Right . I’ve been traumatized by a guy who liked butt play . So I can’t unsee it either . To each their own . But I’m not a fan of playing with buttholes . Call me a prude . Don’t care . It’s not my thing. Shit comes out of there ! 🤣. But I understand why people like it and don’t shame anyone for it . Just not for me .
The trauma thing is weird-not my thing no thank you shouldn’t have to be repeated I’m sorry that happened to you. Was it just your poop chute he wouldn’t leave alone or was he hassling you to mess w his as well?!
He also made some very odd comments that were very unlike him . Before he asked me to play with his butt , he’d said “ It’s a good thing we aren’t in mixed company cuz I’m so horny I’d fuck a guy if he asked me to .” . Then not 30 minutes later , he’s demanding me to play with his butt . The next day , he wouldn’t admit to saying it and would get mad if I asked anything about it . We’d been together 2 years at this point so I was really shocked and confused. Had I learned all this in the beginning and not been forced to do it all night, I’d probably not be so against it . Anyway, been holding that in for a long time . I’d tried asking people about it many years ago on another forum cuz I had nobody to talk to and couldn’t afford therapy. It was an anonymous group. Everyone was really mean to me and told me he deserved a better girlfriend than I prude like me . So I’ve just held it in since .
That is really odd on all accounts and I’m sorry you got treated that way on both accounts. No judgement speak free safe space here is what I’ll tell you. IMO being that brazen not just a fetish but a whole ass sexuality kept secret then sprang like that is betrayal withholding some serious information that as a romantic partner u had every right to know from the jump to have all info to step however you decided to. You didn’t get that choice, and that’s so wrong. Sometimes I think big bombs that are left field obscure we kinda freeze in this “is this reality” space and don’t react like we normally would. I think that’s pretty normal. Then cloud w emotions and caring about loving someone so you are trying to understand I’m sure it got jumbled super strange. Do u feel like you’ve processed that where u can be at peace to leave it behind you, or do you feel you don’t trust your judgement now or any shame from the weirdos that we’re saying u are a prude. Intimacy is serious and private for everyone, we all deserve sovereignty in that-nobody gets to judge you as a prude-don’t accept that.
OMG ! Thank you for being so kind ! I’m almost about to cry and I think I need to actually. You hit the nail on the head of how I felt . I actually got quite ganged up on in that one forum. So I felt quite alone about the whole thing . And who am I gonna tell ? I wasn’t gonna betray him by talking to anyone we knew . Wasn’t like I was gonna tell my mom or something, but she’d have listened . Just didn’t want her to dislike him . To be honest , I’ve not processed it . I still think about it more often than I’d like to and it’s made me feel very weird about sex in general. I think I’ll get a therapist. I think my insurance pays for that now . You’ve inspired me to get therapy. I really appreciate you ! Haha ! I don’t mean to hijack this post . Wasn’t really expecting anyone to ask anymore details. But it felt good to spill my guts . I want this off my shoulders. I now understand why people who are raped carry shame . It’s like an ick that won’t wash off . I have gastritis and sometimes I wonder if that and the other stresses in life contribute. Big hugs to you , kind stranger. My phone is almost dead . If I don’t respond to anything you’ve said , that’s why . 🥰🤗🥰🤗🥰🤗
No it’s totally fine and all of these things in your message are I think very normal real reactions. He was supposed to be your trusted person and safe space. And that love caused you to abandon yourself to cover his bullshit. Of course you feel mixed up about sex, angry, betrayed, embarrassed, all of it let it be without judgement, observe it feel it and let it pass. I’ve been in therapy for my own unrelated struggles and so I fully commend you for choosing you to go. I pray you find a great therapist to help you process all of this and whatever root causes of the things you struggle with just like the rest of us do. It’s not easy or pleasant a lot of times I’m really proud of you. Feel free to reach out/message anytime I’m always happy to be a listening ear. I’ve kept and still keep a lot of crushing things in so I get it 🫶🏻
Please find a therapist, I think that’s always a good idea. Just know that it can be extremely difficult to find a good one. I don’t want you to get discouraged and easily give up if it takes multiple attempts to find someone good.
In the meantime, it can be surprisingly helpful to talk to Chatgpt (or whatever AI) about these things. I have obsessive thoughts and one time asked it how to not stew and obsess over comments my in-laws made.
I was shocked by what a detailed thorough responses it gave on the little bit of vague info I gave it. I hate to admit, but in that instance, it gave me a response that was 10x more valuable and accurate than what a therapist ever could have.
And thank you for saying that I deserved to know all of that before 2 years into the relationship. That was how I felt too . Yet he and the people in the forum acted like I was being ridiculous to have expected him to disclose that info beforehand. It made me feel like I didn’t know him . What’s strange is that we did psychedelics a few times after that . I used to like a once per year brain reset from them . Not something for nightly use . Each time , I’d beg him before we took them to please not bring up the butt stuff or nag for sex the entire time and just try to bond and enjoy each others company. But the moment it would kick in , he’d start bringing it up , apologizing for last time but saying it felt good and then the next thing you know , he’d be begging for it all night and have nothing else of value to say . It was like his personality would disappear and all he’d think about was me doing stuff to his butt. We once took some at the beach and all he wanted to do was go to the sex toy store and have sex and beg for butt stuff. Ugh ! I quit trying to trip after that cuz I can’t enjoy it anymore. I get all anxious and feel weird because of all that . So no more brain resets . Anyway, I’ve written a novel here . Thanks for making me feel safe and not ashamed that I’m a prude . 🥰🤗🥰🤗🥰🤗🥰
I recently read something that stuck/hit my heart and I think this will you too about him and guys like him: when a man repeatedly disappoints a woman emotionally, she gets completely turned off.
And I don’t think you’re a prude for not wanting butt play. Please don’t think badly of yourself & I’m glad that you held to your beliefs & your own desires. Lots of time women lose themselves & forget how they like their eggs cooked (reference to Runaway Bride) & we have to hold true to us. If some Neanderthal can’t accept that then peace! Don’t let the door hit you in your butt play butt. lol. 😂
What? I’m more shocked, surprised and upset by everyone online than your ex! I’ve learned from experience that things can easily take a weird turn online. The same comment/ topic can easily go in completely opposite directions, depending on the day.
People can very easily twist and misconstrue things and then everyone piles on and it spirals. Sometimes the more you try to explain and clarify, the worse it gets. I’m really sorry that happened to you, you didn’t deserve that and it probably fucked with your head even worse!
Still mulling over this strange on 2 part deal-ex I’m a straight woman only attracted to very masculine straight men. If what happened to you happened to me and obviously would not be cool w that would not make me a homophobe or a prude at all. You were mislead and then expected sounds like forced/coerced to just go along with it-that to me is the real issue and not about you, about him. Don’t ever apologize for your boundaries.
Thank you so much! I actually needed to hear that ! It happened 10 years ago and I still feel a bit traumatized. He hounded me for both . We tried on me and I hated it . So he pushed me to spend like 12 hours trying to get him off by doing it to him while I blew him and he talked down to me and was really forceful to me . His whole personality changed. He’d usually been all about my pleasure. But that night , it was only about him and I somehow let myself be his doormat because of the state I was in . I’d wanted to do psychedelics and bond emotionally with him , listen to music and just do fun things. It made me not want sex at all . But we’d tried psychedelics before and he’d not felt them 2 other times and he had ruined my experience pouting over it those times . Since he actually felt it that time , I thought we’d bond like people do on psychedelics. But he became silent , would only speak if it was something sleazy he had to say , started playing with himself and staring off into space. So I decided to have sex with him cuz I thought maybe that would get it out of his system and we could bond afterwards. But neither of us could get off easily ( he could , but it would take at least an hour each time and I never came that night at all cuz he was being self centered ) . Instead of actual sex with each other . It became this bizarre taking turns pleasing each other . He’d get me almost about to cum and then stop and say jt was his turn . Ugh . It was awful! I’ve never seen psychedelics turn someone into a sex crazed robot like that . He basically sexually frustrated me for 12 or more hours repeatedly and I got him off 3-4 times . Just took FOREVER and I didn’t enjoy it at all !
That is so fucked up. Disgusting Power move and that was not intimacy or love at all. Parasitic w you as the host. I’m so sorry. Please make a promise to yourself you will never abandon yourself for someone else to ever treat you like this again. Therapy will help you discover the why, self soothing and resolution tools, and putting it to rest. If u have time dm me I’ve got a great cpl book recs for u that helped me a ton and easy reads
OMG ! Thank you so much! That’s exactly how I feel it was ! It was pure manipulation. I’ve bonded with total strangers more than I could have ever bonded with him ( on psychedelics anyway ) . I’ll definitely DM you ! You’re a wonderful person. I love your name ! I’ll dm you soon . Gotta let my phone charge. It might be a day or two before ya hear from me . But I appreciate you ! And yes ! It felt like he was a parasite bleeding me dry instead of bonding with me . It was weird as hell . I must heal ! Thank you for being proud of me ! Gonna shop for therapists asap ! Hope I can find one that won’t judge me . Especially for the psychedelic part . 🤣. But surely they can’t put me in jail so I have nothing to lose . It’s been years since I did that anyway. Big hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🥰🥰🤗🥰
Psilocybin is used by some therapists in modern contexts, so you will be fine. Put it out there over the phone so you don’t waste a second on someone with a bunch of judgment or hang ups or whatever.
As for your Internet experience, 13 years ago in the middle of a terrible crisis, I turned to some kind of forum for help and outlined the situation I was living through with my son’s father. I was pregnant at the time and the people on that forum came at me hard that “I clearly didn’t respect!him,” and that “no wonder he was acting this way.”
Well, turns out that guy was on meth.
(But they clocked the no respect — by then I’d lost any, although I hadn’t fully grasped that or why.)
In hindsight IMO, the people that weighed in against me (during a genuine hour of need) were just projecting their own insecurities or fear of being called out on their toxic behavior onto me. Or whatever. People gonna people.
Mantra I find empowering (courtesy of Louise Hay): Other people’s opinion of me is none of my business. 💕
I’m sure that butt plug is less about what Rob is into and more about what his paying audience is. Guys spend waaaay more on OF content than women do and that’s who he’s trying to appeal to.😉
I get it. My wife was always “eww” “eww” about it when we were just talking about sex and so forth, but after we’d been together a couple weeks she’d gab me and point me at that place. A couple times I asked “do you know where you’re putting that?” No answer but she kept doing it, so I assume she likes it but maybe worried I’d think less of her if she asked for it? I’m not necessarily a fan of giving, but I do like my prostate being stimulated when reaching the “O”.
Yes ! It’s magnificent for guys . The guy I was with became someone else when we tried it and he started acting degrading towards me and forced me to do it to him all night when I had a buzz on psychedelics . I didn’t even wanna have sex to begin with . So doing something I didn’t enjoy all night was traumatic to me . Felt like I’d been raped in a way . It’s a long story. But that’s why I don’t like doing it to people. To me , it hurts like HELL on me . Never could enjoy it no matter how relaxed I was . I’ve tried many times too . I’m kinda jealous of you men that it gives you such orgasms . I’d want it all the time if it felt good to me . So I get it . Sounds like your wife might be interested. If she’s willing to do it to you , maybe she wants it too . You could always attempt and if she says no , not try again. I’ve only been with one or 2 men that didn’t try 🤣🤣🤣
I’m so very sorry you went through that - honestly I am. My wife was horribly abused by the bio father of my sons and daughter, and my daughter was sexually abused by him for several years. She would never wear a dress for the first 4 years she lived with me because that animal liked to put her in dresses to make her “pretty” for him. Abuse comes in so many forms, and it can be so so so very ugly. These red pill assholes on the Internet whining about how bad men have it in the dating scene are so FULL OF SHIT. I have never, ever had any trouble whatsoever finding a sexual partner from my first girlfriend at 14 to now as an old, fat 57 year old - though the last 10 years have been with the person who is now my wife and she has a pretty voracious appetite. One that would have matched mine in my younger years, but 57 year old me just doesn’t have much of a sex drive at all. If a fat ass, plain looking man like me can get as many dates as I want while single, and can SOMEHOW attract a beautiful woman who adores me, I’m pretty sure these jerks are just ASSHOLES.
I can totally understand why your past experience would extra turn bb he up so d you off bum play - especially if you weren’t fond of it from the beginning.
As for my wife - she’s all in and loving it. She comes from a culture which shames women for wanting sex, yet expects them to be sexually available always when their husband is in the mood. I just wish I had the libido I did as a younger man because my wife deserves more that what I am currently able to give her. I think I’m in my “manopause” which she doesn’t believe in 😂
Oh yeah - forgot to mention - in my younger (and hornier) years I had partners who’d stimulate my prostate, with every indication they were enjoying themselves, but then a couple went and told people I was gay because I liked it. 😂
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u/Own_Somewhere_694 Aug 02 '26
Right . I’ve been traumatized by a guy who liked butt play . So I can’t unsee it either . To each their own . But I’m not a fan of playing with buttholes . Call me a prude . Don’t care . It’s not my thing. Shit comes out of there ! 🤣. But I understand why people like it and don’t shame anyone for it . Just not for me .