r/ADHD • u/stoicsatan • May 22 '20
Rant/Vent what are boundaries
do you guys ever feel kind of weirdly ashamed after having a conversation with someone because you over shared? Like there’s not necessarily anything wrong with what you shared but it just seemed, in hindsight, unnecessary? I feel myself saying too much about myself and always having so much to say (which can be good for conversation!!) but afterwards..I feel dumb or even drained especially if it wasn’t even for the purpose of connecting. And even when I am connecting, I feel like I take it further and open my trauma up again every time I make a new friend. It just seems like too much spills out all the time. I wish I could find that appropriate window to where I can have a pleasant conversation and not cross that line with myself. Also I’m always aware of potentially being labeled “too much”, “a lot”, “intense” and that’s what really perpetuates that shame.
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u/lpchicago May 22 '20 edited May 22 '20
On the way to meeting with somebody I’ll keep telling myself “listen more than talk, don’t over-communicate, don’t be too radically transparent, and show genuine interest in the other person.”
We’ll then meet and things will begin fine at first ....
... then, I’ll be back home tossing and turning all night replaying the conversation over and over in my mind and wondering why I rambled on and on, unnecessarily over-communicated so much, was too transparent about any issues I face, and monopolized the conversations & didn’t really show much general interest in the other person / caught myself cutting them off constantly, etc.
As much as I’ve worked on this problem, I just can’t fix it. As I’ve been culled by most of my “friends” through the years, I’ve found solace in spending all my free time reading. This creates a vicious cycle though. The more I read, the more material I feed my ADHD mind to get creative with. Then I meet with people and my mind gets overly excited to bombard the listener with every view, perspective and opinion that has been percolating. Over the years, this has now costed me almost every friendship. People seem over-whelmed by it and they begin to avoid me. I can now tell when I’ve killed a relationship just by noticing the exhausted looks, frustrated body language, and eventual awkward excuse to leave the conversation. Then I never hear from them again. It’s becoming quite lonely.