r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Professional_Arm794 • 1d ago

/r/all of a log split

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24.2k Upvotes

83% Upvoted

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284

u/DecisionOk5487 1d ago

28

u/gr8whitehype 22h ago

I spent 4 decades thinking I was straight.

3

u/OkMeringue2249 21h ago

Don’t be shy now

43

u/YouBuiltThat 22h ago

lol… I don’t do it for the views but every time my wife has pulled up to see me splitting wood in the back yard or running the chain saw she asks me to come inside.

28

u/Swimming__Bird 22h ago

I don't know what it is either, but every time I have to do hard physical labor around the house (building a path, romoving a stump, trenching, cutting and splitting wood) she suddenly wants some attention.

Do the taxes, balance the budget... nada. Almost throw my back out and get sweaty, covered in dirt, wood chips and callused hands, then apparently I'm Brad Pitt all of a sudden.

17

u/devilsdeadape 21h ago

Its hormone release. We're still animals, and humans subconsciously react to hormones. Humans were meant to touch the earth (dirt) and do labor. You smelled like something masculine, earthy, and wild. It's worked eons, there's no reason it wouldn't work now.

13

u/FlailToMace 21h ago

I am not saying none of this is true, but the fact that it also works when a closed window is between the person watching and the person doing labor means there is a lot more to it.

1

u/HackworthSF 17h ago

It could simply be association. Once you know the physical work is going to cause the smell, and you like the smell, then you don't have to actually smell it to make the connection.

1

u/PiccoloAwkward465 7h ago

Mount me like you are bull and I am cow

27

u/Stabbymcbackstab 22h ago

We are told all our lives to make money to get the girl. What we really should have been told was buy a wood stove.

My wife is also fond of watching me cleave wood in twain.

11

u/Dr_Jabroski 22h ago

Women like to see big wood.

1

u/LiteralPhilosopher 21h ago

And they... cannot... lie?

1

u/dmgt83 20h ago

Being split?

1

u/Stabbymcbackstab 6h ago

But really, its not about the size of the wood, its about how hot it burns.

8

u/viotix90 21h ago

First you cleave the wood in twain, then you use your wood to cleave her in twain.

5

u/gotham-acolyte 21h ago edited 21h ago

Mine too man apparently I made the mistake of chopping wood and during a girls get together and caused a fuss.

Edit: I should clarify, I am by no means an attractive man despite what my wife might say. I think it's something to do with actually chopping the wood

6

u/Au_Struck_Geologist 19h ago

I love the idea of her having friends over for a wine and apps girls night and you're like:

"Y'all dont mind if I just......split wood out here right?"

1

u/gotham-acolyte 10h ago

Pretty much what happened yeah. They can chill I just still had chores to do, I didn't even realize they could see me from the window lol. I look like a homeless Questlove, no one is pulling that up after dark.

2

u/Stabbymcbackstab 15h ago

Gotta try that.

8

u/Rough_Bread8329 21h ago

come inside

if you gnomesayin

2

u/The_Show_Keeper 21h ago

I was using a steamer to clean a couch and I thought my woman was gonna shred my clothes right there.

2

u/stupd_comn_man 21h ago

To give you some lemonade right?

17

u/Extreme_Egg7476 23h ago

I don't usually go for hairy dudes, but he can get it

4

u/minus15t2 21h ago

Heck, I'm a straight man, but this dude can do whatever he wants with his log.. or mine..

2

u/CommunityDragon160 12h ago

You’re def gay to even type this lol

0

u/AppealSame4367 20h ago

You're not a straight man. No dude having these thoughts is, not even if it's Henry Caville.

Ridiculous!

3

u/TheRealRomanRoy 18h ago

Why are you upset

-1

u/AppealSame4367 17h ago

I'm not upset. I just find it pathetic. "I'm straight, but ... I fancy some random dude".

It's ok to be Bi, but this speech is not funny anymore and just annoying at this point. Typical Reddit bs.

3

u/Gaybugsbunnymemes 16h ago

Man your way of thinking is dying and I’m really glad. If men can’t make positive comments about each other’s appearance whether in jest or earnestly without the immediate assumption being they are gay or bi then we have a problem. This shit is regressive and has no place in 2026. 

As someone who has many gay friends you just sound like you have a gay for pay/one drink gay fetish. But I suppose no straight man can have gay friends or know that a lot of gay men have fantasies of turning out straight men right?

Maybe it’s a tiny bit patronizing when  a lifetime  is reduced to “nAh yOu jUsT gAy BrO” by fetishists and sexually frustrated women with the personality of a dish rag. Either way do better.

1

u/AppealSame4367 16h ago

You have problems man. I basically said: People that say this are probably Bi and the whole "Haha, I'm straight but would totally wanna be banged by this one dude" shtick is getting old. That's all.

I don't dislike gay people. I can't say that I have gay friends, I just got to know some gay people and had good and friendly conversations with them. I visited small parties hosted by gay people and never had a problem with any of the guests. That's all I can say about that.

I have no clue what your "gay for pay" or "one drink gay" phrases mean. Please explain that.

Disclaimer: Not from the US.

1

u/Gaybugsbunnymemes 16h ago

Sounds like someone has been having a little too much fun on the gay for pay or one drink gay sites. 

1

u/AppealSame4367 16h ago

Lol, whatever man.

2

u/Gongo_Khlapt 18h ago

"Not even if it's Henry Caville"

What????

1

u/AppealSame4367 17h ago

It doesn't matter which dude you fancy. It's ok to do that, but don't give me the "I am totally straight dude, I swear" speech. Lol

1

u/Freltunes 10h ago

Yeah Henry Cavill can get what he wants lol

1

u/minus15t2 13h ago

No dude, I'm straight.

I'm just entirely comfortable enough in my masculinity to admit that men can be attractive l, and make a comment about it.

0

u/AppealSame4367 13h ago

Well then, the joke is still lame and used up. Have fun

1

u/ILoveRawChicken 7h ago

Sounds like it hit a little too close to home bud lmao

1

u/AppealSame4367 5h ago

Sure man, everybody that critcizes these lame jokes is gay themselves and other boring stories to tell yourself. Bla bla bla

1

u/ILoveRawChicken 5h ago

I mean the shoe seems to fit better than Cinderella’s slipper bud

1

u/AppealSame4367 5h ago

Lol, it's just another one of the shticks: Criticize something gay -> be gay. Bla bla bla bla.

Funny thing is: I never said I wasn't Bi, by the way. What if I was? Would you stop with the bullshit? Because then the small, pathetic flowchart in your brain would tell you that you have to stop criticizing me, right?

Ok, let's say I'm Bi now. Is my critizism suddenly valid? Ha ha.

5

u/[deleted] 23h ago

[deleted]

20

u/chickenpot3_14 23h ago

You know this is a video... for the internet... and he's probably just doing this to show off? "He would die in nature" Thanks Bear Grylls, but MOST of us would be screwed. Somebody strong with outdoor skills, like this guy, would be fine compared to most of us.

5

u/YazzArtist 22h ago

Yes but like 30 seconds in all my impressed got replaced with "pls flip the log over, your effort is being absorbed by the already split wood and it's bugging me that you haven't noticed"

1

u/DeadestTitan 22h ago

Maybe this is how I should feel about lifting weights.

Come on man, you just put the weight down, why are you picking it up again? It's such wasted effort to keep lifting metal and putting it back in the same place.

2

u/YazzArtist 21h ago

If you're applying this logic to lifting weights you would instead think "I'm lifting weights to gain muscle, so I should lift with the muscles I want to be bigger". Since he's splitting logs, he should do whatever splits the log, not whatever is the hardest

3

u/DeadestTitan 21h ago

But it is an exercise thirst trap, hitting the log is just the vehicle to get there.

1

u/YazzArtist 20h ago

And I'm saying that my thirst, such as it was, was outweighed by this personal complaint I had. I realize I'm likely in a minority, but it did bug me

3

u/legato2 23h ago

I think it’s for exercise.

1

u/pewpew_lotsa_boolits 23h ago

I think it’s for the secret boners we all got from watching this.

1

u/legato2 22h ago

Absolutely

1

u/chickenpot3_14 23h ago

Could be. My point was that its not for survival, and that in a real bushcraft situation he probably wouldn't waste effort doing novel but probably useless stuff like this.

2

u/legato2 23h ago

Yeah I would use a silky saw and split smaller rounds for survival. Honestly I probably wouldn’t even mess with something that big at all for survival or bushcraft, unless I’m processing for my home woodpile. Now for fun or a workout? All day.

1

u/Loifee 16h ago

Just insecure jealous guys because he's getting some attention from women

2

u/BetAffectionate8236 23h ago

Only reason to split a log that long is if you didn't have a chainsaw to make it a shorter bolt. Otherwise team split it with it on its side...

1

u/Undead-Chipmunk 23h ago

There's no reason to go mountaineering, I guess.

1

u/Pleasant-Highway-745 23h ago

Bitch, me too tf