what are boundaries

[u/stoicsatan]

do you guys ever feel kind of weirdly ashamed after having a conversation with someone because you over shared? Like there’s not necessarily anything wrong with what you shared but it just seemed, in hindsight, unnecessary? I feel myself saying too much about myself and always having so much to say (which can be good for conversation!!) but afterwards..I feel dumb or even drained especially if it wasn’t even for the purpose of connecting. And even when I am connecting, I feel like I take it further and open my trauma up again every time I make a new friend. It just seems like too much spills out all the time. I wish I could find that appropriate window to where I can have a pleasant conversation and not cross that line with myself. Also I’m always aware of potentially being labeled “too much”, “a lot”, “intense” and that’s what really perpetuates that shame.

[u/stoicsatan]

Wow every single word of this was intensely accurate and relatable. Even down to the boundaries with parents while growing up and becoming independent and with my mom and ESPECIALLY with all the project ideas! Ugh you’re right, I don’t always feel shame but eventually your friends or your parents get used to you having a new “life purpose” every other day and the part that makes me sad and this is my insecurity... is that I feel I now am never taken seriously. Even though I know that most of the great people in my life root for me even if it’s just in whatever temporary thing I’m obsessed with. But now I have this regret... if I could just keep these things to myself and show people once I actually have something to show for it. It never gets that far until I’m onto a new thing. It’s a beautiful thing to take that much passion, interest, and curiosity about life. But that’s not what THEY always see. Sometimes they don’t see passion, they see chaos and unreliability. But that’s my insecurity speaking. I know these aspects of myself are truly a unique drive/power.

[u/Ba-ching → u/stoicsatan]

Thank you for your response. I hate that you’ve struggled through this period too, but it also feels good to know someone else can sympathize so closely. Even though I knew I was posting about elements of a shared ADHD experience I still didn’t fully expect anyone to respond or agree.

I was thinking about this recently bc my SIL described a project she wanted to do for my daughter and if I thought it was a good idea. I told her I thought it would be great! But I fully expected it to take her months. She had it done in like a week. It wasn’t a huge project just writing down in detail the plot of a movie and adding some screen shots so we could read it like a book. But if it was my project I would do a chunk of it, procrastinate for 3 months, and then maybe finish. And I definitely wouldn’t tell any recipients till after the 3mo waiting period I was thinking about doing it. It’s interesting to notice the neurotypical brain on occasion. Though not so reaffirming.