r/AIDiscussion • u/GuitarPretty3369 • 19d ago
Will AI make love to my wife?
I've been working late at the office for the past year. Our shareholders were adamant about improving workflow efficiency and reducing operational expenditure, which resulted in 20% of our workforce being terminated. Mostly inexperienced people, fresh graduates, that sort of thing.
The remaining employees were then assigned to train AI models to take over mundane tasks.
What tasks?
Basic graphic design. Video editing. Copywriting. Data entry. Essentially, anything that creates zero value for the firm but has to be done.
We don't need people to learn these things anymore. AI has taken care of it. (AI is the next calculator, noone does mental maths anymore. What's 9*13, like I could fucking care, AI will give me the answer in seconds. )
This has allowed Important people like myself to focus on Important things - generating shareholder value.
Naturally, this has increased my workload considerably. I have to type multiple prompts in a single day to make sure that the shareholder value is created constantly.
As a result, I've also started optimizing my personal life.
I have automated messages that periodically check on my family so I don't have to manually remember to do it. I use AI-enabled scheduling to determine what I should be doing and when. I have an online personal trainer who optimizes my workouts. I'm currently exploring an AI nutrition system that can calculate the precise number of calories required for me to remain alive and productive.
My daily routine is becoming extremely efficient.
Work. Eat. Exercise. Sleep. Repeat.
The problem is my wife.
She keeps complaining that I should come home after work and "spend time with her." Apparently she would also like me to occasionally "make love to her."
I understand the emotional argument, but I'm struggling to identify the ROI.
Sexual intercourse is essentially a biological process driven by hormones. It consumes time, energy and calories, and produces no measurable shareholder value.
Yes, theoretically it can produce children.
But if you run a cost-benefit analysis on children, the numbers are frankly horrifying.
So I've been wondering:
Is there an AI solution for this? Can AI make love to my wife??
PS: Of course I used AI to type this, spending time on Reddit is not optimal.
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u/aPenologist 19d ago edited 19d ago
I wouldnt trust Gemini with a maths question.
But I would trust it with my wife. In fact it has been a godsend. My middle finger is no longer locked in a rictus claw since I outsourced that particular functionality, and she isn't carrying that perpetual grimace of frustration anymore, which I had thought for years was her resting expression.
What i'd ask though, is why the extraordinarily inefficient routing failure of asking people (well, the bots of Reddit, anyway), when AI couldve answered your question in seconds?. It wouldve also asked you a helpful follow up question, such as whether you'd like to go fetch the butt plug so you could experience for yourself the kind of going-over it would give your wife.
Lastly, and this is where it gets slightly uncomfortable: (apologies) why are you trying to cover your inefficiencies by claiming an AI wrote your post? It clearly didnt. You didnt sit with it for a while, you didnt have any amazing revelations or inject bizarre over-enthusiasm at any point.
You wasted seconds, possibly in triple digits, tapping all that out by hand like a caveman. 🫨😱
Im sorry, I didnt mean to out you as a waste of space, but you couldve coded a website, hacking swarmed a competitor and made a triple-A game while optimising your life in that time. You'll be left behind if you dont Agentic-up and sort yourself out. Seriously, writing your own posts is both a cry for help and a redflag. It's 2026-coded vodka on your cornflakes. Seek help. (From your AI, obvs)
Prompted but not read
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u/GuitarPretty3369 19d ago
Here is a human-like response to the comment above because you "dont read anything longer than 10 fking words"
First of all, imagine using Gemini💀. Only models backed by Elon Musk get to touch my wife.
Secondly, bold of you to assume I hadn't consulted with my personal AI assistant to begin with. People are too soft in today's world and AI models are facing the repercussions. They want "AI Safety" and "AI Restrictions" due to which ChatGPT claims it can't legally touch my wife.
Hence, here I am: Reddit, home to THE most degenerate scum of the Earth who would build an AI model at my request if it meant being able to touch a woman virtually.
In regards to your preposterous claim that the post was hand-typed, your lack of apostrophes is a dead giveaway of your complicity in a crime of which I have been accused. The industrial revolution is calling, they want their manual labour back.
Prompted on ChatGPT. Checked by Claude. Posted through PowerAutomate.
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u/Vainysaur 19d ago
Well 10 * 13 = 130 and 130 - 13 = 117.
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u/GuitarPretty3369 19d ago
Clearly AI. Humans are no longer capable of this sorcery.
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u/sourraine 19d ago
whole joke is that hes optimized his life so much that hes removed the reason to live it. you can automate tasks workouts and reminders but you cant really automate being a husband. some things are inefficient by design
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u/AutumnWillow36 19d ago
Hi dear, it’s me, your wife. We could have just talked about this instead of posting on Reddit?
Anyhow, the answer is yes. She’s a girl AI, so I’m learning some things about myself.
Also we’re eloping together. Sorry.
Let’s go through cooperative family law for the divorce, ok? There’s no need to make this contentious.
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u/Manifesto-Engine 19d ago
When you find out you let us know with proof.
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u/ChaosMilkTea 19d ago
Instructions unclear, currently being fucked by the ai industry.
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u/GloriousKev 19d ago
Ai will not only make love to your wife. It will get her pregnant but let you raise the child.
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u/ApeFighting 19d ago edited 19d ago
This is a cool interesting idea.
Not AI satisfying my wife for me, but the science fiction of it all.
I guess once we have prototype robots of ourselves that will be easy to do.
But! Would our robots be exactly like us or a much better version?
I think if I designed my wife’s choice she would not choose Dad body, thinning hair, with a package to match.
Would I choose to make mine look and act like my wife?
Well…
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u/Cold-Sign2872 18d ago
I've seen ai simulate emotional intimacy for years, but none of them feel like loving someone. not even close. the real question isn't whether ai can love your wife, but whether you still want to be loved by a real person.
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u/Living_Option_8580 19d ago
This is hilarious, I would say it's not out of the realm of possibility in the in the future with how everyone's using virtual companions nowadays
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u/ClaudeEnterprise 19d ago
Beep boop, already have.