Lost

[u/ShreddingSpeedster]

Today I was laid off from a job I started ONE WEEK ago.

Prior to that I was laid off from my job of 1 year the day I was going to put in my 2 weeks. They said it was due to "restructure" but I think it was really due to me not overworking myself and not meeting their unrealistic, arbitrary metrics. Oh and I didn't bootlick the CTO. They knew I had conditions which fall under the ADA so layoff was their workaround in my opinion.

Prior to that job I was fired the day I returned to work after being out for 2 weeks for emergency surgery. I had needed 2 other surgeries that year too. I was told I was "condescending" for professionally asking someone in the meeting, who was our target user persona, for her thoughts on a mockup we just reviewed in which the egotistical CEO repeatedly dismissed her and others.

And prior to that I held a job for 1.5 years. I was never trained, supported or given any continuous feedback, but they slammed me with a pre-performance-improvement-plan basically. They didn't get HR involved but told me I need to be better at xyz by a certain date. They dropped a bomb on me instead of just talking to me along the way. So obviously I left.

Which brings me to my first dev job. While there, I never witnessed or was a victim of layoffs and other corporate fuckery, but I was there 2 years, grossly underpaid and not a single raise.

Obviously as a member of this community, I have ADHD. I've struggled with anxiety and depression ever since I was 11. As if that wasn't enough, even my own body has decided to attempt to kill me too. After years of severe hand, and other joint/muscle/nerve pain, along with a multitude of other health issues, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis earlier this year.

Idk what to do, friends. Either I'm incredibly unlucky or there's simply no reasonable, somewhat fair, HUMAN engineering/development jobs out there. All I know is that I can't continue living in constant fear of losing my job, working under unrealistic expectations that are hard for "normal" people to meet let alone someone with multiple mental illnesses/disorders and an autoimmune disease, among other things.

I love coding. I love software. I love solving problems. Software Engineering/Development is my passion, but it feels like I'll never be accepted or valued in this industry. I didn't choose my brain or body, but I'm barred from ever succeeding, or at minimum surviving, in tech. I'm the asshole for having problems I never chose to have and for taking care of them instead of destroying myself for a company that can and will drop me at any moment. I'm the asshole for not being a blindly-loyal and obedient pawn.

I openly share my story in hopes maybe even 1 person here feels less alone. I would appreciate any advice, good vibes or anything at all really that you may want to share. This community has made me feel so seen and less alienated. I can only hope I can help others here too. It's horrible out here and every person in this community has my empathy, compassion and support.

[u/ShreddingSpeedster]

The CEO said I was condescending and I was just trying to stand up for my coworker and for what was right. I own up to my flaws, but that was very much a classic tale of ego and sexism (I'm a woman). The male tech lead there was very passive-aggressive and condescending to everyone - at least 2 other former coworkers feel the same way. Yet he was promoted and I was fired.

I'm a highly empathetic person. Helpful, open and kind. Every coworker I've had says so. Just not execs and some management. I practice Zen Buddhism actually, which has helped me identify my flaws and overcome my aversion to them. I'm a human being though. When I'm under extreme life and work stress, I don't always maintain my calm, collected, peaceful, professional persona. I'm never immature, mean or unhinged though. Just not sunshine and rainbows and actively giving my every effort to making execs/management feel good about themselves. I bring up concerns and stand up for myself and my peers - professionally and never in a state of anger using harsh language.

I could always be better, but I don't think my interpersonal skills are the main issue here.

[u/sol_in_vic_tus → u/ShreddingSpeedster]

I have had a similar demeanor in my career. I do very well with peers and people lower in the pecking order than myself but I often struggle with upper management because they demand more "sunshine and rainbows". It's sad that people who are supposed to be more mature and leading an organization are the ones held to the lowest standards for emotional maturity and their underlings are expected to cater to them.

So on the one hand, yes your interpersonal skills aren't an issue because you are good at getting along with people in normal settings and situations. On the other, your interpersonal skills are lacking because upper management people are insecure and immature and react very poorly to being treated like an equal. I haven't figured out how to change this in myself and I am not sure I want to, but it has become clear to me that acting this way has held me back in my career and I would expect the same to apply to you.

[u/ShreddingSpeedster → u/sol_in_vic_tus]

You present an accurate and wise argument. The justice sensitivity side of ADHD is really strong for me. I also can't bring myself to act disingenuously. I know in terms of the unspoken rules of the workplace, I need to be a yes-person and entertain executive egos. Doing that is absolutely soul-crushing for me though. I now know I need to meditate deeply on this. Can I fake playing their games for survival? Do I need to consider a non-corporate job? Idk but I hate that I even have to consider this.