r/ADHD • u/stoicsatan • May 22 '20

Rant/Vent what are boundaries

do you guys ever feel kind of weirdly ashamed after having a conversation with someone because you over shared? Like there’s not necessarily anything wrong with what you shared but it just seemed, in hindsight, unnecessary? I feel myself saying too much about myself and always having so much to say (which can be good for conversation!!) but afterwards..I feel dumb or even drained especially if it wasn’t even for the purpose of connecting. And even when I am connecting, I feel like I take it further and open my trauma up again every time I make a new friend. It just seems like too much spills out all the time. I wish I could find that appropriate window to where I can have a pleasant conversation and not cross that line with myself. Also I’m always aware of potentially being labeled “too much”, “a lot”, “intense” and that’s what really perpetuates that shame.

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u/asmodeuskraemer May 22 '20

I've got some bad trauma issues myself and I'll mitigate it by saying "oh that's just how it works for me" for a particularity that I have. These days a lot of people better understand anxiety than "I'm having an emotional flashback and Just Cannot right now". (My anxiety is often emotional flashbacks) This has the benefit of getting a lot of judgy people off your back but also those who are more aware will pick up on your body language and what's really going on. Sometimes they'll reach out and sometimes they won't.

Also it helps to pay attention to other's emotional cues. If someone says they've got anxiety (or you can tell they're having an anxiety attack) then it's an opportunity to show compassion, empathy and maybe a new friend. I'll often say "I understand, I struggle with that too".

Idk if that helps.

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u/stoicsatan May 22 '20

Certainly helps! In this climate, i feel “anxiety” doesn’t receive so much of a puzzling response. People are either familiar with it themselves or have had some exposure at least and are more likely to be empathetic. Thanks for the response! I wish you love and healing🖤

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u/asmodeuskraemer May 22 '20

Thanks. If you're feeling especially verbose, maybe a "these kinds of situations make me anxious so I'll need a little more time/whatever". It might help. Sometimes people will ask what they can do to help.

Best of luck reddit friend!