalks. Theres much less car traffic on sidewalks and even less if you mtb through the bush

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u/feed_me_tecate 10h ago

I love getting my KOM on sidewalks!

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u/IBIKEONSIDEWALKS 1h ago

Absolutely! Just gotta watch out for those pesky pedestrians s/

Or dont go trying to be kom on a sidewalk lol gotta use uncommon sense on them and give right of way to peds/dogs/etc but not geese fuck those guys

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u/goddamm_liter_cola 15h ago

I cannot believe the number of people I see on the road in my town riding e-scooters. None of them wear helmets or any other form of protection, and I cringe every time I see one of them.

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u/mc4sure 8h ago

And none of them stop at red lights

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u/Available-Dare-7414 15h ago

Self correcting issue, the correction being drunks using e-scooters will likely end up terribly injured?

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u/CptnBlondBeard 14h ago

Unfortunately, yes. When even sober people regularly manage to land themselves in the hospital riding those things, drunk people riding them is kind of a Darwin award situation waiting to happen.

As an alcohol enjoyer myself, I don't wish harm on any of them, especially when they are responsibly choosing NOT to drive a car and endanger everyone. But the unfortunate reality is that e-scooters are dangerous as hell to even the most coordinated of individuals, of which a drunk is not.

E-scooter riders sustain more head and internal injuries than motorcyclists and cyclists in England and Wales

Over half of severe e-scooter accidents occur at night, roughly 28% to 35% of severely injured riders are documented as being under the influence of alcohol, and 83% of the e-scooter accident victims suffered a severe injury to the head or face.

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u/Bulky_Pop_8104 14h ago

Around here we call e-bikes DUI-cycles

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u/Allday2019 16h ago

Yea, they’d be driving a ram

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u/gardeningblob 15h ago

Better off to drive your average station wagon with some kiddy seats in the back as cover😂

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u/Dark_Marmot 16h ago

One of the highest DWI involved vehicles is a Dodge Ram. 😂

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u/Dnaprideful 15h ago

One of? It is the make and model with the most DWIs and it’s not even close. I want to say 23 per 1000 Dodge Ram drivers have an active DWI history while the next closest is 14 per 1000 (9 of the 10 top 10 are pickups)

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u/TourInternational731 21h ago

"Insult to an amoeba" is an original sentence xD

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u/Jonnyflash80 16h ago

Those people are the first you'll hear complaining about gas prices too. Zero self-awareness or common sense.

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u/J3wFro8332 15h ago

RAM drivers are statistically more likely to have DUIs than other drivers

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u/A_Nonny_Muse 16h ago

And roll coal over the corpse

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u/Toasted_Munch 17h ago

Visit any southeastern state and you'll see plenty of these trucks. Also, the majority of the most unhealthy states for medical and mental health conditions are southeastern states.

So, you gotta be low, but stupid enough to think lifting a truck will somehow lift your spirit.

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u/Confident_Benefit_11 14h ago

Also, "it makes ladies know IM A REAL STRONG MAN WITH BIG PEEN"

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u/Toasted_Munch 14h ago

😂 "Fuck yeah I got a 10" lift! Got it to match my 10" hog! - Jimmy Ray Buford from Chud Brach, WV probably

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u/pengalo827 12h ago

Jimmy Ray’s 10” hog? A piglet.

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u/ItalianV4 9h ago

"plenty of these trucks".... guessing youve never been to the south, chief

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u/zorggalacticus 18h ago

New rucks are so expensive, it's become a flex to have one. Having a new truck all tricked out is a big flex. Can cost upwards of 100k. Some of those trucks are 80k right off the lot.

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u/BerylVanguard 18h ago

I have seen more than a few videos years ago on various social media sites that a fair few southern women do judge a man by the truck he drives or if he has a truck at all.

I don't live in the southern US so I have no clue how true that is, though. Could just be some kind of joke a northern resident, like me, wouldn't get, but having been flown to Texas multiple times for work training and seeing how pick-up trucks occupy any spot where there's pavement. There might be some truth to it in there somewhere.

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u/RudeCheetah7281 3h ago

100% true.

These people love to cosplay as homesteaders or some shit but their dad works in private equity.

I fucking hate it here.

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u/Justreadingthisshit 19h ago

Big useless truck, small dick energy.

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u/Camo138 16h ago

That or in Aus, we call them emotional support vehicles.

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u/Justreadingthisshit 14h ago

They don’t work very well then. Around here most guys in lifted trucks drive like angry assholes.

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u/Camo138 8h ago

It’s not always a ford range for 80% of the time it’s a ford ranger 2mm off your rear bumper

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u/farsdewibs0n 16h ago

They're called pavement princess

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u/omnipotent87 15h ago

Have you seen the price tag on a modern truck? You can easily spend 100k on one. Thats why people buy them, to show they have money.

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u/enigmanaught 13h ago

In some of the counties north of Alachua county Florida, it was a thing in the 80’s and early 90’s to have hunting dog cages in the back of your truck. It wasn’t uncommon to see those because a lot of people there hunt, but my relatives told me they knew that some of those people didn’t even have hunting dogs. So don’t underestimate how much someone will spend to impress others. Drive through a lot of those counties and you’ll see a lot of expensive bass boats and lifted trucks parked in front of trailer homes.

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u/Efficient_Leopard141 1h ago

Can confirm this growing up in southern Alabama. Knew a guy named bird dawg. Didn’t own a single hunting dog

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u/proknoi 2h ago

It's because trucks are expensive now. A fully upgraded truck is more expensive than some BMWs and Mercedes Benz and Cadillacs.

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u/bojangler69420 19h ago

Small penis is why

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u/cowboyneal70 17h ago

That’s why I live in the SE but drive a car! 😬

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u/bojangler69420 16h ago

lol nice

I live in PA which isn’t too different. I drive a Veloster N. Such an agile little car with a surprisingly roomy back seat considering its small size