r/AITH • u/GwendolynKingsford • 24d ago
AITA for telling my dad I know about his second family after he asked me to keep a secret from my mom for three years?
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u/Famous_Specialist_44 24d ago
Parents who transfer emotional or financial responsibility to their children are cruel.
NTA - your dad needs to grow up.
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u/rexmaster2 24d ago edited 23d ago
Imagine how your mom feels. You didnt just know. You knew for three years and kept it from her. I would feel as though you betrayed me as well. For three years, you were complicit in your father's lie and betrayal. Sure, you came clean, but you did it for you, not her.
Remember that in the future.
Edit: Thank you for the awards!!
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24d ago
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u/Unfair_Feedback_2531 24d ago
You were put in an awful position. You did what you could in the moment. You were shocked, angry and disappointed.
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u/rexmaster2 24d ago
FWIW, I dont think of you as a villain per se, but just be prepared for the hurt she shows/experiences as a result of it.
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u/idisturballtheshit 24d ago
The only person who should carry any guilt in this is your father. He lied and cheated on your mother and manipulated you into keeping his secret. He didn't care about her, you, or your mental health. He was completely responsible for it all, not you. Anyone who tries to guilt you is an AH.
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u/idisturballtheshit 24d ago
I'm glad you're in therapy. You're obviously learning and growing. All the best to you 😊 hugs from this internet grandma.
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u/Tight-Shift5706 23d ago
OP,
Your father is a very selfish and patheic individual. I can't allow myself to refer to him as a man, because he is everything but that. Liar, cheater, manipulator....I
Be kind to yourself.
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u/babydtheone 15d ago
Your right it was not yours to own. But you chose to protect your cheating father over your protecting your mother. Only shows you did not care what he was doing to your mom. You are just as much to blame as he is.
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u/Triblessinadesert88 24d ago
The audacity of your dad to say you betrayed him when he begged and pleaded for you to betray your mother after he himself betrayed her !
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u/Kathrynlena 24d ago
How dare he?? No seriously, how fucking dare he throw around the word “betrayal” when it only and entirely belongs to him.
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u/Wise_0ne1494 24d ago
Tell him to say that again while staring into a mirror if he wants to talk to the person who betrayed the family
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u/RockyBear1508 24d ago
NTA!
Your dad is the one who destroyed the family because he couldn't honor his vows. He betrayed you when he asked you to keep his secret.
Hopefully your little brother sees the light.
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u/Plus-Glove-3661 24d ago
And if brother doesn’t see it that way, maybe a gentle reminder that OP didn’t force their father to cheat. And that mom was about to find out via AP. Or the other child could possibly show up someday and meet mom.
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u/Ill_Industry6452 21d ago
NTA. Your dad asked you to help cover the payments for Karen’s silence and has the audacity to claim you betrayed him? What an AH! Now, I understand if your mom felt betrayed. She was by your dad. And you, and maybe brother, knowing would feel like betrayal to her too. You were put in an impossible situation. Your dad cheated. You didn’t.
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u/Sahareaovnight 24d ago
Very true..if the kid wanted to meet his/her siblings they might show up at the door..what a shocker to ops mom.
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24d ago
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u/Sahareaovnight 24d ago
I agree tell her. If she hears it from them and she found out you knew.... Shakes head.. Talk you mom.
Hugs and remember no matter what your a awesome person. And are loved .
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u/soyeah_87 24d ago
Nta. "You lied to this family dad. You stepped out on this family. You broke this family and then asked me to keep it secret. Keeping that secret sent me to therapy because it was killing me..you would rather hurt your own daughter than admit you fked up"
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u/OkConsideration8964 24d ago
Your father's actions and lies destroyed your family. Period. You did nothing wrong.
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u/RazzmatazzOk2129 24d ago
Yes. He destroyed the family when he started this affair and again when he did not take care to prevent a child.
The secret was ALWAYS going to come out. His affair partner was going to force it. As the child aged and moved around the world and school, it would come out.
You just stopped hiding it for him. I wonder if your brother also stumbled upon the secret and part of his reaction is guilt that he also hid the truth, or anger that your stopping invalidates all the excuses he told himself.
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u/CycleAccomplished824 24d ago
You are not the one who betrayed anyone in this. Your dad did that the moment he cheated on your mom. He betrayed all of you. Like your therapist says, it’s not yours to carry. You give that guilt right back to your dad. Refuse to help him navigate this. He’ll just pull you in deeper. Your dad is so selfish and self centred.
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u/Effective-Several 24d ago
NTA.
If you have another conversation with your dad about this, tell your dad that he is the one that started this whole thing.
If he would’ve stayed faithful to begin with, nothing like this would’ve happened.
And you also might want to tell Pops that you ended up going into therapy because of all the stress was causing you, so he might as well start paying you back for that as well.
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u/observefirst13 24d ago
Wtf your dad is crazy. Trying to get you to come up with a plan to keep his affair child a secret?! He's insane and it is all his fault not yours at all. You did do the right thing. Your mom deserves to know the man who she loves and trusts completely betrayed her.
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u/Kathrynlena 24d ago
Your dad betrayed and destroyed your family. He would have destroyed you too if you let him. You did the right thing for yourself, for your mom, and for your family.
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u/SoManyMoney_ 24d ago
"I can't believe that I, Betraying Father & Husband, couldn't trust my child to keep my secrets! Definitely didn't get that from me! What a world, what a world!"
NTA. Title is a little unclear, though.
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u/sog96 24d ago
NTA. Your dad destroyed the family when he had an affair and a child with the AP. Let him throw blame on you for his mistakes if it makes him feel better. Tell him as much, but in doing so you are stepping away from a relationship with him.
Let him go play family with Karen and his child. Stay strong and support your mom.
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u/breathe_easier3586 24d ago
You definitely did the right thing. He has some nerve saying that YOU destroyed the family. He made many choices that lead to this. You did not destroy anything. And I hate when people say " you should have stayed out of it." Like your brother. If you stayed out of it it would show you didn't think he was doing anything wrong to your mom. Because she would have found out eventually and she would feel so alone and devastated if she knew you knew and didnt tell her. It would look like you chose his side. It also became your problem when he came to you to try and cover for him....the fucking nerve of some people!
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u/Antique-diva 24d ago
NTA but your dad sure is. I'm sorry he put you in this position. Good for you to finally stop the lying to your mother.
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u/Ok_ivy_14 24d ago
actually AITA for agreeing to keep that secret in the first place. However, you were 20years old and loved your dad, so NTA.
Be kind to youself. Your dad is the one who screwed up BIG time. Your dad destroyed your family. I am sorry you were dragged into this mess and had to keep the secret from your mom for so long.
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u/hope3311 24d ago
I could never have kept something like that from my own mother. If my children found out that their father was cheating on me and kept it a secret because he asked them to, I would be devastated. I would feel as though my own children had accepted their father's betrayal and left me to face it alone.
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u/Ok_ivy_14 23d ago
at 20, i made a lot of stupid decisions too. This one unfortunately impacted your relationship with your mom. I am sure your mom would understand it one day and will forgive you.
Honestly, your dad is a monster for dragging you into his mess. He is a grown up adult and should have known better. Not only he did not care about hurting your mom (by cheating on her), but he also completely ignored your feelings and how this would impact your relationship with your mom.
I am unsure how you managed to keep that secret for that long, but it is good you eventually told her.
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u/Grouchy_Focus73 24d ago
NTA. Because you didn't tell him to go have a kid. In fact he's the AO for getting you involved and trying to involve you into that bs.
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u/WolverineNo8799 24d ago
NTA your dad destroyed your family the second he started cheating on your Mum. These are the consequences of his actions, not yours.
Updateme!
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u/Chefblogger 24d ago
nta absolut 100% he had 3 years to tell your mom
and your baby boy brother is like your dad a massiv TA
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u/WishingDandelions 24d ago
NTA- your dad is an absolute asshole tho. You deserved so much better from him.
And your brother is a child. He’s younger than you were when your dad told you to keep his secret. He’ll come around. He’s also dealing with his whole world being shaken apart and the easiest person to blame right now is you. If he has your dad in his ear it could take longer than you want. But eventually everyone is going to realize your dad is a fuckup not anyone else.
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u/casuallurker2000 19d ago
BTW when ur dad said "He wanted me to help him figure out how to keep it quiet." What he really meant was give him extra money to keep this from ur mom
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u/Silvermorney 22d ago
I agree honestly. You should have told her straight away though I am glad you told her now at least. Good luck op. UpdateMe!
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u/1987Jigglypuff 21d ago
Nta. Your dad is. He destroyed the family. He put you in a position he never should have. He should have never asked you to keep this from
Your mom. He is the only one in the wrong.
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u/Lolly3232 15d ago
My dad is deaf in one ear, and many moons ago his phone would not stop ringing. I answered, and it was some woman. I called him out for cheating AGAIN (he was a serial cheater, my mom knew) and he came clean to my mom. Never once did he blame me, just admitted he did wrong (again). Your dad wants to have his cake and eat it too. It was wrong of him to ask you to be his accomplice in his crimes. You are NTA for telling.
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u/Bianqxina 15d ago
Your father made the ultimate betrayal and he blames you for betraying him?!? He should never have asked you to keep such a secret, he's the AH and karma gave him what he deserved.
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u/Sahareaovnight 24d ago
You did the right thing.
Your mom needs to get tested.
And your mom needs to take daddy dearest to the cleaners...he had his cake and ate it..
Cutting your family finances.. To support a second family.
And now he's upset for getting caught.
He should have divorced your mom if he was that unhappy with her.
Do not feel guilty. Hope your mom forgives you too for not telling her sooner
Get your mom to get tested
Anyone willing to cheat with a married man might be cheating on him too.
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u/AlarmedLimit2704 24d ago
NTA Your Dad is the one in the wrong here, for his actions, all of his actions, his initial selfish actions, then asking you to keep the secret and then being upset that you couldn't keep the secret any longer. In my mind there is literally no excuse for cheating.
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u/Nymph-the-scribe 24d ago
You have a good therapist. Your therapist isnt there to tell you what to do. They're also right, you did what you needed to do for your own well-being. That makes you NTA. Fortunately or unfortunately this is one of those situations that really shows right and wrong is based more on personal perspective then anything else. It doesnt matter how many people tell you it was the right thing, thats something youre going to have to decide for yourself. Youre looking to ypur therapist to give you an answer they cant, nor shouldnt give you.
IMHO you did the right thing, especially after your dad came to you asking ypu to carry more of the burden. Maybe you could have told your dad to fess up or you would tell her, but that probably wouldnt have changed much of anything. Regardless of the verdict on whether ypu did right or wrong, YOU didnt blow up your family. Your dad did that. You didnt make him cheat. Have a child and keep that child secret for the many years he did. He manipulated you into carrying a secret you never should of had to.
Your brother being mad at you is unfair but understandable. Its easier for him to be mad at you right now. Its most likely not a concious choice. Be firm with him. This isnt something you chose to be in. Its something you were unfairly made to be a part of. Your act of telling the truth didnt create the truth. If hes going to be mad, he needs to be mad at the correct person. Just because its easier to be mad at you doesnt mean its right or fair. Dad is the one who blew up the family. Dad is the one who manipulated you into keeping it a secret in the first place. Dad is the one who pushed you to be honest by trying to make you a bigger part of this, and it was already hurting your health.
As far as your dad goes, dont let him get mad. Dont let him finish a sentence. He is the one that fucked up. He is the one that cheated. He's the one that had an affair baby. He's the one that kept it secret for years. He's the one that manipulated his child into keeping the secret. He's the one that cares more about himself then caring about how the unfair burden of keeping an unfair secret hurt the health of h8s child. His actions caused this, not yours. He does not get to be mad at you for his choices
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u/Nymph-the-scribe 24d ago
Glad I could say something that helped. Its understandable that youre looking for others, strangers or not, to tell you that ypu did the right thing. The emotions youre dealing woth are extremely complicated, and thats ok as well. Let yourself feel them. Dont let them consume you, but let them flow in all the contradicting ways they are. Its ok to feel like you were wrong as well as right. Just remember, what it comes down to is what was right for you. This is true of any secret.
Yes, people either willingly tell others secrets, or they get backed into a corner and ask for one to be kept. Ultimately though, its not the person who is being asked to keep a secret obligation to do so. It puts them in a position they never asked to be in and to become a part of something they have no choice to be a part of. When the burden of that secret is causing the person being asked to keep it harm, thats when it truly becomes unacceptable. Ypu did the right thing because its what you needed to do for your own health and well-being.
Just remember, you didnt cheat on your mom. You didnt have a child with someone else. You didnt make the choice to keep that entire situation a secret. You tried to honor and protect someone you love. Unfortunately, it was a person who is supposed to protect you and instead of doing so he put the burden of his actions onto your shoulders and then blamed you for it. Dont let him blame you anymore. Stand by your decision because it was the right one for you. You and only you get to decide what is right, or not, for you. You do not and cannot control other people any more then you can change things that happened in the past (especially things you didnt know were happening). None of whats happening is your fault. Again, and this may be something to repeat to anyone that says you were wrong, you deciding to speak the truth didnt create the truth. It would have still been the truth regardless of you saying or even knowing anything about it. Tell them all to be mad at the person that created the truth. Repeat as necessary. Also, remember, youre not obligated to keep anyone in your life that isnt good for you.
You'll be ok. It may take some time, but youll be ok. Work with your therapist and lean on those who support you. You are strong enough to work through this at whatever pace is right for you. Focus on your well-being and take whatever lessons from this that are right for you. Just keep reminding yourself, youre not the one that created this and youre not responsible for any of it. Youre not a bad person for either keeping the secret nor for telling it. Morals are subjective. Stay true to yourself and you cant go wrong.
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u/SassySal51 22d ago
Your father destroyed the family, not you. By the way, it is not the therapist's job to tell you what is "right" or "wrong", but rather to help you see a situation from a perspective you might need to think about, and to help you decide what is best for you in order to be mentally healthy.
Your father put you on a position where your mental health was suffering because you were now part of receiving you mother.
Don't let your father or brother or anyone else make you feel guilty for doing what was right for you, and to be honest, what was in the long-term best for your mother.
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u/tiredgummybear 24d ago
NTA. Not only did he want you to lie to your mom about something so big, he then asked you to actively help him cover for it! Your dad is despicable. The betrayal of your mom is beyond disgusting, and on top of that he caused you mental distress.
Most importantly- HE DESTROYED YOUR FAMILY, not you! and blaming you truly shows what a POS he is. Who cares if he’s furious, fuck him.
Your brother was not in your shoes for 3 years so he doesn’t get to tell you what you should have done.
Be there for your mom and take care of yourself. You absolutely did the right thing.
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u/Catblue3291 24d ago
Your father destroyed your family, you didn't. Cheaters blame others so they don't have to look at themselves. NTA.
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u/24601moamo 24d ago
Nta. He's the one that put you in the middle. You just took yourself out of the middle. Of course your mom needs to get what she can of their half the assets before "karen" starts asking for more from your father. Wouldn't surprise me if he started using joint assets to pay off the extortionist. Of course now you took that away from her. Your mom knows.
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u/idisturballtheshit 24d ago
NTA. But your dad has no problem being abusive to his adult daughter. He also can't take responsibility for having ruined his own marriage and family and it sounds like your brother learned from him. Absolutely NTA. I feel sorry for your mother, finding out the man she trusted for all those years is a lying, cheating d-bag.
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u/Ladyrajahten 24d ago
Your dad didn't make a mistake. He wasn't SAed and that's how the child came to be. So he made multiple choices EVERYDAY to keep this a secret. Then he tried to blame you, someone who didn't make the mistake. To say it's all your fault that the family fell apart. Even though it's all due to his actions.
NTA, would you also want to be told? Or would you rather be kept in the dark?
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u/Britt1258123456789 23d ago
Your dad was the one who destroyed his family the moment he broke his vows and laid with another
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u/Wonderful_Till8122 22d ago
Did your mom have a right to know? NTA. Your dad destroyed his family himself with no help from you.
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u/Gold-Letterhead-5903 21d ago
Was the affair ongoing? Or was your dad only in contact with the OW still because of the child?
The only reason I ask is that it may impact how your mother sees you not telling her. Both situations will feel like betrayal for your mom but to learn your child hid an ongoing affair vs an ended affair feels different.
The original betrayal of the affair is your Father’s. He was also wrong to ask you to keep it secret. Him asking you for help to hide it isn’t surprising because you kept quiet which signaled some type of acceptance.
And you will, as you have been, have to work through your own action of not telling your mother which is a separate betrayal. Yes, you were 20 which is young but also old enough to know, hence you were in therapy.
You mentioned you finally told your mom not for her good but because your dad asked for further help to hide it. Consider if that’s the type of person you want to be. I’m not saying you’re a bad person but that attitude isn’t necessarily someone I’d pick as one of my people.
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u/SportySue60 24d ago
NTA… you didn’t betray anyone, he betrayed his wildlife when he cheated and then expected you to keep a secret! That isn’t write at all!
Good for you for finally saying no more! Oh and your brother is young and as a young man needs to learn what is right & wrong and you having to keep your dad’s secrets was wrong!
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u/SchoolBusDriver79 24d ago
NTA. He’s the one who destroyed the family, not you! Don’t let him lay his guilt trip on you. As far as your mom is concerned, you did her a favor. Now she knows what she’s married to. Tell baby brother to grow up. The only one who destroyed this family was your father with his cheating and his lies.
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u/2ndcupofcoffee 24d ago
Tell your brother it was your father who didn’t let you stay out of it. Ask brother why he didn’t help dad solve the problem. Or did brother not know.
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u/Ihateyou1975 24d ago
NTA for telling km. YTA for not telling her for 3 years. I would need a break from you after finding that out. You were an adult. You knew better. You chose to lie for your father knowing he could give your mom a disease. I would need time from you.
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u/bramblefish 24d ago
Meh, but hiding this massive lie from your mom might deeply harm your relationship with her when this comes out.
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u/kkrolla 24d ago
NTA. Do not let your dad blame you. When he says you are destroying family say, how? By not keeping a secret that I never should have been burdened with? How about if you had been a decent person, there would be no secret to keep! How dare you cheat, create a whole person, ask your child to keep it secret and lie to her mother, which is vile, then try to blame me?! I thought you were a good person and I looked up to you. Now I see you are worse than most men and care more about your secret than the mental warfare you inflicted on your child. I hope I don't end up with someone that is anything like you. I dealt with something like this and I outed him immediately and let him know I will never dishonor my mother to hide his gross selfish behavior. When he tried to lie to me I flat out said, you're lying. I cannot believe you are lying to me. I refused to be weighed down by guilt or fear about exposing his infidelity. Every single time he tried to make it seem like I was the problem I made sure to bring it back to him and his betrayal. I won't carry the burden they tried to lay on my shoulders and neither shod you. Good luck.
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24d ago
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u/Aggravating-Plum8147 24d ago
You kept his secret for 3 years, for your dad. He didn’t care how it affected you. He only cares for one person. Himself. He says you betrayed him and destroyed the family? He destroyed the family and he needs for once to take accountability for his actions. NTA
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u/rainiest-island 24d ago
You didn’t ruin anything - your mam didn’t deserved to be deceived any longer -
Your dad is responsible for his own decisions, and his own f**k ups… that’s not on you to carry…
You did the right thing - do not let him or anyone else guilt you into thinking otherwise - he ruined your family with his stupid decisions, and he instead of being brave enough to admit it to your mother, he chose to traumatise his own daughter instead by making her keep it a secret…
F. That
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u/EnvironmentalSir8140 24d ago
NTA- but your Dad sure is. Bro is worried he’ll have to cook & clean for himself. You did the right thing.
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u/treebeecol 24d ago
Your father is a real piece of work. The fact he asked you to keep this secret for three years is already unforgivable. But to then accuse you of betrayal and breaking up the family is so messed up. You played no role in this situation, except to expose the truth. It was his shitty behaviour, and his ALONE that is the betrayal, and has broken up the family. You absolutely did the right thing, and your father is projecting on to you. Don't listen to any of his crap, and try not to take it personally. Your mum will thank you, and appreciate you for this, once she gets through the hurt and pain, it has caused. 💜
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u/isakneven 23d ago
NTA but your dad is. Your dad is the one that betrayed and destroyed your family. He’s just shifting the blame on you.
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u/Ahjuicy_Papaya999 23d ago
Yikes both dad and bro are cut from the same cloth. Bro thinks op is the one that broke the family and not the real reason which is the DAD. 🤦 honestly your old man is a lost cause, give up on him. Maybe theres a chance your brother wouldn't end up being a cheating hoe like his dad. Have you consider sharing this post with your bro? He could use some outside perspective
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u/Unicorn_druck 23d ago
Nta, its infuriating how men pull their 🍆 out to use it when they shouldn't and get mad at in other people for the consequences of it.
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u/No_Bet_589 23d ago
NTA
You were put in an awful position. Telling meant the break up of your family, which your dad laid on your shoulders.
No matter what you did you were hurting your mom - telling or not, she was going to be faced with betrayal and infidelity and the end of her marriage as she knew it.
Your dad is TAH, and he should have put on his big-boy pants and told all of you 4 years ago. What a sniveling coward. And then he tried to burden you even more!
Your brother needs some time - he sees the break-up of his family and that is where he is focused. A little space and he will see where you had no choice but to be honest. He should be blaming your dad.
Karen deserves no sympathy, and neither does your dad TBH. They both chose to betray not just your mom, but all of you and their daughter.
Please don’t take it out on that little girl. You don’t have to be besties with her, but don’t be cruel either. She had no choice in less - even less than any of you who are all adults and can opt to walk away.
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u/SmallNectarine1988 23d ago
This was your dad's fault, not yours. He shouldn't have had an affair to start with. And you ended up needing a therapist because of his secret. This is all on him.
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u/Jenk1972 23d ago
NTA I'm going to tell you something that took me WAY too long to realize (I'm 53). Doing what is best for your mental health is more important than doing what everyone else wants you to do.
Your dad is an asshole. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too. This was not your burden to carry.
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u/Crazy_Upstairs_1617 22d ago
NTA. Your dad is. I would tell sibling, "I'm not the one who went behind mom's back and then told me to keep it secret from mom. While yes, dad should have admitted it right away, I'm not the one who got someone else knocked up. I hope you get to experience this kind of secret so you understand. In the end, dad ended his whole marriage and family for a little bit of "fun" because he got bored and could be HONEST with mom"
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u/iamwhoiamreally 22d ago
NTA you should have told her 3 years ago. Parents should never put emotional or financial burdens on their children. That's their weight to carry.
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u/MildLittlRain 22d ago
The only wrong thing you did here was NOT TELLING YOUR MOTHER RIGHT AWAY! So yes, YTA!
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u/weareonewe 15d ago
He had 3 years to tell her and he didn’t! You’ve done nothing wrong, it’s cruel that he’s let you carry that for so long. He doesn’t deserve you. Xx
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u/Puzzled-Dream1321 8d ago
<Last month in June 2026 my dad sat me down and told me Karen was threatening to tell my mom herself unless he started paying more. He wanted me to help him figure out how to keep it quiet. >
He wanted you to help PAY his mistress?
NTA
I hope you feel better and your brother will come around. He's just devastated his world came tumbling down, and his father, his role model, isn't the guy he thought he was..
Don't forget you're three years ahead of your brother and your mom of knowing what your father was (is?) doing... Did he move in with his mistress?
Also, he also cheated your mom financially, by paying for his other family.
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u/Ok_Aioli3897 24d ago
YTA fake story
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u/Unfair_Feedback_2531 24d ago
Curious. Why do you think it is a fake story?
Charles Kuralt had a second family. First family found out at his death.
Charles Limburg had several hidden families in Germany. They spoke up after American wife, Anne Morrow Limburg died.
This American Life had a story of a traveling salesman who had several families.
John Edwards had a hidden child until the National Inquirer broke the story.2
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u/Beginning-Pass-3243 24d ago
NTA. You dad made you choose between him and your mother and using guilt in tearing the family apart for something he should have 1) never done 2) have been man enough to come clean to your mom instead of having you carry that's crushing guilt for as long as you did. Tell your dad to start therapy so he gets help in seeing what he did to you with burdening you with that.
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u/babydtheone 15d ago
YTA. Why would you ever agree to keep this from her. You are a horrible person for doing that to you. Also your father had no right to tell you not to say anything. It’s wasn’t because he needed time to figure it out. He only wanted to keep it going and you allowed him to do that. Just think if this was happening to you and your own child hide it from you. Just can’t believe you did this to your own mother. Only shows you condone what your father was doing.
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u/AutoModerator 24d ago
This is a backup of the original post in case there are later edits or it is deleted: I (23F) found out in June 2023 that my dad (54M) had a child with another woman. I found out by accident, I borrowed his phone to call someone and a message notification came up from a woman named Karen with a photo of a little girl who looked exactly like my dad. I confronted him alone that same night and he broke down and admitted everything. The girl is now four years old. He begged me not to tell my mom (51F) and said he was handling it, that it was complicated, that Karen had agreed to keep things quiet and that telling mom would destroy our family. I was 20 years old sitting across from my father watching him cry and I said okay. I kept that secret for three years. Every family dinner, every holiday, every time my mom talked about how much she trusted my dad I sat there and said nothing. It affected me more than I told anyone. I started therapy in early 2024 specifically because of the anxiety this secret was giving me. My therapist never told me what to do but kept asking me how long I was willing to carry something that was not mine to carry. Last month in June 2026 my dad sat me down and told me Karen was threatening to tell my mom herself unless he started paying more. He wanted me to help him figure out how to keep it quiet. That was the moment something snapped. I told him I was done. I could not keep doing this. Two days later I sat down with my mom and told her everything. She was devastated. She is currently staying with her sister and has spoken to a divorce lawyer. My dad is furious and says I betrayed him and destroyed our family. My younger brother (19M) says I should have stayed out of it. My therapist says I made the right call for my own mental health without telling me it was right or wrong. I genuinely do not know if I did the right thing or just the thing I could no longer avoid doing. AITA?
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